Not all breakups are final.
When a relationship ends, you often expect to part ways and never hear from each other again.
But in some cases, there’s a lingering ‘What if’ hanging over the breakup that doesn’t quite feel as final as you’d like.
If feelings are still there for you, then it’s natural to look out for signs he’s feeling the same way.
Is there a chance he will want to get back together?
While each situation – and relationship – is unique, there are some universal signs to look out for that will let you know whether or not your ex is trying to get closer to you.
10 signs your ex wants to get back with you
1) They’re reaching out to you
If you and your ex haven’t had any contact since your break-up, then it’s a pretty clear sign that, for the moment, getting back together isn’t on the cards.
If you have reached out to them, then you have the ability to read into their response to determine whether there’s any hope there.
Finally, if they’re the one to reach out to you, take it as a sign that he’s still interested.
While not every text automatically means your ex is ready to fall head over heels with you, it’s about decoding the messages and reading between the lines.
If they are genuinely checking in and asking about you and how you’re going, take it as a good sign. While getting back together might not a thing just yet, it’s certainly not outside the realm of possibility.
2) He drunk dial/texts you
This goes beyond the simple check in to see how you’re going. Has he called you in the middle of the night, only for you to pick up and head from slurring on the other end?
Have you woken in the morning to find a series of very confusing text messages from him waiting for you?
Believe it or not, but drunk texting and/or calling is a huge sign that you ex isn’t over you.
There’s science behind it.
When you’re sober, your brain helps you think about your actions and the risks involved. However, once you add alcohol to the mix, you have less control over your behaviour. According to a study from Biological Psychiatry, alcohol-impaired inhibitory control by decreasing brain responses in prefrontal areas, a part of the brain that helps us determine the consequences of our actions and regulate behaviour.
Alcohol can make you do or say things that you wouldn’t do while sober. If your ex has the confidence to reach out to you while drunk, it’s something that has been on their mind while sober. They just haven’t had the courage to do so yet.
Take it as a strong sign that he will want to get back together with you.
3) Their close to your friends and family
When a break-up happens, it goes without saying that all contact with friends and family of the ex ceases.
You simply go your separate ways and that’s the end of that.
If your ex is talking to your friends and family again, it’s because he’s looking to get back together.
He knows just how important your friends and family are to you, and the best way to get closer to you once again.
He will make every effort to win them back over after your break-up to show you just how serious he is about getting back together again.
If you’ve noticed your ex has been reaching out to those close to you, take it as a sign that he’s on a mission to win you over.
He definitely wants to get back together again.
4) You get invited to parties he hosts
Let’s face it, people who are over their ex, don’t invite them to parties they throw.
Parties are the perfect opportunity to find someone new and to move on. If he’s still inviting you along, then there’s only one reason for it. He’s very keen to get back together – or at least explore the idea. Of course, there’s always the possibility that the invite is done in spite. To show you that he has moved on happily. So, how do you know for sure?
If you make the decision to go, you’ll get an even better idea of whether or not he wants to get back together.
It could all be a set up to show you that he’s completely and utterly over you with a new woman in his life, hanging off his arm. So be prepared.
On the other hand, he might be waiting for the opportunity to corner you in the room and share he’s real feelings. Either way, accepting that invite will give you a clear idea of whether or not there’s potential there.
5) They ask about their dating life
If an ex is completely over you after a break-up, you can guarantee the last thing they want is to hear all about your dating life! They will simply be looking to move on themselves and won’t want to be informed of your exploits.
If they are interested in just being friends, then they won’t bat an eyelid when you talk about your dating life. They’ll be happy that you have moved on and there will be now jealously towards each other.
Finally, if your ex is interested in getting back together, then they are going to act jealous. They will pry into your dating life, wanting to know if there is any competition on the cards.
If you’re ex seems a little down in the dumps hearing about a new guy in your life, then there’s a good chance he still has feelings for you. He wants to get back together.
