Your boyfriend recently broke up with you. But not because you did something wrong or got into a fight. It’s just “the timing isn’t right”.
This could really be a case of the right person, wrong time. How do you know if he’ll come back when the timing is right?
This article will tell you everything you need to know.
What did he mean when he said the timing isn’t right?
There are several things he could have meant when he said the timing isn’t right.
1) He meant it
Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes the timing really isn’t right.
He’s about to move to a different city, he’s just getting started with a new career, or he needs to take care of some personal issues.
There could be a million different reasons.
Sometimes what a guy says is exactly what it is.
2) It’s an excuse
Another possibility is that it was just an excuse.
He didn’t want to hurt your feelings, or he knew his real reason wouldn’t play out very well. He wanted an easy way out without starting up a fight.
3) He himself doesn’t know
It’s not always black and white either he’s honest or he lied. Maybe he himself doesn’t have much of a clue what he meant.
Most of us don’t have all our sh*t figured out — especially the people who like to look like they do.
He might have said the timing isn’t right because he feels he can’t move forward, but he himself doesn’t understand why. It’s the only explanation he can both accept and give.
What to do if he said the timing isn’t right?
So he’s told you the timing isn’t right. Now the ball’s in your court. What should you do next?
That depends on which of the three options above he meant.
1) If he meant it
If he really meant what he said, and the timing isn’t right, then all you’ve got to do is wait for the timing to be right.
A man who wants a woman but needs to sort some things out first will sort them out and then come back to get her.
So if you want him to do that, then let him.
If you’d like to do something more, you could talk to him to try to understand why the timing isn’t right. Maybe there’s some way you could help him, or at least offer him moral support.
Of course, there is a limit to how long a woman should be willing to wait for a man. This is highly individual, but we’ll get a bit more into it later.
2) If it was just an excuse
If he said the timing isn’t right just as an excuse, you don’t need me to tell you that you should forget him and move on.
A man who can’t be honest with you and uses an excuse like that to cut you out of his life doesn’t deserve to be in yours.
But of course, we can’t put everyone into the same bucket.
If you feel like it was an excuse not because he wanted to get rid of you, but because there’s something deeper going on, then talk to him and try to find out what that is.
Since this is a chance for a new beginning with someone else, it might also be a good opportunity to take a look in the mirror and see if there is anything you’d like to improve on yourself.
His leaving you doesn’t make you any less of a wonderful person — but it doesn’t mean you can’t still be better for the next guy you want to date. We’ll go over some great tips for this further below.
3) If he doesn’t even know what he wants
If you don’t know what he wants, and he doesn’t know what he wants, then the first thing both of you should do is talk like adults and try to figure out what it is you both want.
Be prepared to be patient. If you really want to help him, you’re going to have to put your own feelings aside for a while and see what he needs.
If he feels he needs a break to deal with his issues, then manipulating him into getting back together with you will only make those issues worse. That won’t end well for either of you.
Listen to him openly and don’t judge him. And when it’s over, be ready to walk out and move on if you have to. You can help him, but you shouldn’t put your life on hold waiting for him.
At the end of the day, his problems are not your responsibility. If he wanted you to be there with him on the journey, he wouldn’t have told you the timing isn’t right.
8 signs he’ll come back when the timing is right
So let’s say he really wants to get back together with you in the future. How do you know he’ll come back? Here are 8 signs to look out for.
1) He’s honest with you about why the timing isn’t right
Honesty is the foundation of all good relationships.
A guy who wants you in his life will be honest with you about why you can’t be in it now. He’ll be clear about what he wants, what’s standing in his way, and what his thoughts on the future are.
This doesn’t necessarily mean everything will work out. But he’s sure off to a better start.
If he can’t be honest with you, there could be several reasons for that. Maybe there’s a secret that isn’t his to tell. He could be ashamed or unable to describe what’s happening to him. Maybe he doesn’t want you to feel bad or compelled to wait around for him.
