There is no doubt our love lives would be easier if we could read minds.
You know he likes you. He may even have told you this himself.
You feel that connection between the two of you.
The butterflies in your stomach.
That giddy laughter every time you talk.
Yet – he still hasn’t asked you out…
Unfortunately, there is no simple answer for this one.
But there are 13 reasons he may not ask you out, even though he likes you.
Why won’t he ask me to be his girlfriend?
Perhaps you have been on a few dates with the guy, but are simply waiting for the next step.
The question isn’t ‘Why won’t he ask me out’, but rather, ‘Why won’t he ask me to be his girlfriend’?
The truth is, everyone comes to this point of their relationship at a different time.
You may be ready to start using the term after just a couple of dates.
For him, it could actually take a couple of months instead.
Don’t pressure him. There is no right and wrong in this situation.
Instead, try and broach the topic next time you are on a date together.
See where he stands and whether there is anything holding him back.
At the end of the day, it could just be a matter of time. If you really like the guy, then it is worth asking yourself whether he is worth the wait.
He texts every day but doesn’t make plans
This post looks more closely at what might be going through his head when you know he likes you, but he won’t ask you out.
All the signs are there – including the fact that he texts you every single day.
This is, essentially, relationship material. Yet, you are still waiting for that first date.
Waiting for him to actually ask you out.
In this scenario, you have two different options:
- Don’t engage and don’t answer his texts. If he likes you enough, he will come around to the idea of asking you out on a date.
- Be straightforward and fairly blunt. Reply to his text in a friendly manner, telling him you will speak more when he has a plan (aka, arranges that date).
At this point, there is no reason to share your feelings about his lack of plans. Keep it light-hearted – stating your preference is enough.
It’s important to give him the benefit of the doubt this early in a relationship. He may just not be aware that it is time to take the next stop.
By following one of the two points above, you will get your answer about how he feels and whether a date is on the cards.
Signs he is getting ready to ask you out
There is also a chance he is actually working up the courage to ask you out.
While you might feel like it should have happened ages ago – after all, you know he likes you! – it might be taking much longer for him to muster up the courage to actually ask you.
Don’t take it personally – he isn’t actually scared of you. More the idea of you.
He is scared you might say no.
He is scared it might change your relationship.
He is scared about what might happen if things don’t work out.
These are all valid concerns, and ones he is processing before actually asking you out.
If he has dropped hints about the two of you doing an activity alone, starting texting you more, or is getting more and more nervous around you, these are good signs he is getting ready to ask you out.
You can always give him a helping hand in this.
Nudge him along and let him know you have thought about these things as well and are willing to give it a go. Make it clear that your answer is yes, so he won’t be worried about getting knocked back.
He stopped asking me out
Finally, he may have asked you out a couple of times – but nothing ever eventuated.
Now he has stopped asking you out.
Do you blame him?
It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out, so when plans keep falling through, it is likely to scare him off.
Whether or not it is your fault, he will take it personally. It’s hard not to.
If he has suddenly stopped asking you out and you are keen to go on a date, then it might be time for you to do the asking.
There is no harm in asking him on a date.
He may need that little nudge from your side, simply to let him know that you are still interested.
12 reasons he hasn’t asked you out yet
1) He’s intimidated by you
Do you think you’re a warm, friendly, easy-to-approach person? Don’t we all!
Unfortunately, he may not see you that way.
You may surround yourself with girlfriends, avoid eye contact with him, or other things that will deter him from making a move.
It’s not that he doesn’t like you. He simply doesn’t know how to approach you. He’s intimidated by you.
Thankfully, this is an easy fix.
Find excuses to stick around after your friends have left, or shoot him a warm smile to let him know you’re interested.
Sometimes, guys only need a simple nudge to get them over the edge and to give them the confidence to ask you out.
Lend him a helping hand in this one and you will both be left happy!
2) He’s not that into you
You probably don’t want to hear this one, but what if you have been reading the signs wrong?
There’s every chance that he’s just not that into you.
Sure, it may sting a little to come to this realization. But it is better you come to it now, rather than wasting any more time waiting for him to ask you out.
The signs you took that he liked you, could simply have been him just been nice and friendly towards you.
Wondering how you can figure out whether this is the case?
Watch how he interacts with other girls: is it the same way he treats you?
If it is, there is a good chance he is just a nice guy, who just isn’t into you. It’s time to let him go.
Don’t take it too hard. Nice guys make the best friends. Plus, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
3) He’s worried you won’t say yes
You know he is into you. He knows you are into him. It all seems pretty cut and dry.
Unfortunately, things aren’t always that simple.
Knowing you both like each other doesn’t mean he isn’t worried you will say no if he asks you out.
He might simply be taking his time to make sure you both feel the same way before he makes his move.
If you are ready to move things along a bit more quickly, then it is time to ditch the subtly. Make it obvious that you are into him and will OF COURSE say yes if he were to ask you out.
This will take away any fear he might have and encourage him to finally make that move.
Let’s face it, it can be daunting putting yourself out there in front of someone you like. Don’t hold it against him. Instead, just make it as easy as possible.
4) He’s taken
Believe it or not, there are guys out there who enjoy flirting around at every chance they get – despite already been taken.
They like the attention they get from you, or may even be looking for a fling down the track.
Wondering how to spot a taken guy? Here are some signs:
- He doesn’t ask you out.
- He is never around on weekends or holidays.
- He won’t let you see inside his wallet.
- He tells you he isn’t on social media.
- He travels for work.
If you have a suspicion, then it is worth chatting to his friends and asking around about him. The last thing you want is to be wasting your time and energies with a guy who has no long-term interest in you.
5) He simply isn’t looking to date right now
He may like you, but simply isn’t looking to date right now.
