Men and women perceive the world differently sometimes, which can cause problems and misunderstandings.
I’m sure you’ve wondered more than once in the past: “Why do men lie?”
Well, today we’ll get to the root of this question and tell you 14 common reasons why men lie so that you don’t have to wonder anymore!
1) Trust issues
The first reason that men lie is that they have trust issues.
You’d be surprised how many men actually deal with that on a daily basis!
Think about it: men are taught to be tough and not show their emotions.
So, when you ask him how his day was, he says that it was great, but he’s actually feeling rotten inside.
He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not happy with his job or the new project that he just started.
That’s just a minor lie though, something that would be okay, it’s worse when it comes to bigger things.
You see, trust issues can run very deep and they can cause a man to lie about things that he shouldn’t.
If he’s not careful, he could end up lying to you about something very important and it could cause you to feel betrayed.
Another very common use of lying due to trust issues is in the very early stages of a relationship when he’s just getting to know you.
Why do trust issues cause men to lie? Well, in some way or another, hiding behind lies is a lot easier than talking about the real issues that he’s facing.
The thing is, when a whole relationship is built on lies, what’s the point? After all, you want to love someone for who they are, not who they lie they are.
Turns out that when it comes to trust issues, there’s usually some event in the past that made this man think it’s safer to lie than to trust you with the truth.
If you want to be in a relationship with him, that is definitely something he needs to work on, either on his own or with a therapist.
Trust issues can be detrimental to relationships, with or without lying involved.
2) He’s trying to protect you
It may seem like an odd way to protect you, but some men lie about things in an attempt to keep you safe.
For example, if something distressing happened to him, he might lie to you in order for you not to worry too much about him.
He’s trying to protect you but doesn’t realize that he’s probably doing more harm than good when it comes to lying to you.
The thing is, white lies are okay from time to time, we’ve all done it and, for instance, you’d rather tell your small child that the cat ran away rather than tell them she got in a terrible accident and was killed by a car, right?
However, when a man lies to you to protect you, there are a few questions that might come up in your head:
Does he not think I can handle the truth?
Does he see me as a child who needs protection?
Does he not trust that I could be of help?
These are all valid questions. After all, you’re a grown woman and you would much rather help in finding a solution than being lied to, right?
There’s nothing wrong with protecting someone from the truth, it’s just that when a man does that, there are usually more problems than benefits.
When you’re in a relationship with a man like this, he might be trying to protect you from something bad or he might be trying to protect himself.
In reality, though, the truth would probably make things better for everyone involved.
That brings me to my next point:
3) He wants to protect himself
Some men lie because they don’t want to look like the bad guy.
He might be feeling guilty about something he did, or he might not want you to know he cheated on you.
This is a common lie among men who think that telling the truth will cause them pain.
I think we can all agree that that’s the kind of lie we find the least “okay”.
After all, if you are an honorable man, you’ll at least admit to your wrongdoings and face the consequences, right?
So, while there’s nothing wrong with protecting someone from the truth from time to time, if a man is trying to protect himself it might be a red flag.
The thing is, more often than not, the truth will come out eventually.
In German, there is a saying that goes “Lies have short legs.”
Essentially, it means that they can’t run very fast, won’t get very far, and people will catch up with them sooner rather than later.
Now: if a man lied about something to protect himself, the situation seems even worse.
Think about it: when he owns his mistakes right away, at least he seems honorable for doing that and the consequences might not even be as bad as if he had lied.
However, this is unfortunately one of the biggest reasons men lie.
4) It has to do with a very specific situation
While this article explores the main reasons men lie, there are some situations that can’t be explained here because they are too unique.
In those cases, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like lying in a relationship.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
5) He doesn’t want to hurt you
The next reason many men may lie to you is that they don’t want to hurt your feelings, or they want to avoid an argument.
They might think that, if they tell you the truth, you’ll be more upset than necessary.
This is a common reason for men to choose not to be honest with their significant other about something.
You see, this can be about something really small like finding a friend or an actress attractive.
In those cases, it’s debatable what the right approach is, after all, many people will argue that a little white lie like that might be okay.
However, these small white lies can spiral into big things when suddenly he falls in love with someone else but doesn’t tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt you.
In that case, he might end up cheating on you, which would be an incredibly hurtful thing to do.
You see, sometimes it’s a lot better to be upfront about things, even when they seem small at first.
That helps both partners to be on the same page and builds trust.
Of course, in situations like this, not wanting to hurt your feelings is only part of the problem, he probably also wants to protect himself, so a lot of the time, men have different reasons for lying at once.
6) He wants to control the situation
Men often lie to control the situation or to avoid conflict.
They may also do it to save face or because they don’t want to disappoint someone.
You see, men tend to be more competitive than women and feel like they need to “win” the argument or get the better of their opponent in a debate.
That’s where the lying comes in. The thing is, when you are good at lying, you can control the situation a lot easier than when you tell the truth.
The question is, will this really be beneficial for a man? Will the lie catch up with them eventually?
Often, when men lie to control the situation, it’s because they don’t want to get into an argument right away.
They might have a good reason for not wanting to talk about something and would rather do it later.
You see, when there is an incentive to truthfully talk about something later on, then he could also just say it outright.
Think about it: when later he suddenly reveals the truth, you’ll be wondering “why did he lie earlier and not just say we’ll talk later?”
7) They want to protect themselves from embarrassment
Another reason many men may not tell someone the truth is that they don’t want to embarrass themselves in front of others.
You see, some things happen and they can be really embarrassing at times.
In those cases, men might lie in order to avoid that embarrassment.
Be it a little thing, like “I’ve never gotten pooped on by a bird” or something bigger, getting out of feeling embarrassed is a huge incentive to lie.
