They say you never forget your first love, but some of us never really forget many of our exes.
Often that special bond that two people share is unique and not so easily severed.
If you’re wondering “Why do I still feel connected to my ex?” there are many potential reasons.
Some are more practical, whilst others are more spiritual.
Why do I still feel so connected to my ex? 12 reasons
1) Not enough time has passed
Healing takes time. How much time it takes to heal after a breakup depends on so many factors.
Plenty of people have tried to arrive at a specific amount of time it takes to mend a broken heart, but it isn’t that simple.
One poll of 2000 people suggested it takes an average of three and a half months to get over a breakup, but closer to a year and a half for a divorce.
Meanwhile, other research has found people can start to feel more positive after a breakup in around 11 weeks.
The reality is that “averages” never represent how individual the process of healing really is.
How you feel will be greatly impacted by how committed the relationship was, the amount of time you were together, who made the choice to split, and whether cheating was involved.
Particularly in the early stages of a break-up, the familiarity you still feel towards your ex plays a big role.
When you share your life with somebody, many of your habits, routines and recent memories still include this person. It takes time to create memories that do not involve them.
But why do I still feel connected to my ex years later? The simple answer is that maybe not enough time has passed for you to truly process and move on from the emotions you feel.
Ultimately there is no strict timeline for when you should be over an ex, we all work on our own timeline.
2) You are grieving
We can sometimes think of grief in very narrow terms. We imagine it is exclusive to death or some kind of incredibly traumatic event.
But grief is a response to loss. And for most of us the end of a relationship, particularly if we did not want it, brings with it a profound sense of loss.
As humans, we are hardwired to avoid change, and when it is thrust upon us it can shake the very foundations of our lives.
There are many stages of grief, which can involve periods of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, before eventually, acceptance.
When you’ve split from someone, the symptoms are very similar and after the initial shock and anger wear off, it’s normal to feel scared, anxious, sad, and even helpless as you readjust.
Still feeling attached to your ex during this grieving period is totally normal as you look to find some comfort from these difficult emotions.
3) What would a gifted advisor say?
During a breakup, most of us are all over the place. Energetically speaking it’s a turbulent time, and understanding why you still feel connected to your ex can be challenging.
For example, you might find yourself questioning, is this really a sign I should get back together with him, or wishful thinking?
So could getting some outside guidance help?
It’s fair to say there are plenty of frauds out there, just waiting to take advantage when we’re at our most vulnerable.
But after a really challenging breakup, I found that speaking to an advisor from Psychic Source was super helpful.
The advisor I spoke to was kind, understanding, and insightful.
My love reading gave me the guidance I was looking for (and needed) during a painful and confusing time. So if you want to know whether this connection to your ex is real, I’d suggest getting your own reading.
4) You’re still in contact
The answer to why you still feel connected to him or her may be quite obvious if your ex still plays a part in your life.
Being friends with an ex is totally possible, but there needs to be a period of readjustment first, and plenty of ground rules.
It takes time to get used to the new situation.
Many people stay in contact after a breakup to ease the discomfort they feel at losing the other person, but this isn’t necessarily a healthy way of doing things.
Online stalking, checking in on what your ex is up to, seeing when he was last online.
In a world that has never been so connected, no wonder we still feel attached to our exes — especially if we are still watching their lives play out on Instagram or Facebook.
5) You are twin flames
Some bonds just feel deeper to us, regardless of the amount of time we have shared.
You may date someone for years but still have been ready to give up the connection quite effortlessly when you broke up.
On the other hand, love may have hit you like a whirlwind and after only months together you are left feeling like life will never be the same again.
Twin flames are an expression of this type of intense relationship.
There is a deeper story behind the union and so you feel its absence more intensely.
You were likely to have been on the same wavelength, which created an extreme energetic frequency between you.
This type of psychic or spiritual connection with your ex doesn’t just disappear overnight simply because you have decided to break up.
You might discover that your story is not yet finished, and you may end up reuniting at some later stage after realizing you still love each other.
If Jenifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s rekindled romance after almost 20 years apart has taught us anything, it’s that you never know what is around the corner in life.
6) You’re refusing to let go
“Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?”
The Great Monk replied: “Who tied you up?”
This old gardener answered: “Nobody tied me up.”
The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek liberation?”
Life is far from simple, but the irony is that usually, it is us who complicates it for ourselves.
Letting go after a break-up is far from easy, but we are usually the ones who tie ourselves up and create our own suffering.
Why do I still think about my ex every day? Because on some level you are choosing to, whether it is conscious or not.
Whenever we refuse to accept the reality of a situation, energetically, emotionally, or mentally, we are still clinging to it.
In the process, it’s like we hold ourselves prisoner.
Whilst healing takes time, we can encourage ourselves to let go rather than hold on.
Simple things like practicing self-love, repeating loving affirmations, getting professional support, refocusing on yourself (your work, your friends, your interests, and hobbies) can help.
