Why do I have a feeling he will come back

Your ex is on your mind, but you can’t shake this strange feeling that he has been thinking of you too.

Do you have some sixth sense or is the Universe trying to send you signs he will come back?

This article will tell you everything you need to know about why you’re feeling this way and whether reconciliation really is on the cards.

Why do I have a feeling my ex will come back? 5 powerful reasons

1) There’s unfinished business

“So many tears I’ve cried

So much pain inside

But baby, it ain’t over till it’s over

So many years we’ve tried

To keep our love alive

But baby, it ain’t over till it’s over”

— Lennie Kravitz

Ah, the things we put ourselves through in the name of love.

We may tell ourselves we’re done this time, we may even kinda mean it at the time too. But it isn’t long before we’re prepared to step foot back on that roller coaster again.

When friends come to me agonizing over the latest romantic disaster they’re going through and not knowing what to do, I always say the same thing:

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, when you’re done, you’ll know it.” That’s because often we feel like we should walk away, but deep down we don’t want to.

We get frustrated at ourselves for not telling a player where to go, or we chastise ourselves for letting the guy who says he’s confused about his feelings for you back in again when we suspect we should be kicking him to the curb.

But the reality is that love, romance and emotions are incredibly complex things. We often just sense when something isn’t truly over (no matter how much we’re trying to pretend it is).

Most of us know when something is really done because we feel it deep in our hearts. It’s almost like we have suddenly had enough and a switch is finally turned off.

If you have a feeling he will come back, or your gut tells you it’s not over there is probably a good reason.

Maybe even though you broke up weeks ago they still haven’t collected any of their things from your place yet. Perhaps they are finding excuses to get in touch or reach out. Whatever it is, you know that there is unfinished business between you two.

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Even when you probably should be done and dusted with him, your mind clearly forgot to tell your heart.

2) My intuition tells me he will come back

Intuition and gut feelings can get a bad rap. They’re often packaged by skeptics as “woo“ or some kind of psychic “nonsense”. But never be so quick to dismiss the incredibly insightful power of your intuition.

Whatever you call it, “gut feeling,” your “inner voice” a “sixth sense”, science has actually found a way to measure this intuitive knowing.

Researchers found evidence that people can use it in order to make faster, more accurate, and more confident decisions.

What’s more, the idea of women’s intuition as being more insightful may also hold some weight. As reported in Forbes:

“Scientists believe intuition operates through the entire right side of our brain, the brain’s hippocampus and through our gut (digestive system has neurons as well). And this is where it gets interesting for us ladies. Women’s corpus collosum, the connective white matter that connects our left and right brain hemispheres together, is thicker than men’s. This more substantial brain super highway gives us women better and faster abilities to access each hemisphere, further integrating our emotion and gut feelings with the more logical left hemisphere into our decision making process. Basically women’s brains have superpowers and are actually optimized for rapid intuitive decision making.”

What does it mean if you have a gut feeling about someone? Probably quite a lot.

Rather than being some kind of wild guess, intuition is based on data. Your brain is drawing on a vast well of memories along with 1001 subtle clues that your subconscious picks up (even if your conscious brain is not aware of it at the time.)

In the past when I’ve rekindled with an ex I could always sense it was going to happen. It might not be one obvious thing, instead, it’s a collection of little things your brain is picking up on.

It’s the way they look at you, it’s an increase in effort that goes beyond friendship, it’s a lingering hug goodbye that lasted just a second or two too long.

As humans, we’re experts at reading what body language and non-verbal cues mean.

So if you’ve been thinking to yourself ‘my gut tells me we will get back together’ it could be for a very good reason.

Even if he hasn’t contacted you for a month, there could be a good reason you’re feeling this. 

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3) You’re still “friends”

I did something really stupid when my ex and I broke up. I still let him message me pretty much every day. Most of the time we would also still see each other several times a week, hanging out, having dinner, and doing other activities together.

I’d broken up with this guy because of powerful reasons which I knew deep down meant our relationship just would not work.

But that didn’t mean all my feelings magically disappeared. In many ways I still felt connected to my ex, still loved him and I felt guilty about the break-up.

So against my better judgment, when he wanted to have regular contact I went along with it.

I figured I somehow owed it to him to be friends. In reality, this rookie error cost me about 8 months of healing time. Seeing him was usually painful and raked-up feelings I was trying to move on from.

I could have been getting over him, but instead, I was keeping myself stuck by maintaining such regular contact.

During this period I wondered plenty of times whether we would get back together, or if we’d be able to fix our problems and eventually reconcile.

Ironically, in the meantime despite how close we remained, he actually was moving on and seeing other people (although I didn’t know that at the time).

That’s because remaining friends after a split means different things to different people, and this is where the danger lies.

