You’ve known each other for a while but you’re still not sure where you stand.
Maybe you’re in a bit of a situationship, or perhaps nothing has happened yet and you are left wondering if he’ll ever see you in “that way”. You might be worried that ‘I like him but he doesn’t like me back’.
The romantic ‘no man’s land’ is one of the most confusing and frustrating places to end up. You just want to know for sure how he feels about you.
If you’ve been wondering ‘will he ever like me?’ then this article will cover all yoinu need to know to finally figure out his feelings once and for all.
How long does it take for a guy to like you?
The reality is that there really are no hard rules when it comes to romance. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if there were, then we could all figure out what to expect.
Some men who are open to a relationship may start to get attached very quickly. For others, they may find that feelings creep up on them, whether they were expecting it or not. And of course, there are also those guys who are not looking to settle down and so avoid getting attached entirely.
Some connections are instant, whilst for others, love grows over time from firm foundations of friendship.
Do guys ever catch feelings? Of course, they do. But there are also some differences between how men and women fall in love.
You might be surprised to hear that contrary to popular belief there is evidence that men tend to fall in love and talk about feelings of love more quickly than do women.
However, women are more likely than guys to get attached after having sex, as we release far more oxytocin than men do, which is otherwise known as the cuddle hormone and is designed to make us bond
How do guys hint that they like you?
There’s no doubt that the world of love and romance can feel very confusing at times. But it’s also fair to say that it is often a lot simpler than we sometimes make it.
When it comes to showing interest, guys aren’t exactly the most subtle of the two sexes. So 9 times out of 10, if they like you, you’ll know about it.
Because those “hints” are usually quite obvious. Here is a very basic equation that I constantly remind myself of whenever I’m left contemplating if someone really does like me or not:
Time and Effort = Interest Level
How much time or effort does this man invest in you?
If it’s quite a bit, then he clearly has some kind of interest in you. If it’s not very much at all, then that’s because you are not a priority to him.
Of course, there are some gray areas. Life isn’t always that simple after all. But as a general rule, this equation will always guide you in the right direction.
When we end up feeling most muddled is when a guy puts in some time and effort, but not enough to leave you confident of his feelings for you.
Does he like me? 6 clear signs to look for
1) He messages you
Please note the wording of this one, because it’s very important — HE messages you.
That doesn’t mean he simply replies to your messages. It means that on at least 50% of occasions he is the one who reaches out first.
Most guys aren’t going to straight out ignore a girl who gets in contact with them, even if they’re not particularly interested. That is why him politely responding to you just isn’t enough for you to tell he’s into you.
If you are on his mind, he will get in touch. If he isn’t getting in touch, it’s probably because you are not on his mind.
The exchange you have needs to be mutual. He puts in the effort to talk to you, and you reciprocate. You put in the effort to talk to him, and he reciprocates.
That way you avoid one of those oh-so confusing situations when you are left wondering whether he has backed off simply because he didn’t think you were interested.
But as long as a guy believes his advances are being welcomed, if he is interested in you, he will continue to make them.
2) He wants to meet up
A lot of women get strung along by a guy over text because they get mixed signals from him being in contact. He messages all the time, but he never makes a move to try and see you in real life.
When this happens, he’s likely just keeping you as an option but isn’t interested enough to full-on pursue you.
Unless there is a very legitimate reason (he’s away at the moment or temporarily totally snowed under at work etc.) if he is genuinely interested in you, he will try and see you in the flesh.
The timetable for how soon he’ll make his move will depend. Some men may be happy to chat for a while and build up to it, others will ask for a date straight away.
Even the shyest guys will eventually make a move. So rest assured, if he likes you, he’s going to want to be around you.
3) He looks at you a lot and makes eye contact
Men are very visual creatures. If he is attracted to you, he’ll likely check you out at some point (whether it’s subtly when he thinks you’re not looking or more obviously).
Eye contact is really important to humans. So important that scientists think it’s the reason why we are the only primates who have white eyes.
We use it to try and work out the person we are speaking to, and to create deeper bonds.
Research has found that eye contact is really important in attraction too. One study concluded that both men and women found faces looking straight at them to be more attractive and more likable.
