18 unexpected reasons why your ex is checking up on you

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Do you want to know why your ex is checking up on you? 

Perhaps you’re not over them or vice versa and you’re itching to know why they’re still bothered with you.

If this resonates with you then read this blog post where we have listed some of the most unexpected reasons why your ex is checking up on you.

You might even be pleasantly surprised. 

Let’s get started!

1) Curiosity

Your ex wants to know if you have found someone else yet: 

Last year, a report revealed that couples who had broken up could not resist the temptation to check on each other after several months had passed. It said that 82 percent of those surveyed admitted to this shocking behavior. 

Although some of them were just curious, it seems that most people who did it were in fact feeling guilty about their actions.

So, one of the most surprising reasons why your ex is checking up on you is because they are curious about you and what’s currently going on in your life.

2) Your ex wants to test your emotional boundaries

If your ex is contacting you even though it has been years since you broke up, then this person is probably pretty unstable emotionally. 

In many cases, the person who is contacting you may be testing your resolve and emotional boundaries to see if you can resist the temptation of contacting him or her.

If you are in fact unable to resist this temptation, then it may not be a big deal as long as you remain calm and firm while telling your ex that he or she needs to stop doing that immediately. 

If need be, inform your ex’s partner about these developments and see how he or she reacts

3) They want to know if you’ve moved on

If your ex is contacting you, then it might mean that they’re having second thoughts about the break up and need reassurance more than anything else.

This is a typical scenario that may be taking place if you recently broke up with someone who you were deeply in love with.. 

So what can you do in this situation? Send this “No Communication” text

— “You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.” —

This one needs to be sent to your ex at the right time for it to be truly effective.

But why I like it is that you’re communicating with them that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need them to play any role in your life anymore.

Why is this so good?

You induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction for you again.

I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

4) Your ex wants to keep you on the hook

If your ex is contacting you and continues to do so after having broken up with you, then the person may be trying to make sure that he or she can still have a chance at getting back together with you.

He or she may also want to keep you on the hook so that you cannot move on. 

In either case, it is clear that your ex does not want to let go of his or her feelings for you just yet.

5) Your ex is delusional and cannot let go

Many people who contact their exes after a breakup are indeed in denial about the relationship. 

They will have you believe that the break-up was not necessarily about love. It may be for some other reason such as fear or confusion.

This is why they continue to initiate contact with you even though you have already made it clear that you are no longer interested in them or the relationship.

Just be careful! We’ve all heard about those crazy ex stories so be sure you’re safe and no when it’s time to call in extra help.

6) Your ex is bored and thinks that you are the solution

If your ex is contacting you, then it may have more to do with boredom than anything else. 

There are times when people get bored and they look for temporary comfort. 

In these cases, they may look for a source of stability in their life even if this means having to go through the trouble of contacting an ex-lover who has rejected them in the past.

7) Your ex wants to make you jealous

Another surprising reason why your ex is checking up on you, is to make you jealous.

Maybe you ended things with them and now that they’re with someone new, they’re trying to gauge your reaction and are hoping that you’ll be green with envy.

Some people will check up on their exes simply because they are bored with their current relationship. 

If this is in fact taking place, then your ex may be trying to make you jealous so that he or she can chase after you once again. 

This can be pretty tricky, but you should never fall for this kind of behavior as it is only going to cause more problems for the two of you.

And also, if you’re clearly not interested, let it be known to them so that they don’t embarrass themselves further.

8) Your ex is a stalker

Jokes aside, this is a very real situation to be in and is one of the most commonly surprising reasons why your ex is checking up on you.

If your ex is contacting you and you feel that it has become too much, then you should definitely contact the authorities immediately. 

Look what happened in the movie Fatal Attraction! That’s why Hollywood has an entire genre dedicated to the topic of psycho exes!

A stalker can be very dangerous to your safety so make sure that this person is stopped before he or she gets to do more damage.

9) Your ex wants to know if you are available

In some cases, your ex checking up on you is a sign that they’re keen to know if you’re currently dating anyone.

They’re leaving the door open to potentially date you in the future. 

He or she may simply want to see if you are still available so that he or she can get back together with you. Although this may seem too good to be true, it is never a bad idea to give this person another chance.

After all, there is no harm in granting him or her a second date. 

This relates back to what Brad Browning taught me – there are simple ways to get your ex back.

I mentioned Brad earlier, he’s an expert at helping couples work through their issues and rebuild their relationships.

With practical tips to help you get your ex back, his advice could be just what you need to patch things up and give it another go!

10) Your ex wants to show off

Sometimes the reason why your ex is contacting you has nothing to do with love or affection. 

Instead, it may be all about showing off. 

You might have been in a toxic relationship with them and they might be a little narcissistic, regardless, they’re checking in on you to save face with their friends and family.