Some are looking for security and don’t want to lose their ex’s emotional support (which was true in his case). Others just want to keep things civil for very practical reasons. Meanwhile, some people are still harboring romantic feelings for their ex (which was true in my case).

If you stay friends for the same reasons, that you both have residual emotions, then you may well get back together eventually.

But if you are staying friends because of leftover romantic feelings and he is on a different page then it can leave you in limbo.

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The difficulty is that whilst staying in touch might be one of the signs you and you ex are still in love with each other, it can also be true that your ex is keeping you as a backup.

In some cases, you can end up believing that your bond means a reunion is on the cards even if it isn’t and in reality, your ex just wants to be friends and nothing more.

4) You’re on again off again

If this ‘aint your first Rodeo, then the more obvious reason telling you that he’ll be back is because history proves it. 

We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. It’s harder to believe it’s over when you’ve done this hot and cold dance together plenty of times before.

One of the reasons why back and forth romances can be so draining is because they leave us wondering where we stand all the time.

You fall into a pattern of breaking up whenever the going gets tough, only to regret it later and come back to one another. 

At the same time, plenty of couples also get a secret thrill from this too. The feelings of loss and eventual reconciliation keeps the spark alive (albeit in an unhealthy way).

If breakups have been followed by subsequent make ups in the past, then it’s not surprising you keep thinking he will come back.

If this is your situation, rather than how can I get my ex back, perhaps a more relevant question this time would be, do I really want him back?

Unless something changes you may find yourself in the same situation further down the line.

5) It’s wishful thinking

Confirmation bias is a type of cognitive bias that can really screw you over when you’re going through a breakup.

This powerful mental meddling means that your brain will pay more attention to information that it feels supports your existing beliefs.

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Particularly when it comes to love and romance, we can end up looking for things that aren’t there, because we so desperately wish it was true.

Confirmation bias takes away your power of objectivity, which may lead to making poorer decisions and choices. We project our expectations on to the situation.

That’s why it’s important to acknowledge that your feeling he will come back could be your wishful thinking.

Dealing with a breakup can be stressful, sad, and very painful. It often brings with it many conflicting emotions.

You may feel like you still love your ex. You might be searching for signs your ex isn’t over you. You could be wondering if he secretly misses you.

This heady mix of emotions and thoughts that swirl around your head are bound to cloud your judgement.

Your brain is looking for solutions to ease the suffering and anxiety you feel over your separation from someone you care about or love.

One of the ways it does that can be to tell you what you want to hear. This may also be fuelled by obsessive thinking about him.

You might grasp onto the hope that he will come back when the timing is right, or go looking for signs that your ex will come back, which don’t really exist.

Sadly because it’s so tricky to see our own blindspots, the reality is that sometimes you may not always be able to tell if it’s just wishful thinking.

If you want to get back together so desperately you may:

  • Be constantly thinking about how to get your ex back
  • Fantasize about him coming crawling back
  • Feel angry or jealous if you think your ex is moving on
  • Want to take revenge on your ex or see that relationship karma plays out

Ultimately, you may have to wait and see.

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But in the meantime, it’s a good idea to actively question your own behaviour and motives to identify if there are genuine telltale signs he’ll come back to you or if you’re being consumed by grief over the breakup.

Even if your ex and you are destined to be together it’s still important to start the healing process for your own sanity.

How do you know if he will eventually come back?

The good news is that, statistically speaking, believing that you and your ex will get back together is actually not so far-fetched.

In fact, research suggests the amount of couples who break up and get back together is as high as 50%. But those odds differ greatly based on your own unique situation.

Your age is also a very big factor in how likely it is that you get back together. Teenage impulses can mean that young love is naturally more volatile, but you later regret the decision you’ve made.

Research found that 44% of young adults aged 17 to 24, reported breaking up and getting back together again. That’s compared to a study that discovered only 37% of couples living together, and 23% of married couples got back together after splitting.

Getting back with an ex is only half the picture, staying together is the other half

One poll surveyed around 3500 people who were at some point looking to get back with an ex. The participants, who were largely from North America and Europe, had broken up between 9 and 36 months before.

The results showed that the majority of people (70.8%) did not get back together with their ex. About 14% did reconcile but then broke up again. The remaining 15% got back together and stayed together.

Other key findings included:

  • Women stood a better chance than men at getting their ex back.
  • 18 to 24-year-olds were most likely to end up splitting again after getting back together.
  • People in their late 20s had the lowest success rate of getting an ex back.
  • Older couples had a better chance of staying together after getting back together.

What are the signs that my ex will come back?

Ok, so you have a feeling he’ll come back, but what do the signs say?

When you break up there are a few clues to look out for that can let you know how likely reconciliation really is.

If you want to know if your ex is coming back, here are some classic signs to look out for.

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1) He suddenly reaches out again

Sometimes our pride will stop us from getting back in touch with an ex, even if we want to.

