You get a lot of attention…well, as a friend, that is.
They would go to you for advice and hang out with you till sundown, and yet nobody ever seems to see you romantically.
In this article, I will give you no-bullshit reasons why this is so and what you can do about it.
1) You’re romantically blind
Before you convince yourself that there’s something wrong with you, first let’s consider the possibility that you’re just a little…dense.
There’s a possibility that people actually do see you romantically, and the issue is simply that you aren’t seeing the signs of their interest.
And I can’t blame you. People can be painfully subtle with their cues.
Did someone imply or outright tell you that you’re romantically blind?
Maybe a friend once said “That guy is clearly into you. Why can’t you see it?!” or “She’s flirting with you. It’s soooo obvious!”.
You might be seeing these “signs”, but simply aren’t assuming they’re romantically interested.
After all, how embarrassing would it be to get your hopes up, approach them, and have them turn you down?
But maybe it’s precisely because you think like this that you feel no one likes you romantically.
You see, what’s interesting is that this can actually cut off romantic signals.
If you don’t acknowledge their actions as romantic, you won’t respond in a romantic way. And so, they stop sending you romantic cues and move on to the next.
What to do:
- Educate yourself on subtle romantic gestures
- Be observant of their body language
- Assume someone is flirting with you (unless they clearly aren’t)
2) They’re intimidated by you
You’re too good for them? They’re too insecure? Both?
Maybe you’re a successful lawyer or doctor or the CEO of a big company. Or maybe your parents are rich and powerful. You might even just be simply prettier or more handsome than the rest.
You may not even be any of these things but you do seem like you got all those boxes checked because you exude confidence.
Some people simply won’t see you romantically even if they like you because they feel like you’re too high above them.
They’d rather save themselves from heartbreak and debilitating ego crush.
What to do:
- Try to be more approachable.
- Don’t flaunt your laurels too much.
- Do things regular people do.
- Don’t be too picky.
- Be the first one to smile and say hi.
3) You don’t have a romantic bone in your body
Or you seem like you don’t.
You might think how you feel towards something won’t have an effect on how others see you. Well, you’re mistaken.
How you view love and relationships affects how people see you romantically. It all starts in the mind…and the mind affects your gestures, your words of choice, and even the way you dress.
Maybe the reason they don’t see you romantically is that you exude the vibe that you’re clearly not looking for love and that you hate romance.
There are some people—usually those who are already very secure with themselves—who seem to not be interested in love. Then there are those that seem like they’re allergic to it.
Perhaps you cringe when you see lovers or hear love songs.
Perhaps you’re too focused on “important things” like career and life purpose that you’re convinced love is a waste of time. And this translates to how you carry yourself and relate to others.
What to do:
- Be love-positive.
- Throw away all the negativity and have a healthier view on love and relationships.
- Try to look for the kind of romance that you actually like
- Put a bit of romance in your life whether it in the form of songs, books, or movies.
4) You suck at flirting
You can be incredibly handsome or pretty, but if you don’t know how to actually take advantage of your charms, then you’ll have a hard time drawing people in.
The reason why there are so many “average” looking people who can get people lining up for them is because they know how to trigger infatuation.
See, being successful in dating is less about looks and more about how you make someone feel about themselves.
You can’t just dress well and then walk up to someone to convince them that you’re a perfect partner for them.
You have to trigger their infatuation for you!
Thankfully, triggering that instinct is easier than you may think, especially when you’re trying to win the affection of a guy.
According to dating and relationship coach Clayton Max, infatuation is triggered by a deep primal drive deep in the brain, and it can be easy to trigger once you know how.
Once triggered, these men would automatically see you in a romantic way. They’ll move you from the friend zone to the romance zone in just a few interactions.
And the good news is that you can just do it using texts!
You can watch Clayton’s video here where he spills the beans on how you can, with but a couple of well-worded texts, get someone head over heels in love with you.
5) You’re simply with the wrong type of people
It’s possible that you’re not getting any romantic interest because you’re just always with the wrong type of people.