But either way, it’s tough to move forward when there’s no honesty and communication.
2) He’s actively trying to take care of his issues
Any one of dozens of issues could create bad timing in a relationship.
A great sign that he’ll eventually come back is if he’s actively trying to eliminate the obstacles that are keeping you apart.
He may not be able to get everything sorted out right away. Some problems take time or are painful to deal with.
One thing is for sure though, he’ll be putting in the effort.
3) He needs to work on his self-worth
Lack of self-worth can easily rip two people apart.
He doesn’t believe he deserves you, so he self-sabotages the relationship.
This doesn’t mean it’s the end. It’s a sign he needs to work on his self-worth before he’s ready to come back to you.
This is exactly what happened with Lucy and Kevin, a couple who broke up for four years then ended up happily married. Kevin broke up with Lucy saying he didn’t want to get serious, only to move in with a new girlfriend shortly after.
When Lucy eventually confronted him about this, he admitted that he thought he wasn’t good enough for her.
Once he was able to admit his insecurities, he became more confident. He started building a life that made him happy, including getting back together with Lucy.
4) He doesn’t get together with anyone else
If he told you “the timing is wrong”, just to get together with someone else, what he probably really meant was “the person is wrong”.
Granted, there are thousands of exceptions where exes dated other people, then eventually got back together and lived happily ever after. Lucy and Kevin, who we just mentioned above, are a great example.
But if your ex has started dating someone else, that’s not the actions of someone who is thinking about coming back to you. That’s the actions of someone who is moving on, or trying to move on at the very least.
It doesn’t mean reconciliation will never happen. It does, however, mean it’s not on his mind right now, and so it shouldn’t be on yours either.
5) You’re the kind of person he wants to be with
Often, we fall in love with the idea of someone rather than who they actually are. And if the relationship was short-lived, we don’t have a chance to see that the person we love is just an illusion we made up.
But these feelings eventually peter out when you spend some time apart. Even if they don’t, a reconciliation doesn’t last very long.
A real foundation of love that will lead to him coming back is based on knowing and loving someone deeply for who they really are.
You may have talked with him about what kind of partner he’s looking for. Are you able to be this person for him?
Of course, nobody is perfect, and he shouldn’t expect you to be. But he should be happy with you enough to not want you to change. And of course, the same goes for you — love is a two-way street.
If you both fit each other’s ideas of your ideal life partner, he’ll eventually come back when the timing is right.
6) You had strong feelings that don’t fade
If you and your ex fulfill each other’s idea of ideal partners, he’s likely to come back when the timing is right.
But obviously, love isn’t just a list of traits on paper.
Once you get over the initial breakup blow, if your feelings have completely cooled off too, then there is nothing to rekindle the flame with.
On the other hand, if you still have feelings after weeks, months, or even years, then it looks like you had a truly deep connection. Your love withstands pain, distance, and time.
If you don’t have any contact with him, you might not know if your ex feels the same way. But a real deep connection is usually felt by both people.
If his feelings haven’t changed either, there’s a good chance he’ll come back when the timing is right.
7) You have a strong gut feeling
Do you have a gut feeling that he’ll come back when the timing is right? Maybe that’s the only sign you need.
You might have cut all contact with your ex, life might have taken you in different directions, and there may be no apparent sign that things will change.
But if you have a feeling he will come back, that in itself is a sign he will.
Of course, your gut isn’t foolproof. It might be led astray by wishful thinking, projections, or misinterpretations. Practice listening to your gut, and you’ll learn when you can trust it.
8) You have a spiritual connection
Spiritual bonds are very tough to break — if you and your ex have one, it’s a sign that he will eventually come back when the timing is right.
But think carefully about what kind of bond you had — not all spiritual bonds are meant to last forever.
For example, karmic relationships, as described by psychologists, are meant to help you grow as a person. Once they have fulfilled that purpose, the relationship reaches its natural end. These partners don’t usually come back to each other.
