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When someone you care about dumps you, it hurts.
But when your ex keeps contacting you after he dumped you, things can get really confusing really quickly.
Here are 11 reasons that might be happening
1) He still cares about you
When someone you care about dumps you, it hurts. However, even if he was the one who dumped you, he might be having a hard time, too.
The truth is, when someone you care about ends a relationship, it’s hard to let go of that part of your identity.
Sometimes, you might hold on to the idea of being together with them, even if you know it’s not right for you, or even if you were the one dumping them.
Your ex, especially if you were together for a long time, might even feel sorry for you, and want to help you through your grief, or you might feel angry at them for dumping you or hurting you in the process.
So, while your ex might not be a completely awesome person, he might still care about you, and not just be trying to play games.
He might still be hurt too and might fall into the trap of not being able to let you go.
You see, even though a relationship ends doesn’t mean that both people suddenly stop loving each other.
Sometimes, you love each other a lot, but you realize that romantically, you’re not a good fit.
In that case, he might still text you to check up on you.
2) He’s insecure and jealous
Some people are just insecure.
Being in a relationship means being vulnerable and putting your trust in another person. You have to let them in.
You have to share your most intimate thoughts and feelings with them.
You have to let them hold you when you’re sad and you have to let them love you when you’re not lovable.
Sitting in that space of vulnerability can be scary for anyone, but especially for those who are already prone to worrying about what others think of them.
For people who already possess certain insecurities about their own abilities, about their own worth, and about their own attractiveness, being vulnerable can be terrifying.
Now, if your ex broke up with you, he might still feel insecure and jealous.
People who are already insecure might be tempted to use their partner as a kind of filter, a way to project some of their insecurities onto their partner and reassure themselves that they’re not actually that bad.
If someone you care about is insecure, they might label you with negative words like “jealous”, “clingy”, “crazy”, “crazy ex”, “crazy ex who won’t let go”.
They might use the fact that you care about them as an excuse to act out those insecurities on you, so you feel less worthy or less attractive and send you mixed messages, making you question your own feelings, and make you think you’re the one in the wrong.
In reality, they are just masking their own insecurity and they text you to see if you still reply to them.
You see, when that is the case, it’s often best to just let him go.
Maybe the no-contact rule could help you out with that a bit.
The no-contact rule basically means that you’re not allowed to text or call your ex.
Texting is a very intimate way of communicating and it’s easy to get carried away.
You might reply to his messages, even just for a second, and then regret it later on.
So, set yourself a time frame during which you won’t talk to your ex.
This will help both of you to move on.
What would a relationship coach say?
While this article will shed light on the main reasons your ex still contacts you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like communication after a breakup.
Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
3) He has no idea how to end things with you
Sometimes, dumping someone isn’t as easy as “I don’t love you anymore”, it’s more like “I’m not sure how to do this, so I’m dumping you”.
For example, your ex might have been going through a hard time and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.
He might have learned something about himself and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.
Or maybe he was stressed about work or about life in general, and couldn’t handle the relationship.
He might have been dealing with family issues or other crises that required his full attention.
It’s very important to remember that your ex might not know how to end things with you.
He might have dumped you, and he might not know how to take it from here, or how to let go of that piece of you.
If you’ve been dating for a while, if you’ve lived together, or if you’ve been together a long time, your ex might have no idea how to end things with you, because he’s never been in that position before.
He might have never even considered it an option.
You see, dumping someone you spent a big part of your life with can be a difficult experience and it brings lots and lots of change.
Perhaps he simply doesn’t know how to deal with this entire situation and misses you, so he keeps reaching out.
4) He wants to get back together with you
This one is pretty obvious. If your ex still wants to be in a relationship with you, he might not be entirely over you, or he might not be ready to let you go.
He might want to get back together with you because he’s still confused about his feelings for you, and he doesn’t want to deal with those emotions by himself.
I know, he was the one who dumped you, but sometimes, guys aren’t very logical when it comes to these things.
He might want to get back together with you because he’s still attracted to you and he can’t handle the fact that he’s no longer with you.
He might want to get back together with you because he doesn’t know how to actually end things with you.
In that case, consider if getting back together would actually be beneficial for either of you or if it would just end the same way the old relationship did.
5) His new relationship failed
Another reason your ex who dumped you might be reaching out is that his new relationship failed.
He was very happy with his new girlfriend, and he thought things were going well until they weren’t anymore.
Whatever the reason, it’s possible that your ex who dumped you is now trying to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it.
If this is the case, and if you were his first serious relationship, I’m sure you’ll want to work through whatever happened so that you can be back together again.
