14 reasons relationships that move fast fail (complete guide)

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Why do some relationships last longer than others? What makes them succeed or fail?

A relationship can be fun, exciting, and even life-changing. Unfortunately, some relationships don’t last long enough to see their full potential.

If you want to build a successful relationship, you should take time to get to know each other before jumping into things.

Which can lead you to wonder, is moving too fast a red flag?

Relationships that move too fast often fail fast, but why? Here are 14 good reasons why you should avoid this relationship pitfall.

1) You rush into things without getting to know one another first

It may feel like you’ve known each other forever even though it’s only been a short while, but the truth is there are certain things only time will tell.

It takes time (months or even years) to know someone. We are complicated. We have many different sides to us. We have skeletons lurking in our closets.

When you first start dating you are usually on your best behavior. It’s almost like an interview. You present your best self and keep the less appealing parts hidden.

It’s not that you are intentionally being deceitful. But nobody leads with their flaws when they’re trying to attract a partner.

We learn these little quirks about each other as time goes on.

One of the consequences of moving too fast in a relationship is that you get very attached before you have had time to truly get to know the other person in a more well-rounded way.

Similarly, jumping into bed together straight away can also intensify bonding in a relationship.

You end up accelerating the attachment before knowing whether it’s a good idea. Then often it’s too late. You’re already “hooked”, whether you should be or not.

Getting very attached only to discover later down the line that some of your relationship deal breakers are not being met makes it much harder to walk away.

2) You mistake lust for love

Many relationships that move too fast fail because it was a chemical thing. Blame Mother Nature, but meeting a new beau can quite literally be intoxicating.

Sex is a huge human driver. We are hardwired to want to reproduce, and your body is doing plenty behind the scenes to support this.

During those early lusty days, extra dopamine —known as the happy hormone— is released by your brain.

These chemical changes happening all add to the euphoric high that is hard to beat. You likely feel giddier and energized. You can’t sleep and you lose your appetite.

Whilst it feels like love, this drugged-up boost will fade eventually.

If it was what was carrying you through, then you’re left with a crash and burn relationship.

Often it’s only when this stage starts to calm down that you can really see if your connection is built on deeper foundations.

3) You fall for the idea of them, not the reality

I often joke that the reason I love the early stages of a romance so much is because reality hasn’t spoilt it yet.

Try as we might to avoid it, a lot of projection goes on in romance.

How many times have you left your first date and gone home and daydreamed about your future together?

A future that does not yet exist, with a person you do not yet really know.

The problem is that we tend to fill in the gaps with our imagination. We paint this picture of how our partner is, with very limited information, to fit into our daydreams and idealized hopes.

We then come crashing back down to Earth with a thud when we realize that our partner is not who we wish they were.

They are their own unique character, and not something that we dreamt up and can shape and mold to our liking.

4) You ignore red flags

When you’re swept up in all the excitement, it’s far more tempting to ignore signs you should be paying attention to.

You don’t want to lose this feeling and so instead when issues or red flags pop up, you decide to brush them aside or minimize their significance.

But in the process, you store up problems for later down the line.

I speak from experience. After only 2 months I moved in with someone to avoid a long-distance relationship.

But the truth is that even after only 2 months of this whirlwind romance I had seen signs of some of the issues that would later lead to our break up.

Already too wrapped up in it all, I chose to hope for the best. Relationships that move too fast tend to ignore red flags.

5) You’re looking for fulfillment in someone else

People often find themselves jumping into a relationship too quickly because they are looking for fulfillment elsewhere.

This could mean that you are looking for validation from another source. Maybe you are seeking approval or a sense of belonging somewhere.

We all want to be loved, it’s perfectly normal. But searching for your own happiness in a relationship ends in tears.

Our partners can never “complete” our lives, only compliment them.

Relationships that move too quickly often end in heartbreak because people are looking for something from their partner that they cannot give.

Self-love and self-worth can only come from within.

6) You make decisions based on emotions instead of facts

We often talk a lot about how you feel being your guide. But that’s not always smart.

The reality is that feelings are fleeting.

Whilst emotions can be strong signals to us that indicate our pleasure and pains, they’re not the best thing to base important choices on.

In the real world, other things matter too. Being level-headed, even in love, pays off.

It’s easy to let your feelings cloud your judgment. So when you’re making decisions in your relationship, try to keep your head clear by focusing on the facts.

For example, if you’re thinking about moving in together, then ask yourself:

How long have we known each other? What will happen if we split up? What practical or financial considerations do we need to make?

Thinking logically rather than 100% emotionally helps you avoid making mistakes that will leave you feeling hurt.

7) It takes time to build trust

Trust is one of those things that takes time to develop. It is built gradually and based on consistency, and being true to your word. 

When you first meet someone, you don’t know anything about them. They may seem nice, but there’s no way to instantly know whether they’re trustworthy.

You’ve got no idea if they’ll stick around once they realize you’re not perfect either. So you have to give them time to prove themselves before you put your blind faith in them.

That’s not to say you should be naturally guarded or suspicious in a new relationship, but naively placing all your trust in someone you do not know yet can leave you in hot water.

Creating trust in a relationship relies on giving it time to prove to each other that you are dependable. 

At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words. It takes time to see if those charming words will be put into practice. 

