Reasons why your girlfriend is jealous and insecure (+ how to deal with it)

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

From a guy’s perspective, there must be a bit of relief when your girl gets a little jealous, right? It’s a major sign that she cares and she’s afraid of losing you.

But what if it gets too excessive and toxic?

In this article, I’ll tell you some brutal truths that might explain why she’s acting jealous and insecure and how you can deal with it!

1) She fears abandonment and betrayal

We all know the adage: the key to understanding the present is the past.

Ask yourself, is there a situation that had hurt her before that might explain her behavior now?

Was it a bad ex-boyfriend? Or her situation at home with her parents?

It’s important to remember that every girl is different and that many factors can explain why someone might act jealous or insecure.

Have you ever thought that maybe she’s just projecting her issues on you and that her “jealousy and insecurity” are actually trauma responses from unresolved conflicts?

She might be fighting silent battles that you don’t even know. Yes, there’s a lot to unpack there.

So, if you suspect her unresolved conflicts are the issue, you need to extend empathy and understanding. She may feel emotionally vulnerable because of something that doesn’t involve you. It’s important to try and offer her support rather than making assumptions or judgments.

With time and patience, she will let you know what truly bothers her when she’s ready.

2) She has a poor self-image

As a supportive boyfriend, you have to understand that negative emotions like feelings of abandonment and betrayal have a root cause. No one chooses to feel them. 

Poor self-image usually results in jealousy and insecurities, and many things can contribute to them.

This can range from past experiences, other people’s prejudgments or biases against her, negative ideas, mass media, and even genetics!

To resolve this, it’s critical to let your girlfriend understand that these have nothing to do with her identity or worth.

It’s also important to remember that insecurities can signal more serious problems that should not be ignored.

You can help her approach her self-esteem differently, away from seeking external validation.

You can motivate her to focus on her strengths or on things that make her unique. It will also help if you encourage her to work on her communication skills so she can express her expectations from you and your relationship.

3) You broke her trust

If you think it’s not one of the first two things, then it might be time to start looking into what you could have done to trigger her jealousy and insecurities.

Did you make her feel secure?

Did you give her assurance?

Did you ever gaslight her?

Did you intentionally make her jealous?

Only you know the honest answers to these questions; from there, you can figure out why she developed trust issues.

Yes, there are times when a jealous girlfriend can be reassuring. I know several guys who did it on purpose as a way to test how far their girls can go.

If done intentionally and deliberately, a girl’s jealousy can boost a guy’s ego. But insecurity can swiftly take hold of her and the relationship. Suddenly, what you thought was just a harmless powerplay is not so fun anymore.

Then you start asking yourself rhetorical questions:

Why is she being like this?

Why doesn’t she trust me?

Why does she constantly question my loyalty?

You know why. So, how can you resolve it? It is important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner to discuss what led to the broken trust and how to prevent it from happening again.

Focus on rebuilding trust through positive communication, thoughtful gestures, and taking responsibility for your actions. It is important that she knows you’re taking accountability. Remember, rebuilding trust takes time, and it can be a difficult process for both parties.

4) You don’t open yourself up to her

In time, trust can be earned by sharing each other’s lives.

But sometimes, guys prefer to keep it to themselves. After all, it is society’s fault for scaring young guys to think that the slightest show of vulnerability means weakness.

But what these guys don’t understand is that relationships need openness to build trust and intimacy.

When you open up and share your thoughts and feelings, your partner is more likely to feel closer to you and comfortable sharing their thoughts. This can lead to stronger communication and better understanding between the two of you.

If you don’t open up to your partner, it can lead to a lack of trust or misunderstanding which could lead to relationship issues.

You can start slow; after all, it’s not a race.

Maybe try to share a few things about you that nobody else knows – your fears, insecurities, regrets, and personal goals. It all depends on what you’re comfortable with, but trust me, she will appreciate it.

5) You lack communication

If you’re not opening up to your girlfriend, then your relationship is lacking a strong base.

Communication is the foundation on which a relationship is built.

It gives both people a chance to express their feelings and needs. Conflicts are also resolved through proper communication.

In Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, he said that “love is a triangle” with three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

The first part, intimacy, involves closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.

This is where communication plays a part as an indispensable requirement since your connection with each other would weaken if it’s lacking.

And when a relationship weakens, it would be open and vulnerable to things that can destroy it.

So, what can you do to communicate effectively with your girlfriend?