We may stay strong for a few days, a few weeks, or even a month or so, but as the resolve starts to fade you might find he’s back in your inbox.

Men and women can typically respond differently to breaking up. Whereas women might want to talk things through or deal with their emotions straight away, men are more likely to emotionally close up and back off in the beginning.

It’s more significant that you don’t hear from him for a while and then he pops up again, because it suggests he’s been trying to stay away, but is failing.

If you get a late-night message, especially when he’s been drinking, his defenses are down and you have clearly been on his mind.

2) Breaking up was in the heat of the moment

Maybe you had an argument. You both said a few things you didn’t really mean. Things got out of control and before you know it you’re screaming at each other “I never want to see you again”.

If it’s a recurring fight, or you’ve been arguing a lot recently then it’s not so much heat of the moment. It signals there are some underlying issues that have been bubbling to the surface.

But if this was a one-off type of blow out then there’s more of a chance that when things cool down you can work it out.

Anger is a powerful emotion that can stop you from thinking straight, but when the dust settles he is more likely to realize if he has made a mistake.

3) You had a good relationship

Having a good relationship is obviously subjective, and we can have a tendency to slip on those rose-tinted glasses when we’re going through a breakup.

When we’re dealing with heartache, we may suddenly romanticize the relationship.

But a good relationship is one that is respectful, has trust, chemistry and you get along well.  You had good times together and enjoyed one another’s company.

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Of course, all couples have some conflict, problems, and arguments that will occur. But overall, the good times far outweighed the bad and you had a healthy relationship.

Whilst it doesn’t automatically mean you will get back together simply because you had a good relationship, there is a far better chance.

Without any animosity or bad feeling, and if you parted on good terms, it can be easier to rekindle that flame at some stage. 

4) He’s been “acting out”

Acting out is basically any type of behavior that is designed to help him hide from his feelings.

He’s going out and partying with friends, staying up all night, and all of a sudden his Instagram looks like a 24-7 Cancun Spring Break.

It can be really painful to see your ex behave like they don’t care. It’s not that he is pretending to be over you, it’s more that he is trying to distract himself.

The same can be said if he’s already jumped straight into the arms of someone new. Whilst on the surface this sounds like a terrible sign for any potential reunion, actually, it could be far better than you think.

These types of rebound relationships (or more realistically flings and situationships) are often short-lived and just a stop-gap to try and handle the loss of someone he really loved.

But it usually means he’s not dealing with his emotions. When they finally come back and bite him in the ass, don’t be surprised if your phone starts ringing off the hook.

5) He hasn’t collected his things

The final hand-off where you collect your things from his place and he collects his things from your place is a form of closure.

It says that you are serious about removing yourselves from one another’s lives.

That’s why when a guy leaves something at your home and hasn’t tried to get it back yet, it could be because he wants to keep an open door.

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6) He’s very responsive to you

It’s not enough that he isn’t ignoring you or ghosting you. When I say, “very responsive” I don’t just mean he will always reply (eventually) when you get in touch. Because that could just be him being nice.

I’m talking about more than that. He replies straight away whenever you reach out, rather than just short and polite responses, he will try and keep the conversation going.

Maybe he tries to reminisce and bring up the good times you shared. He is open to meeting up, or may even be the one to suggest it.

A lot of the same rules that apply for gauging someone’s interest when you first start dating will still apply in this situation.

Essentially, their effort levels are a direct correlation to their interest levels. We don’t invest in people we are not interested in (or we do so only minimally).

So if he is still going above and beyond for you in some way, it suggests his feelings are still there for you.

Why do they always come back when you are over them?

Have you ever noticed how guys seem to have almost a Spidey Sense for the exact moment you decide to move on? Because it always coincides with the precise moment they are sliding back into your DM’s asking ‘how you doing?’

Coincidence? Perhaps. But most likely something else is happening.

It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. The more available something seems, the less we crave it. When it looks like you are no longer an option, it makes you far more appealing.

After a breakup when you’re at home crying in your pj’s, willing him to get in touch, is sadly not the time you are at your most appealing.

The more you chase after him the further he will run away. When he starts to see that you have moved on, you become more of a catch again.

When he sees on social media that you are going out living your best life, he suddenly wants in on the action again.

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This is exactly why moving on with your head held high is actually your best strategy after a breakup.

But we tend to be able to tell when someone is faking, or when they really do seem happy. That’s also why trying to make him jealous or manipulate him in some way to trigger this in him won’t likely work.

It’s only when you really are ready to leave him behind that he senses it.

High-value women will walk away if it looks like a guy doesn’t want them. Being prepared to do this shows him you have dignity and self-respect.

Focusing on having fun and building your own self-esteem will help you to heal in the long run. At the same time, you show him what he is missing by not having you around.

Signs you will never get back together

The sad reality is that we don’t always get our happy endings in every relationship.

