You played it cool after your breakup.
You didn’t close your doors on him, hoping that one day he’ll come to his senses and beg for your love again.
But that hasn’t happened yet…and now it seems clear that it will never happen—EVER!
It’s time to change your approach if it isn’t working, then.
In this article, I will give you 12 reasons why ignoring your ex is a powerful get-your-ex-back move, and how to do it right.
1) He will finally feel the break up.
Sometimes break-ups don’t really feel like break-ups. Sometimes it feels like the relationship never really ended and the only thing that was lost was the commitment.
He’s out there, dating to his heart’s content while you take care of his other needs. Heck, he might even rely on you for sexual gratification or use you as emotional cushion.
Even if your post-breakup relationship hasn’t gone that far, you’re still there to listen to him rant about his bad day at work, or to water his plants when he’s away.
If you think about it, he’s quite the lucky guy isn’t he? Getting the best of both worlds, not feeling your loss, not really.
And you knew how unfair this set-up is (because you’re still hurting when you see him) and yet, because you love him, you’re willing to be a friend rather than to lose him completely.
Well then, he’d never feel the real consequences of his major decision because you stuck around.
By staying away from your ex and cutting off contact, you will make him feel —for the first time ever—what his life is like without you in it.
2) It will instantly make you more desirable in his eyes.
Even if he doesn’t seem to care about you—in fact, even if your ex hates you—the moment you make your absence felt, you become more attractive to him.
Trust me on this one.
How does it make you more attractive?
Well, this is basic human psychology.
When we see someone has discipline—has “deep inner strength” (like when someone quits cigarettes when they say so or says no to something that everyone finds hard irresistible)—we start to respect that person.
They become superhuman to our eyes.
If your ex used to avoid your calls like the plague because you call him several times a week, then all of a sudden you stop, he would get curious.
And we all know men like a little mystery. Anything they can’t figure out, they find attractive.
But what makes you more attractive than being mysterious?
Self-discipline. Deep inner strength. Being able to handle one’s emotions is attractive.
3) You’ll take attention off you at your worst.
Break-ups can get us mired in self-loathing. There’s a lot of blame to be thrown everywhere between you, your circumstances, and your ex.
And it’s bad when we’re aware of our part in it. It’s especially bad when we’re told that we’re the reason for the break-up and we’re left desperate, begging weeks after the fact.
We’re the pathetic and needy dumpee, they’re the cool and mature dumper. It’s always the case, and it flushes our self-esteem down the drain.
And this is how he sees you, too.
If you play the part of the annoying ex who just can’t leave him alone, he will remember the worst of you. “She’s always been a whiner,” he might say, and think of the many times that you’ve always been like that.
He does this to justify his actions and to convince himself that he made the right choice, even when he might be regretting it deep down inside.
The only way to reset how he sees you (and how you see yourself) is by backing off and proving him wrong… at least for a while.
4) It gives you back your dignity.
Another reason why ignoring your ex is such a powerful move is that it frames you as someone who knows their worth.
Chasing after someone you’ve lost is undignified. You willingly let him know that he has all the power to reject or accept you. He already expects that, should he want you back, you’ll give him your “yes” without hesitation.
So there’s an unequal distribution of power at play, and he probably doesn’t feel like he has to do much to change or improve himself.
On the other hand, if you start ignoring him, then he’ll know that you are willing to say no. And that means that if he wants you back, he’ll have to make sure he’ll earn your respect.
Sure, he still has the choice whether he wants to run after you or not, but knowing that you aren’t mindlessly pursuing him will stir his intrigue and make him want to chase after you instead.
5) It will remind him of your good parts.
Most people are wired to look for the good. But if your break-up was awful, and if you attacked him with angry messages right after (and even until now), he can’t get nostalgic.
When someone asks him about you, he would go “sheeesh, she’s crazy,” and that’s because the bitter taste of your breakup is all he can remember.
When you go no-contact on an ex, he will start to miss you and your absence will trigger him to think of the good times you had together.
He will then get flashbacks of the two of you laughing your asses off while watching a sitcom, or the two of you whispering foolish things while you’re around other people.
Good memories would then envelop him, which is what we’re aiming for, because there’s no stronger trigger than good memories when it comes to getting an ex back.
6) It lets him know that you know your worth.
Ignoring your ex also tells him —or at least makes him assume— something important. Namely, that you now know your worth and that there’s more to your life than him.
After all, he’s just one human being out of over four billion people on this planet. Why does he have to be the center of your world?
The thing is that he doesn’t have to be! In fact, he might even be undeserving of you all things considered and having your life revolve around him will only drag you down.
And you won’t stand for that!
Perhaps he’ll call you cocky for it, but what does he know? If he’s used to you underselling yourself and settling for less than you deserve, asserting your own sense of worth is going to be terrifying.
