There’s nothing like getting a new text.
Whether it’s a ping, vibrate, bubble sound, chime or techno beat the notification is sure to get your attention.
Then when you see who it’s from there are a variety of reactions: boredom, annoyance, excitement, anger, happiness and laughter.
There’s one kind of text that mostly causes confusion, however.
That’s the text from a guy who seems to be into you but says he’s just looking to be friends. It can drive a girl crazy (and not in a good way!)
You find yourself asking: why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?
To be honest it’s a fair question.
And the following list of 18 reasons why should help you to answer it.
Chances are these answers aren’t what you expected, but they will enlighten your confusion and make that next text a lot less stressful.
So if you’re getting pinged with texts like crazy from a guy who said he just wants to be friends and are wondering why does he text me every day if he only wants friendship? this guide will give you the down-low.
So let’s get started:
Why does he text me every day if he only wants friendship?
1) He’s confused about what he wants
Guys can be complicated creatures.
This fellow who is texting you like crazy may not know what he wants and be super confused as well.
He feels a desire to reach out, connect and communicate but he’s not sure how attracted he’s feeling to you or vice versa and he doesn’t really want to “take it to the next level” right now.
He might be shy or awkward and he might be worried about losing you as a friend.
He also may just really enjoy texting you even though he isn’t quite sure what he wants out of it either.
The truth is most women don’t know what men are thinking, what they want in life, and what they really crave from a relationship.
And the reason is simple.
Male and female brains are biologically different.
One big way is that the limbic system (the part of the brain that regulates our emotions) is much larger in female brains and male ones.
This is why women are generally more in touch with their emotions and men can struggle to deal with complicated feelings, such as whether they want a relationship with someone.
I learned this from relationship guru Carlos Cavallo. He’s one of the world’s leading experts male psychology and what men want from relationships.
If your man is confused about his feelings for you, watch Carlos’s simple and genuine video here.
Most men don’t think about relationships in a logical way. At least not in the way women do.
What men really care about is how the relationship makes them feel.
The simple truth is that your man wants to feel like he’s found the absolute best woman for him. Like he’s won the game of love.
Carlos Cavallo will show exactly how to do that. In his new video, he’ll show you a simple and genuine way to give your man this unique feeling…
2) He just broke up and he’s hurting
Even if he’s being flirtatious, a guy who’s just out of a relationship isn’t ready for something serious.
He’s basically trying to distract himself, sext, or have a diversion by talking to you.
This isn’t necessarily bad and it could lead to interesting conversations and interactions, just be careful who you trust and make sure to look at the situation realistically.
If he just broke up he’s not in good shape.
So don’t get attached only to realize this guy can’t return your feelings.
3) You’re his fallback
This isn’t going to flatter you but sometimes brutal honesty is best.
If you’re wondering why does he texts me every day if he only wants friendship the answer could be that you’re his fallback.
Sure, you might say, but why would he put so much time into a Plan B?
Because some guys are quite strategic and they’re also good texters.
What seems like a big investment to you might just be him shooting off some texts to you in order to “keep you in the mix” if his other prospects go south.
One of the big signs that this is what’s going on is if a guy who says he just wants friendship texts you a fair bit but doesn’t really seem that into hanging out in most cases and seems to see you more as a secondary option to keep in touch with.
Not exactly flattering, but it is what it is.
4) He’s attached to you but doesn’t know why
If you’ve ever got attached to someone but aren’t quite sure why then you’ll understand this.
He wants to chat with you but he himself doesn’t quite know why.
Maybe he’s romantically interested but he knows you wouldn’t mesh well with his friend group and family, or religious or cultural background.
Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship right now but he still feels like if he was someday you would be the one he’d want…
Maybe something about you makes him feel really good and he’s still figuring out how much of it is physical attraction, your personality connection, or something else entirely.
One thing you’re probably doing right is that you’re appealing to his hero instinct.
If you haven’t heard of it before, the hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
You see, most of us think that we understand what men want from a relationship, but sometimes we miss the mark.
Above all else, men want to feel like a hero towards the woman they care about.
By a hero, I don’t mean a Marvel character or a situation where you need to act like a damsel in distress – far from it.
