It’s a situation that most women will encounter at some point in their lives – the boyfriend who casually presses their boner against you whilst you’re trying to do the washing up.
Or the husband who greets you every morning by spooning you and “accidentally” brushing his erection against you in the process.
And since sex and our sexual organs are such a taboo topic in most countries, many women are left wondering, why?
Well, today that’s what we’re going to cover:
Why guys press their boners against you, plus a whole load of interesting boner facts that will leave you feeling like an expert in the field of erections.
But before we get into the important stuff – let’s take it back to basics and first explore what happens when a guy gets a boner.
What is a boner?
Boner, hard-on, stiffy, wood – these are just some of the terms used to describe an erection.
Everyone past a certain age will have come across a boner, whether you have them, see them in movies, or have had any sort of sexual experience with a guy.
After all, it’s a natural occurrence in men and a healthy sign of their sexuality.
But a boner is more than just “guy gets turned on and penis enlarges”.
Although that is a big part of it, the penis becomes erect when the brain sends a signal for blood to be pumped into the tissue around the penis.
All this extra blood causes the penis to become hard, and to enlarge until it stands upright and away from the body.
And this signal from the brain usually occurs when the guy has been mentally or physically aroused by something – an image, a memory, a touch, or even a sound can trigger these sexual feelings.
But that’s not the only reason why men get boners – sometimes it happens for no obvious reason or with no turn-ons around.
As men know and as women can imagine, it’s hard to conceal a boner when it happens, and an erection can pop up at the most unlikely (and quite frankly awkward) times.
But a common misconception is that guys can “summon”, or stop an erection from happening.
So to understand why they press their boners into you, we’ve got to first look at whether that idea of control is true or not.
Do guys have any control over their boners?
The truth is, they don’t have control over their boners – not in most cases anyway.
Once the chemical reaction happens and the brain sends over the signals to pump the penis with more blood, it’s hard for him to physically, or mentally, stop his penis from becoming erect.
And this can lead to all sorts of embarrassing situations.
From having a random boner whilst at the swimming pool to getting one in the middle of an office meeting, erections can happen even if the guy isn’t sexually aroused at that moment.
But there are times when a guy can calm down or even stop his erection, and it usually involves distracting himself by thinking of something that takes his mind off his penis (although this depends largely on the type of erection he’s facing).
Other ways they can stop their erection is by:
- Taking a cold shower
- Changing position to limit the blood flow to the penis
- Meditating as a way to calm down
But the initial act of the boner coming on is pretty hard to stop in its tracks, and since boners can come on suddenly and randomly, it’s hard for guys to know when it’s going to happen.
So now we’ve covered the basics, let’s get into why guys enjoy the sensation of rubbing it against you.
Why do guys press their boners against you?
There are several reasons why this happens – from attraction and arousal to nature taking over.
For many men, a boner can make them feel sensitive down below and they’ll experience a throbbing/pulsing sensation.
And one way to satisfy this restless feeling is to rub the penis – hence why some guys might enjoy pressing it against you.
Here are a few other reasons:
1) He wants to let you know he’s turned on
The most common reason a guy presses his boner against you is to tell you that he’s aroused and looking for some action.
The fact that he’s rubbing on you means he finds you attractive and he’s trying to figure out if you’re in the mood too.
And what better, more direct way to do it?
You’re either going to reject his advances or respond sexually, so it’s one of the quickest, easiest ways to find out if he’s going to have sexual intercourse.
2) He’s having fun
In some cases, a guy might press his penis into you just to see your reaction.
Now, I’m not talking about someone that you’ve just started seeing or even someone you don’t know – this tends to happen between people who are comfortable around each other and know each other’s boundaries.
So in this case, pushing his penis against you can be a form of teasing or a way to grab your attention, even if it doesn’t lead to anything.
3) He’s unaware he’s pressing it against you
And when I say unaware, it’s not that he doesn’t know he has a boner.
Men most certainly know when it’s “up”, but he may not realize that he’s pressing it against you.
It could be that he’s experiencing a random boner, which can happen even if he’s not sexually aroused.
So whether you’re cuddling watching TV, or standing close to each other on a packed moving train, if you feel it rub against you and he looks none the wiser, it’s probably because he’s unaware you can feel it.
4) He wants some penis attention
Sometimes, a guy just wants a little attention.
We all go through stages of feeling slightly insecure or a dry spell sexually, and it could be his way of just reminding you it’s there.
And let’s face it – guys have a tough time with penis validation.
Porn, movies, and erotic stories all emphasize the length and girth of penises. Essentially the message is the bigger the better (whether you agree or not comes down to personal choice).
But this can also put a lot of pressure on guys to feel like they’re performing well in the bedroom.
So if he needs some positive penis attention from time to time, he might casually give you a rub just to get that confidence boost.
5) It happens naturally
And sometimes, him pressing his boner into you can happen simply from the position you’re in – mainly when you’re curled up and spooning in bed.
As guys experience boners even during their sleep, you might feel it and assume he’s turned on, but it’s a naturally occurring action and he has no control over it, nor is he aware that it’s happening.
