15 core reasons men pull away when things are going well (and what to do about it)

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It can be difficult to understand why your relationship turned sour after you were having so much fun in the beginning.

While there are many factors at work, men usually pull away when things are going well because they feel a lack of intimacy.

In fact, studies have shown that the number one reason a man pulls away is to be more emotionally distant.

Keep reading for 15 core reasons your man might be pulling away from you, with advice on how to address this situation.

1) He’s overwhelmed and stressed

When you first start dating, you may be enjoying each other’s company so much that your feelings are heightened.

While the physical side of things is blooming, it might be difficult to put your feelings into words.

When he feels confused about his emotions and doesn’t know what to say next, he’ll retreat emotionally by becoming absent. As we all know, stressful situations impact our mental and emotional state, often leaving us feeling powerless.

Because of this, men are often feeling a lack of control when it comes to their emotions, which leads them to feel like they don’t have control over their world.

So if you see him having a bad day or if he’s been acting depressed lately, there’s a chance it could be related.

Once he’s able to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, his emotions will become more tangible, and he’ll be able to have a deeper conversation.

2) He’s an introvert

He doesn’t know what to say next when he’s talking to you because he feels emotionally overwhelmed.

When we have difficult conversations, that lack of control makes us feel helpless and we may feel like there’s nothing we can do about it. So if there’s a problem, his first instinct is to turn inward and self-protect as he tries to figure things out on his own. 

He may have been raised in a situation where it wasn’t appropriate to express his thoughts, so he doesn’t know how to do so. 

So how can you get him to speak his mind?

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct

Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships. 

And it’s something most women have never even heard of.

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.

Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship. 

So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?

The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach. 

So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

3) He’s feeling insecure

You might feel a little insecure if you’re not seeing your boyfriend as often as you’d like, but men tend to have an even more fragile ego. 

Men are more likely to feel insecure when their girlfriend makes plans with friends or if she’s paying attention to other men.

Here’s the thing:

The reason for this is that men feel like they have to be the dominant figure and take care of every situation. 

They have a perception that it’s their responsibility as the masculine force of the relationship to fix any problems that arise, which is why they tend to pull away when they’re feeling insecure.

As it turns out, the average man gets his value from his reputation in his community as well as appearances. His sense of self-worth depends on him doing well at work and being popular in social gatherings.

So if his girlfriend’s behavior is causing his ego to feel threatened, he’ll feel the need to pull away from her.

If you want to get your boyfriend to stay, start by putting attention on him and showing him that he’s valued by you.

4) He feels inferior about the relationship

While most men want to be proactive in their relationships, it takes time for a man to open up emotionally. He may feel like he has to take care of you when he doesn’t like the way you’re focusing on him. 

Unfortunately, men don’t like talking about feelings because they only want to be heard and appreciated for things they’ve done. 

That’s why if your boyfriend is feeling inferior about his relationship, he will feel abandoned, which can cause him to pull away

Work on yourself so that you’re more desirable and don’t push him away with your annoying habits.

When you’re continually working to improve your value in his eyes, he’ll have a much easier time opening up. 

5) He’s emotionally unavailable 

Many men try to hide the fact that they’re emotionally unavailable because they feel like it’s better to seem like they’re single than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about them.

But when we don’t show people that we care, they won’t value us enough, which can cause them to pull away. 

Try to remember that your boyfriend cares about you and you’re important in his life. If he needs attention and reassurance, he’ll tend to pull away physically or emotionally

Don’t worry. There’s a solution.

If you want to get your boyfriend back, it’s best to show him that you care about him. If he knows that he has people in his life who support him, he’ll feel much more secure. 

Spend time with him and remember that regardless of what is happening, you can help each other cope. 

I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to overcome his insecurities.

Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours. 

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

6) He’s unfulfilled in the relationship

Many guys have a deep desire to be loved unconditionally and feel like they can’t get it from their girlfriend.

When men don’t receive this from their girlfriends, they’ll feel frustrated and start withdrawing. This often happens when men don’t have time for their relationships because of work, school or other commitments. 

Withdrawing can cause your boyfriend to feel that you no longer need him in your life, so he’ll become more distant. He might be scared to talk about the problems he sees because he doesn’t know how to fix them. 

Many men try to block out their insecurities so they don’t have to deal with them, but that can lead to huge problems. 

If your boyfriend is trying to block his issues and avoid talking about them, he’ll feel emotionally numb. 

He’ll feel like he needs to take a step back because there’s nothing that he can do about the problem as he would be wrong for even thinking about working on it with you.

7) He’s not ready for commitment 

If your guy is pulling away from you, it could be because he’s not yet ready to make anything long-term. 

