13 surprising reasons why my ex-girlfriend is hiding her new relationship

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You and your girl might have broken up romantically but you’ve remained pretty solid friends.

But, things are kinda weird lately because you know for a fact that she’s dating someone new but is keeping it under wraps.

Weird right?

If this resonates with you you might want to read on to find out 10 of the most surprising reasons your ex is hiding her new bae from you.

1) She’s afraid of what you’ll say

She’s afraid that you might be angry or hurt that she’s moved on – especially if you broke up a while back.

If you’re happy for her, it’s best to tell her. 

He might also fall short in certain aspects. He might be shorter than you, less financially secure or, just doesn’t hold a candle to you.

If your ex is dating someone that she thinks is beneath her, she’ll be embarrassed to tell you about it. 

She doesn’t want you to think that she’s settling for someone that isn’t as great as the person who dumped her and the last thing your ex wants is for you to know that your breakup led her to settle down with someone unworthy of her.

Whatever it is, she knows you’re going to rag her about it and she doesn’t want to be embarrassed.

2) He’s a bad boy

…and she’s afraid that you’ll disapprove.

She might have had a crush on a bad boy before and has been hurt by him, but now she’s trying to get over him and is dating someone new who is as different as possible from her ex. 

She doesn’t want your opinion because she’s afraid you’ll tell her she shouldn’t be dating someone like that.

But why would she care about your opinion?

Because there’s a very real chance that she still has feelings for you.

3) She doesn’t want to change your friendship dynamic

She might be afraid that if you know that she’s dating someone else that it might change the dynamic of your friendship and therefore she’d rather keep it to herself for the time being. 

You might be giving off vibes that you’re still into her in that way and this is why she’s opting to keep it on the down-low until she knows for certain the feelings are no longer there.

She might be afraid that if she tells you that she’s dating someone else, then it will cause you emotional pain and this is why she’s keeping it to herself for now. 

If there are still feelings at play, then revealing her new relationship will cause a lot of emotional pain so, in order to avoid this, it makes sense why she wouldn’t want to tell anyone so soon.

While this article will shed light on the main reason she’s hiding her new bae from you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

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4) You’re not yet at a place where you can handle your ex dating someone else

You still have feelings for her and it’s kinda obvious!

If you’re still hung up on her romantically, and she knows this, it’s probably the biggest reason why she’s keeping the lid on her new partner. 

Similar to the point above, she still values you as a friend and doesn’t want to ruin things.

You are probably going to react badly, especially because there are still some unresolved feelings at play so for now, she’s choosing to keep things quiet.

If this is the case, it’s best to have an honest talk with yourself about what you want in a relationship and if you’re ready for your ex to move on with someone else.

5) She doesn’t want her new bae to feel like they are being compared to you

He’s heard a lot about you! 

In fact, she can’t stop bringing you up in a conversation.

Your ex might feel like if she tells you that she’s dating someone and then compares them to you, it will make her new partner feel insecure or less than.  

For that reason, she’s keeping it to herself for now. Chances are, her new man knows everything about you as well as the fact that you’re still friends and he’s not happy about it. 

Know that if she’s keeping the lid on her new relationships, it’s a sign that she’s trying not to make waves between you, and her new guy.

6) She doesn’t want you to be the first one to know about her new relationship

She might be afraid that if she tells you, then you’ll tell everyone else. 

If she doesn’t want everyone else to know until she’s ready, then it makes sense why she wouldn’t want you to be the first one to find out.

Girls can be super weird about things like this. 

My best advice would be just to let things be and let her know that regardless, you’ll still be there to support her.

7) She wants to keep her options

Open and doesn’t want you getting jealous if things don’t work out with her new bae. 

This is a typical textbook example of having the best of both worlds.

If your ex is dating someone new, but is still hung up on you or still has some unresolved feelings for you then it makes sense why she’d keep things quiet in case things don’t work out with her new partner. 