Eye contact that lasts a little longer than normal is called gazing, and this intentional gazing tells you a lot about his interest level.
Biologically speaking, it’s one of the powerful signals of someone’s interest in us.
4) He’s touchy-feely
A huge part of flirting is our body language towards someone.
If a guy likes you, you’re like a magnet to him. He is physically drawn to you, and this will show.
He may lean towards you when you’re talking, edge ever closer on the sofa, or turn his feet and his body to face you.
He’ll likely try to find excuses to touch you — whether it’s a lingering hug goodbye that lasts a few seconds longer than it should, or that playful touch of the arm when he tells you he was only teasing about something he said.
Physical contact is so powerful that we are often wary of letting just anyone invade our personal space. That’s why getting physically close to someone is such a strong indication of attraction levels.
5) He wants to be alone with you
There are those situations where you already see each other quite a lot. Maybe because you are friends, have mutual friends or you are colleagues.
Love connections that grow out of friendships can feel more uncertain in the early stages, as you try and work out, does he like me more than a friend?
If he does he’s going to try and get you on your own at some point.
He’ll know that hanging out in groups isn’t going to give you two the space for something more to develop.
Group gatherings may be ok for a while, but if he likes you romantically he will try to find excuses to spend alone time together.
That might be subtle reasons he comes up with, like offering to help you out with something, or he might suggest you watch a film together.
6) He compliments you
Ahhhh, flattery. Guys know that this is the oldest seduction trick in the book for good reason.
When was the last time a guy who wasn’t romantically interested in you commented on the dress you are wearing? Yeah, it happens, but I’m betting it’s not an everyday occurrence that’s for sure.
If he likes you, he wants to get on your good side.
That means (if he knows what is good for him) he will say nice things to you. He might comment on your appearance or your personality.
It could be a character trait that he says he admires in you, a talent you have that he is in awe of, or how incredible your eyes are.
Compliments are our way of letting someone explicitly know that we dig them, without an open confession.
5 signs he pretending not to like you
Let’s start by being totally transparent. Most men who are into you won’t pretend they’re not.
Think about it logically for a moment, it’s not a very effective tactic to get the girl.
That’s why there are really only a few reasons why a guy would hide the way he feels about you.
They’re usually down to his own insecurities and being unsure of how you feel, where he stands, or fears of being rejected.
In these cases, he might show interest in more subtle ways, rather than explicitly chase you or ask you out.
But it’s important not to let wishful thinking cloud your judgment and convince you that he secretly loves you when in reality he just isn’t that into you.
Here are some signs he likes you but is hiding it.
1) He tests the water
If a guy is unsure of your interest level in him, then he may decide to test things out first.
If he’s wary of rushing in, making a fool of himself, and getting rejected then he might ask certain questions or make certain comments to gauge what you are thinking.
This might involve a little bit of subtle flirting to see how you respond. He could make little “jokes” that aren’t really jokes at all. Or you might find him trying to dig for information about your love life to find out if you are seeing anyone at the moment.
2) He gets jealous
We usually only get jealous when we think somebody else has something we want.
In a relationship, we tend to think of the little green-eyed monster as a totally bad thing, but research suggests that’s not always the case.
In fact, a certain amount of jealousy may be a biological reaction we have to a threat to our intimacy with someone.
If he gets jealous of other guys, it’s a safe conclusion that he wants you for himself.
3) He wants to impress you
When a guy is romantically interested in you, he wants to be your hero.
If he likes you, he wants you to like him too. So he’s going to want to show his best side to you.
That might mean making subtle little brags or letting you know about his positive attributes. He may also try to make you laugh or just generally show off a bit when he’s around you.
Impressing you is a way of still putting in some effort without totally showing his hand.
4) He tries to get closer to you
Even if he’s not making any obvious moves, if a guy likes you he’ll still want to get closer to you. That may be on a physical or emotional level.
He might try to find excuses to touch you or reasons to hang out.
He could be showing extra effort in getting to know you, asking questions about you, really listening to the answers, and generally showing an interest in you and your life.
5) He reaches out if he doesn’t hear from you
Looking for a “does he like me” test that you perform on a guy in your life?
Whilst I’d never recommend game playing, stepping back just a little bit can be a great way to see how someone genuinely feels about you.