In a nutshell, he’s not yet ready to settle down, so he’s likely to break up with you before things get serious.

The way you can tell this is that a guy pulls away when things are going well because he wants more freedom and spontaneity in his life. It’s important to ask yourself if you’re ready for a serious commitment that he may not be immediately ready for. 

That way, you can decide whether or not to continue your pursuit. 

8) He’s just not that into you 

Most men are superficial in their relationships and have attention issues.

When a guy is just not that into you, he’ll often try to hide his insecurities and difficulty expressing his feelings. 

In order for him to get over feeling insecure, he needs to feel like he’s valued by you. This makes him feel as though you are attracted to him as a person instead of just his personality. 

I learned this from one of the leading experts on male psychology – Michael Fiore. He explains what men really want from relationships.

In his free video, Michael reveals why most men struggle to settle down with one woman, and how to overcome this barrier using simple but surprisingly effective techniques. 

His incredible advice can turn even the coldest, commitment-phobic men into loving, dedicated partners. 

So if you want science-based methods to make him want to realize you’re the one, check out Michael’s genuine advice below.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

9) He already has what he wants

A guy will pull away from a relationship when he already has what he wants.

If you’re both looking for different things in a relationship, then he may not be interested in pursuing things further with you. He may be looking for someone else who better fits his needs.

It’s important to talk about what you both want in a relationship before you try to force anything serious between the two of you.

But you know what else?

This is especially true when it comes to sex.

Men value the physical side of a relationship more than women, and men likely only seek the physical without the emotional connection and other potential connected expectations.

Because they already have everything they want from the relationship, the man withdraws or chooses not to pursue it further. 

It’s best to read the situation and understand what he wants, so you can decide if that’s the way you want your life to be.

10) He’s got a girlfriend on the side

Believe it or not, many guys are involved with more than one woman at a time, but they don’t want either relationship to become serious because they’re not ready for it or because they don’t know what they want.

If your man is starting to withdraw, it’s possible that he has a girlfriend on the side. He may be seeing someone else, but he doesn’t want to commit because he’s not sure about the relationship.

If he’s been dating someone for a while and hasn’t spoken about the relationship to you, it could signal that you’re not his preferred option. And if the other girl brings up any sort of issue with her or with him, it could cause him to break up with you.

To avoid getting hurt and putting yourself in a situation you don’t like, try to trust your instincts and keep others around him at bay. 

11) His family doesn’t like you

If you’re starting to become an important part of your boyfriend’s life, his family may not like you.

They may even try to sabotage your relationship by encouraging him to pull away from you. They’ll attempt to keep him from getting hurt, even if they have to hurt you in the process.

When his family doesn’t like you, he’ll feel conflicted about continuing the relationship because he cares about them, and he cares about you. He’ll also be extremely confused because his family believes that he’s important to them.

For example, some men choose to hold on to their families’ opinions in order to maintain control and status in the relationship. This means that he’d be less likely to stick with you if his family doesn’t approve of your relationship. 

In some cases, he could choose to break up with you and start dating someone else if his family has strong opinions about your relationship. 

12) You’re moving too fast

If you’re moving too fast, your guy will feel like he’s getting pushed too quickly into a relationship that he doesn’t feel ready for.

Instead of trying to force anything to happen, he’ll pull away from the relationship and begin to distance himself from you emotionally. 

Here’s the thing: 

A guy will feel like you’re moving too fast if there’s any fear or tension about you dating him in the first place.

Fear means that he doesn’t know if he’s ready for a relationship. He needs to feel secure about it before he’ll commit, so he’ll pull away from you as a result.

If he thinks you’re going to break up with him, he’ll be terrified of commitment, and therefore won’t want a relationship at all. 

The two of you may not be as close as you both want, and you may find yourself trying to get closer without him being receptive. 

So, in order to make sure you don’t run too fast and him running away from you, talk about how far you’re both willing to go.

You’ll probably surprise yourselves and find that you both want things to go farther if you want a real relationship. 

If he’s hesitant about going there, take care of yourself first and make sure your heart is completely secure before discussing relationships. 

13) He knows the relationship isn’t going to work

When a man isn’t that into you, he’ll usually pull away from the relationship because it’s not going where he wants it to go.

If he sees you having difficulties with the relationship, he’ll realize that there are no efforts to make it better. He’ll wonder why you continue to pursue a relationship with him when it will never be as good as you want it to be.

There’s no real emotion involved, and it may seem like he’s not getting what he wants out of the relationship, but he really is.

Your guy isn’t pulling away because of anything you’ve done wrong. He’s pulling away because he feels like the relationship isn’t something that can work out, and he may feel too tired to explain all of his concerns to you.

It’s better for him to just let go of the relationship and move on to someone who can offer him what he wants.