7) You are karmically connected
Everyone who enters our life presents an opportunity for growth and is there to teach us something.
“A karmic relationship is one that’s filled with all-consuming passion but is extremely difficult to maintain…they’re opportunities to learn something about yourself that you never knew before, as well as the most significant life lessons in love.”
The hallmarks of karmic connections often involve an instant strong bond, a roller coaster of a relationship, and seemingly magnetic cycles of breakups and makeups.
Just like codependent relationships, they can feel all-consuming. But what you are feeling offers an opportunity to learn, grow and heal on your journey through life.
8) You are soulmates
Want to know for certain whether your ex is your soulmate? Maybe this is the reason you still feel so connected to them.
Let’s face it:
We can waste a lot of time and energy with people who ultimately we’re not compatible with. Finding your soulmate isn’t exactly easy.
But what if there was a way to remove all the guesswork?
I’ve just stumbled upon a way to do this… a professional psychic artist who can draw a sketch of what your soulmate looks like.
Even though I was a bit skeptical at first, my friend convinced me to try it out a few weeks ago.
Now I know exactly what he looks like. The crazy thing is that I recognized him right away.
If you’re ready to find out what your soulmate looks like, get your own sketch drawn here.
9) You’re romanticizing your ex or the relationship
We have a habit of putting rose-tinted glasses on at both the start and end of a relationship.
When faced with the loss of our partner it’s all too easy to overly romanticize, until we end up believing “my ex was perfect” or “no one makes me feel like my ex did”.
You can still honor the good times without clinging to them. Because the reality is that nobody is perfect, that’s for sure.
And the fact that you are no longer together is proof that your relationship was far from being a fairytale. If it was you wouldn’t have split up.
That may sound brutal, but sometimes we need a dose of cold hard reality for our own good.
Because the problem with weaving unhelpful idealized narratives about an ex or the relationship is that it only holds us back.
It prompts us to replay emotional scenes in our minds that keep that connection burning when we should be letting it go.
Instead of remembering all the good times, picture the fights, the arguments, the disappointments, and the frustrations between you and your ex if you want to move on.
10) You’re surrounded by reminders
After going through a break-up it’s time to put away the photos, tokens, and objects that remind you of your ex.
They may be inanimate, but “things” hold meaning to us. They are symbolic and can spark strong emotions, beliefs, and thoughts.
Reaching into your pocket and finding a shell that your ex gave to you on vacation is going to bring up all kinds of feelings.
It’s not that you are trying to “erase” your ex from your mind or your life, but neither do you want to surround yourself with constant triggers either.
Spring cleaning all the things that have a strong association with them can help to refresh your space for a new start.
Put away (or give/throw away) gifts that they bought you, avoid places you may have gone together that will evoke nostalgia for you, and be sure to unfollow your ex on social media.
Otherwise, the ghost of your ex will linger in your life even after they are long gone, making you feel connected to them.
11) You’re closing yourself off to other people
If it’s been years and you still feel attached to your ex, it might be time to ask yourself if you are making room for new romantic connections in your life?
Experts suggest that jumping straight into a new relationship isn’t a good thing when it’s being done as a way of avoiding emotions and feelings bound up in the previous relationship.
But still, plenty of people get over someone by getting under somebody else — and for good reason, it seems.
There is strong evidence that rebounds might actually be good for us, with research suggesting that people who moved on quickly felt more confident, desirable, and lovable. They also had felt more independent, over their ex, and secure in themselves.
Whilst I’m certainly not recommending running straight into the arms of somebody else, if it’s been a while and you are still pining for your ex, it may be worth asking yourself if you are open to meeting someone new?
Many people find themselves closing off after a painful breakup. If you’ve shut down emotionally you may find you exclude new people from entering your life, and hold on to the connection with your ex.
12) Your self-esteem has taken a hit
Some common fears that can run through our minds when a relationship ends are that we’ll never find anybody else, or that something must be wrong with us if our ex “didn’t want” us anymore.
It’s normal to feel a little low in confidence after a breakup. If you didn’t want to split, your sense of self-worth may be shaken by dealing with the rejection.
You may look to your ex still and feel a strong connection because you are still a little wobbly on your own two feet. You don’t quite feel strong enough to go it alone.
The good news is that confidence isn’t something you naturally either have or don’t have. It’s more like a muscle that you build.
Take steps to improve your self-love, self-esteem, emotional strength, independence, and gratitude.
Working on the relationship you have with yourself will make you feel increasingly connected to yourself — and in the process less connected to your ex.
By now you should have a good idea of why you still feel connected to your ex. But if you’re still unsure, I recommend getting in touch with a trustworthy love advisor.
I mentioned Psychic Source earlier. Based on my own personal experience with them, I know they’re legit, kind, and helpful.
So instead of leaving things up to chance, take control of this situation and clarify what’s in store for your future.
Speaking to one of their experienced advisors was a turning point for me, and I think it could be for you too – especially if you want to find out about your future with your ex.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.