Does that make it okay? Well, to be fair, I don’t really see the harm in saying that a bird has never pooped on you if you want to avoid the embarrassment, but context is key here.
You see, small “white” lies, as we call them, are okay and even normal.
But lying big time is something else.
The problem is, when you lie big time, the consequences can be very serious.
And the worst part?
The more white lies a man tells, the more he might get used to lying and will lie automatically, even with bigger things.
So, white lies should be enjoyed with caution.
8) He’s jealous or insecure
Men sometimes have a hard time trusting someone else, and they often try to protect themselves and their feelings.
They may not want to share their feelings with you and think that if they pretend like everything is okay then it will be.
Lying out of insecurity is a huge thing, you’d be surprised how many men do it!
Not only will they lie in order to pretend that everything is okay, but he might also lie and say that girls are messaging him or talking to him at the bar when in reality, they aren’t.
You see, in doing so, men are sometimes trying to look a lot more desired than they are because they feel insecure and want you to think that they are “all that”.
The problem is, when you are with a man who is trying to not act insecure, you’ll never know if he actually is or not.
9) He wants to take advantage of you
One of the most common reasons why a man lies to a woman is because he wants to take advantage of her.
He wants to have access to her and her emotions, so he tells her what she wants to hear to keep her in his life.
A man like that may lie about his feelings for her or about his intentions with other women.
Some men think it’s worth the time and energy spent on the lie if it means they get more of something they want in return – like sex from you!
This type of lie often comes out in the form of smooth-talking and sweet words that make it hard for you not to believe him.
But these types of lies can also come out as subtle changes in behavior or even as manipulation through guilt-tripping or other forms of emotional abuse.
The important thing to remember here is: always believe the actions more than the words.
Does this man say you’re his number one priority but his actions say otherwise?
Believe his actions.
This type of liar is the kind that we really don’t want anymore, but they can be really hard to spot sometimes, especially when feelings are involved on your part.
10) He’s trying to help someone else
Another one of the most common reasons why men lie is to help someone else.
He may feel that he owes his friend something, or he feels sorry for someone and therefore lies for them.
This one can be a bit tricky, I mean, at what point does it become wrong to lie for a friend?
I’m not sure, but I do know that our men are often too kind and loving to be able to say no when someone asks them for help.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do, it’s up to them to decide whether or not something is worth the lie.
11) He wants to get away with something
This is another one of the most common reasons why men lie, and it can come out in a number of different ways.
You see, this type of liar tends to think that he can get away with just about anything by lying about it, whether it’s in front of his friends or behind his girlfriend’s back.
He might lie about something bad he did or a secret he might not have told his girlfriend.
Getting away with something can be anything from cheating, to texting other women, to have made a huge mistake in his business.
This brings us back to the point of honor.
An honorable man will not try to get away with something, no matter what it is.
He’ll tell his girlfriend about the secret he had or about the mistake he made.
This type of liar will often try to blame it on someone else, and the more you try to reason with this type of liar, the more he’s going to dig his heels in and try to convince you that he didn’t do anything wrong.
Honorable men don’t need to lie in order to get away with something, they own up to their mistakes.
12) It’s can feel empowering when a lie works
As you’ll find out, there are many reasons why men lie.
One is that they can feel powerful when a lie works.
You see, it can be empowering to tell someone a convincing story or fake information and make them believe it.
This feeling of empowerment can become almost addictive.
That’s why some men lie again and again, about big things as well as small things, because it makes them feel powerful.
In reality, these men are often deeply insecure.
13) He lies because of self-preservation
Most people lie to themselves and others because they don’t want to feel bad about themselves. Men are no exception.
Many men lie to protect their egos or to maintain a sense of power in a relationship.
They’ll find a way to excuse their behavior or make themselves seem more important than they actually are.
Self-preservation is a huge reason men lie, and it can range from small things like “I put the trash out” to bigger things, that are actually serious.
14) He doesn’t want to be wrong
Some men also lie because they don’t want to be wrong.
When you call them out, they blame someone else instead of taking responsibility for what happened.
And sometimes they’ll take credit for something that doesn’t belong to them because it brings them attention or validation from others.
These types of lies can be extremely aggravating for everyone involved.
After all, it’s a great trait to be able to admit you’re wrong or to give someone their due credit.
Is lying always bad?
This is a hard question to answer. You see, yes and no.
The thing is, we lie every day. Maybe it’s small things like “I’m doing fine.”, but in some way or another, white lies are entrenched in our culture.
At what point does lying become wrong?
To tell you the truth, I think that we would all benefit from trying to be more honest in all aspects of our lives.
Of course, that might not be possible, so I guess lying becomes objectively wrong once another person is involved and is deceived to a point that has an influence on their life.
When lying becomes normalized, it’s a lot easier to keep lying, even about the big things.
Should you forgive a man for lying?
Another hard question. You see, this one is really dependent on context.
Did you find out he was lying or did he cave in and tell you himself?
How big was the lie? How does it affect your life?
All these things are completely dependent on the situation you are in.
My honest opinion is that forgiveness is always best, but that doesn’t mean you need to stay together.
You see, you can forgive someone and choose to move forward separately, so yes, I think you should forgive someone for lying.
Whether you can trust him again and stay together is the real question, and that is something only you can know!
How can you make him stop lying all the time?
Last but not least, you might be wondering how you can make him stop lying so much.
Well, this is achieved when your entire relationship is based on honesty.
You both need to feel like you can be honest without being judged so that you can feel safe to express yourselves.
I know, it sounds a bit challenging.
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with a lying partner it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless.
You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to be lied to.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to when a partner lies a lot.
If you’re done with being lied to, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.