Why is he taking so long to meet me? 23 key reasons

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.


Maybe you’ve met this guy on an online dating app and things went well but you haven’t seen him in person yet.

Maybe he’s taking forever to meet you for coffee, and it’s making you anxious. 

There are some pretty common reasons why men might be reluctant to meet up with people they’ve been chatting with online, and the following 23 reasons are a good place to start looking for answers.

1) He’s insecure

If he doesn’t believe that he’s attractive enough to get a date, he might be afraid to meet you in person. Maybe he’s more comfortable chatting with people on the internet than face to face.

He is perhaps insecure about his:

  • looks
  • social skills
  • job
  • financial status

With these insecurities, he is likely to be a little reluctant to get up the nerve to meet you.

If you believe that this is the case, try to counter his insecurity by telling him that you think he’s someone worthy of a meetup, and that he seems like a nice guy. 

Be patient, and don’t press him too hard.

2) It’s too soon for him

Maybe he just moved to town and isn’t sure about the neighborhood where you live. Or, you just met online and he’s not sure if you’re “the one” yet. 

The idea of moving from words to face-to-face contact can be so daunting that he just keeps putting it off. If he is taking a long time to meet you, it might be because he’s not ready for it. 

With this in mind, maybe you should give him some extra time and see if his feelings grow in the meantime.

3) He’s in a relationship

There are so many people who are already in a relationship that are on dating apps now. 

Men or women. I don’t understand why and how they get away with it, but there you have it. 

That’s the reality, and someone has to deal with the consequences of their actions, namely their partners. 

One of the main reasons why he’s not meeting you is because he’s already in a relationship with someone else. 

There are a number of men who still play the field, and they know that if they meet a woman on the internet, it would somehow feel safer than meeting a woman in real life.

4) He’s just not that into you

I know that this is going to hurt your feelings, but you need to face the facts and reality. 

He is okay with meeting you online, but not in real life.

There are so many people like that man out there. They know how to play with people’s feelings and they purposely get into situations just so they can feel better about themselves. 

They feed off of other people’s attention and emotions, and it makes them feel important, sexy and powerful.

I was in the same situation before, I saw a friend’s photo with this guy online, asked about him and we started talking. I thought we hit it off – but he just keep on stalling. That’s when I realized he was just not into me. 

And just when I needed it the most, I came across the perfect phrases to make him feel more infatuated with me to the point that he finally asked me for a date. 

I learned these phrases from dating and relationship coach Clayton Max – he perfected the phrases that would make any man fall for you.

And if you feel like you’ve been wronged by the person that you thought was “the one”, then it’s time to make him fall in love with you just like I did.

If you want to turn things around, watch his video here

5) He’s just busy

This is a very common excuse. 

The most common reason guys give as to why they don’t want to meet you is that they are too busy with work or study, or too tired from a long, hard day of working. 

If you were to ask him: “What are you doing right now?”, he might reply with: “Well I’m still working on this project at work.” or “I’m just resting after homework”. 

The truth is that he’s too busy to meet you. 

When a man doesn’t want to meet you because he’s too busy, it means that nobody else is coming first. If he can’t make time for you, maybe you should rethink your feelings toward him and find another guy who really likes you to make time for you.

6) He’s not interested

Maybe you’ve got a great sense of humor, a nice body and an amazing personality. 

He may have thought that way initially, but as he went through your profile photos and read your profile, he decided you weren’t his type. 

He could have sent the same message to other girls who were more physically attractive than you are or who had better bodies, so don’t take it personally.

He won’t ask to see you in person because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

7) He doesn’t want to put himself out there yet

We’re all familiar with these situations: A guy is chatting online with a girl for several weeks or months before agreeing to meet up for coffee. The girl will then spend the next thirty minutes or so talking up a storm about how amazing this meet up is going to be. 

She will get extremely excited, and then he’ll tell her that he’s not ready to meet in person yet. 

Why would he say this? 

Some men just aren’t comfortable meeting strangers in real life yet. They’re not used to going on dates with people they don’t know. They may be scared of rejection and being embarrassed in front of others.

8) He is shy to the bones

He might be unlucky in love or have had a bad experience with another woman. 

In order to overcome this insecurity, he may just need time to build up his confidence before facing someone new. 

In that case, it is best to provide him with some gentle encouragement and support. Leave him messages online or on the phone saying how great he is, but don’t be pushy or aggressive about it.

9) He is a catfish

Have you heard about catfish? If you’re not familiar with them, catfish are those people who pretend to be someone they’re not. They create fake profiles on social media, dating sites, and other popular platforms.

They’ll get in touch with their matches online and then just disappear without saying a word. This is what happened to me. 

That was an awful experience for me, but the good thing about it is that I learned how to spot them early so I could avoid wasting time on someone like that again.

10) You became too familiar with him

This is what I mean – you’ve spent too much time talking online, making him feel like you’re already of a similar status as his friends or family member. He stopped flirting with you but instead, he began asking you for advice or guidance.

He might have told you that he doesn’t have time to meet you, but it’s because he feels that you’re becoming too familiar with him. 

This is a very rare situation, but it happens in some cases. The best thing to do is to keep growing and learning from this experience.

11) He is getting to know you better

He doesn’t know you yet, but he’s thinking about it.

He is deciding on whether he wants to meet this girl or not, and then he’ll go for it. 

If you feel like this is how he feels, you need to prove to him that you’re the kind of woman worth getting to know better. 

You could go over his profile carefully, be a little more expressive with your attitude and keep showing him interest. 

12) He has trust issues

People with trust issues might be a little skeptical around others they don’t know very well.

They have a fear of getting hurt and they don’t want to be hurt again. If you’re currently dating someone who has trust issues, obviously, your goal is to show them that you are trustworthy. 