This way, she won’t have any hard feelings towards them and can pick up where you two left off without having to do too much damage control.

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8) She wants to protect her reputation

No self-respecting lady wants to be known as the town’s bicycle. I mean, the two of you just broke it off and she’s already dipping into the dating pool.

If your ex is dating someone and she doesn’t want you to know, she might be trying to save her good name.

She doesn’t want people in the workplace or in her social circle to know that she’s dating again so soon after a breakup.

Also, have you considered the fact that he might only be a “friend with benefits?”. Yes, it’s not only us guys who look for a casual hook-up. Ladies do it too.

If this is the case, she doesn’t want to be seen as a hoe, hence, keeping things quiet.

9) Her new man might be someone close to you

This next one might be a tough pill to swallow.

She might not want you to know that she’s dating someone from your circle of friends or family because she’s afraid that you’ll be angry with her.

I mean let’s face it.

 Are you really going to be ok with your best mate taking over from where you left off? 

Some call it sloppy seconds, I call it too close for comfort.

Regardless, her actions (and his, if you know him well) are completely against the bro code.

So, if you suspect that she’s dating someone you both know well, it’s probably the biggest reason why she’s keeping things on the low.

How you move on from here is anyone’s guess.

If it were up to me, I’d cut them both loose and move on.

10) She doesn’t want you to find out until things are more serious between them

Perhaps he’s a player and he’s stringing her along for now or, she’s got her reservations.

Alternatively, your ex may be dating someone new, but is still holding out hope for a future with you so she doesn’t want anyone else getting in the way of things until they’re stronger between the two of them. 

If this guy is just a rebound then it makes sense. You might want to consider the fact that she’s trying to make you jealous and there’s a huge chance this guy is nothing more than a ploy in her twisted game.

She’s trying to see how you’ll react and if her dating someone else is making you squirm.

11) He’s a rebound and she knows it

The majority of us rebound after a serious relationship, it’s inevitable.

With that in mind…

Your ex might be trying to find out what he’s like and if he’s worth giving up on you for, but all along he might just be a rebound guy

She doesn’t want him getting in the way of any future plans with you so she’d rather keep it on the low until there are no doubts left in her mind about whether or not this guy is worth moving on from you for.

It could also be that she’s enjoying the attention.

If your ex is dating another guy and he’s giving her all of the attention that you’re not, she might be trying to keep things on the low for as long as possible just so that she can enjoy it for a little longer before being forced to tell you about it.

12) She’s afraid of what your reaction will be when she tells you about him

This is probably one of the biggest reasons why your ex isn’t telling you about her new boyfriend yet and if this is the case then she’s probably afraid that you’re going to overreact. 

She’s afraid of being hurt by you because of her feelings for you and if this is the case then she might just be trying to avoid a scene by keeping things on the low for now.

Your friendship means the world to her and while you might not be romantically involved, she wants you to be part of her life and her new man, more specifically your opinion of him is something she values deeply.

So, to keep the peace, she opts for dating him in stealth mode.

13) She doesn’t want to ruin the relationship with her new guy

Perhaps you’re still hung up on her. You’re holding out hope that this is just a temporary situation and that she’ll be back in your arms soon.

If that’s the case, then good for you but if not….

You’re going to have to face the fact that she’s moving on and that all the two you will ever be are friends.

She might be trying to keep things on the low because she doesn’t want this new relationship to get ruined before it even starts. 

If she thinks that you’ll try to come between them then there’s a good chance that your ex would rather not tell you about him yet because she doesn’t want anything ruining what they’ve got going on right now.

Can’t say that I blame her!


Hopefully, this article has been of great help in getting you to decode why she’s keeping her relationship on the low down.

If you’re happy to stay friends, encourage her to be open about it, after all you’re going to have to meet him sooner or later.

If you still have feelings for her, then tell her! You’ve got nothing to lose and you’ll prevent a hell-of-a heartache further down the line.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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