18 things to know when you can’t stop thinking about someone (real psychology)

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You just met someone or you’ve known them for a while, but you can’t get them off your mind.

But why? You might be attracted to them, think they’re interesting, or because they’ve hurt you in some way. 

Regardless, if you’re finding it hard to stop yourself thinking about them, here are 10 of the most plausible reasons why.

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

According to the experts, when we continually think about someone, it means that we have formed a very strong emotional attachment to them.

 It means that you want to be with them and you want to be around them.

Your brain is also working overtime trying to figure out what it is about this person that makes you feel so strongly. It’s not just the physical attraction – it’s something more. 

This can cause a lot of stress because if they don’t feel the same way, they might end up rejecting you.

But there are other reasons why it can be hard to stop thinking about someone and it’s not necessarily a person who’s been good to you.

 It’s also common to obsess over someone who’s been a toxic figure in your life and you’re trying to forget about them, but your brain just isn’t having it.

So what are the most common psychological factors that are causing you to think about someone?

Here are the typical ones :

1) You’re attracted to them

This is the obvious one. You’ve just met someone and you find them very attractive. You want to be around them and you want to know more about them.

It’s hard not to think about an attractive person, but what if you’re finding someone who’s not so attractive hard to stop thinking about? 

This is known as the “what if” syndrome. It’s when we’re imagining what could happen in the future with this person, such as how great it would be if they were your partner or best friend.

But then we start thinking about all the reasons why it’s not going to happen… and that leads us back to thinking about them again.

2) You’re looking for validation.

Your brain may be telling you that this person could help you feel better about yourself. 

You might be thinking that if you spend time around them, you’ll feel more confident, more attractive, or more intelligent. 

You might be hoping that they’ll help you feel better about your life, or that they’ll like you and accept you as part of their group.

But what if your mind is also telling you that this person is going to reject or hurt you? 

Well then, your brain is going to make sure that it’s constantly thinking about them so it can plan for the worst-case scenario.

It will also try to figure out why this person may not like or accept you, so it can work on ways to avoid feeling rejected again in the future.

3) You’re trying to forget someone else.

There are times when we obsess over someone who’s been a toxic figure in our life. We might have been hurt by them and we’re trying to work out why they did that to us. 

It’s also common to obsess over someone who’s been a toxic figure in your life and you’re trying to forget about them, but your brain just isn’t having it.

So what can we do about this?

When it comes to relationships, there is something you can do to feel better. 

And it’s as simple as taking a breath. 

When I was struggling the most in life, I was introduced to an incredible free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê. 

With a focus on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace, it was hard to resist giving it a go.

But with the turbulence of emotions I was facing and the pain of ending my marriage, I didn’t have high hopes. I had little self-esteem and confidence? Out of the window. 

So what made this breathwork video so effective?

Well, it comes down to the man behind it all. Rudá created these unique flows using a combination of ancient shamanic techniques and healing breathwork sequences. 

He’s spent years developing them to help people find their inner peace.  

So, if you feel a disconnect with yourself due to your breakup or divorce, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video.

He’ll give you the tools to start injecting peace and confidence back into your life, from the very first breathwork exercise. 

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) You have an attachment to them.

Another reason you’re thinking about someone a lot is that you might have an attachment to them. 

This could be a romantic attachment, or it could just be that you feel like you’re connected to them in some way.

This is different from thinking about someone you want to spend time with. 

When your mind is telling you that the person is the most important thing in your life, then it’s going to keep thinking about them and trying to figure out what they mean to you. 

It wants to know if this attachment is healthy or if it’s not. If it’s not, then your brain will try to find ways for you to let go of this person.

5) You have unresolved issues with them

It’s common for us to have unresolved issues with people who’ve hurt us in some way, or who we feel have wronged us in some way. 

Your brain is going to keep thinking about them because it wants to find a way for you to resolve these issues and move on.

Sometimes we have unresolved issues with people who are no longer in our lives, or we’re trying to forget about them, but our brain just won’t let it go. 

It’s trying to find ways for us to get closure and move on so it can stop thinking about this person so much.

How can we get out of this?

The first thing you need to do is recognize that your brain is telling you that you have some unresolved issues with this person, or that they’ve hurt you in some way. Recognize the thought, deal with what feeling is evoked within you, and then let it go.

6) You’re emotionally dependent on them.

You have developed a very deep emotional bond with them. 

Your brain is telling you that this person has become extremely important to you and that it wants to keep thinking about them.

