When a guy seduces you and doesn’t follow through, it can leave you feeling confused and frustrated.
Was he never interested in the first place? Were you not good enough? Is there someone else?
These questions will inevitably float through your head, and you won’t know what to do.
Admittedly, it is a difficult situation to deal with, but don’t lose hope! There actually are some reasons why men act like this, and once you understand them, you’ll know what to do about it!
1) He thinks you aren’t compatible
The first reason a guy will charm you but then not follow through is that he simply thinks you’re not compatible.
Compatibility is a strange thing, sometimes, people you’d never think would make a good couple end up being the perfect match, while other times, things look amazing, only to end up feeling wrong.
Now: it might not be easy to put your finger on why he thinks you’re not compatible.
It could be that your humor doesn’t match, or perhaps he realized your visions and purposes for the future don’t add up.
You see, if he is actually serious about finding a partner, then him not following through might actually be doing you a service.
Think about it: if there really is a lack of compatibility, then you’d both just waste your time trying to make things work, only to then move on eventually.
And even if he was only interested in something casual, if he doesn’t feel drawn to you, then it’s better that you don’t even have to live through that heartbreak!
With this point, I wish I could give you a proper tip on what to do.
The thing is, if he thinks you aren’t compatible, there really isn’t much you can do. Clinging onto him and trying desperately to make it work will only push him further away.
However, if you know that you’re actually compatible and he’s just playing games, then you might be able to salvage the situation by making him realize that he wants to be with you.
But speaking of compatibility, there is another C-Word that is very important in relationships:
2) There is a lack of chemistry
The chemistry between two people is important, and a lot of people will overlook it because they’re too caught up in the other person’s looks or personality.
This is a big mistake, however, because chemistry is what keeps two people together.
It’s that spark between two people that makes them want to be with each other every single day, and without it, relationships can feel very empty.
Now: there are some things you can do to improve your chemistry with someone else.
First of all, you must be yourself.
Men who are interested in you will love the person that you are! If they don’t like that person, then they aren’t worth your time!
In addition to being yourself, open up to the other person and let him see the real you!
When you do this, there will definitely be some awkwardness at first; after all, no one likes showing their flaws or vulnerabilities!
But once he gets used to it and sees how amazing you truly are – not perfect by any means but still amazing – then he’ll fall for you even more than before!
Now: if he’s not interested in getting to know the real you and just wants something casual… well… then he wasn’t worth your time anyway!
You should move on as quickly as possible so that a guy who really wants to get to know you can come along instead!
The thing is, authenticity can help create that spark, but for some people, it’s just not there.
And if there is no chemistry, there is no use in trying to force it.
3) He was never interested in the first place (playing games with you)
You won’t be happy about this one.
Another reason a guy might first try to seduce you only to never follow through with it is that he was never interested in the first place.
He was playing games with you, and he got what he wanted. He never wanted to actually be with you, he just wanted to reassurance that he could, if he wanted to.
But now that he’s gotten what he wanted, he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
It may seem like a harsh reality, but if that’s something that has happened to you, then it’s important to realize that it’s not personal; it just means that you’ve met the wrong person at the wrong time.
And if this has happened more than once (or even once) then it’s time for you to take a good look at yourself and see why guys are always playing games with you!
The thing is, guys like these usually portray some red flags and warning signs from the very beginning.
If you missed these signs, then that’s okay – we all make mistakes!
But if you see them now, then it’s time to take a step back and really look at what is going on.
You need to be honest with yourself, and that means facing the truth about why this keeps happening.
If you do that, then you can learn from your mistakes and start moving in a better direction!
The thing is, a guy who is like that will probably not treat you with respect.
His words might be big, but his actions never add up.
If you’ve been dealing with a guy like that, then it’s time for you to make the change and start dating guys who will treat you the way you deserve.
You don’t deserve to be treated like that!
The good news?
Not all guys are like that! That brings me to my next point:
4) He is confused by his feelings and needs to process them
When a guy suddenly pulls back and doesn’t follow through, the reason could be very simple: he likes you and is confused by his feelings.
It happens all the time!
It’s a confusing time when you like someone, but you’re not sure if that person likes you back.
When it comes to guys, they can be very emotional and are often afraid to show their true feelings – especially if they are afraid of rejection.
If this is the case, then he probably needs some time to think about what he wants and figure out how he feels about you.
This doesn’t mean that he isn’t interested in being with you, it just means that he needs time to process his emotions. And this is perfectly okay!
When someone likes you, they should be able to process their own emotions and make sure that they’re ready for whatever comes next.
He needs time to figure things out and work through any doubts or fears that might be holding him back.
If that is the case, then you might be best off doing the same!
You see, sometimes we have the tendency to jump head-first into a relationship or fall head over heels in love without really taking a moment to process what is happening.
I had that problem a lot, and the thing is, if you don’t take some time at the beginning of a new relationship to really process everything and figure out what it is you truly want, then you might enter the relationship with the completely wrong expectations.
Oftentimes, this can end in heartbreak, because you’re both not sure of what you want, and you expect something different.
The thing is, you can do something about this by working with a coach.
I did it in the past and it really helped me to align my expectations and feelings, so that I could enter the relationship level-headed.
