There’s this one ex I just can’t forget about.
She was always emotionally unavailable and hard to communicate with.
I sometimes catch myself wondering if she’ll come back.
Here are the signs that your ex likely will be back, and the unfortunate signs they probably won’t.
Will my emotionally unavailable ex come back? 12 ways to tell
1) They still follow you on social media
If your ex still follows you on social media that’s a very good sign.
Emotionally unavailable people tend to self-isolate, particularly in the aftermath of a breakup.
They may shut themselves away and cut off contact, including going so far as to block you on social media and cease any and all interaction.
If they’re still following you or at least haven’t blocked you, it can be a sign that they may be back one day in the future.
Or at least that they haven’t completely ruled out the possibility.
Don’t look for a lot of likes or interaction if they’re still hurting from the breakup.
Just look for the basic act of still following you. It can be nothing, but not always.
2) They aren’t dating someone new
Another of the important ways to tell if your emotionally unavailable ex will come back is to check out their current relationship status.
Are they with someone new or still on the market?
They could be with someone new but not into it, but chances are that if they’ve moved on then they’re at least trying to get over you and not thinking of coming back in the near future.
If your ex is still single, that’s a good sign that there’s at least a chance they’ll come back.
Try not to stalk them too closely on this or ask lots of friends, as that’s chasing a little too hard.
But sometimes you can’t help but notice they’re still single (or not) and it can definitely be relevant to the conversation.
3) They still talk to you
If your ex is still reaching out and talking to you, it’s definitely one of the top signs that getting back together someday could be in the cards.
I’m not saying there’s a guarantee: there are no guarantees in the risky game of love…
But there’s certainly a chance in there.
Otherwise, why would he or she still be chatting to you and maintaining contact?
If it’s purely to remain friends, that’s one thing, but remaining friends with an ex is far from a given and it can often turn back into more.
How can you know for sure?
But you can get a lot clearer insights and answers about what’s going on with your emotionally unavailable ex by talking to someone who knows exactly how this all works…
I’m talking about linking up with a professional relationship coach online.
At first I was pretty skeptical about this idea, but trying it worked wonders in my situation and pleasantly surprised me. The price was also much lower than I expected and certainly a lot less than those overpriced therapists and counselors who work from their offices in my area.
The best online resource I’ve found is Relationship Hero, a site of gifted relationship coaches who help people deal with these kinds of problems.
4) You were the one who dumped them
If you’ve heard of attachment styles then you know that anxious and avoidant are the two main problematic styles, along with the anxious-avoidant combined style.
Basically the anxious partner seeks confirmation of being wanted and good enough. They always crave more intimacy and closeness.
The avoidant partner seeks more space and independence. They crave time alone and shrink away from their partner’s desire for more intimacy and emotional connection.
The anxious-avoidant partner cycles between both of these polarities.
If you were the one who dumped your ex and they tend to the anxious or anxious-avoidant side of things, then that’s honestly a higher chance that they’ll be back.
Whether or not that’s actually a good thing is another discussion, since getting stuck in codependent and toxic relationships can actually actively prevent you from finding true love.
5) They’ve undergone a personal transformation
One of the top causes of breakups is when one partner changes a lot and is no longer the same person or looking for the same thing.
You split not so much out of conflict or fights but simply because you no longer recognize each other and don’t really fit in each other’s lives.
This is also one of the ways that exes get back together.
Regardless of why you parted ways, one of the top hopeful indicators that this guy or girl could be headed back your way is that they’ve undergone a personal transformation.
The person who broke up with you, or who you broke up with is now somebody very different.
Somebody who’s ready for a mature relationship and who’s ready to be the kind of person you need.
This is a very good thing, just make sure you proceed with caution, since getting to know somebody you once loved after time apart is a gradual process.
You may be loving what you see, but wait it out and let the process unfold naturally. His or her changes may not all have been for the best, and the rosy picture your ex presents at the start could just be a pretty surface!
6) They’re staying geographically close to you
Another of the often overlooked signs that your ex could end up back in your arms is that they are staying in your area.
The alternative is that after a serious relationship ends somebody may pack up and move somewhere completely different.
But when they don’t do that it is at least a sign that getting back together would be more feasible.
Does it mean they actually are open to the idea?
Not necessarily, but it can mean that and it makes the other signs in this list more meaningful.
Your ex could still be in love with you and want to get together, but if you live in the Midwest and he took a job in France then it’s going to be a lot harder.
Geography is destiny, as historians say…
7) They give you signs of hope for the future
The signs on this list are all related to knowing whether or not your ex will come back despite them being emotionally unavailable.
It’s hard enough to know how someone feels when you break up.
But a person who was already emotionally unavailable is even harder to read.
How are you supposed to know if they’re still madly in love or hate your guts when they’re emotionally unavailable and less communicative to begin with?
Let’s be honest about relationships and especially relationships with emotionally unavailable partners.
It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away.
But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are.