7) It will induce a “fear of loss” in your ex.
You kept your ex around after you broke up, hoping that they’d one day want to be in a relationship with you again. But it’s been ages and it seems like you’ve reached a plateau.
So what can you do in this situation? Send this “No Communication” text
— “You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.” —
This one needs to be sent to your ex at the right time for it to be truly effective.
But why I like it is that you’re communicating with them that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need them to play any role in your life anymore.
Why is this so good?
You induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction for you again.
I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
8) It will make him worry that you’re finally ready to move on.
There are some exes that we don’t ever want to associate with. We don’t want them calling us even for a minute or even greeting us on our birthday. But there are some exes that we keep dearly.
If you’re still communicating with your ex, and he’s always responded with enthusiasm—or at the very least, respect—chances are that he sees you as one of the latter.
He will worry that you won’t be the same loving person that you are, and that you’ll be loving to someone else.
You might think, nah, it’s impossible, he has moved on. But trust me on this one. Any ex who sees an ex fall in love with someone else gets affected. And in your case it will be quadruple because you ended on good terms.
9) He will be pushed out of his comfort zone.
If he’s become used to just having you around “as a friend”, then he’ll feel a little worried that things will not be the same anymore.
Even if he’s out there dating other people, having you present in his life means that he never truly lost what it was he sought in you.
Think about it. What makes you different from all his other relationships, both friendly and romantic?
Maybe he enjoys your sense of humor, or you feel like family, or you’re the person he runs to when he gets in trouble.
Well then, he’s now aware that things are now changing because YOU are changing.
He no longer has access to what had always been there and that change will terrify him. He’s no longer in familiar territory. In his “comfort zone.” And he’ll just have to deal with it.
10) What’s forbidden is sexy.
We humans are weird in that the moment something is out of reach or somehow ‘harder’ to get, it becomes irresistible.
And yes, this happens even if it’s something that we didn’t really care about before that very moment.
This might seem odd. After all, why go for something that you need to work hard for, when you can have something just as good for much less effort?
The reasons are complex, but the gist of it is that men like the thrill of the hunt. And the more tough the hunt, the more enjoyable it is for him.
11) It forces him to do a bit of self-reflection.
If you haven’t been apart after you two broke up, then there’s something not right.
Break ups should make you go through a process of self-reflection where each of you would ask yourselves questions like:
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why didn’t it work?”
“Is it entirely my fault?”
“What are the traits that I need to develop?”
“What kind of person should I look for next time?”
For most men, this usually doesn’t happen until they FEEL the loss.
Don’t be scared. If you haven’t been apart for a long time since your break-up, then it could just be what you need. You should use this moment to your advantage.
Maybe what both of you need is just some honest-to-goodness self-reflection. Maybe you broke up but to come back better.
This relates back to what Brad Browning taught me – that not all breakups are bad, that sometimes they can even strengthen your bond if you get back together.
I mentioned Brad earlier, he’s an expert at helping couples work through their issues and rebuild their relationships.
With practical tips to help you get your ex back, his advice could be just what you need.
12) It forces YOU to truly heal.
I know this article is all about getting your ex back, but it should also be about well…you getting yourself back.
The no-contact time should make you ask yourself important questions like:
“Who am I without him?”
“What is the life that I envision for myself?”
“Do I really love him or do I just miss him?”
“Is it really a good idea to get back together?”
You see, it’s hard to answer these questions with clarity when you’ve just broken up. Your mind is clouded by all those emotions you’re dealing with.
If you’re actively talking to him, it’ll be even worse. In fact, you might fail to ask yourself these questions because you’re still in denial that your relationship is truly over.
But when you push your ex out of your mind, you are left alone with your thoughts.
It will be rough at first, but as you slowly work through your feelings and experiences, things will ease up. And that’s when you’ll find true clarity.
HOW TO IGNORE YOUR EX EFFECTIVELY
1) Timing is everything!
There’s no rule of when to do it right. The only basis is his level of interest.
If you notice that he’s suddenly getting too friendly towards you, or that you can sniff that he likes you but he’s just shy, well then…it might be a good time.
But there are some obvious don’ts.
Don’t do this while he’s preoccupied—like if he has a new job or going through something. It probably won’t work. His mind is focused on something else urgent and he might slowly forget about you. We don’t want that!
Don’t do this while you’re depressed. You might miss him too much and it might backfire.
Don’t do this just a week after your break up. Iit might be too soon. Give it a bit more time to truly have an impact.
As women, we’re trained to use our intuition. I hope you use it to your benefit because finding the right timing is mostly guided by feelings, not facts.
2) Get guidance from a relationship coach.