If you feel a spiritual connection with your ex, delve deeper to figure out what purpose it had, and you’ll be closer to knowing if he will come back when the timing is right.
How do you know he will come back?
You might notice all these signs and even spiritual signs that he’ll come back when the timing is right. So will he come back?
There’s a very high chance he will. But there are no guarantees in life.
Even if he has the full intention of coming back, a million things could change between today and tomorrow that could influence his decision, situation, or feelings.
People make mistakes and change their minds. He could get derailed by something else, talk himself into a different decision, or not be ready for a relationship.
Ultimately, you have to accept that life is unpredictable. That’s part of the beauty of it — and what keeps us interested in living it.
3 signs he’ll never come back
You can also lookout for signs that say he’ll never come back. Here are three key things to notice.
1) He treats you with disrespect
Treating you with disrespect tells you with near certainty that he won’t come back.
When mixed with pain, love can take on many different masks: anger, sadness, fear. You might feel head over heels for someone one day, and a week later hate their guts.
But respect is much more stable. It doesn’t disappear or change when you’re in pain, and definitely not because of wrong timing.
If you see him putting you down, repeatedly breaking your boundaries, or ridiculing you, it’s over. Good riddance!
2) He was very sure of his decision to break up
Science has brought to light a few interesting observations about exes who get back together.
One of these was having mixed feelings about the breakup.
In a series of studies, researchers surveyed people about why they wanted to stay in a relationship or leave it. From those that wanted to leave, 49% still had ambivalent feelings about ending the relationship.
This aligns with another finding that about half of separated couples get back together again.
Feeling unsure about breaking up seems to be one of the things that leads people to get back together.
So if your ex was very steadfast about calling it quits, there’s a good chance he won’t come back around.
3) He’s unable to forgive
Forgiveness is key to being able to move forward in any relationship.
Without this step, it doesn’t matter if the stars align, light a path to pure bliss and literally shout, “Come this way!” If he’s still holding onto the past, he will never be free to move forward.
You can be fairly certain a man in this position will not come back. If he does, it might just be to pick a fight.
These are three key things to look out for, but they aren’t all there is. Read about more signs he’ll never come back here.
How do you know if your ex will never come back?
You know what they say — never say never. Life is full of surprises, and anything can lead to a reconciliation if both people want it. It just won’t be about good or bad timing anymore.
For there to be pretty much zero chance of him coming back, these things would need to happen:
- You had a bad relationship
- You crossed some lines that you can’t go back on
- There are no feelings left
- Neither one of you made any personal growth
But even then, exes still get back together for a host of bad reasons. As psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato points out, people can get back together because:
- They’re lonely
- They want an ego boost
- You’re someone familiar
- They want sex
- It’s better than being alone
- They feel guilty
- They pity you
- They feel indebted
Sadly, all of these reasons could still lead to him coming back. But obviously, this kind of reconciliation won’t last long, and definitely isn’t the kind you’d want.
Signs he’s coming back for the wrong reasons
You shouldn’t want him to come back at all costs. If you do, then you might need this break more than he does.
Look out for these signs that he’s coming back for the wrong reasons:
- He doesn’t put effort into overcoming previous issues
- He doesn’t communicate
- He uses manipulative behavior like passive-aggression or guilt-tripping
- He doesn’t treat you with respect
- He was recently dumped by someone else
Also keep an eye out for signs that he doesn’t love you anymore.
If an ex comes back and you see these telltale signs, run, don’t walk away!
Remember, he’s not your only hope for a happy relationship.
Ask yourself what qualities he had that made you so attached to him. Break your connection with your ex and focus on meeting people who have these same qualities.
To take matters into your own hands, try asking the universe for a specific person.
Will an almost relationship come back?
You had an almost relationship with a great guy. Will it come back?