I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what trap us in things like getting disappointed and destroyed in relationships.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about emotional unavailability and how a breakup is impacting us before we can begin to find a solution…
The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty.
The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like an ex who is leaving us full of anxiety and sadness.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective and actionable steps to take to resolve my frustration over my ex.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to lost love and feelings I still had for an ex that nobody was able to show me what to do about.
If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.
8) They ask mutual friends about you
As I advised earlier, asking friends about your ex isn’t usually a good look. It makes you look thirsty and kind of desperately clinging for straws.
On the other hand, if they’ve been asking around about you, make of that what you will.
It could be seen as kind of desperate, too, but it’s definitely a sign that this breakup is not all well and good in their soul.
They clearly are fairly into you and possibly want to get back together, especially if this ex is an emotionally unavailable person or somewhat shy…
Taking the initiative to ask around about you and see how you are, or whether you’re still single, is a clear sign of interest.
They may just be asking to check up on you, sure.
But I’m sure there are plenty of others they can also check up on, so keep in mind that there’s probably a deeper element of affection involved here.
Translation: they likely still have feelings for you.
9) They make excuses to bump into you
If you still live in the same area as your ex, keep an eye out for strange coincidences where you keep bumping into them.
Emotionally unavailable people tend to speak more with actions than words, so if your ex is still interested in you then they will often try to basically bump into you.
Suddenly they’re shopping at the same Whole Foods as you…
They’re taking a fitness class at the same club as you…
They’re taking a strong interest in cruising garage sales on Saturdays in similar neighborhoods as you and give you a thumbs up as you both come across the same gem of a grandfather clock…
Quite the coincidence.
Or quite the stalking experience, if I’m being honest…
But emotionally unavailable people aren’t always the most socially smooth individuals, so go figure.
If your ex keeps popping up where you are, they’re probably hoping to find a place in your heart once again.
10) They keep calling about getting their remaining stuff
If you lived together then keep an eye out for the old “just getting my stuff” trick.
How this works is the following: your ex shows up to collect his or her things and pack up the last of the boxes.
OK, so far so good.
But then they show up the next day. And a week later. And two weeks later for that one painting they forgot to get.
And a month later because the blender was actually something they paid for, remember?
And on it goes…
If you were living at their place just picture the process in reverse.
You pack up and are good to go, but you keep getting texts and calls about items you forgot.
Well, looks like your paths will cross once again!
This is definitely an ex who doesn’t want to let you go just yet.
11) They go into a dark hole after your breakup
Another of the signs that your emotionally unavailable ex may be back around is if he or she is strongly affected by the breakup.
They go into a dark hole and don’t come out for anybody, including you.
It seems like this separation has destroyed their soul, and you don’t know if you’ll ever see or hear from them again.
Well, let’s face it:
Nobody gets this affected by breaking up with someone unless they were feeling a really serious connection…
So if this happened then it’s definitely certain that this ex felt something strong in relation to you and would probably like another shot.
Whether or not that happens is another question…
12) They become the life of the party after your breakup
Now this may seem like a contradiction related to the previous point, and in a way it is.
But humans are very unpredictable creatures.
Emotionally unavailable men and women tend to be very repressed.
One of the things they do if they feel very hurt is to sometimes mask it by going over the top with partying and having fun.
And making a big show of that on social media.
This is all coverup behavior.
Whereas sinking into a black hole is the wreckage of the relationship really getting to this person, appearing not to be affected is their way of living to you and to themselves.
Don’t be fooled. They are likely struggling far more than it appears.
Here’s the thing
The thing about emotional unavailability is that it can be like a complete mask.
Haven’t we all had enough of that after the past few years?
Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, nor does it mean that a relationship can’t work out.
Every relationship has challenges and weak points.
If you’re hoping to get back together with an emotionally distant ex, keep in mind the lessons that Rudá explains here in this video.
The weaknesses in your relationship can become its strength, but only if you both face them head on and get back together consciously.
If your ex is wanting to try again and you’re also open to that possibility, I wish you all the success in the world.
The key is to face the challenges together and work on communicating clearly even when one or both of you may have trouble verbalizing and expressing your emotions.
This doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but it does have to be a weak link that you both acknowledge and work on (or work around).
Look who’s back…
If your ex is showing a lot of the signs that they may come back, that’s something to look forward to potentially.
Depending on why you broke up and the terms on which you parted, a new relationship could be in the cards.
But before you get too hopeful, take a note of caution as well.
This relationship may work out this time around and be a wonderful blessing.
But it could also be a curse.
Just keep in mind that the reasons things didn’t work out in the first place can easily crop up again.
Relationships aren’t easy and even true love can sadly go wrong in so many ways.
And if you’re still finding your ex’s behavior too strange to explain, please have a chat with the coaches at Relationship Hero who I recommended earlier.
They’re very helpful and they’ll steer you right!
At the end of the day, remember that every relationship takes two to tango.
Your ex may want to come back or they may not, but never forget what you also want and your love for yourself.
Your own boundaries, hopes and fears are valid too, never forget that!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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