Why do I have a feeling my boyfriend is cheating

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You don’t have a solid proof (yet) but you have a very strong feeling that your boyfriend is cheating.

Maybe you’re just being paranoid or maybe your gut is actually right.

Either way, here’s the thing: if you don’t trust your boyfriend, there must be a reason for you to feel that way!

In this article, let’s try to figure out why so you can deal with it once and for all.

1) He’s become a slightly different person

You know your boyfriend to the core to the point that he’s become a little too predictable for you. And it’s precisely because of this reason that you can sense the slight changes in him.

It could be the slight change in the way he looks at you or his sudden interest in classical music when he’s always been into hip hop.

You just sense there’s something “off” with him but it’s so subtle that you start to think you’re just a paranoid girlfriend.

When our partner changes and grows into a person who’s different from the one we’ve always known, it’s perfectly understandable—even expected—that we’d start to wonder if they’ve found inspiration elsewhere.

When it’s just nothing:

If he makes you part of his transformation, he’s going through a life crisis, or when the change is gradual.

When he’s probably cheating:

The change is so drastic and obvious and he’s withdrawing from you.

2) He’s obsessed about his looks all a sudden

He’s always been laid back and chill about his looks since you’re together. He wears the same clothes and has a beer belly but he doesn’t give a damn.

Lately however, it’s like he just realized how important looks are!

He enrolled in a gym, he shopped for clothes, and he even bought a perfume with a sexy scent.

Of course when our SO does a total transformation, especially if it’s something physical, we’d wonder why. And more importantly, we’d wonder “For who?”

After all, what could possibly inspire him to get hot again?

When it’s just nothing:

When he wants to share this journey with you and wants your opinion on how he should improve his looks.

When he’s probably cheating:

When he doesn’t care about what you think, he goes out more often, and he suddenly loses interest in sex even if he’s now looking hotter than ever.

3) He’s now too busy for you

He used to complain that he’s doing nothing at work. He even texts you a hundred times a day because he has nothing much to do.

Lately though, he’s been busy and hard to reach. When you pout because it takes him ages to reply, he tells you that of course he can’t answer you because he’s at work!

And the thing is, when you ask for work updates when you’re together, he just mumbles something for a second then changes the topic.

What keeps him busy, right? Or maybe the right question is…who is keeping him busy?

It’s understandable to worry that your boyfriend is cheating when he acts this way. After all, he spends most of his time at work and it’s not impossible that he’s falling in love with a colleague.

When it’s just nothing:

If this is your only reason to suspect that he’s cheating on you, it’s better to give him the benefit of the doubt unless you have strong evidence that he’s indeed cheating.

Your relationship will get sour fast if you accuse him of cheating when he’s just indeed just too busy at work. Maybe he’s now making up for the time he slacked off in the past.

When he’s probably cheating:

If he hangs out with colleagues more and more and he can’t stop talking about the this new girl.

4) He becomes “single” on social media

You used to broadcast your relationship on Facebook and other social media. But now, he doesn’t even accept your social media tags anymore nor post photos of you together.

And what’s more concerning is that the things he now posts do not have any trace that he’s in a relationship with you!

You’re not born yesterday—you know how people flirt online — so of course, you can’t help but suspect that he’s cheating.

So if this is one of the reasons why you feel that your boyfriend is cheating, we get you. You’re not just crazy. It’s perfectly understandable to think he’s interested in another girl.

When it’s just nothing:

If he’s the type who doesn’t care much about social media or he suddenly cares about privacy. Maybe he has a new job and he doesn’t want people to know about his personal life.

When he’s probably cheating:

If he’s very active online and accepts tags from others but not from you. Plus points if he likes and comments on posts by other girls.

5) He’s not as crazy about you as before

He used to kiss the ground you walked on and everything you did was cute and funny. But now the compliments are getting fewer and fewer. You’re lucky if he’d even notice your new haircut.

Where did the love go, amirite? You can’t be too adored then ignored in just a few months.

You might suspect he just love-bombed you at the start and is now into someone else because you’re too available.

You’re not needy and you wouldn’t feel this way if the change wasn’t so obvious.

When it’s just nothing:

You’re already way past the honeymoon phase in your relationship and you’ve become too comfortable with each other.

Maybe he’s always been this way and he just did all the lovey-dovey things at the beginning because of the love chemicals…but now they’ve worn off.

When he’s probably cheating:

He’s ignored or dismissed your sweet gestures but smiles lovingly on the phone while reading a text.

6) You feel that he’s keeping secrets

We can easily sense when someone is keeping secrets especially if they’re our S.O. And if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, this detector is twice more reactive.

Maybe you notice him going to the bathroom or garden when he answers his phone.

