Why does my boyfriend lie to me? 22 alarming reasons

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Everyone lies at one time or another.

We tell little white lies to spare someone’s feelings or we omit saying something when we don’t think any good will come out of it.

Men have a particularly bad reputation for being “dirty liars”.

Is your boyfriend lying to you? This article will explore 22 alarming reasons why. Let’s get right to it:

1) He tells white lies to protect you

Let’s start with something small.

People usually tell white lies because they don’t want to hurt someone with the truth.

Your boyfriend will usually tell white lies about something small that shouldn’t really affect your relationship in any big way.

For example, when you first started dating, you made him some pasta bolognese and he said he loved it even though he hates minced meat and tomatoes together.

So as time went by, he just went along with the lie and it never seemed like a good time to tell you the truth because he didn’t want you to think that your cooking is bad or for you to think that he was implying you’ve been feeding him something he doesn’t like.

Now suddenly, after 3 years of being together, it slips out in a restaurant when he tells the waiter he doesn’t like today’s special – pasta bolognese.

Don’t overact. It was a little white lie. Tell him that next time, he should feel free to tell you such things.

2) He lies to impress you

The truth is that men often lie to impress women.

When you first started going out, he may have lied about being more accomplished than he actually is to make you like him more.

Or he may have lied about having done things and been to places to make himself sound exotic and interesting.

The bottom line is that your boyfriend may be lying to make himself sound better.

3) He’s lying because his hero instinct hasn’t been triggered

Here’s an interesting possibility: Maybe your boyfriend is lying to you because he’s not committed to this relationship.

Maybe his hero instinct hasn’t been triggered yet.

Hear me out.

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.

And it’s something most women have never even heard of.

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.

Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.

So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?

The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.

So if you want him to stop lying to you, give your man what he truly wants from you.

Make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) He lies about staying late at work

Now we’re getting into something a bit more serious. Does your boyfriend lie about staying late at work?

He used to work a regular 9-5 but lately, he’s been having to work late. If this is an unusual type of behavior – especially for the kind of work that he does – that goes for a while, he may be up to something.

The truth is that he may be hiding something like meeting up with an ex, getting drunk with his buddies, or doing something else that he doesn’t want you to know about.

But wait there’s more.

If you’ve been fighting a lot recently, you need to talk about something serious, or your mother is in town, then maybe he’s just using work as an excuse to avoid coming home and dealing with something unpleasant.

5) He lies that he will commit to you

Sometimes men lie to get what they want.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you notice that your boyfriend is jerking you around, he may be lying to you.

He may be stringing you along because he wants to keep his options open. He may even start dating someone else on the side because he doesn’t want to commit to you.

Now, he’ll tell you everything that you want to hear so that you don’t break up with him, but the bottom line is that he has no intention of committing to you anytime soon.

6) He lies about his female friend being just a friend

There’s nothing wrong with guys having female friends and gals having guy friends.

Maybe your boyfriend has a “good female” friend that he’s known for a long time.

They’ve always been close, but suddenly, the situation changes and she starts calling him multiple times during the day to arrange things with him.

He may even start taking her out a lot more often. The whole time he insists they’re just friends but the dynamics have shifted.

I hate to be the one to say it but their friendship may have developed into something more.

7) He keeps a secret phone

It’s true that some people have two phones – one for their private lives and one for work.

Nothing to lie about, right?

But what if you found out that your boyfriend had a secret phone?

The thing is that he may have a secret phone because he has more than one girl in his life.

You see, he has the one phone you know about that you can even check if you want to because it has nothing incriminating on him. His other phone is secret because he has a secret life.

If he’s been keeping this other phone secret, it’s not unreasonable to think that your boyfriend may have someone on the side that he doesn’t want you to find out about.

8) He lies about loving you

I know it seems crazy and wrong on so many levels, but some guys will say they love you when they don’t.

When you ask him if he loves you and he says “yes”, it doesn’t mean that he really does.

If you feel like he’s lying, it could mean that he wants to make you happy for a little while until something better comes along or until something changes between the two of you.

In my experience, he may be telling you that he loves you because he knows that’s what you want to hear.

9) Get a professional’s advice

While this article will shed light on the alarming reasons your man is lying to you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like deception and dishonesty. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, I recently went through a rough patch in my own relationship, and I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing with your lying boyfriend.

Click here to get started.

10) He lies about knowing someone

Picture this:

You’re having coffee with your boyfriend at your favorite café and you notice that a girl on the other side of the café smiles and waves at him.