When you’re in this situation, your guy will probably look for someone else who is willing to solve his problems and provide him with a solution.

14) He thinks you’re a mess

If your guy sees that you’re very emotional or suffering from anxiety or depression, he’ll think that your problems are too much for him to handle.

He’ll wonder why he’s getting involved with someone so unstable and he’ll start to pull away from you emotionally in order to protect himself. 

He’s just not going to stick around if he sees that the relationship could cause him more problems than it can solve. He’s not going to want a girlfriend who is always on edge, and he’ll start to feel like you’re suffocating him. 

For example, if you’re dealing with an addiction issue or something else that you need to get help for, then your guy will start to feel as though he’s not getting what he wants out of the relationship.

He’ll also worry that he’ll make you feel worse because of the relationship, so he’ll bail. 

If you find that your guy is pulling away from you emotionally, it’s best to go see a therapist or counselor to make sure everything is okay.

15) He’s just too busy

Sometimes, your guy may just be too busy for a serious relationship.

While this could be a sign of something bigger, it could also be that he’s just too busy for you.

He may have other priorities in his life right now, whether they’re career-related or not. He may also be dealing with a lot in his life and feel like he’s not ready for a serious relationship.

And the best part?

How to get him to stop pulling away: Do’s and Don’ts

If you want him to stop pulling away from you, it’s important that you do the following things:

1) Do focus on yourself 

You should make yourself as attractive as possible by pursuing your interests, working hard and studying, going out with friends, or getting a new hobby.

Too many times, people assume that if they don’t spend time with their partner or try to make them happy first, then the man will start losing interest. 

Here’s the truth:

If you don’t take care of yourself and put your needs first, then he won’t want you more

So take care of yourself, and your relationship will improve.

I learned about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his excellent, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, Rudá reveals where most of us go wrong in our relationships. 

So why should you listen to Rudá’s life-changing advice? 

Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s made the same mistakes in love that you and I have.

And now he’s found the solution, he wants to share it with you.

So if you’re done with feeling less than worthy, if you’re tired of toxic relationships, and you want to cultivate real, genuine love, check out his simple yet effective advice. 

Click here to watch the free video

2) Do make it a point to limit your availability to him

This means that you should only be available to him when he wants to see you. 

Keep his mind off the fact that he doesn’t seem very interested in you by picturing how great life with you would be. You don’t have to cut ties and disappear, but you should contact him less frequently and leave him wondering where you’ve gone. 

Don’t disregard his communications, but allow him to make the first move more often than you.

This makes him feel like your time is valuable, and it also gives him the impression that you’re very desirable. If he wants to see you more often, then he’ll pursue you. 

By the way, you shouldn’t stop doing this after your relationship is back on track. Maintaining a beautiful life that he longs to be a part of is the best approach to make a man fall in love and stay in love with you.

3) Do communicate 

If you want your guy to stop pulling away from you, then it’s important that you communicate effectively. 

Instead of asking for an explanation, tell him what you want in the relationship and find out what his thoughts are on the matter.

We’ve said in the past that women are naturally better at expressing their emotions and feelings, but many men still have a hard time communicating how they feel. 

If you work on being more expressive and genuine, then he will be more willing to open up or start talking about what’s bothering him. This means that you should be open and honest with him, even if it might feel uncomfortable at first.

In addition, you should also listen closely to what he’s saying. This makes you more attractive to him because he’ll feel like he can open up to you about whatever is bothering him. 

4) Don’t overcontrol him

It’s important that you do what your guy wants by giving him his space, but you shouldn’t be too controlling.

If you want to keep a man interested in you, then you need to make him feel like he’s in charge.

There are many men who are turned off by a woman who tries to control the relationship. He may start feeling like you can’t trust him, or he may get annoyed with how much you try to control his life.

You can ask him questions about what he wants, but if you give him no room to make decisions and tell him what to do all the time, then he will see you as a nagging or needy girlfriend.

5) Don’t spy on him

Spreading rumors and gossiping about your guy is a no-no in every situation.

Despite how you might feel at the time, it’s best to let emotions heal. 

What you need to do is to ignore the rumors that are flying around, and let your emotions subside before coming back and making progress with him.

6) Don’t play hard to get

This is one of the most common misconceptions about being a woman. 

It’s true that you can gain his attention and make him want you more if you play hard to get, but this may also backfire and turn him away from you even more.

It’s not worth it to lose your man because you think you need to be very difficult in order for him to feel something for you. 

Final thoughts

There is no set of rules or situations that can guarantee whether a man will stay interested in you.

What we can tell you, though, is that if you want your man to stop pulling away from you and rekindle the love you had for each other, then there are things to do and avoid.

I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing. 


Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before. 

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.