Any kind of relationship can come back. But here it’s important to ask, why was it an almost relationship?
If you figure out the reason, the answer to this question may become pretty clear.
Fort an almost relationship to come back, this is what would need to happen:
- His feelings stay strong over time
- The obstacle that kept you apart gets eliminated
If both these things are true, then there’s nothing standing in his way to come back to you.
Is there such a thing as wrong timing?
Some people out there say that there’s no such thing as wrong timing. If a guy wants to be with you, he’ll be with you, period.
I don’t entirely agree.
Life is nowhere near perfect. It tends to throw things our way that we may not know how to deal with right away:
- Family duties
- Career changes
- Mental health problems
Could you go through these while in a relationship?
Absolutely. Many people do.
But only if you believe you can.
Sometimes you need to go through a problem alone. Being with someone at the same time is a distraction, a hindrance, or you feel like you’d be dragging them down with you. You’d prefer to set them free and come back when you can do right by them.
Whatever the case, he doesn’t believe that he can go through this problem and be in a relationship with you at the same time.
And you know what, he could even be wrong. You could potentially be the best support and help him get through these issues, and come out with a stronger relationship than ever before.
But it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t believe it. The insecurities and doubts will haunt him, and this will stop him from putting the proper care into the relationship.
In a way, believing the timing is wrong is the very thing that makes the timing wrong.
You might not necessarily see things this way, but that doesn’t mean he’s lying.
Breaking up when the timing is wrong
I get it, breaking up when the timing is wrong sucks.
Especially if you disagree. How can he not see that you’re there to help him, and he doesn’t need to fight his feelings for you?
You feel a powerful attraction to him, so it’s natural that you want to be with him and his decision feels wrong.
There are things you can do to get him back. But the first thing you should do is give both of you some space.
Nobody gets back together as a result of feeling bombarded and pressured. Besides, is that really how you’d want to start your relationship off?
If you really can’t take your mind off him, try investing some time into relationship courses. You’ll learn skills to make your next relationship happier than any other you’ve had, whether it’s with him or someone else.
Keep reading until the end to find out more!
Do exes come back after years?
Do exes come back even after years of being apart? Yes, they do! Exes come back anytime, for a number of good and bad reasons:
- They reconnect with you while they’re single and it’s convenient to get back together rather than be alone
- You reconnect when you’ve both grown into people who could be happy together
- They realize through experience that you’re the right person for them after all and come back for you
There’s always a chance, however small, that two people could get back together.
But you should never put your life on hold on the off chance someone could come back to you years in the future. As romantic as it can seem in soap operas, this is your life.
“If he loves you he will come back no matter what”
I agree that if he really loves you, he will come back. With one important exception: unless it hurts you or him.
We all like to believe that love conquers all, but let’s face it. Love is not a cure-all potion that can make any problem disappear.
There is a long list of reasons which could make someone walk away even though they love someone. One Quora user came up with a particularly comprehensive list, including:
- Sexual incompatibility
- No friendship or companionship
- Abuse: physical, verbal, mental, or sexual
- Lack of trust
- Diverging life goals (kids, living location, etc.)
- Unfaithfulness, whether real or imagined
- Wider family hostility
- Lack of support
- Belief of holding the other person back (“I’m too old, young, busy, uneducated, etc.”)
- Chronic health issues
- Mental health issues
- Political, religious, or cultural incompatibility
- Drug abuse issues
- Financial issues such as gambling, uncontrollable spending, or meanness
- Changed feelings
- Dishonesty about important issues like money, family, work, health
- Lying, head games, treachery, or manipulation of the partner or others
Some might say, if he really loves you, he will stay and figure out how to be what you need. But if it were that simple, we’d all be superheroes. For some people, love isn’t enough to overcome these issues.
The bottom line is, you should take a good look at the reasons why you broke up. Is this something you and he will feel differently about with time, or will it always be a problem?