He awkwardly waves back.

You ask him who she is and he says he doesn’t know her. You ask him why he waved at someone he doesn’t know and he answers that he didn’t want to be rude. Maybe he met her at work.

Then he starts to fidget and buries his head in the menu, obviously uncomfortable.

He definitely knows her but he doesn’t want to tell you about it. He’s probably hiding something.

Now, your boyfriend may be lying because he knows that you tend to get jealous for no reason. Why make things complicated when it’s really nothing.

But then again, maybe he’s pretending not to know her because she’s someone he likes, or even worse, someone, he’s been seeing on the side.

11) He wants to keep a bad habit secret

If he has a bad habit that he doesn’t want to quit, he may hide it from you.

For example, if he knows you don’t approve of smoking, then he’ll smoke when he knows you’re not around or he’ll hide in the bathroom and crack open a window so you don’t find out.

Or maybe he has another vice that he’s ashamed of so he keeps it secret so that you don’t judge him.

12) He wants to believe the lie

Sometimes men lie as much to you as to themselves. There are lies they tell that they really want to believe.

What do I mean?

Sometimes people live in a fantasy world, too scared to face reality. So it’s not that he’s intentionally deceiving you – it’s that he just wants to believe the lie so much that he tells it to himself.

He lies because he wants his life to be better than it really is. He can’t stand the idea of knowing that his life is less cool than people think.

My advice?

If you’ve noticed something like this, then you have to nip it in the bud. Otherwise, your relationship could end up on a downward spiral – no matter how pretty the view from the outside is. The truth is always better than fantasy.

13) He lies that he’ll leave his wife for you

Unfortunately, you’re not the only one being told this lie, nor are you alone in believing it.

You’re in love with the man of your dreams and you enjoy spending time with him. Naturally, you’ll want to have a future with him.

So, when he tells you that he loves you and that he’s going to leave his wife, you believe him.

He’ll probably keep putting it off with excuses such as, “She’s depressed now, I can’t leave her” or “The kids are still so small” or even “She’ll take half my money”.

It’s obvious that he’s not going to leave his wife for you.

Maybe you’re just a little something on the side, or maybe he actually has feelings for you, but the truth is, if he wanted to leave his wife, he would have done it by now.

14) He’s a pathological liar

You may not be a psychologist, but it’s obvious that your boyfriend is lying a LOT, more than would be considered normal.

And it’s not just about important things, he lies for any little thing, just for the sake of lying – as if he enjoys it.

If he has a compulsion to lie and to exaggerate things and he doesn’t care if he’s caught lying or not: he may actually be a pathological liar.

At first, you may have considered him to be charming and someone who is fun to be with but the more lies he tells and the bigger those lies get, the more it seems like an addiction.

The pathological liar will often feed on your emotions – he enjoys being liked and if you can’t seem to like him, he’ll often lie about himself just so that you can.

And that’s not all!

Compulsive liars are often manipulative people who will stop at nothing to get what they want.

They even lie when they don’t have any reason to do so. It’s all they know. It probably started in their childhood, they just don’t know how to tell the truth.

If you have a hard time trusting your boyfriend and knowing who he really is, I don’t blame you.

15) He doesn’t want you to get angry

Sometimes guys lie because they know that if you found out the truth, you’d get really angry.

For example, maybe your boyfriend has gambled away a whole salary and he knows that if you ever found out, he’d never hear the end of it.

Maybe he forgot to close the gate to the backyard and is responsible for the dog running away.

Whatever it is, he screwed up and he doesn’t want you to find out. He feels like he’s always making mistakes and he’s scared to get you mad. He even feels a little emasculated.

I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to be honest with you. Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours.

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

16) He wants to feel in control

Could it be possible that your guy doesn’t know how to take charge of his own life?

Let’s take a closer look:

  • He may have grown up with controlling parents.
  • At work, he does what he’s told.
  • In your relationship, you’re the dominant one.

So, he’s left with lying to make himself feel like he’s in control.

Instead of becoming more assertive, he’ll lie to protect himself. Maybe he lies because it makes him feel like he’s controlling the narrative.

For example, he was in line for a promotion that he was sure he’d get. But his boss decides to give it to someone else.

Does he tell you about it? No.

He pretends that he got the promotion and even buys champagne to celebrate.

17) He has money problems

Your boyfriend may lie about his finances because he doesn’t want you to know that he has money problems.

In tough times, many people make up stories. A lot of people borrow from their friends and family, even taking out loans to make ends meet.