11) Your ex wants to prove a point

Another surprising reason your ex is checking up on you is to quite simply, prove a point.

Your ex may feel as if you have done something wrong that led to the breakup.

They’re trying to get you to acknowledge this fact in the hopes that they can move on and make it known that they were not at fault or the cause of the two of you breaking up.

12) Your ex is trying to manipulate you

 You get people who just don’t know when enough is enough and another surprising reason for checking up on you is in a bid to manipulate you.

Yes sure, If your ex is contacting you, then it can be due to a number of reasons. 

Among the most common is the fact that he or she feels as if he or she has been wronged and this is his or her way of making sure that you take notice.

They want you to feel their pain and they want you to feel guilty because somehow, this helps them to heal.

13) Your ex knows that you are lonely

If your ex keeps on contacting you and continues to do so after having broken up with him or her, then his or her intentions may be more than just friendship

They know that they broke you and are trying to stay friends with you and are checking up to find out if you’re ok.

Not all exes are assholes.

14) Your ex knows that you are feeling vulnerable

Another surprising reason your ex is checking up on you is that they know how vulnerable you are feeling and don’t want anything bad to happen to you.

They might have been the ones to end it and know that you aren’t taking things so well.

They also know how you operate and are genuinely concerned about your well-being.

If so, it might be good for you to reconnect with them. Even if there is no chance of a romantic relationship, friendship might just be exactly what you need.

15) Your ex is trying to move on

Gaining closure is a very underrated but surprising reason why your ex is checking up on you.

In some cases, the reason why your ex keeps on contacting you after having broken up with them may be because they are trying to put the past behind them and move on. 

Perhaps it’s because they need closure and they want to know that it’s completely over, they’re checking up on you to make sure.

You can’t simply erase the fact that the two of you have history together. If it’s important to them then why not help them in their quest.

If you don’t have any feelings for them, then you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

16) Your ex is working on their inner demons

Maybe their breakup has made them do some serious introspection and they’re trying to better themselves?

That’s never bad, is it?

Sometimes, our exes may be contacting you so that they can work on their inner demons and get rid of them once and for all. 

After all, everyone has something that they want to get rid of in their life and you might be aiding them in doing just this.

That’s if you want to of course. Perhaps helping them heal is healing inself for you?

17) Your ex is trying to get your attention

It’s almost like they’re blatant in their efforts. Commenting on your social media posts, posting things about you, etc.

If they keep contacting you after having broken up, then it may be because it is part of some kind of plan. 

He or she may be trying to get your attention so that they can get you back into their life or they’re busy with something sinister like trying to make you jealous or get revenge.

18) What would a gifted advisor say? 

The signs in this article will give you an insight into the reasons why your ex is checking up on you.

Even so, issues related to love and dating can be confusing at the best of times, especially as your situation is unique to you. 

So could getting some outside guidance help?

After a really challenging breakup, I found that speaking to an advisor from Psychic Source was super helpful.

The advisor I spoke to was kind, understanding, and genuinely helpful.

My love reading gave me the guidance I was looking for (and needed) during a painful and confusing time.

Click here to get your own personalized love reading.

Not only can a gifted advisor tell you whether it is a good idea to give it another chance but they can also reveal all your love possibilities. 

Is it a good idea to get back with an ex?

Want to know a secret?

No matter how much you love your ex, it is unlikely that they are going to change. In fact, they may even be worse than before. 

After a breakup, you both will have had time to cool off and think about what actually happened.

It may well be that the relationship was so bad from the start that the two of you are simply better apart. 

When this happens, then it can be a good idea to make a clean break and not try to settle things with an ex. If you have no intention of getting back together, then you should say that absolutely clearly and not string them along. 

At the end of the day…

The last thing that you want is to reopen old wounds because it can make it much harder to move on.

Here’s the kicker..

If you think that the relationship was bad but definitely worth trying again, then it is important that you do not brush aside your ex’s concerns or feelings. 

You should be willing to listen and be open about what happened.

If you have any doubt at all about starting things up again with your ex then you are in fact better off not getting back together. 

It is also important to remember that your ex may not be thinking as clearly as they normally do. 

But when all is said and done and you feel as if you want another chance, then it is vital that you do not go ahead and try to move things forward until your ex has had the time to get over their emotions and think clearly about what happened.

If you feel that it is important to get back together with your ex, then you will have to be prepared to put in the effort.


Once you have decided that you want a second chance, then you should be willing to show them that you are willing to accept responsibility. 

But if you really want your ex back for good?

You’ll need the help of Brad Browning. I mentioned him earlier, he’s developed some incredible techniques to help rebuild the love and trust between you and your ex. 

And the best part? 

With his practical advice and tips, you could be in contact with your ex much sooner than you think. Are you ready to take the plunge and fight for the love you once shared together?

If so, check out Brad’s excellent free video.

Here’s the link once again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.

Did you like our article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.