The hero instinct is an innate biological drive within men to be needed, respected, and essential.
If he’s texting you every day then chances are you’re making him feel these powerful emotions. You’re providing him something his biology is craving.
What this means is that he’s likely to want to commit to a relationship with you before too long.
If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this excellent free video.
Some ideas are life changing. And when it comes to relationships, I think the hero instinct is one of them.
5) He expects you to be a friendzone superstar
If this guy has friend zoned you – with or without you wanting that – then his frequent texting can be a sign of him expecting you to play a big role as a friend.
At least a texting friend.
Whether you want that is another story.
If you were cool with being just friends and have the time and shared interests then texting him could be fine.
But if he’s sending you mixed signals and making you feel shitty and confused then you’re better off letting him know you’re too busy to talk or just telling him straight up that you’re looking for more than friendship and can’t talk right now.
Be straightforward and let this guy know.
If you’re not comfortable being his friendzone chat partner then you have every right to say so.
6) He’s really polite and chatty
Some guys are just really polite and chatty.
If you’ve struck up a friendship or started texting through some situation or other he may think you’re lonely or really enjoy texting a lot of people he meets to check up on their day, talk to them and see what’s up.
Don’t dismiss the possibility this guy is just a social butterfly and a caring person who thinks you’ll appreciate him reaching out.
He may not want to date and he really might only want to be friends, but that doesn’t mean that he is trying to confuse you with texting.
It could be his way to stay in touch and be a good person.
7) He’s just flirting for fun
As much as flirting can be meaningful or with a bigger agenda it can also be fun.
This guy who wants to be friends might be texting you a lot and getting a little flirtatious simply because he enjoys it.
He’s not looking to sext, date, or cheat on his partner if he has one: he just wants to bounce some chatty, fun texts off you and enjoy his day.
This can end up seeming a little frivolous so it’s all about how much free time and patience you have, and how much you enjoy texting as well.
Judging from how many people rarely look up from their phone all day, though, it’s likely you’re someone who enjoys texting.
Just make sure it’s with the right people.
8) He’s an attention hog
Some guys are emotionally narcissistic.
They just crave the attention and want to hog it at all times. They need the spotlight on them and they expect you to be there to provide it and to sound off on whatever random thing they happened to think of at any given moment.
To be fair, some women are like this as well, so it’s not really a gender thing.
Narcissistic guys need to always make it about them.
So he’ll text and chat and gossip and anything else it takes to keep the excitement going and even spark it up himself if necessary.
Basically, if this is the case it’s not about you: it’s about him using you as a spotlight and facilitator of drama.
That’s one production I’d step away from if I were you.
However, if you do like this guy, then you need to switch his attention from himself onto you.
By using “attention hooks” in your texts.
Hollywood screenwriters are famous for using “attention hooks” to draw audiences into their TV shows and movies.
Have you ever been so hooked on a show that you couldn’t stop watching it?
Something at the end of each episode made you click “Watch Next Episode”. Almost as if you couldn’t help yourself.
Relationship expert Amy North has adapted the same Hollywood techniques for texting men.
As she explains, text messages with attention hooks tap directly into the focus system of a man’s brain.
When you send these texts to a guy, you’ll pop into his head again and again throughout his day. He won’t be able to shake you from his mind.
No matter how far away he is or how long since you’ve seen each other.
Check out this excellent free video by Amy North to learn more about these text messages.
9) He’s not into you but he’s lonely
Loneliness is a big problem, even for many younger people. A whopping 61% of Americans report feeling lonely, and it’s only growing due to the pandemic and social distancing.
Let’s be honest:
When you’re lonely what’s the first thing you do?
For many of us it’s simple:
We reach for our phone.
He’s no different. And when he texts you a lot due to loneliness it’s not about wanting more than friends, it’s just about wanting to reach out in the dark and make contact with another human being – even if it’s just virtually.
10) He wants you on his roster
In other words:
He wants to put you on a talent roster where he uses you for sex and intimate company.
Unless this is something you’re comfortable with then it’s best to fade out and avoid answering his texts.
