You’ve met a wonderful new guy who really gets you.
You have so much fun together and everything is perfect between you … except for the fact that he doesn’t want to sleep with you.
If you’re wondering WTF is going on, I totally get you.
Let’s take a look at the 15 reasons why your new boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you.
1) He hasn’t moved on from his previous relationship
If you’ve been dating for a few weeks or even months now and he’s still not ready to be intimate with you, it might be because he’s still not over his ex.
Now, it’s not always easy to get over an ex and it could take him some time to finally let her go.
Sex is a big deal for some people and if he’s been with the same person for a long time, it may be especially difficult for him to be with someone new, no matter how much he likes them.
What can you do?
You need to be patient with him. Be understanding.
Encourage him without being pushy.
See if he wants to talk about it, be ready to listen without getting jealous of his ex.
Once he’s ready, he’ll make his move.
2) He really likes you and doesn’t want to rush it
Your boyfriend understands that you’re ready to take things to the next level, but he doesn’t want to rush into sex.
Here’s the thing:
Things are going really great between the two of you.
You have so much in common and the chemistry is off the charts!
In fact, he’s starting to have feelings for you.
He’s realized that he really likes you and wants to have a serious relationship with you and not just a fling.
That’s why he’s decided to take things slow.
Sex can complicate things so he just wants to make sure it’s the right time to take things to the next level.
In the meantime, he’s enjoying getting to know you and doesn’t mind taking his sweet time.
3) You haven’t triggered his hero instinct yet
Did you ever consider that the reason he doesn’t want to sleep with you is that he doesn’t feel like you need him?
Some guys need to save us, to protect us, to be there for us. Even if it’s just to open a jar of pickles…
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
4) Religious reasons
As you probably know, there are many religions that say a man and woman must wait until marriage to get physical. Some religious people ignore that rule, some follow it to a T.
So, think about it. Is your guy religious?
Did he have a strong religious upbringing?
Does he have a religious side when it comes to other matters?
If you think this might be the case, then I suggest you talk to him about it.
I always find that it’s best to be on the same page when it comes to these kinds of things.
5) New medication
Did you know that some medications can affect people in many different ways? Anything from weight gain to depression too – you guessed it – a low libido.
Now, if your boyfriend is on some new medication, it could be affecting his mood, energy levels, or it could even be making it physically impossible for him to perform sexually.
It will pass once he stops taking the meds. And if these are part of a long-term regimen, then he may just need to get used to them.
Give him some time to get used to the medication and if the problem still persists after some time, maybe he should talk to his doctor about finding an alternative without such side effects.
6) He doesn’t find you attractive
I know this might be difficult to admit to yourself, but if he doesn’t want to sleep with you, maybe he just doesn’t find you attractive.
Wait, let me explain!
This doesn’t mean that you’re not an attractive woman. Attraction is a complicated mix of physical, intellectual, and emotional attributes.
Different guys look for different things in a woman.
It’s possible that there just isn’t any chemistry between the two of you and that your relationship was meant to be platonic.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, there are other guys out there who think you’re hot stuff!
7) He feels you getting attached
If you haven’t been dating that long, he might be afraid of getting too attached too quickly.
He’s enjoying getting to know you and spending time with you, but he doesn’t want to commit to you yet.
He knows that for most women sex is emotional and equals feelings. Once things get physical they will become serious.
So if he feels that you’re getting attached too fast, he may want to slow things down a bit.
And how does he do that? By postponing sex of course.
So relax, take things one day at a time. Don’t get clingy or start planning your whole lives together. Get to know him, enjoy yourself and whatever happens, happens.
I’ve found through relationship guru, Michael Fiore, how to make even the most commitment-phobic man want to stay with you.
Check out this wonderful free video to see how to use science-based techniques to make him love you, so much so that he never wants to be apart from you again.
8) He’s depressed
Oh boy, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse.
Depression is a serious problem that affects millions of people every year.
If your boyfriend is depressed, he may not be thinking with the right head.
Here’s why: a depressed person may find it difficult to really care about anything and they have a hard time getting anything done.
If he’s depressed, he may have a hard time finding a reason to get out of bed in the morning, so sex is the last thing on his mind.
He’ll come around eventually, but for now, it’s best to give him some space and to be there for him.
With time, if you see that he’s still not doing well, you may want to get him to speak to someone.
9) He’s self-conscious about his body
If you thought only women worried about their body image, you were deeply mistaken.
Guys can also be self-conscious about their bodies.
So maybe the reason that your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you is that he’s worried about being too skinny, too fat, or ashamed for not having a six-pack.