6) He still has you on socials
Welcome to the world of modern dating, where social media can tell you a lot about what a person is thinking.
If your relationship has crashed and burned with no help of redemption, the first thing he is going to do is block you from his social accounts.
There’s a chance he will block you straight away out of anger and hurt, and then you find yourself magically unblocked and able to see everything again. Once he has moved past the hurt and had time to cool off, his feelings might change.
He will want to see what you are up to and social media is the best way to do this.
If you’re after a surefire sign he’s interested in getting back together, he will start liking and commenting on your posts.
He’s not being subtle about it.
7) Friends share he’s being asking about you
If a guy is still interested in you after a break up, he’s going to want to discover more about you and whether or not you’ve moved on.
Put simply, he’s going to want to know whether he has a chance or not.
One of the best ways to do this is by bringing you up to mutual friends. Dropping questions and prying ever so slightly into your life and what you’re up to.
Your friends are likely to let you know this has been going on. Of course, you can always ask them whether or not he’s been asking. If you do this, you’re being open about the fact you’re interested yourself, so you have to work out whether or not this is the road you want to take. If they’re mutual friends, they might report back to your ex and flip the tables.
8) He’s letting you know he’s changed
Relationships always end for a reason. It can be big or small, but at the end of the day, there’s a catalyst.
If your ex is trying to let you know he has changed, there’s a good chance it’s because he will want to get back together.
Perhaps he’s letting you know he has cut back time at work.
He’s no longer going out so much.
He’s ready to settle down.
It’s likely whatever the change is, it’s directly related to a problem the two of you faced in your relationship.
He’s trying to show you that he’s ready for a new relationship – the problems are all fixed (in his eyes).
On the flip side, your ex might have noticed you have made changes necessary to help the two of you move forward. This could be all he needs to be open to the idea of getting back together and giving it another go between the two of you.
This is a great sign on both sides. Being able to recognise what went wrong and make the required changes to move forward is the sign of healthy growth and development that will give a future relationship a fighting chance.
9) His body language says it
We can learn a lot through body language. It never lies.
If the two of you are still seeing each other socially with other friends, pay attention to the way he acts around you.
Here are some of the signs that he’s interested:
- Eye contact: intense eye contact is a big sign of attraction. If your ex locks his gaze and doesn’t turn away, then he wants you to notice that he’s looking. He’s sending a very clear message of his feelings.
- Touching: does your ex lean into you when you’re talking? Does he brush against you? Does he put a hand on you when he’s laughing at a joke? These are all signs he’s physically attracted to you. Whether it’s on purpose, or an accident, it’s a good indication of his feelings towards you.
- Mirroring: this is another unconscious sign of attraction. If your ex is interested in you, he will likely mirror, or match, your movements. Pay attention: does he pick up his drink at the same time as you? Does he run his fingers through his hair when you do? It’s a sign that he has a strong connection with you.
If you’ve been with him for a while before the break up, then you will already know a lot about his body language and what it means. Trust your instincts and what they are telling you on this one.
10) He’s still protective of you
Have you noticed that your ex still wants to be there for you? He’s still overly protective of your actions and wants to be there for you as much as possible?
Perhaps he sends you a text message to check you’re safe getting home from a party the two of you have been at. It’s just subtle signs that your wellbeing is a priority for him.
This is a sure sign that he’s not over you. There’s a good chance he will want to get back together.
It all comes down to his hero instinct.
Have you heard of this concept before?
The idea is simple: all mean have a biological urge to protect the woman they are romantically interested in.
No, they aren’t looking to fly into save the day with their capes ready. They simply want to be seen as essential in your life.
The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it. If your ex’s hero instinct is triggered, then he will be unable to move on. He can’t help but have feelings for you.
When it comes to romantic relationships, this concept is life-changing.
Want to know more about it? Check out this video here.
Will he come back? What’s stopping him
All the signs suggest that he will want to get back together with you, which leads to an important question: is he ever going to ask you out? Will he come back?