I know what it’s like for your relationship with your ex to reach such a deadlock that you’re left with no choice but to ignore them.
Just last year my relationship had seemingly reached this same dead-end. In fact, it might have been worse. I’m talking do-not-resuscitate. Over and out.
I was ready to walk away, but I decided that before I gave up I might as well give it one last chance. So I did something I never did before. I reached out to a professional relationship coach.
I had low expectations, but even my highest hopes were exceeded. The coach I spoke to at Relationship Hero quickly broke down the walls I’d built up in my mind and helped me understand why ignoring my ex is a powerful move.
My coach was tough, but helpful and gave me the insight I needed to plan my moves effectively.
My coach took apart every single lie I was telling myself and helped me understand the best way to deal with a break-up and get my ex back to my side.
While my relationship still isn’t perfect, it’s better than it ever was and I’m optimistic for the future.
3) Make him feel good before you exit.
The first tip I mentioned is timing because it’s so important. But you don’t necessarily have to keep waiting for the right timing to arrive. You can create it!
You might wonder how this is even possible. And the answer relies on taking advantage of what bond you already have to get him invested in you.
Since you and your ex are on good terms, be a bit more friendly than usual. Perhaps flirt a little, or open up about a few things here and there.
Just do or say something cute and casual. Your goal is to get him hoping without seeming so desperate that he’ll think of you as pathetic.
You know your ex-boyfriend so this shouldn’t be rocket science for you.
The important thing to remember is that you should increase your level of interaction (and of course, they should be the good kind!).
Once he’s laughing and flirting back, then it’s the right time to say your line.
“ I’m sorry, I thought I could handle being close to you but it turns out I’m still in pain. Is it okay if we go no-contact so I can heal?”
It would shake his world.
4) Stick to your guns no matter what.
It can’t be denied that going no-contact, when done right, is a very effective tool to get your ex looking at you again. However, you should also remember not to get too excited and break being no-contact ahead of time.
Remember, you’re trying first and foremost to put some distance between you and them to give the two of you enough time and space to work your personal issues through.
At the same time, you’re trying to project an aura of being unattainable.
Both of these things are broken if you cave in and take them back into your life before you’re ready!
Not only will you end up getting sucked into each other emotionally—and thus risk unlearning the lessons you learned from the breakup—you also give away the fact that you’re bluffing when you’re ignoring him.
It loses its impact. And this also means that, should you try to ignore him again in the future, it’ll be much less effective.
5) Make sure your heart and mind are set.
It’s easy to see when someone just isn’t feeling it. So before you start ignoring your ex, make sure that your heart and mind are in it 100% because otherwise, he’ll be able to sniff it.
If you’re not fully committed to going no-contact, then you will be eaten up by the agony of wilfully ignoring someone you love.
Trust me—it’s absolute misery. Not only is it painful to have to ignore and reject someone you love, you will also be haunted by the fear that they’ll move on and find someone new BECAUSE OF YOU IGNORING THEM.
The only way you can hold fast is to understand what you’re getting into and to commit to what you’re doing… and that you are actually prepared to move on and look for someone new if they do move on.
6) Be ready to walk away for good…or to be with him again.
The moment you’re ready to move on is the moment when you truly have the power.
But don’t just do it for power, do it for yourself.
Condition your mind for the worst—that he’ll tell you that he just misses you as a friend, or that he may have already found someone new. Preparing your mind for the worst will toughen your heart, and this is a must for this kind of situation.
But at the same time, you have to prepare yourself for the best outcome—that he’ll rush back to you because he realized that you’re definitely the one. It happens a lot, too, you know.
Well then, are you ready for it?
If, while you’re reading this, you’re like “Oh god, am I really?! I still need to be less insecure, to be more understanding, and all that”, well then, you’re not. You have to work on those things during no-contact.
If after no-contact, he ends up not wanting you back (or YOU end up not wanting him back), then you’ve grown as a person. And isn’t that just nice?
Ignoring your ex is a power move in many ways that matter. It presents you as someone who knows their worth. It takes you out of the underdog role of the chaser and dares him to come after you instead. And it gives you room to reflect and grow.
All of these things will be irresistible to your ex, and he will be tempted to do everything that he could to bring you back.
But if he’s a bit too weak-willed or if you overdo it, then you can end up chasing him away instead. And not everyone wants to risk that chance.
If you want to make it absolutely sure that you’ll get your ex back for good, you’ll need the help of Brad Browning.
I had mentioned him earlier in the article. He’s a relationship expert who has developed some incredible techniques to help rebuild the love and trust between you and your ex.
And the best part?
With his practical advice and tips, you could be in contact with your ex much sooner than you think. Are you ready to take the plunge and fight for the love you once shared together?
If so, check out Brad’s excellent free video.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.