8) You are hiding in the excitement

Just as some people jump into relationships hoping to find fulfillment in their partners, others are wanting to hide within the excitement.

Life can feel tough, and kind of mundane at times. The promise of love shakes everything up.

It’s a heck of a lot more fun than the Monday conference call or the commute home from work.

Many of us fall into short passionate flings because we want to take a vacation from life.

Maybe you just want something thrilling to happen, perhaps you’re hiding from painful feelings that you don’t want to deal with (like a traumatic event or another break-up).

But what happens after the initial rush wears off?

After a while, life starts to feel like a grind again. And it can be hard to dodge the emotions and realities of life that you were hoping to hide from within your new romance.

So if you’re looking for excitement, you might want to think twice about finding it by jumping too quickly into a relationship.

9) It’s intense

Spending lots of time with someone new is intense.

In the beginning, the novelty of that intensity can be amazing. But after a while, it can also lead to tension.

It’s just a lot easier to start to get on one another’s nerves the more time you spend together. You accelerate the relationship.

You are more likely to see each other’s bad sides quicker, without necessarily knowing how to deal with them.

Being around someone 24-7 who you have not had time to get to know properly can create frustrations that bubble over into conflict and arguments.

10) You don’t know yet if you are compatible

Sadly, attraction and compatibility are two very separate things.

When your relationship is moving fast but feels right, that still doesn’t mean it has longevity. The short-term attraction might be there but what about values, beliefs, goals, and direction in life?

If you haven’t spent much time together, then you really don’t know if you will be able to make it through the bumps and challenges of everyday life together.

We all have our own unique set of strengths and weaknesses. We all have different personalities, interests, and ways of thinking.

We may even have different views on religion, politics, and family. These differences can cause friction when trying to build a long-lasting relationship.

And if you aren’t sure where you stand on these issues, then you probably don’t yet know where you stand on anything solid within the relationship.

That’s why it is important to take the time to talk about this stuff before you commit.

11) It’s easier to get cold feet

The intensity of moving too fast in a relationship can very quickly become overwhelming.

Depending on your attachment style, that can be uncomfortable for some people. You or your partner can suddenly start to freak out at some point when reality kicks in.

This can result in a loss of interest in the relationship. Or it could lead to a complete breakdown of trust when one of you seemingly starts to back off.

Either way, it’s easy to lose sight of what you both want and need.

The best thing to do is to slow down and take your time getting to know each other. That way the relationship develops at a comfortable pace and you are less likely to end up with cold feet.

12) You might not be on the same page

When it comes to relationships that manage to go the distance, intention is everything.

When it comes to fast-burning romance, how you feel about the relationship may not be the same as how the other person feels.

It’s easy to bypass important conversations when you rush in.

For example, they may be in for a fling whilst you think you’re heading down the aisle. Or maybe you think you’re ready to settle down, but they are only interested in having fun.

Men or women who move too fast in relationships might be looking to get you into bed, but not planning on sticking around in the future.

These are important topics to discuss early on in a relationship because it helps you avoid misunderstandings later on.

When you’re rushing into a relationship you may not take the time to communicate clearly about what you want from the relationship.

Often, you can only confidently say what it is you want when enough time has passed to reveal how you truly feel about each other.

13) You can lose yourself

You’re so consumed by this magnetic new attraction that it’s all you think about.

When you’re not around each other, you may find it difficult to concentrate on little else. As I mentioned earlier, much of this is prompted by a rush of chemicals to the brain.

But it means it’s easy to get swept up in this other person and their world. You can lose a sense of yourself, what is important to you, and other priorities in your own life.

Neglecting your own responsibilities, other relationships and commitments to focus your energy on one person can be a slippery slope into codependency.

Starting to build your life around another person — especially when there is still so much to learn about one another — is dangerous ground to stand on.

Relationships that move slower facilite independence by giving you the time to still spread your energy and attention elsewhere. In the process you don’t neglect yourself or your own life as an individual.

14) You’re less prepared when problems arise

When you live in a dream world where everything has been going well it can shake you when problems come up. After all, not everything will go perfectly all the time.

If you have spent time together hiccup free in the beginning, when something goes awry you might feel like you’ve lost your footing. This makes it harder to deal with problems that arise.

Early stages of a relationship are smoother sailing because, as I’ve already said, you tend to be on your best behavior. But after a while when you start to adjust to reality, plenty of couples encounter a power struggle stage.

The more intense the connection and speedier the relationship, the sooner you leave the honeymoon phase.  

In the words of Lao Tzu — ‘The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long.’

Minor disagreements can blow up into big arguments as you try and navigate the daily practicalities of being a couple.

This phase can be the death of many relationships, and is one of the reasons why relationships that move too fast later get shot down in flames later.

To conclude: How to avoid moving too fast in a relationship?

We’ve all heard the saying “only fools rush in”, but love and romance can have a habit of making us throw caution to the wind and fall head over heels.

But the truth is that when it comes to forming strong and healthy relationships, slow and steady wins the race.

Relationship experts even suggest the “once a week rule” at the beginning of a new relationship.

As a way to minimize heartache and set yourself up for success, consciously limit how frequently you see and speak to each other.

That way you can decide whether this is really someone who you want to be in your life, before your lives become too entwined.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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