There’s a good chance he won’t – and it’s got nothing to do with you. Getting back with an ex is a big decision. He’s dropping hints left, right and centre, but he’s unlikely to act on them.
Here’s some of the reasons he is choosing not to ask you out again.
If your ex was the one who ended the relationship, then there’s a good chance he doesn’t want to admit his mistake and come crawling back to you.
His pride is in his way.
The good news is, if he wants it enough he will eventually be able to push these feelings of pride away and make the move.
2) Fear of rejection
This is a real fear when it comes to relationships full stop, but even more so when it comes to getting back with a ex.
Your ex may simply be afraid that you’re going to turn him down, which will make him feel vulnerable. He will have made it clear that he still has feelings for you, only to have them knocked back. Nobody wants that.
3) Wanting better for you
Your ex may recognise how badly they reacted towards you. They may realise they were the ones who ruined things in the first place.
As a result, he may simply want better for you. Knowing that he was the source of your pain is holding him back from wanting to put you through that again.
This leaves the ball in your court. If you’re interested and want to have a second go of it, you may need to make the first move this time around.
The most important thing you need to work out is whether or not you actually want to get back together with him.
Should I take my ex back?
Just because your ex is showing all the signs that he wants to get back with you, doesn’t mean it’s the right move to make.
Before you decide whether or not you’re interested, there are a few things for you to consider:
Why you broke up
Naturally, this is the most important question you need to ask yourself: why did we break up in the first place.
Did he cheat on you? Did you cheat on him?
Did the feelings disappear?
Was it an unhealthy relationship?
Were you simply unhappy?
There are some issues that are simply too hard to move beyond, and you will find history repeating itself if you choose to dive back into a relationship that has unresolved issues.
On the other hand, if it was an issue like long distance not working, not spending enough time together, or issues with work, these can all be worked through if you’re both ready for change.
This is a discussion you need to both have before you enter back into a relationship. If you can pinpoint what went wrong and determine whether it’s something you can move past to be in a happy relationship again.
How it ended…
Did one of you break the other person’s heart? Did it end in a vicious fight where words were thrown?
This will make it a lot harder for you to get back together.
Wounds need to heal and changes need to be made to ensure the two of you don’t end up going down the same path yet again.
Toxic relationships aren’t going to change unless the two of you want it to. You will end up in a cycle of fighting and making up, making both of you miserable in the process.
If you broke up amicably and have been able to remain friends, then your relationship has much more of chance of getting back together and being happy. You simply need to work out why you decided to end things in the first place and whether or not it’s worth giving it a second chance.
How things went after the break up…
Break ups don’t always go smoothly. Often, words are thrown and things are done to help each other move on and ‘get over’ the other person. This can be hard to come back from.
Think about what has happened since you broke up. Have you both made mistakes you can move past? Did you break up and remain friends, or was there a period of fighting in there?
If you have managed to remain friends since the break up, stay connected and with no ill feelings towards each other, then you have a much better chance of being able to work through issues and move on.
If hurtful things have been said or done, you need to work out whether you’re holding on to any resentment that you’re going to bring with you into a new relationship.
How do I win him back?
If your ex isn’t showing any of the signs that he’s wanting to get back with you, then there’s one last thing you can try (if you’re interested in a relationship).
You can trigger his hero instinct.
This is a concept that I mentioned above, as it holds a lot of merit.
The best part is that the hero instinct is something that you can trigger in him. If you want him back also, then check out this free video by the relationship psychologist who first coined the term. He gives an excellent overview of this fascinating concept.
You can watch the video here.
If you can trigger this instinct in your ex, then he won’t be able to get you off his mind.
In fact, it could be the reason the two of you broke up in the first place.
If his hero instinct wasn’t triggered, then there was something missing from the relationship for him.
You now have a second chance to see if you can win him over again and trigger this important instinct in him.
This video will show you all the different ways you can trigger this instinct, with some great advice from the relationship expert who first coined the term, James Bauer.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.