By that, I mean the kind of people who are already in a relationship or are not interested in getting into a relationship in the first place.
Listen, even the most unattractive person will get hit on as long as they find their kind of people—the available people who they truly match with.
And even the most attractive ones (and I believe you’re part of this group) won’t be seen romantically if they’re with the kind of people who simply aren’t into romance and seduction.
What to do:
- Meet different kinds of people.
- Try online dating (at least there, the context is almost always romantic unless stated otherwise).
- Hang out in new places.
- Don’t waste time if someone is unavailable.
6) Love is not your priority (and it shows!)
Perhaps the reason why you haven’t gotten anyone chasing you romantically is simply because you haven’t prioritized love.
There are plenty of other things we might want to work on for the moment, like a career, a home, or hobbies.
And while that’s fine (great even), well…you get what you give. In other words, don’t expect to sow anything if you didn’t plant any seeds.
The problem is when you hold this nonchalant attitude toward love, somehow you expect (or hope) that love will simply fall into your lap.
It doesn’t work that way.
If you really want love, you make it a priority. Period.
It doesn’t even have to be your number one priority—it can be number two or three or five—so long as you put plenty of effort into it.
People say that love “just comes” when it’s time, but no. It’s something you actually have to put work in.
What to do:
- Get proactive with your love life—go to bars and pick up that dating app.
- Don’t treat love and romance like it’s just an add-on to your life.
- If you’re comfortable with it, tell others you’re looking for someone to date.
7) You look like you’re already taken
I have a friend who’s got all her sh*t together. She’s pretty, smart, talented, and fun to be around.
By all means, she should have gotten a boyfriend decades ago. But she has remained single to this very day, and we had absolutely no idea why.
It was a puzzle that we simply couldn’t figure out… so we asked some guys why they never made a move on her.
Many of them responded with some variation of “wait, what, seriously? She’s single?!”
They simply couldn’t believe that someone like her is still single!
And the fact that she didn’t try to make it clear didn’t help either. That’s why none of them made a move.
What to do:
- Drop hints that you’re single.
- Make your own move.
- Try to look a bit more approachable.
8) You don’t know how to trigger desire
Flirting isn’t the be-all-end-all to be seen romantically. Many people flirt openly without having any romantic feelings for one another.
If you want to win their heart, you gotta trigger their desire! Yes, DESIRE with a capital D.
If you’re a woman who’s developed this skill, you win at life.
You’d easily beat those pretty girls who don’t know the first thing about triggering men’s desire.
What to do:
Desire and infatuation are not that difficult to trigger once you know the secrets behind them.
I just find it astonishing how few people know about them. If only they’re taught in High School, then we’d all be having rich dating lives as adults.
But it’s not too late. You can check out this free video by Clayton Max to know more about this phenomenon so that you can better take advantage of it.
When you’re familiar enough with the instinct, you can even get people falling head over heels in love with you.
9) You come off as too desperate
You might think “wait, but I’m just eager to be in love!” and yeah, you might think of it that way… but what matters is how other people perceive you.
And being too eager to be in love, or caring too much about love will make you look desperate. And desperation, well… reeks! it makes people want to stay far away from you.
I know this seems like the complete opposite of what I’m preaching above—that you should try to not come across as uninterested—and it is!
It just means that swinging to either extreme will do you no good when it comes to dating.
You might think that being eager to be in love should make you look cute and appealing, but there’s a good reason why too much enthusiasm is a turn-off.
It might make them think that you’re just putting them on a pedestal and that you’re in love with who you imagine them to be, instead of the person they actually are.
It can also make them feel like you’re going to be a clingy partner, or that you simply want to be in a relationship for your sake, and not because you love them.
What to do:
- Don’t complain about your single status to them all the time.
- Give them some space! Don’t be too nosey or always present in their life.
- Don’t invest too much too soon.
- Avoid trying too hard to make things work.
10) You’re acting too much like a “pal”
While friendliness is generally a good trait—honestly, I’d rather have a lot of friends and fewer dates than the other way around—it can be a liability when you’re trying to look for love.