First, being aware of your feelings and needs is important. Be honest and direct with her.

Next, learn how to practice good listening skills. You should actively listen to her without judgment or interruption and tell her that it’s safe for her to be vulnerable around you.

And lastly, know how to compromise. If you disagree, remind each other that you’re on each other’s team and use constructive language to make a point.

6) You don’t post her on your social media

Aside from finding ways to communicate with each other healthily, it’s also a good idea to post her on social media every now and then.

Girls can get as territorial with their men as men often are with their women.

We’re not asking you to flood your feeds with our faces, but a picture or two that says you’re in a relationship can do wonders for your girlfriend’s mental health!

Why? It acts as a notice to the world that you’re off the market and unavailable!

We can’t imagine a life without social media, and it’s an undeniably useful tool for meeting strangers and reconnecting with others.

When people are hyper-accessible, and you can talk to them whenever and wherever you want, the thought that your ex-flings might come and hunt you down has certainly crossed our minds once or twice. And without reassurance, it could stir up many insecurities.

Jonathan Bennett, a relationship expert and a certified counselor, told that it’s important to balance your privacy online.

He said that one of the reasons that you might not be posting about your relationship is that you don’t feel the need to give other people a glimpse of your relationship – and that’s true for some people.

However, he warned that this could also negatively affect a relationship.

“Your lack of focus on your relationship could mean you are ashamed of it, or your partner, and simply do not value it as much as other aspects of your life,” Bennett said.

Meanwhile, science confirms that posting about your significant other has positive effects!

A recent study said that confirming a relationship status online or posting a photo together “increases the feelings of intimacy and satisfaction,” said Omri Gillath, a professor of psychology who co-authored the research.

Gillath added that it “validates the relationship,” and a partner would likely see their partner’s post as “caring and inclusive.”

So yes, it might be a little bit cringe-y for you, but showing off your girlfriend on your timeline every now and then would surely have its benefits.

Add a sweet caption, and that’s definitely going to boost her mood!

7) You’re too “friendly” with other girls

Before you get a little defensive, yes, male-female friendships do exist.

But too much of it can trigger your partner’s paranoia and insecurities because, in her head, she’d be longing to have the attention that you’re giving to other girls.

This can cause a strain on your relationship for many reasons.

It can make your partner feel insecure and anxious about your commitment since it can give off the impression that you’re not fully dedicated to her.

It can also gnaw at her trust issues, and she’ll become suspicious of your intentions if you’re getting too close, and this conflict would create unnecessary tension.

If your girlfriend already told you that it bothers her, then best to keep your interaction to a minimum. You should know your boundaries and respect the level of tolerance that your partner can show, so don’t test it!

8) She’s afraid to lose you

Have you ever had a petty argument with your girlfriend because she “caught” you liking other girls’ pictures on Instagram?

Don’t be shocked if she gets upset.

If she sees your interest in other girls, it’s only natural to get jealous.

Why? She’s afraid to lose you.

Jealousy is a natural response to feeling like someone or something is threatening your relationship with the person you love.

It’s an emotion that stems from deep-rooted insecurities, and it can be incredibly hard to manage. There’s this creeping feeling of not being good enough or not being valued enough by the person you care about the most.

Take it from someone who has experienced this from guys who took me for granted. It’s a horrible feeling, especially if you gave them your trust.

If you’re reading this, then it’s not too late for you.

You can help your girlfriend deal with her jealous and insecure feelings with consistent acts of reassurance.

Be more romantic, and show more physical affection!

Kiss her, hug her, and make her feel heard and understood!

Do not give her any more reason to be jealous or insecure by showing consistency in your actions.

You don’t want to lose her, right?

Now, if it’s love success you’re searching for, we’ve got something that will help…

I recently took part in Life Journal, an incredible course created by teacher and life coach Jeanette Brown.

Aimed at helping you achieve success in every area of your life, Jeanette will give you the tools needed to turn your dreams into reality.

Click here to learn more about Life Journal.

When it comes to relationships, there’s no telling how much her advice could positively impact the way you approach your love life.

That’s because rather than tell you how to live your life, Jeanette takes a slightly different approach…

She’s created this course to help YOU take control.

Everything you’ll learn will stay with you for life. 

So say goodbye to wishful thinking and stagnant daydreaming. Now is the time to take action and create the lifestyle and relationships you know you deserve. 

If this is the year you want to take back control over your life, check out Life Journal today. 

Here’s the link again

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.

Did you like our article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.