9 reasons your man avoids serious conversations with you (and how to get him to have one)

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Have you ever found yourself asking your man what is wrong and he tells you “nothing”?

Well, there’s a good chance he’s avoiding a conversation about something serious.

Yes, that’s right. It’s hard to know why your man is avoiding serious conversations with you.

You might have tried to talk about the future, the relationship, where it’s going, or why he’s not as invested in the relationship as you are. But he brushes off your concerns and avoids talking about these issues.

Whatever the reason, here are 10 signs that your man is avoiding serious conversations with you and how to get him to have one.

1) He’s afraid he will disappoint you

How well can your man meet your expectations?

Just think about it. You might have asked him how he feels about the future and where the relationship is going. He might have brushed off your concerns and told you that everything was fine.

But he’s probably not telling you the whole truth because he’s afraid of disappointing you.

Why does he avoid talking about the future?

He is afraid that if he tells you how things are going in his life, it will make you unhappy. And he doesn’t want to disappoint you, does he? Therefore, he doesn’t tell you how he feels or what his plans are for the future.

So guess what?

What this man doesn’t want is for you to think less of him. He knows that if he talks about his problems with you, you will put them down.

He will feel like a failure and a disappointment. But as long as he keeps them hidden, he feels more powerful and in control of his life.

So, one of the reasons why he avoids serious conversations is that he doesn’t want to be vulnerable because he thinks it will lead to him being rejected or disappointed.

And he doesn’t want to disappoint you by being a disappointment, so he avoids talking about it altogether.

2) He’s not sure about your future together

Want to know the truth about serious relationships?

They all end up with questions about the future. And when you ask your partner about the future the questions about marriage naturally come up.

And if he refuses to have a serious conversation with you, then chances are that this is because he is afraid of making a decision that might turn out badly for him or make things worse between him and you.

But what do you do in these situations? Do you avoid talking about the future because that’s what your partner wants to hear? Or do you go for it and ask about the future, even if it makes your partner uncomfortable?

Well, this man is avoiding serious conversations with you because he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how to answer your question about the future.

And he doesn’t want to make a decision on what his plans are for the future without knowing more about you. 

So he has no idea how he feels and what his plans are for the future because he isn’t sure if they will work out or not.

3) He’s not ready to commit

When you asked him about the future, he may have brushed you off. He might have said “everything’s fine” or “we’re doing great.” 

But are you sure he is committed to the relationship? 

Maybe not. If you’re reading this, the chances are you’re already in a relationship. And if that’s the case, then there’s a chance that your boyfriend isn’t ready to commit to you.

And that’s totally okay!

Because all men have their own timelines for these things. They need to get comfortable first before committing themselves fully. And it might take them a month, two months, or even a year before they feel ready to make this commitment. 

So don’t worry about it! You can give him time and space to grow and become more comfortable with his feelings towards you. 

But hang on a second. Why isn’t he committed?

He may be afraid that if he talks about his plans, they won’t materialize and you will end up disappointed. Or he might be afraid that if he tells you how things are going in his life, it will make you unhappy.  

So rather than risk disappointing or hurting you, he doesn’t talk about it at all.

The truth is that this is a situation where a man might be hiding something. And it’s not the fact that he doesn’t commit to you. It’s that he doesn’t commit to himself.

So what can you do?

Well, instead of asking him about his plans for the future, ask him about his plans for himself. 

Here are some questions that will help:

    • What is your goal in life? What kind of person do you want to be?
    • What would make you happy?
    • How do you feel when you see other people happy?
  • And how do they make you feel?
  • Do they make you jealous and uncomfortable? Or are they just fine with it? Why or why not?

What I’m saying here is that you need to find out what your man is truly concerned about and why he’s not ready to commit yet.

So, instead of scaring him by asking him about his plans for the future together, ask him about his plans for himself.

4) He’s afraid of being rejected by you

Want to know another reason why your man avoids serious conversations and commitments?

It’s because he’s afraid of being rejected by you!

And it doesn’t matter if he’s not ready to commit to you or if he knows that you’re not ready either. That’s why he doesn’t talk about it and avoids talking about it.