In some cases, the real act of love is being able to walk away and giving the person a chance at greater happiness with someone else.
How long should I wait for him to come back?
If he left because of bad timing, it really is up to him how long he needs to be ready. This leaves you waiting and wondering, “When will he come back to me? How long should I wait for him?”
But he can’t expect you to put your life on hold for him. A guy who really loves you wouldn’t want you to do that anyways.
My advice is to not specifically “wait for him”, but let things take their natural course.
You can be open to a reconciliation with him as long as your circumstances allow it.
This is a great opportunity to ask yourself if you really want him back and if it’s for the right reasons.
Think about these important questions:
- What am I looking for in a relationship? Is he able to be that person for me?
- What was it that appealed to me so much about him?
- In what way did I contribute to our problems and how can I fix it for my next relationship?
Make sure you’re not putting important life steps or decisions on hold for him or obsessing over getting back together.
Right person wrong time and what to do about it
You’ve met the right person at the wrong time. Now you might be wondering:
Will he come back?
What are the chances he will come back?
First off, you need to notice how passive these questions are.
There are two people in this situation. But right now you’re letting him call all the shots. Where’s your power?
If you believe he’s genuine and you want to give it your all, do something to actively try getting him back. You might save you both a lot of time, and worst-case scenario, you’ll be free to move on sooner.
How to get your ex back: Follow these 10 steps
Before we get into how to get your ex back, let’s get one thing straight first — you cannot “make” a guy come back to you — just like no man can make you do something either.
At the end of the day, you can go after what you want, but it’s still only half the picture. If he doesn’t want to come back, nothing you do can change that, and you shouldn’t waste your energy on him anyways.
But with the tips below, you’ll clear the path for him if he wants to come back. Let’s have a look at what they are.
1) Don’t rush it
For whatever reason, the timing was wrong when you broke up. And if you rush into the relationship too soon, you’ll just replay the same problems leading up to the same breakup.
Something needs to change for the relationship to be different this time. And this something takes time.
Being patient is difficult, but it’s the only way you can give the relationship a real second chance.
In the meantime, invest time into yourself and your life. Find a hobby to invest your time into, learn some new skills, or meet new people.
Trust that if things are meant to work out between you and your ex, they will.
2) Show him you’re open to reconciliation
Women want men to be masculine, confident, and dominant. But at the end of the day, they’re still just humans. And nobody dives headfirst into rejection.
If he wants you, but he thinks he’ll be ignored, embarrassed, or flat out rejected if he approaches you, then he might be too scared to come back to you.
Give him some sort of sign that it’s safe to come to you.
Tactics like being mean to him, not texting him back, or ignoring him are counterproductive. If you tell a guy that you want him to leave, well guess what – he’ll probably leave! (At least, if he’s respectful, which is the only kind of guy you should want to stay.)
So make sure the signals you’re sending out align with what you want him to do. Show him that you’re open to a reconciliation, or at least being on friendly terms as a start.
3) Trigger his hero instinct
If things are meant to be, he will come back when the timing is right.
But you can nudge things along a great deal by tapping into his hero instinct.
This is a term coined by dating expert James Bauer in his bestselling book His Secret Obsession. Essentially, the hero instinct is a need that all men have to live meaningful lives, be respected, and provide for the woman they love.
You can use specific words, phrases, and little requests to trigger this instinct in him. When you do, you’ll let him fulfil his deepest desires by being in a relationship with you. He’ll be drawn back to you like a moth to a flame.
Click here to watch an informative free video by James Bauer about the hero instinct. He tells you everything you need to know, including how to trigger it in your ex.
4) Align your actions with your intent using the law of attraction
If you’re hoping for a reconciliation, make sure your actions align with your intentions.
Keep communication channels open — don’t keep him blocked or hide from him.
Just as important is being open emotionally. Are you holding onto any resentment? This includes avoiding him or wanting him to suffer in some way for the pain he’s caused you.