Your mind is telling you that you’re scared of losing them or scared of spending time without them. This means that your attachment to this person is getting deeper and deeper and you keep thinking about them because it wants to find a way for you to get over this attachment.

7) You have a sense of familiarity with them.

When you can’t stop thinking about someone, it can often be associated with the fact that you have a deep sense of comfort with them.  

You feel like they’re someone who you can trust and rely on, and you feel a sense of familiarity with them.

Your brain is telling you that this person is someone who’s going to stick around for the long term, and the thought of them keeps running through your head because you’re trying to figure out if this person has what it takes for you to truly build a future with them.

8) You have psychological or emotional problems

This could include anxiety, depression, or unresolved past trauma you’ve experienced. 

If you’re habitually obsessing about someone, you might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is a condition where you have obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.

It doesn’t mean that there’s something horribly wrong with you, in fact, OCD is a fairly common mental issue that affects millions around the globe.

You just need to get the right help and be sure that it doesn’t overtake your life.

9) You’re afraid of being alone.

If you’re always thinking about the same person all the time, it could be because deep down inside, you’re afraid of being alone. 

You might feel like they’re your only source of happiness in life and if they’re not around anymore, then what’s the point? 

This is why your brain is telling you that this person is extremely important to you and it wants to keep thinking about them.

10) You’re afraid of being rejected by them.

This is a very common fear, but it’s one that we all have to deal with at some point in our lives.

You might feel like if you stop thinking about this person, they’ll reject you or leave you behind and your brain is telling you that this is a very real possibility, which is why it wants to keep thinking about them.

This is known as an irrational fear. It happens more so when we are deeply connected and in love with a person.

Think of it as a sort of coping mechanism for your brain. Don’t worry, they’re unlikely to go anywhere soon!

11) You’re addicted to the drama they create.

Some people are all about the drama!

If you find yourself obsessing over someone, it could be because deep down inside, you actually enjoy the drama and chaos that they create in your life. 

Maybe their presence in your life brings excitement and intrigue into what would otherwise be a boring and mundane existence.

This is one of the reasons why people can’t get over their exes. They enjoy the drama that they bring into their lives and they don’t want to lose that in their life.

12) You’re afraid of getting hurt by them.

If you’re always thinking about someone, it could be because deep down inside, you’re afraid of getting hurt by them. 

You might feel like if they reject you or leave you behind that it’s going to be so painful that your brain doesn’t want to think about this possibility and it wants to keep thinking about them instead.

13) They pique your curiosity.

If you’re always thinking about someone, it could be because deep down inside, you have a desire to learn more about them. 

Maybe you’re curious about their past, their family or what they do for a living and your brain doesn’t want to stop thinking about them because it wants answers.

14) They make you feel good.

If you’re obsessing over someone, it could be because deep down inside, they make you feel good. 

They might make you laugh or feel like the most important person in the world and your brain doesn’t want to stop thinking about them because it wants to keep feeling that way.

15) You’re addicted to the chase.

This is especially true if you’re imagining being with someone who is already in a relationship, or is married.

If you’re always thinking about someone, it could be because deep down inside, you enjoy the thrill of the chase. Your brain wants to keep thinking about them because it’s addicted to the excitement and anticipation that comes with trying to win their love and affection.

16) You’re afraid of being lonely.

If you’re always thinking about someone, it could be because deep down inside, you feel like if you don’t keep thinking about them that you’ll be alone forever. 

Your brain doesn’t want to think about the possibility of being alone and it wants to keep thinking about this person so it doesn’t have to face those fears.

17) They inspire you.

If you’re always thinking about someone, it could be because deep down inside, they inspire you. 

They may make you feel like there’s more out in the world for you and your brain doesn’t want to stop thinking about them because it wants to keep feeling inspired by them.

18) They’re bad for you.

You might be thinking about a person who’s bad for you and you’re probably thinking about all the ways you might change them.  

You might be thinking about ways that you can get them to change their behavior, or you may be thinking about how you’re going to change yourself so you can deal with their behavior.

This is your brain’s way of trying to process the situation and find a solution. It doesn’t want to stop thinking about them or the situation because it wants to find a solution.

Conclusion

You may have noticed that most of these points are related to the person who is taking up all of your thoughts. 

If you find yourself thinking about a person all the time, it could be because something’s wrong with them and not you.

If you’re always thinking about someone, then it might be time to think about what they’re doing and ask yourself why they’re taking up so much space in your mind. 

Are they toxic? Do they inspire you? Do they make you feel bad?

Whatever the reason is, if you’re constantly thinking about someone, it’s probably because something’s wrong with them and not with you.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.