You don’t want to be seen as the “dude” everyone counts on for love advice while they’re out there dating other less “dude-y” people.
You want to be seen as someone they can be cute with—a potential romantic partner instead of someone they can just toss into the friend zone.
What to do:
- Don’t say “dude”, “bro”, or “my friend”.
- Focus on yourself instead of being the “friend” who’s always there.
- If they say “dude”, react in a way that shows you’re not okay with being called one.
11) You’re a bit judgmental
If you’re highly critical and have incredibly high standards, don’t be surprised if people get intimidated by you and back off.
They might have plenty of romantic attraction towards you but they hold back simply because they’re afraid of getting burnt.
What if they were to come forward and ask you out, only to get turned down because they simply don’t stack up to your standards?
What if you get into a relationship together, but every second of it is you judging them for not being “enough”, or you making them feel unappreciated?
What to do:
- Practice being more appreciative. It’ll help you a lot—and not just in being romantically appealing.
- Watch your tongue. If you must judge or criticize, don’t do it publicly or where anyone could hear you.
- Hold yourself back whenever you feel tempted to roll your eyes or express disgust.
12) You have an IDGAF attitude
Confidence and boldness—basically the “I don’t give a fuck” attitude—are attractive and sexy, generally speaking. But they can also be very intimidating, especially for those who are less confident than you.
Now, this doesn’t mean you should necessarily act less confident or bold, or perhaps more compliant. There are plenty of people who manage to secure dates without toning down their bluster.
The secret is that they not only exude confidence, they also make the people around them feel safe. And the secret is that they balance their boldness out with softness.
What to do:
- Don’t stop being bold and confident.
- But be a little tender.
- Show them that while you’re carefree, you’re not careless.
- Show them that you’re brave but you do have principles.
Steps to do to make them see you romantically
1) Identify the reasons
Which of the reasons above apply to you?
Sometimes it’s not always obvious, so it would help to find a quiet spot and write things down. Perhaps meditate a little and do some self-reflection.
Don’t be content with just identifying the reasons, too—try to understand why they are, and how they have been affecting you.
2) Ask guidance from a relationship coach
You might think of yourself as self-aware and introspective, but no matter how hard you try, you’ll always have blind spots.
We all have our biases, both positive and negative, and we’ll only ever truly grasp that which we can relate to and are aware of.
That’s why it’s a good idea to consult a trained relationship coach for another perspective… one informed by experience from having helped plenty of people through their woes in the past.
And for this, I recommend Relationship Hero. It’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations like what you’re experiencing right now.
3) Make necessary changes (without changing who you are to the core)
I’ve already listed down some things you can do for each reason above. But doing all of them can be daunting and there’s no reason why you should change completely as a person.
Take the list above as a general guide on what you can work on, why, and how.
But remember that it’s not always worth it to change a core part of who you are as a person… just to make people love you.
4) Remind yourself that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you
In the end, remember that just because nobody (that you’re aware of) appreciates you romantically, doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you.
Self-improvement is always good, but it’s also quite possible that you’re simply around people who are not really “your people”, if you know what I mean.
So you might as well love yourself and appreciate your own strengths. Self-love is the best kind of love, no matter how cliche it sounds. Then after that, keep exploring and keep hoping!
I assure you that one day, things will be different for you—that people will start seeing you romantically. I can bet my bottom dollar on that.
And by that time, wouldn’t it be nice that you’re already cocooned in self-love that you’d say “Sheesh, why did I ever worry about romance? I don’t really need it that much.”
There are many possible reasons why “no one” likes you romantically.
It could be simply that you’re too dense or too intimidating or too “unromantic.” It could be because you’re hanging out with the wrong crowd.
It’s not easy to figure out the exact reasons, and to make things worse there’s often more than a handful of them.
But it’s nonetheless worth it to identify and understand what’s holding you back (without being hard on yourself) because it’s the key to finally find the love you deserve.
Let me assure you that as long as you get proactive with your dating life, and as long as you keep working on loving yourself, things will turn out great.
We are rooting for you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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