But what if I told you that this is a good thing? What if I told you that this makes him more likely to commit to you because now he feels comfortable with the idea of committing and being rejected? 

So here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to use rejection as a tool for commitment. 

Because when your man feels uncomfortable with the idea of being rejected, he becomes more willing to commit himself fully.

And when he does, eventually most of his fears will disappear, and he’ll be able to talk about his plans for himself and eventually make a commitment. 

But don’t forget that this is something that only works if you’re willing to let it work.

So the next time your man avoids talking about his plans for the future, just let it happen and don’t push him.

5) He feels overwhelmed by your relationship

I know that this one is a tough one.

Because when you think about it, your man doesn’t have the right to be afraid of being in a relationship with you. But just think about it.

Have you ever noticed that he feels overwhelmed by your relationship?

He’s overwhelmed by the amount of time and energy you put into it. He’s overwhelmed by the amount of effort you put in to make your relationship work. And he’s just not ready or willing to commit himself fully to it.

But don’t be afraid because this is something that happens in all relationships: you get to a point where you feel like you can’t handle any more of this relationship.

You feel like you can’t handle being around each other any longer, and you want to do something about it.

But you know what?

I bet that because of your fears, you don’t take action, and your man feels as if he’s being rejected by you.

And he doesn’t know what to do about it. So he avoids talking about having a serious conversation with you because he doesn’t like the feeling of being overwhelmed by your relationship.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Then the best thing you can do is to give him some space. Just leave him alone for a while, and let him process all his emotions.

And when he feels ready to talk about it, give him some space again. And in a few days or weeks, he will be more than ready to talk about it.

6) He doesn’t like being in a relationship with you anymore

Whether he’s your boyfriend or your husband, one day, he might just feel uncomfortable with being in a relationship with you.

I know, I know, it sounds pretty weird, but hear me out: it’s not that he’s not ready to commit to you or that he knows that you’re not ready either. It’s that he doesn’t like the idea of being in a relationship with you.

And this is something we can all understand because we all have experienced being rejected by someone before (whether we realized it or not). And so, when he feels uncomfortable with the idea of committing himself to you, he becomes afraid of the relationship.

But what if he’s your husband? How will his attitude affect your marriage?

Well, the truth is that, if you haven’t noticed, your man might be having a hard time keeping his relationship with you going. He’s not emotionally invested in the relationship anymore, so he’s not doing much for it.

And this is something that can damage your marriage.

So what you need to do is to mend your marriage and make your husband fully committed.

Do you wonder if you can do this?

7) He’s seeing someone else

It’s obvious that he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you. But the truth is that he might be seeing someone else.

Let me tell you something.

Women tend to be more emotional than men and so they are often more vulnerable to infidelity. 

And that’s why you might be dramatizing the fact that he avoids having a serious conversation with you. Still, it doesn’t mean that your feelings are wrong and that he’s not seeing someone else.

In fact, he might be.

So if you have a strong suspicion that he’s seeing someone else, then you should confront him about it.

And the best way to do this is to confront him in person and ask him straight up if he’s seeing someone else. 

But before you do that, make sure that you have solid proof of his infidelity. Otherwise, it would be a huge mistake to think that he’s cheating on you. 

8) He doesn’t see any benefits in it for him

Who doesn’t want to reap some benefits from their relationships?

Let’s be honest.

I know that this one is a tough one too, because what if I told you that your man doesn’t see any benefits in having a relationship with you? That he doesn’t see any benefits in having a committed relationship with someone? 

But let me tell you something:

There are huge benefits for him in having a committed relationship with someone. Benefits like feeling secure and safe with his feelings and being able to say “yes” or “no” when asked to do something.

To put it in a nutshell, there are benefits for him in having a committed relationship with you. 

What kind of benefits am I talking about?

Well, he can be himself around you. And that’s a huge benefit because he won’t have to worry about putting on a fake front all the time just so that you don’t feel hurt or upset.

And he’ll be able to be himself around you, which means that his authentic self will come out more often. He feels like he can talk to someone about anything, even if it’s sensitive stuff that he wouldn’t want other people to know about.