This could be for a number of different reasons:
- He could have just come out of a bad relationship.
- He might not be over his ex.
- He might be concentrating on his studies right now.
- He might be heading overseas soon and wants to enjoy the single life while there.
There are so many different reasons he may not be ready to dive into a relationship just yet. It is nothing to do with you, and more to do with where he is at in his life.
If you don’t want to ask him outright, instead ask some subtle questions about his life.
Get to know what his priorities are right now and if there are hints of anything that might be holding him back.
6) He’s interested in someone else
While you might be reading the signs to think he is into you. Rather, he is comfortable with you for the simple fact he isn’t into you.
He may be crushing on another girl and unable to even talk to her out of fear.
Whereas, he has no feelings for you, so the conversation flows freely. Which you take to mean he is into you.
If this is the case, there isn’t much you can do. It’s best to just back away and let him chase the other girl.
After all, you don’t want to be the third party in this scenario.
7) He’s playing hard to get
Normally when we talk about playing hard to get, we approach it from a girl’s perspective.
But believe it or not, there are some guys who like to play this game as well.
He knows you like him – a lot. And he likely feels the same way.
But instead of pursuing those feelings, he is sitting back and seeing how you will go about winning him over.
To be honest, wanting what we can’t have is a basic part of human psychology – so it’s not a bad move on his part. But it can be frustrating for you.
You have two options:
- Go down the path of trying to win him over until he takes the bait and asks you out.
- Play hard to get back with him and play down your interest and start showing interest in other guys. The fear of losing you may be all he needs to get him off his butt and asking you out.
8) There’s something stopping him
We don’t pretend to understand the inner workings of men and their ‘bro codes’, but it is important to recognize they could be playing a role in how a guy treats you.
There could be a reason he is unable to ask you out.
Perhaps you dated a mutual friend?
Or dated someone he doesn’t like?
Perhaps you are good friends with another mate’s girlfriend and he has been asked to back away?
Or maybe he is your boss?
Whatever the reason, there is no point trying to understand it. The bro code goes deeper than your mutual attraction for each other. It is up to him to determine what is and isn’t allowed within this code. You just sit back.
If you do think the bro code is playing a role, you can suss it out a bit more.
Think about people you have dated in the past and who you are friends with now. Could there be any problems you might foresee if you were to date this guy?
You may even want to bring it up with him to get a better understanding. Just remember not to push him – the choice is ultimately his and there is nothing you can do to break to bro code (nor should you!). It may just be a matter of waiting some time until it’s OK.
9) He’s the shy type
While you might think he is playing hard to get, it could be the complete opposite. Your guy might actually be the shy type.
You are sending all the right signals and he knows you are into him, but he is just too scared to make a move.
You could be the first girl he has ever been interested in.
Or perhaps he hasn’t had a great experience in the past when it comes to asking girls out.
You never know what he is thinking or has been through before.
He might be feeling too anxious to take the plunge and actually ask you out.
In this instance, you might consider doing the hard work for him and suggest going out somewhere together.
How do you know if your guy is a shy one?
Look at his body language. It will speak volumes about how he is feeling.
If he is nervous around you, avoids eye contact, and is prone to blushing (a little), then it’s likely he is pretty shy.
10) He is completely oblivious
You might be reading those signals loud and clear, while he… well he may just be sitting there and missing every single one of them.
It’s no secret that guys aren’t as in touch with their emotions as women. What you can see with your own two eyes, and what you’re feeling, he has probably missed.
Not because he doesn’t like you. Simply because he is oblivious to the situation unfolding right in front of his eyes.
If you have given off all the right signals and made it very obvious how you feel, it might be time for the next step. Bring it up with him and actually talk it out.
I’m afraid for some guys, all the signals in the world can fly right over their heads – despite their best intentions.
Sometimes the best way to approach things is front on with full honesty.
They do say it’s the best policy!
11) He’s waiting for the right time
It may have felt like ages for you. You may be handing out just waiting for him to ask you out. But really, behind the scenes, he is just waiting for the perfect moment.
Whether he is a romantic at heart, or simply wants to make sure everything goes to plan, he may just be biding his time for that perfect moment.
What is that perfect moment?
Only he knows! While it would be nice to get into the mind of a guy, you’ll just have to wait for this one out.
His perfect moment and your perfect moment are two different things.
Don’t waste your time trying to set up the perfect moment for him to coax him along – it will only end in frustration. He knows what he is waiting for, so you need to have patience with this one.
12) He’s waiting for you to make the first move!
We have fought so hard for feminism and to give women equal rights, your guy may have taken it into the relationship and be waiting for you to make that first move.
He might be feeling just a tad too shy, or perhaps he just isn’t sure whether or not you are really into him. So he is sitting back and letting whatever happen…happen. This means unless you pick up your act and do the asking, then nothing is going to move forward.
Let’s face it, why shouldn’t women ask the guy out? If you’re into him and you know he likes you, then it’s time to do something about it.
The worst that can happen is he says no. But even then, at least you won’t waste any more of your time wondering.
How long should I wait for him to ask me out
This is a question that is entirely up to you. It will differ from person to person.
If you are actively on the dating scene, then it may be time to leave him behind and look elsewhere.
If you aren’t afraid to make the first move, then step up to the plate and ask him out instead. What’s the worst he can say? No? At least you will have an answer and can move on with things.
If you are happy to wait and have no other love interests in the works, then there is no harm in settling back and waiting for him to make the move.
You have to decide what is right for you and how long you are willing to wait.
The reasons outlined above might give you a better understanding of where he is currently at, and what sort of nudge he needs to get him over the line.
As cliched as it may sound, remember that “it’s him, not you” so don’t take it to heart.
If only we could read each other’s thoughts – then we wouldn’t be in this predicament!
The real reason why men pull away
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