Maybe he doesn’t want you to know how much money he really owes because he knows you’ll worry and even try to help him out –  and he’d be super embarrassed to have to borrow money from you.

18) He’s hiding an addiction

If your boyfriend is acting strange and you have any suspicions that he’s hiding something, he may be a drug user or an alcoholic.

It may be hard to believe but addiction is a very real problem these days.

Maybe he’s worried that if he confessed to you, you’d leave him because of it.

He’s ashamed of his addiction and he feels bad about letting you down. He just doesn’t want the world to see the real him so he hides it from everyone – including you.

19) He’s hiding a serious illness

It gets worse…

Does your boyfriend seem a bit tired? A bit down? Does something seem to be off?

Is he avoiding you? Does he seem distant?

I hate to say it but it’s possible that he’s hiding a serious illness from you.

Maybe he doesn’t want anyone to know that his cancer is back. Maybe the doctors told him that he has a heart condition. Whatever it is, he’s obviously not ready to talk about it.

20) He lies about being busy

If your boyfriend won’t spend time with you and always has a reason for why he can’t do something – maybe he’s making up excuses.

If he’s so busy he never has time for you, then he may be avoiding you.

Imagine this:

He says he can’t go out to dinner because he needs to stay at the office and work on a report.

You decide to surprise him and bring him some take-away, only to find out he’s not there.

Or, he says he can’t hang out with you because he needs to go out of town to visit his parents, and then you see him in a bar partying hard with his friends.

Does this sound familiar?

It’s obvious that he’s lying to you because he doesn’t want to spend time with you – he’s not that busy.

The truth is that he may want to end the relationship and doesn’t know how to do it, so he pretends to be busy.

21) He lies about previous relationships

If your boyfriend is lying about previous relationships it may be because he’s afraid that if you knew the truth, you’d leave him.

Now, maybe he cheated in the past and is afraid that if you ever found out, you wouldn’t be able to trust him again.

Whatever it is, he’s scared that you wouldn’t understand and he doesn’t want to risk losing you.

22) He’s cheating on you

Finally, if your man is lying to you it could be that he’s cheating on you.

He’s been lying to cover it up.

A close friend of yours tells you that she’s seen him kissing another woman in front of a motel. You confront him about it. And what does he do? He lies again. He denies it.

You want to believe him but deep down you know that you can’t trust him.

How can you tell your boyfriend is lying to you?

Although it’s not always easy to tell, especially when it comes to dealing with experienced liars, there are some telling signs that someone is lying to you.

Here’s what to look out for:

  • He’s avoiding eye contact or has shifty eyes when talking to you. It’s actually a lot harder than you think to look someone straight in the eyes and lie to them.
  • He becomes fidgety. Lying makes people feel uncomfortable and often they’ll start to fidget because they don’t know what to do with their bodies. They’re trying to remember what normal behavior is.
  • When you try to confront him – he’s quick to change the subject.
  • You notice a change in vocal pitch or tone of voice. This could be another indicator that he’s not telling the truth.
  • Unusual blinking is another sign that he’s uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact.
  • He’s speaking weirdly or formally. People come up with stories to tell when they are lying but they often don’t know how to tell them naturally. They’re so focused on telling the story that they forget to sound “normal”.
  • Another sign that he’s lying to you is if he’s been distant lately.
  • He gets defensive or emotional. Not everyone is comfortable lying and eventually, the guilt may come out in the form of a totally uncalled for emotional outburst. It will be over something totally random and leave you (and anyone else present) at a loss for words.
  • Taking a long time to respond to the questions. When you catch someone in a lie they will try to find a way out – so it may take them a while to respond as they try to find an excuse or another lie to tell.
  • A complicated or long answer to a simple question is another clue. If you ask him where he was and he goes into a very detailed account of visiting ten drugstores in the neighborhood and overcoming all sorts of obstacles just to get some aspirin, then something is definitely up.
  • Body language says it all. He may be telling one story but his body language is saying the opposite. He’s sweating. His smile looks forced. He can’t sit still. His eyes are all over the place.
  • Finally, a classic response by a liar when confronted is, “I will not justify that question with an answer” – often followed by him leaving the room.

Final thoughts

As you can see from the list above, there are many reasons why men lie.

They lie to spare your feelings. They lie by omission to hide nasty truths. They lie for self-preservation because they know that if the truth came out, the relationship would be over.

Men also lie because they are not committed to you and your relationship. But that could change…

I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing.

Why?

Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman. What’s more, he’ll never dream of lying to you ever again!

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.