He doesn’t have to worry about the drama in his relationship with you because there is less of it.

And I know this sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true: having a committed relationship with someone actually makes your relationship more stable because there are fewer ups and downs in your relationship.

So if he’s not seeing any benefits in having a committed relationship with you, then maybe that’s why he avoids having a serious conversation with you.

9) He doesn’t feel that you’re a priority anymore

What kind of woman would want to be with someone who doesn’t see her as a priority?

Having a committed relationship means that your man sees you as being more important than other things in his life.

It means that he values the relationship he has with you and the importance of his feelings and emotions toward you over other things in his life.  

And guess what?

It also means that he sees the good things about having a relationship with you and sees how happy he is when he’s around you.

But what makes someone important? Well, being important means that they are needed by someone else and are valued by them. It means that they have value and that their feelings and emotions are important to them.

Now put it another way:

If he doesn’t see you as being important to him, then it’s not a priority for him to be with you. And if you’re not his priority anymore, then he doesn’t value you as much as he should.

Unfortunately, it might mean that your relationship is in danger. And you need to understand that if you’re not his priority, it might be the right time to move on.

How to get him to have a serious conversation with you?

After reading these reasons, now you probably wonder how to get him to have a serious conversation with you.

I know that it might seem like a long shot, but I’m going to show you how you can turn your man’s mind around and have him have a serious conversation with you.

1) Choose the right time and place

It’s important that you choose the right time and place for your man to have a serious conversation with you.

It’s not going to be easy because he might feel uncomfortable about having a serious conversation with you, but it’s also not going to be easy for him to get up the nerve to have that conversation with you.

And that is why I recommend that you wait until he has some free time, like after work or before bedtime.

Because then he can relax and be himself without worrying about anything else in his life.

2) Maintain positivity but focus on the problem

It’s important that you use positive language when talking to your man about the problem. Why?

Because if you use negative language, he’ll think that you are attacking him and this will probably discourage him from having a serious conversation with you.

So try to avoid using negative language and just talk in positive tones. Avoid saying rude things and offending him, especially at the beginning of the conversation.

Instead, try to focus on what you want to say, be honest, and express your feelings.

And when you say that, make sure that you look him in the eye and look directly into his eyes. This is what will encourage him to have a serious conversation with you.

3) Listen to him even when you don’t agree

Listening to your partner will allow you to understand his point of view and hear what he has to say. But you don’t have to agree with him, at least not at the beginning.

Let him know that you understand that he is upset and frustrated, but also let him know that you will listen to what he has to say.

Yes, that’s right, it’s not easy for you to talk about your emotions or problems with your partner, especially if they are not happy with the relationship. But it’s important that you ask your partner for their point of view and try to understand why they feel the way they do.

Remember: always try to listen without judging or interrupting. This will show them that you are open-minded and willing to listen without any preconceived ideas about their problems.

And this will encourage them to share their issues with you as well!

4) Give him time to open up and share his feelings

How often does your partner express his feelings to you?

The answer is probably not very often.

They may tell you that they are upset, but it’s unlikely that they will tell you about their feelings. They may just tell you that something is bothering them, but they won’t say what it is exactly.

And this can be frustrating for both of you.

So try to give your partner some time to open up and share their emotions with you.

This is really important because if he’s not willing or ready to talk in the first place, then there’s nothing that you can do except wait until he feels ready.

And this can take some time. So don’t force him into talking if he’s not ready yet. If he hasn’t told you at least a little bit about his problems yet, then don’t push him for an answer at this point in time.

This way, your partner will feel like he has a choice and it will strengthen his sense of self-esteem.

Final thoughts

All in all, now you know the most common reasons why men do not want to have serious conversations about their relationships.

But is there any common remedy for the situation you’re dealing with?

Yes, there is!

It’s called the Hero Instinct and it will help you resolve all the issues and get him to talk to you seriously.

How so?

Well, based on relationship expert James Bauer’s theory, once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before. 

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman. When that happens, he’ll come to you and initiate a serious conversation about your relationship.

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.