Maybe there are some receipts from restaurants you know nothing about and when you ask him about it, he says he “forgot” to mention it to you. Of course you’ll sense something’s off when he used to report everything to you—even a small chitchat with a buddy from the office.

If you used to be so close to each other then you feel he’s not telling you everything, of course you’d feel he’s hiding something from you…and our mind usually goes to him cheating.

When it’s just nothing:

When he indeed has secrets but they’re not about another girl!

He might be planning a surprise for you or he has problems with his family or friends that he doesn’t want to share with you.

When he’s probably cheating:

When he shuts down and gets extremely defensive when you ask innocent questions.

7) He’s become passive in your relationship

Your boyfriend used to have detailed plans about your future—from the kind of house you should live in to more immediate ones like where you’ll spend your holidays.

However, he stopped being a planner lately. He doesn’t even care what you’ll order for dinner!

Of course, if you have a boyfriend who used to be very active in your relationship and suddenly loses interest,  it’s normal for you to suspect that your boyfriend has someone else.

After all, you know that you can’t be both invested in a relationship and in love with someone else. So if he’s checked out in your relationship, maybe he’s starting to have doubts with you because there’s another girl, right?

Not all the time. But again, perfectly understandable that it will make you feel he’s cheating.

When it’s just nothing:

If he’s feeling secure in the relationship and he’s just getting lazy, busy, or depressed. It could also happen if he’s going through something or is preoccupied with other things. Men simply relax when they get comfy in a relationship and it shouldn’t be a bad thing!

When he’s probably cheating:

Even if you initiate conversations and make plans, he’d just act nonchalant. And it’s been going on for a while.

8) He’s irritable

Everyone can get moody but if he’s been acting extremely irritable lately to the point that you start to walk on eggshells to keep things cool, there must be something wrong.

After all, you used to be his sweet princess and he has always been so patient with you.

There must be a reason why and that reason could easily be that he’s in love with another girl, right?

It’s normal to get suspicious when your partner becomes annoyed with you all the time. Anyone with a heart could feel this way and you should be careful not to let it affect you so much.

When it’s just nothing:

He has a problem and he’s expressing his frustrations towards you.

Sometimes, we get cruel to the people we love the most because they’re our safe space and we don’t need to be nice.

When he’s probably cheating:

He cringes a little and gets irritable when you become affectionate to him.

9) He has new moves in bed

You’ve been together for a while so you kinda know how things usually go when you do the deed.

Lately though, it’s like you’re making love to another person!

And he’s hungry for sex, too…too hungry. It’s as if his libido was switched on and now he can’t turn it off no matter what he does.

If he’s always been vanilla in bed, of course you’d get suspicious if he suddenly becomes a hungry beast. You just know that’s not his style so of course, it isn’t a wonder you’d suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you.

When it’s just nothing:

He confesses that he’s been watching porn and would like to try some moves. It’s also possible that his self-esteem has improved a lot and he’s not more confident to do crazy things in bed.

When he’s probably cheating:

Your relationship sucks in general except for the sex.

10) He detaches from you

You used to always do things together.

Neither of you can live without the other and you don’t care even though others say it could be a sign of a codependent relationship.

Lately, though, he’s starting to have a life of his own—one that’s totally separate from yours. He doesn’t even invite you to some night outs anymore. It’s like he’s starting to create his own identity with his own hobbies and own friends.

Although you’re a totally mature person, it’s expected you’d feel that your boyfriend is cheating if he suddenly detaches from you. Of course, if you really think about it, how can someone who’s clingy detach just like that, right?

When it’s just nothing:

If you heard him complain (even jokingly) in the past that you’re both codependent. Maybe he really doesn’t want that kind of dynamic and is just waiting for a chance that you’d both grow in a healthy way.

When he’s probably cheating:

He won’t even share to you the details of his “new” life and you have a gut feeling he’s keeping secrets.

When it’s you not him, it’s you

You’re reading this because you have a bad feeling about your boyfriend. And it’s good that you ask yourself why you instead of attacking him with accusations just because you FEEL he’s cheating.

After all, it’s better to assess ourselves first before trying to change others, especially if it’s someone as important as our S.O.

If you’re feeling suspicious that your boyfriend is cheating on you, here are some hard questions to ask yourself before confronting him.

1) Do you have trust issues?

Most of our issues spring from childhood. Try to look back and assess whether you’re able to trust your family and friends when you’re young.

Maybe you saw your father having an affair and it’s left a big impact on how you view men and relationships. Or it doesn’t have to be about relationships at all. Maybe your mother kept promising you something but never delivered.

If you’ve had other relationships in the past, try to look deeper at how you were back at them. Check your history and your patterns.