You do this by gradually becoming closer friends until he’s ready to meet you in person. 

13) He doesn’t have time for you

This is another common excuse.

Men feel that meeting people is too much of a hassle and it’s not worth the effort to make time just to meet up with a girl they’re not interested in. 

First off, if you’re going to force him out of his comfort zone, he should be grateful enough to do it – so show him some appreciation. 

Second, if you want to change his mind about meeting you, just make yourself more attractive by being more confident and making him like you more. 

14) He thinks you’re too good for him

It could be that he thinks you’re way out of his league that he doesn’t want to risk being rejected by a girl like you.

You need to understand that the sooner you talk about the issue, the better it will be, so get in touch with him and open up. 

You could try saying something as simple as ‘I like you’ or ‘I think we have a lot in common’. It’s not easy admitting that he makes you feel special, but it’s worth it if he’s worth being with.

Men like confident women who are willing to pursue what they want, so be that woman and bring out his confidence in himself. Do what makes you happy and make sure to put yourself out there.

15) He’s still moving on

You could be really nice and even drop a few hints about meeting up.

Chances are that he’s in the process of moving on, he might have just ended a relationship or been dumped by his ex. He may want to take things slow or he might not be ready at all. 

It’s hard to tell, so the best thing to do is just be patient and wait for him.

16) He is not ready for a relationship right now

Maybe you’re great, but he’s having some sort of personal problem that he needs to deal with before thinking about a relationship. 

He is reluctant in meeting you since things between you and him will get too serious too fast. 

If you have been talking to this guy for a while and you like him, give him a few more days to fully attach himself again with his life. Then the two of you can meet up and see where things go from there.

You don’t have to convince him to meet up with you tonight if he’s not ready for it yet. You should respect his decision – after all, he knows what’s best for him.

17) He wasn’t serious about meeting with you

You should accept the fact that there are guys out there who just want to use online dating as a way to enjoy some conversations without expecting anything more. They just want to pass time and it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person for expecting a date from them. 

What you have to understand is that these guys are no good for you and you have to find someone who’s actually interested in meeting you in person.

18) He is still grieving

It could be that he lost his job, a loved one or something else that has him depressed and feeling miserable about the future

He doesn’t want to even meet anyone because he’s too wrapped up in his own problems. He’s sick of being alone and he might just need to be around other people to feel better. 

This is what you have to understand. 

You could just give him a call and see how things are going. He might not even remember about you, but at least he’ll know that someone cares about him.

The best thing to do is to not force the situation. These rules are not meant to be followed because they could potentially cause you problems later on.

19) He is married

Some men are actually married and using dating apps to have some fun without being caught by their wives. 

Don’t expect a good relationship from someone who’s dating you for only fun, so, it’s better to be careful. You might end up with regrets about getting in contact with him and developing feelings for him.

There are plenty of guys out there who would love to meet you if they were not already in a relationship, but they’re not allowed to so they have to find other ways instead.

If you’re using dating sites to meet people, you should be aware of this possibility. 

Some men are looking for a secret affair and there’s not much you can do about it. 

You can only take it as a lesson learned and move on with your life. The sooner you learn this about him, the better for both of you.

20) He doesn’t feel that you’re worth meeting

If you become more persistent and angry, he might just refuse to meet you altogether. 

This could lead to a lot of frustration since you don’t understand why he’s not showing up. You need to stop pressuring him into meeting up with you and try something else instead. 

Instead of pushing this guy into meeting up with you, start showing interest in him by asking him questions and wanting to know everything about him. 

You can also try offering to meet him for coffee. This is a lot easier than meeting up at a bar, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to get his attention. 

It’s not all about you and how desperate you are for him. He’s been waiting for the right time for him to meet someone, so show him that you’re worth his attention and he’ll feel that way too.

21) You’re not the only one he talks with

There’s a huge chance that he is also chatting with other girls – and not just because you’re the only one he hasn’t answered. 

He might have other things going on in his life, so he’s not comfortable meeting too many people at once, that’s why it’s best to accept this fact.

Have a little faith in him and don’t get mad about it. He just isn’t that kind of guy for dating, so expect this about him. If you’re willing to have this kind of relationship with him, well, you should be OK. 

22) He is waiting for you to make a move

He doesn’t want to make all the effort and ruin things by asking you out before you’re ready to. 

You need to be willing to ask him out first, since he’s being polite about it. 

It could also be that he’s more of a shy guy and he wants to see you over a videocall before making the first move. You both will feel more comfortable in that case.

He might think too much about things and he’s not sure about what’s going to happen, so he’s waiting for you to make a move. 

23) He was looking forward to meeting you in person, but he got busy with other things

Everybody gets busy at one time or another. 

If this guy was looking forward to meeting you, he would’ve made sure that there are no more barriers in the way. He wouldn’t have put you on the back burner just to make it easier for him to meet you. 

It’s possible that he actually planned on meeting you in person, but his work duties got in the way and maybe he couldn’t get over that quickly. 

That’s OK! 

You shouldn’t get too frustrated about it, so don’t pester him for a timeframe for when he’ll meet up with you. You have to be patient and see what happens. 

If he’s really interested in you, he’ll need to find a way to make it happen. You can’t force him into making time for you by nagging at him about everything.

Final words

Dating is something that you have to give time to and get to know one another before you meet if the two of you met online. If you keep pushing him and asking him out, he’ll know that you’re desperate. 

Whatever his reason for not meeting up with you is, respect his decision and stop pressuring him. 

If he’s not interested, it’s best to accept it and move on with your life. 

Create a stronger profile for yourself and try online dating again once you’re ready to take a risk on another guy. 

You won’t find a good guy or even someone who wants to meet you if you’re looking desperate all the time.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.