The funny thing is that I only did that with one single relationship I was in – the one I’m in now.
So, given that it’s been several years, I’d say this approach really helps.
I used Relationship Hero, an online site. The thing is, a coach can really bring clarity to your own emotions, but they can also help you to understand what’s going on with the guy you’re seeing!
5) An ex is still getting in the way
You might have already expected this in one way or another, but there is a chance that an ex is still getting in the way.
And I don’t mean this in the sense that he’s having trouble letting go and moving on, but rather, there might be some unresolved issues or things that he needs to sort out with his ex before he can move forward.
A lot of guys are afraid to get into a new relationship because they’re still hung up on their ex and they’re afraid of being hurt again.
This is perfectly normal, and if you see that this is something that might be holding him back, then you need to ask him about it.
Don’t do this right off the bat though – wait until you’ve been seeing each other for a while and have developed a strong connection.
This will give you the opportunity to have an open conversation where you can both talk about your feelings and expectations!
You never know what’s going on behind the curtains – he might still be in contact with his ex, or he might have a crazy ex who is threatening you.
Either way, things can get really complicated really quickly when exes are involved.
But the exes are not always the problem:
6) He wants you to put in some work, too
So you’re wondering why he never followed through? The reason could be that he wants you to put in some work, too.
When it comes to dating, a lot of guys don’t want to put in the effort for the first few dates.
They feel like they should wait until you prove yourself and show that you’re worth their time.
Let’s face it: If you’re going on a first date with someone and he doesn’t even bother to show up or cancels at the last minute, then he doesn’t sound particularly interested in seeing you again!
But if he does take the initiative to make plans with you, then he’s showing that he wants to see where things go.
Now he might think that the ball is in your court.
Not all guys are like the traditional male who initiates everything. Some want relationships and effort to be 50/50, so they are waiting for you to make a move.
If that is the case, you can try and initiate something with him.
However, if you are more traditional and you want the guy to make the first proper move, then he might just not be the right one for you!
7) He has low self-esteem and thinks you deserve better
Another big reason why a guy might fail to follow through is because he has low self-esteem and thinks you deserve better.
You might have noticed that there is something holding him back, but he’s not saying anything.
Deep down, he might be afraid that if he tells you how he feels, you’re going to leave him for someone else.
So, if this is the case, it’s really important that you talk about your feelings with each other.
Guys with low self-esteem would often rather pull back and not follow through rather than reaching out and get rejected.
If you suspect that this might be the reason why he never followed through, you need to build up his self-esteem a bit.
On a similar note:
8) He thinks you’re not interested
Thinking back, did you make it obvious to him that you are interested?
Sometimes, we assume that someone else knows we are interested in them without actually telling them.
We might flirt with them or make hints about our feelings for them. However, some guys need a bit more than that.
If you want him to follow through and ask you out, then you need to make it clear that you are interested in him.
If he is hoping that you will make a move, then he might be waiting for that moment when he sees the opportunity to ask you out.
This is why it’s important to be clear about your feelings for him.
I know this is scary because you’re in a situation where it feels as though he is rejecting you, so putting your interest for him on the table like that can feel really vulnerable.
However, you need to do it if you want to find out if that is the reason for his behavior.
What’s the worst that could happen? He knows you like him but things just didn’t work out?
There are worse things than that!
9) He met someone he’s more interested in
You’re not going to like this.
Sometimes, a guy will simply meet someone else that he’s more interested in and you are left behind.
It might be because he thinks that the other girl is more attractive than you, or maybe she is just a bit more interesting to talk to.
It’s important to remember that, while we think we have found the right person for us, there are always other people out there who have similar qualities.
It can be hard to accept, but it can happen.
So what do you do when this happens?
Well, first of all, you need to ask yourself why it happened and if he truly likes her more than you.
Is there anything you can do to change your situation?
If not, then there’s nothing else you can do but move on.
I know, it sucks, but try to think of it this way: if there was a better match for him out there, then he did you a favor by not getting you involved in a relationship before finding the person he actually clicked with.
Now you get the chance to meet someone who will love you for who you are!
10) Something personal happened
Last but not least, there is always the chance that something happened to him that is preventing him from asking you out.
This can be something as simple as a big exam he has to study for, or it could be something bigger like a death in his family.
If you know that he’s been through a tough time, then you might want to give him some space and wait for him to come back to you.
However, if you don’t know anything about what has happened in his life, then it can be hard to know what is going on.
If none of the above reasons fit your situation, then it is best to ask him directly why he isn’t asking you out.
You could even say something like this: “I am really interested in getting to know you better and I was wondering if there’s a reason why we haven’t gone out together yet?”
This will give him an opportunity to tell you what’s going on.
If he still doesn’t say anything, then it might be time for you to move on and stop waiting around for something that will never happen.
Final thoughts – Respect yourself
The bottom line here is – no matter what his reason is for not following through, you need to respect yourself.
If he doesn’t respect you enough to ask you out, then you need to respect yourself enough to walk away from him and find someone who will treat you right.
That’s what self-respect is all about – knowing your worth and not letting anyone treat you as if your worth is less than it really is.
So take some time and figure out what is really going on, then make the right decision for yourself!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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