Were you also suspicious? Did your exes complain that you don’t trust them?

If you realize you indeed have trust issues, maybe you should doubt your “gut” and try to heal first. Otherwise, you will keep on getting anxious with your relationships even if you found yourself a perfect man!

2) Do you feel worthy of his love?

So let’s say your self-esteem is really low and you think you don’t deserve your boyfriend.

You will never be happy this way even if you find the most loyal guy or even if you become the hottest girl in the world.

Even if you’re Beyonce, if you think you’re not deserving of real love, you wouldn’t be able to relax and just be happy for what you have. You would keep thinking that he’d change his heart any moment and leave you for another girl.

Any change he makes would instantly become a sign that he’s cheating.

That’s just exhausting and unhealthy.

You both need to be able to relax in your relationship and one good way to do this is by accepting 100% that he truly loves you. It’s not easy and might require therapy but hey, self-awareness is a first step.

3) Have you thought of cheating?

If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s normal for things to become boring that at one point, you’d think about flirting with other men. I repeat: It’s normal.

But cheating is a totally different thing.

If you’ve thought about actually cheating on your partner, there might be something in your relationship that needs to be improved.

And maybe the reason you feel he’s cheating is because you’re just projecting.

4) Do you have a distorted view on relationships?

Who were your role models?

What do you think is a good relationship?

Do you think love should be something strong and all-consuming like in the movies? Do you think that the guy has to chase you so you’d know his love is true?

Do you think that nothing lasts forever?

If you feel a bit jaded or you have high expectations of what love should be like, your relationship would be affected.

Rethink how you view relationships and you won’t get easily suspicious that your boyfriend is cheating.

5) Do you have an anxious attachment style?

Knowing your attachment style can give you self-awareness when it comes to relationships so it’s incredibly important.

If you have an anxious attachment style, you’re more prone to overthinking and worry. You’d want constant reassurance that they’ll never leave you, and it could be the reason you feel that he’s cheating on you.

It’s great if you actively work on your anxiety but for now, it’s good to be aware of your attachment style so you would know how to approach your relationship.

In this case, maybe it’s just your anxiety all along and he’s not actually cheating. 

How to approach your boyfriend about it

If you’ve answered the questions above as honestly as you can and you’re sure that you’re not just paranoid, then stop gaslighting yourself.

It’s time you address the issue by talking to your boyfriend.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to approach him on this issue.

1) Talk to him (and be very honest!)

Some of us prefer to keep quiet because we’re afraid they’d start hiding their evidence better if they’re aware that we suspect they’re cheating.

But he’s your partner, not your opponent…well, at least not for now!

Give him the benefit of the doubt and communicate how you feel. Tell him that you trust him fully but sometimes you can’t help but think that he is cheating.

Don’t accuse him. Instead, give him the chance to know how you feel and reassure you that what you’re thinking is totally untrue.

If you keep your suspicions to yourself, you’ll start to resent him and that’s something that’s harder to fix.

2) Take your time to gather evidence.

Right after you express how you feel, you will notice that things will slowly improve. But then, things will get back to the way they were and you’ll start to feel “off” again.

This time around, you cannot talk to him about it again. If you still feel very strongly that he’s cheating, you should find proof before you confront him about it again.

I know it can make you feel pathetic but it’s the only

3) Process what you feel before having the talk.

Once it’s very clear to you that he’s indeed cheating, it’s better to take the time to process your feelings before you confront him.

I know it’s tough because if we’re cheated on, we just want to lash out and hurt them the way they hurt us. But that is not useful.

Ask yourself what you want after knowing the fact that he’s indeed cheating on you.

Do you want to get over it and be back together? Do you want to separate for a while before you make any move? Do you want to leave for good?

You should answer this thinking of what’s best for you and only you.

4) Communicate calmly

I know “cheating” and “calm” do not go together, but you have to be a bigger person—not for him or your relationship, but for yourself.

You’d want him to regret ever doing that to you because he’ll see how much of a catch you really are. But more than that, you want to be the one with grace up to the last minute.

If he cheated on you, he doesn’t deserve an ounce of emotion from you.

It’s good to know that you walked away from something so traumatic with your chin up.

And in case you really want to be together again despite everything that happened, then being calm can definitely make things easier.

CONCLUSION:

Women’s intuition is often reliable, but sometimes— especially if you had trauma leading you to have trust issues—it can get wonky.

It could tell you something’s “off” with your boyfriend, when he’s actually as innocent as a puppy. It’s important to know for sure that it isn’t just you.

But when you do spot signs that he’s indeed cheating, don’t twist reality. Face your problem and do the right thing.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.