Essentially, this man is just lonely and is trying to use you as a substitute for his lost love.
When that is the case, please don’t be his backup.
He is using you because he wants to feel better about himself again, but in reality, at the first sight of a new opportunity, he might dash again.
6) He’s just playing with you
Yes, your ex might be playing with you.
Your ex might be teasing you, and trying to make you feel bad or confused.
They might be trying to make you question your feelings for them.
They might be trying to make you want to get back together with them.
Your ex might be just playing with you, but if he is, it’s important to remember a few things: If your ex is really playing with you, remember that “playing” with you doesn’t just mean laughing at you or making fun of you.
It means messing with your emotions and making you question your own feelings.
Playing with other people’s emotions is a terrible way to treat someone.
This is not how you want to be treated.
You see, in a lot of cases, what this guy is trying to do is that he wants to see if you will still be available for him whenever he wants without him actually having to make the effort to come back to you.
He knows that if he doesn’t come back to you, you will move on and forget about him.
And if this is the case, then what he is doing is that he’s trying to see if you will still be available for him whenever he wants without him actually having to make the effort to come back to you.
You see, he wants to know you are still an option, and so he is keeping you hooked by reaching out to you again and again.
7) He wants you to think of him
Your ex might be sending you messages, contacting you, or trying to get back with you, because he wants you to think of him.
This is pretty messed up, as he was the one who dumped you.
Unfortunately, his ego might be causing him to keep you hooked and he wants to be on your mind.
In that case, try to not answer to his messages and move on, he isn’t worth your time, girl.
8) He can’t find a new girlfriend
Alright, unfortunately, this is more common than you’d think.
Your ex who dumped you might be reaching out to you again because he simply can’t find a new girlfriend.
He might be trying to be with you because he simply can’t find a new girlfriend.
You see, he might have dumped you in order to go explore what else is out there, only to find that nobody wants to be with him.
With his hurt ego, he now wants you back so that he feels a sense of validation.
Now: if you know that this is the case, or you suspect it, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that it will make you feel better about yourself.
It won’t.
The only thing it will do is make you feel bad about yourself and the way you see yourself.
You see, if he’s really not happy with his life or he’s really not in love with somebody else, then what he is doing is that he’s trying to make himself feel better by making you feel bad.
He wants to be on your mind, but don’t be fooled by him.
9) He is curious about your life
Your ex who dumped you might be reaching out to you again because he is curious about your life.
This could mean that he is trying to see how you are doing and what the future holds for you.
Now, it really depends on where you are in your healing process and how you should approach him and deal with this situation.
If you already feel like you’re over him, there is nothing wrong with having a conversation with him and catching up.
However, if a part of you is still attached to him and is getting its hopes up that you might be able to get back together, this is a bad idea.
You see, if you’re not over him yet, any kind of contact with him will only make you feel worse about yourself and your life.
If you have already moved on and are moving forward with your life, then it’s okay to have a conversation with him.
You might find that you have things in common or that you can talk about what happened between the two of you and maybe even find some closure.
10) He misses you
This is one of the most probable reasons your ex who dumped you would reach out to you again.
He misses you and he wants to feel close to you again.
He might be trying to get in touch with you in order to feel close to you again.
But, it’s not the same as it was before.
It’s different now because he is no longer the person who made your heart beat faster, who made your body melt, and who gave your life meaning.
But you see, it’s understandable.
Even if he was the one who dumped you, depending on how long you were together you made a lot of memories together.
You were big chapters in each other’s lives and so it’s only natural that he misses you.
If the breakup is still fresh, this might not be the best idea, as you both might still be too attached to one another.
But reaching out to an ex every once in a while as a friend is not a problem.
11) He is scared of being alone
If your ex who dumped you reaches out to you again for any reason, it’s because he is afraid of being alone.
He might be afraid that if he doesn’t reach out to you, then he will never find someone else and end up being alone forever.
He might be feeling like a failure because he feels like his life has come to an end.
Now I know, he was the one who dumped you, but sometimes, that doesn’t say a lot, you see.
In a lot of cases, the guy who dumps someone will suddenly realize that they aren’t ready to be single and will want to be together with you again.
Which one is it?
After seeing all of these reasons why your ex who dumped you is contacting you, which one do you think it is?
The thing is, sometimes, each time he reaches out could be for a different reason!
Regardless of what his reason is, what matters is how you feel about it all and how you choose to approach him after all that.
Remember to always stay true to yourself and your own worth.
If he’s only using you for his own entertainment, don’t let him!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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