When dealing with the distress of a breakup, we won’t always want to admit to ourselves it’s really over.

But reading the signs he isn’t coming back can be the start of finally accepting, healing, and moving forwards with your life.

Even though it’s painful at the time, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Moving on from someone who cannot give you what you want allows you to find someone who will.

1) You’re not in touch

If you’ve only just split up, it might be too early to tell. But if it’s been several weeks (or even months) and there hasn’t been any communication between you yet then it’s safe to assume he doesn’t want to talk.

In some cases, giving your ex the silent treatment can be a way of showing you are angry or of testing someone.

But in most instances, if he hasn’t reached out in quite a while then he probably isn’t looking to get back together.

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2) He’s unfollowed you on social media

When I am determined to move on, the first thing I do is unfollow an ex on their Instagram, Facebook, and whatever other social media we’re connected on.

The last thing you want is to see your ex on a daily basis when you know it’s really over. What is the point in putting yourself through that?

If he unfollows you and you haven’t even caught him doing a bit of cyberstalking, like watching your stories, he could be serious about cutting ties.

3) If you do talk it’s very polite and brief

Not everyone is the cut-and-run type after a breakup. Some people think you should still be able to keep things civil.

The only problem is that it can send mixed messages that are just confusing to you. If he is still responsive to contact, but doesn’t fully engage in it, then he’s probably just trying to be nice.

He may text you back but he keeps the conversation shallow and his texts short. He doesn’t want to be mean to you, but neither is he desperate to talk to you.

4) He’s already friend zoned you

Being friends with an ex can be super confusing territory to stumble into. It can be both a sign he wants to get back together and a sign he doesn’t.

The significant difference is in how exactly he behaves around you. Seeing each other several times a week, and snuggling on the sofa together watching a film is not friendship. Neither is flirting, jealousy, or other clear signs he likes you.

But if he says there are no hard feelings, he’s happy to be friends, and then proceeds to treat you exactly like a friend, it’s a different story.

If he is indifferent to spending time with you, and when he does he treats you like a regular friend (nothing romantic or flirty), it sounds like he’s moved on already.

5) He tells you to move on

Some men are very straightforward with you and will let you know that they don’t want to get back together and that you should move on.

When this happens, listen to him.

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He may not always directly say those exact words, he might give you a politer version, but it essentially means the same thing. Look out for phrases like:

  • You should find someone better
  • It’s not you, it’s me
  • I’m not sure I’m ready to be in a relationship right now
  • I’m not right for you

These are ways of softening the blow, but they still are telling you he wants out.

Believe him, rather than convince yourself he doesn’t mean it, he is trying to test you, or is just scared by his feelings and will eventually come around.

6) He returns your things

Dropping off your things or coming to collect his things is often the final goodbye. 

It means there are no more excuses to see you one last time. Without those physical items that link you together, you can go your separate ways and never have to see each other again.

If he already came over to collect or drop things off and didn’t linger, then see this as him tying off loose ends.

7) He’s avoiding you

Maybe you share the same friendship group, you live in a small town or there is usually someplace you would expect to run into him (a favorite bar or coffee shop), but he is nowhere to be found.

If he is avoiding parties or places where he thinks you will be then he obviously doesn’t want to see you.

When you’re trying to get back with someone you actively look for excuses for your paths to “innocently” cross. If he is doing the opposite, he is trying to stay away.

8) He has another girlfriend

Partying, sleeping around and even a short fling can be a sign of him not properly dealing with his emotions. But if he gets another girlfriend then you need to move on.

This isn’t just someone he is having sex with, it’s someone he has been dating for some time and actually does couple things with.

9) He’s not jealous of other guys

Even though jealousy can be an ugly emotion, it’s also a very natural one.

QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac sign. Check it out here.

When we want something for ourselves, it’s hard to think of someone else having what we don’t. If your ex still has feelings for you, he’s likely to show signs he is jealous of other men.

Dudes in particular can be very territorial. If he isn’t phased to see other guys on the scene, then you have to assume it is because he no longer wants you.

To Conclude: Why do I feel like he will come back

You can end up with a feeling he will come back for all sorts of reasons.

Sometimes the evidence really is pointing to the fact that he will. But other times your heartbreak can lead you to grasp onto a false hope that doesn’t really exist.

Without a crystal ball, there is no conclusive way to know what will happen in the future.

Whilst everything unfolds, the best thing to do is to use this time and space to work on yourself.

Whether he comes back or not, there is still a silver lining to your breakup (no, really!)

According to a study, men are far more likely to feel regret over their past loves than women.

Women usually reflect, eventually move on and say they learned from the experience of heartbreak. Men on the other hand tend to be far more remorseful. They may move on, but they never really recover.

Let’s face it, if you can’t have him back it probably offers some small relief to know that one day, potentially years in the future, he will be kicking himself over his decision to let you go.

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