You’ll need to let go of your anger before you’re truly ready for what you want — a fresh start without old baggage.
Finally, take a look at what exactly you want and what your life looks like now. How well do those two realities go together?
For example, if you want him to move in with you, is there enough space in your apartment for his stuff? If your vision includes you spending evenings together, do you finish work early enough for that to happen?
You can’t possibly attract something into your life that doesn’t fit into it. Your mind says you want it, but you’re actually pushing it away!
Read more about how to ask the universe for a specific person here.
5) Work on yourself too
Imagine the timing is right and he reappears in your life as your perfect guy. He’s fit and healthy, financially stable, and mentally and emotionally mature.
What kind of “you” would you want to welcome him as?
Don’t wait for him to come back to start becoming this woman. Be her now, and knock him off his feet when he comes back.
Obviously, there’s no such thing as a perfect person, and you don’t need to become one to have a fulfilling relationship. But it’s only by aiming to be our best that we can reach our full potential.
Personal growth should always be done for its own sake. But in the case of getting your ex back, there’s a little bonus.
So if you’ve been working on yourself, shout it out loud! It’s one more incentive to help him come back when the timing is right.
6) Make him infatuated
In order for him to come back, you don’t need the timing to be perfect. It never will be!
Instead, you need to reawaken his feelings of passion. Any obstacles standing in the way will seem smaller.
The good news is, it’s actually not all that hard to achieve.
Dating and relationship coach Clayton Max has developed a unique set of phrases guaranteed to make any man infatuated with you.
To learn exactly what they are, watch his quick video here.
7) Talk about it
Communication is everything, no matter what kind of relationship we’re dealing with.
If you want to get back together with your ex, the best thing to do is talk to him about it.
He might have not brought it up because he’s scared of making things awkward, scaring you off, or getting hurt. You can try broaching the topic yourself instead.
You’re both adults, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to talk about your relationship together.
If he’s not able to have a calm and respectful conversation about it, then you might want to consider if he’s really the guy for you.
8) Be nice to be around
In one of her courses, relationship expert Amy Waterman shares the secret to making men want you more. It’s simple: be enjoyable to be around.
If men have a good time around you, they’ll want to spend more time with you. You’ll be someone they genuinely look forward to seeing, and they’ll want more of you in their lives.
You wouldn’t try to make someone miss you by being rude and unfriendly to them.
You need to show your ex what a great person you are, and that being with you again would be a huge asset to his life.
9. Make him see a new vision of your relationship
According to relationship expert James Bauer, the key to making an ex come back is to help him picture an entirely new relationship with you.
It doesn’t help to try to convince him to go back into the relationship you had — after all, you broke up for a reason!
Instead, focus on changing the way he feels about you.
In this short informative video, James Bauer explains step by step how to help him picture a whole new relationship with you. He reveals what texts you can send and what you can say to awaken fresh desire in your ex.
10. Don’t try to manipulate him
Many women that want to get back together with an ex start by asking, “What can I do to get him back?”
This is the wrong way to go about it. You cannot “do” anything because you cannot change another person. And if you want to, why did you fall in love with him?
You fell in love with who he is, not because he could possibly become someone else. That isn’t love, it’s trying to own someone.
Even as you want him to come back, you have to stay authentic and genuine. Forget about using any kind of manipulation to guilt-trip him or make him jealous.
Nobody wants to be tricked into a relationship, so don’t make him into someone who was.
Your relationship ended because of bad timing. Now you’ve got a clearer idea if he will come back, how you can encourage him, and what to do in the meantime.
Everyone’s journey is different, so some of these signs will be relevant to you, and others might not. But if he’s going to come back when the timing is right, you should recognize at least some of these signs.
You might also like to consider why you have the feeling he will come back, and why you want him to. Above all, focus on your personal growth. No matter what happens, you’ll be in a much better place, ready for the next phase in your journey.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.