Maybe it goes beyond him being self-conscious about his imperfections. He could be suffering from body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).
BDD is a mental health issue that can cause some people to think they look ugly or disgusting when they’re actually perfectly normal.
According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, “The cause of body dysmorphic disorder is thought to be a combination of environmental, psychological, and biological factors. Bullying or teasing may create or foster the feelings of inadequacy, shame, and fear of ridicule.”
If your boyfriend has told you that he’s worried about his body image, try to convince him otherwise.
But if you think the problem could be serious, he may need to speak to a therapist about it.
10) He’s sleeping with someone else
I hate to even bring up this option but it is a possibility. If you’re dating a guy who doesn’t want to sleep with you, it may be because he’s already sleeping with someone else.
You see, he could be married or in a committed relationship. Or maybe he’s dating several people at once. He’s getting sex from someone else and he’s getting something else from you – such as conversation or another kind of attention he needs.
If you think this is the case, you need to confront him about it.
The truth may hurt but at least then you’ll know for sure why he doesn’t want to get serious with you.
11) He’s going through menopause
That’s right, a man in menopause.
Truth is that lots of men in their late forties and early fifties go through a transition just like women go through menopause.
This is called Andropause and it’s a clinical medical condition. Doctors estimate that every man experiences Andropause to some degree.
What happens during Andropause?
Men go through hormone changes where they start to produce less testosterone.
The symptoms of low testosterone include an impaired sex drive, depression, weight gain, and difficulty concentrating.
12) You’re doing something wrong
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking:
“Listen, there is no way I could be doing anything wrong. I’m a great girl and guys usually can’t get enough of me.”
Well, you might be surprised to learn that sometimes we do things without even realizing it.
What’s more, maybe there’s something we’re not doing.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to sleep with you.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
13) He’s asexual
When someone is asexual they have no or very low interest in sex. Some people think of it as a sexual orientation and others as a lack of sexual orientation.
Either way, if he’s not asexual then it’s not that he doesn’t want to sleep with you, he doesn’t want to sleep with anyone. Sex just doesn’t interest him.
Now you have to ask yourself, can you live without sex?
14) He’s friend-zoned you
When you started dating he thought that he wanted to be in a relationship with you but somehow, the more time you spent together, the more he realized he wanted to be just friends.
Now, he’s put you both in an awkward position. He likes you and wants to be your friend, but things have gone a bit further and now he’s your “boyfriend”.
However, since he’s emotionally attached to you he doesn’t want to let go of you for good. So slowly, he’s backtracking his relationship with you.
In other words: by not sleeping with you he’s trying to go back a step and get back to being your friend.
The longer it goes on, the more uncomfortable this will get for both of you and there may be no possible way that things can turn out the way either of you wants them to.
15) He has a health condition
Finally, some health conditions may prevent physical intimacy or make it difficult.
For example, he could have a heart condition or diabetes.
Now, he hasn’t told you about it yet because he doesn’t want to scare you off.
When he’s ready, he’ll tell you about it. For now, he’s just getting to know you.
But if this is the case, then you have to think of all the implications – not just sexual – of being with someone who has a health problem.
Ask yourself, are you still ready to take things to the next level?
What can you do about it?
1) Talk to him about it
As with any other problem in life, I think it’s best to confront it head-on.
If he doesn’t want to sleep with you, talk to him about it.
It will be easier to understand what’s going on if you talk to him about it than if you have to keep on guessing.
Maybe he wants to talk about it but is scared of bringing it up.
Maybe there’s nothing specific keeping it from happening, just timing.
All in all, my advice is to talk to him about it.
2) Flirt and be the one to initiate
Wait, why are you waiting for him to initiate sex?
If there’s chemistry between you and you can tell he likes you, then take matters into your own hands.
It’s 2022 after all, women are allowed to make the first move. In fact, maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move because he doesn’t want to pressure you.
I say, go for it girl!
3) Be patient
Sometimes, you just have to sit back and wait.
If you think that he’s waiting because he needs more time, then you have to be patient (as hard as that may be).
You know what they say, “Good things come to those that wait!”
4) Make him jealous
It might encourage him to know that if he doesn’t want you, someone else might.
Now, it might be a good idea to do some light flirting, to show him that other men find you attractive.
For example, you could flirt with the waiter when you’re having dinner together.
Or, when you run into a male friend of yours, hug him for a long time and laugh at everything he says.
Don’t go overboard, you don’t want him to think you’ve lost interest in him. You just want to open his mind to the idea that he has something special that other men would be glad to have.
5) Show him that you need him
A foolproof plan is to show him that you need him.
By waking up his primal instincts, you’ll be waking up his desire.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.