The player will often seem charming and send mixed signals, playing a bit hot and cold and telling you he just wants friends but then texting in a way that says he wants more.
It can be a tiring game, so make sure you want to play before you start.
11) He’s simply bored as hell
Life can get boring and that’s a fact.
Your messaging mystery boy may just be bored as hell. It happens.
He has your number in his contacts and a lot of others and he’s scrolling down the list and sending hellos, jokes, comments and conversational openers to pretty much everyone he can find.
Being bored is a real thing and it results in people starting conversations just to pass the time.
He might just want to talk to people because he’s bored.
So if you’re wondering why does he text me every day if he only wants friendship? This may be the reason.
12) It’s just an ego boost
This guy may be insecure and enjoy the ego boost of talking to you if you’re a pretty girl (or guy).
He wants people to know – and to feel inside himself – that he’s cool and sexy enough to be chatting to someone of your caliber.
I guess it’s fair to say you should feel flattered.
But I wouldn’t blame you if you also feel kind of annoyed to be used as a prop in someone else’s little self-involved drama.
13) He finds you legitimately intriguing
Even though I (probably) don’t personally know you, I’m pretty sure you’re an interesting person.
Apparently, this texting Tom agrees.
He may be texting you every day as a friend because he finds you really interesting.
Maybe you’re also funny, amazing, and knowledgeable. Should I go on?
14) He’s unstable
Every bad Lifetime channel movie always starts this way for a reason:
Guys who text a girl a lot can end up being creepy and unstable stalkers.
Be aware that if he seems to be kind of toxic, needy, and…slightly psychotic…it could be because that’s exactly what he is.
Stranger things have happened.
I’m not saying that he’s going to crawl in your window late at night, but he might go off the deep end in various ways that could be highly unpleasant.
If a guy says he just wants to be friends but is being passive-aggressive, weird, or over-intense in his texting you should always be a little bit cautious.
15) He’s addicted to the chase
This is one of those problems that people only think teenagers or really young men get stuck on.
But actually, some men end up stuck on it their entire life.
They get addicted to the chase and they can’t stop.
They may say they just want friends, but what they want is to seduce you without the bother of being honest about their intentions.
What they want is to draw you into a texting marathon that ends up in their bedroom and ends the next day.
The guy who is addicted to the chase can be a heartbreaker, so be careful.
16) He enjoys playing mind games
This is related to the type of guy who’s bored or lonely, but with a crueler twist.
He enjoys playing mind games.
And he’s doing it with you through his phone.
He says he just wants to be friends, then he texts every day, starts bringing up personal subjects, randomly ghosts on you for a few days, then comes back, and so on…
All this type of behavior is mind game behavior.
Do you really want to play?
17) He likes your friend
This is a sneaky one and it might seem farfetched. But it does happen.
Sometimes when a guy is into your friend but not really sure how to get into her life he may strike up a friendship with you in order to get to her.
Think of yourself as a human bridge, or an unwitting matchmaker.
He’s texting you every day to try to become your best friend so that you’ll eventually introduce him to the real object of his desire:
Isn’t it beautiful to help love grow?
18) He thinks starting as friends is his best shot to become more than friends
Guys can be shy, awkward, hurt from past relationships, or just plain inexperienced.
It’s also a fact that every man is different.
He may say he only wants friendship but deep down he may be texting every day and trying to deepen your connection in hopes that it will blossom into something more.
So…what does he want?
At the end of the day, knowing what this guy wants is something only you can find out.
One way is to just ask him, if it’s not too awkward.
Another is to pay attention to what he wants to talk about when he texts and the tone of his messages.
Is he flirty, bored, venting, happy, wanting to share jokes, concerned about you, needing advice?
And if it turns out even he doesn’t know what he wants then you need to decide whether you want that drama and lack of certainty in your life, or whether you’re looking for true love and intimacy.
If you’re able to be open as well then it could work out and turn into something beautiful.
You can share memes until the cows come home and really enjoy your conversations.
But if you’re a little tired of guys who are all over the place then it could be a recipe for disaster.
Be selective with your time and texting – there are only so many hours in a day.
The real reason why men pull away
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