This is especially true if you feel like you’ve been putting in a lot of the work and are worried it’s a one-sided thing.
When you pull back (just a little, not too much) you can then see if he comes towards you.
Although be aware that this only works if you have already shown plenty of interest. Otherwise, he could interpret your silence as a hint that you’re not into him, which is the absolute opposite of what you want.
But if you feel like you’ve made it very clear that you like him, and you want to know if he really feels the same then leave the ball in his court.
If a guy seriously likes you, you will hear from him.
How do you know if a guy doesn’t like you? 4 significant signs
Most of the time we can clearly tell when a guy isn’t at all interested.
He doesn’t call, he doesn’t text, he doesn’t try to see you, he makes zero effort to be in your life.
That’s why, often when we ask what are the signs a guy doesn’t like you, what we really mean is what are the signs he’s into me, but ultimately not enough.
Because it’s these situations that really mess with our heads. He gives off some signs that he likes you, but there aren’t enough for you to feel certain of it.
So here are the signs that he’s just not that into you.
1) You just know in your heart
I’m putting this one first because I think that we all have a powerful intuitive voice that guides us. Sometimes we don’t like to listen to it, because it is telling us things we’d rather not accept.
Earlier this year I started “dating” a guy I really liked. I say “dating” because to me, that’s what it was, to him, I wasn’t so sure what it was.
I knew he was attracted to me, I also knew he liked me as a person, but at the same time, he gave plenty of clear-cut signs that he just wasn’t looking for a relationship. The biggest sign of all was that he straight out told me this (LOL).
The problem was that whilst he kept a certain amount of distance from me (which I could sense) he also simultaneously gave me hope that things might change.
He showed me just enough interest and flattery to keep me hanging on. Those little crumbs of love were what kept me entertaining the possibility that things might be different at some stage.
At some point though, I had to face the reality that I wasn’t going to get what I wanted from him, and I was cheating myself by waiting around on the off chance he might feel differently one day.
But here is the thing — deep down I knew the score all along.
In my heart, despite all my wishful thinking, over analyzing, and overthinking, I knew that he was into me, but not enough.
I knew that the times I’ve been with a man who really likes me, is emotionally available, and actively looking for more, I haven’t had to question or second guess it all. It’s been natural, flowing and almost effortless.
My heart told me this the whole time, I just didn’t listen.
You can read all the advice articles in the world and still nobody will ever know the truth of the situation better than you do.
2) Things aren’t progressing
The definition of living in Limboland with a guy is when he likes being around you and hanging out, but he doesn’t want to be official.
It’s left many a sane woman wondering if she’s going crazy. Does he actually like me or is he playing me?
Of course, some guys really are just players, but often it’s not that simple. Most guys in this scenario are not intentionally stringing you along, they just don’t want a relationship with you.
It’s been months but you still only see each other once a week. You don’t go on any real dates and seem to only Netflix and chill. You have sex but he never stays over.
These are the clear signs that things are not developing from a physical attraction into a deeper emotional bond or long-term relationship.
3) He talks about other girls
When it feels like you’re close with a guy but nothing has happened yet, and he hasn’t made any obvious moves — pay attention to whether he mentions other girls.
Want to know if you’re just a friend to him? If he sees you as a close confidant and nothing more, he won’t be afraid to get girl advice from you.
If he brings up other women he is interested in, it is highly unlikely that he is trying to make you jealous. What is far more likely is that he just doesn’t like you romantically.
Sure, he may bring up his ex occasionally or women from his past. But realistically, a guy who is attracted to you won’t mention any other women on the scene in his present.
He wouldn’t want to risk putting you off.
4) It’s normal for you to not hear from him for a while
Guys that blow hot and cold or disappear and then reappear ultimately don’t like you enough to be consistent with their behavior.
They might like you a bit or find you attractive, but they aren’t planning on taking things much further.
The guys that you don’t hear from for a while, only for them to pop up again at some point, see whatever you have as a casual thing.
They might be easily distracted by other girls, come back to you when they are bored, or are only looking for a physical thing from you (aka sex).
If it’s normal for him to go off the radar and you aren’t even surprised that you don’t hear from him, it’s a strong sign he isn’t that into you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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