So with these reasons in mind, let’s get to the part where he’s pressed his boner against you, and you’re weighing up what to do about it:
What can you do when a guy has a boner?
This is where things can get a little tricky.
A lot comes down to the type of situation you’re in – if the guy is your partner or a guy you’re comfortable around sexually, it’s up to you to respond according to how you feel.
If you’re sensing he’s trying to initiate sex and you feel up for it too, great – the fact that he’s already got a boner means you don’t have to spend time trying to turn him on.
On the other hand, if you’ve just got in from a long, hard day and all you want to do is have some alone time, it’s best to be upfront with him and explain why you’re not in the mood.
But what if it’s a guy you don’t know?
It can happen – you’re at a club and he’s bumping and grinding with no thought to whether you’re actually enjoying it or cringing inside.
Maybe he’s just excited, or he finds you very attractive, but either way, you should make your feelings clear and let him know if it makes you uncomfortable.
And the truth is:
There are times that guys can’t control their boners, and one might pop up unexpectedly, but that’s not an excuse to put you in an awkward position.
So now we’ve covered why a guy might press his boner against you, and what you can do about it, let’s dive into some interesting, and somewhat embarrassing, facts about boners.
26 boner facts every woman needs to know
1) Boners can be pleasurable or painful
Most of us women just assume that boners pop up only when a guy is sexually aroused, but unfortunately for them, that’s not the case.
Sometimes, boners can be painful when a guy needs to pee…as you can imagine for logistical reasons it can be difficult to aim in the right direction, and can also cause a lot of discomforts.
2) They can pop up at random/inappropriate times
We’ve all seen it in movies where the guy gets turned on right before giving a speech or joining his family for dinner, so he uncomfortably waddles in trying his best to hide his erection.
The thing is, boners have a mind of their own.
They can pop up in the most random situations, even when the guy has zero sexual motive – imagine having a boner in the middle of an argument with a colleague?
It can be super uncomfortable and it’s not always easy to get rid of it.
3) Some boners are more stubborn than others
And that’s where stubborn boners come into the mix.
These boners won’t go no matter how much the guy tries to distract himself.
Because it’s out of his control, nothing he thinks or does will have an effect on his boner, it’s purely a biological process at this point, not because he’s aroused.
4) It can happen in public
When a boner happens in public, it can be embarrassing.
Whether a guy is just doing his weekly food shop or out meeting friends, an unexpected boner can throw him off completely, and all he can do is try his best to cover it.
5) They come in different shapes and sizes
This is where it gets really interesting.
The average boner isn’t always the same.
They can vary in intensity – for example, if a guy is extremely attracted to a person and his sexual arousal is high, his boner will form much quicker.
If he’s only semi-aroused, his partner might have to work a little harder to get the boner fully going.
6) Boners aren’t always straight
And sometimes boners can curve.
That’s right…they can bend to one side and it’s normally not a cause for concern.
If there’s a slight bend (30 degrees or less) it’s pretty common and indicates there’s nothing to worry about, but if it’s a higher degree of curve or painful, it could be a sign of Peyronie’s disease.
On a more positive note though, a slightly curved penis can sometimes give women a better orgasm if it hits the G-spot with more accuracy.
7) The shorter the penis, the bigger the boner
And interestingly, research shows that there’s a link between shorter penises having bigger erections compared to their longer penises.
What this essentially means is that the size of a guy’s penis should be measured by how large it becomes when erect, rather than when it’s flaccid (not hard).
8) Bad habits can affect boners
Erectile dysfunction is when a guy can’t get a boner or keep his boner long enough to have sex.
And a common cause of this can be by drinking too much alcohol or smoking (amongst other reasons).
This can happen randomly to some guys especially if they’ve drunk too much or they’re extremely tired, and a one-off now and then isn’t concerning.
It is a problem if it happens often though and any guy dealing with this should consult their doctor to find a solution.
9) And so can weight
But bad habits aren’t the only cause of boner problems – being overweight can also cause erectile dysfunction.
Obesity can cause very low levels of testosterone, and this is what is needed to keep the sex drive going and erections hard.
10) Boners are common in the morning
Boners that happen in the morning are called “nocturnal penile tumescence”, or more commonly “morning glory” or “morning wood”.
And whilst it might not always be a welcome visit, especially if the guy’s in a rush to get out the door in the morning, it’s a sign that he has a healthy sexual drive.
11) As inconvenient as they can be, men are scared to lose them
Boners, for all the pleasure they bring, can be annoying, inconvenient, and downright embarrassing at times.
But every man is afraid of the day they can no longer “get it up”.
Well, no boner, no pleasure…
Plus having a hard time getting it up indicates that there’s a problem and that treatment is needed, all of which can be an uncomfortable (but necessary) process to go through.
And let’s face it, no one enjoys going to have their private parts investigated at the doctors (although this stigma often contributes to guys not getting themselves checked out which is a big problem).
So if you know a guy going through penis problems, encourage and support him to get medical advice and help normalize men being able to talk about these issues.
12) Boners change as guys get older
And erectile dysfunction can increase with age – but that’s not to say that all men go through boner difficulties.
Older men, especially those who have a good, healthy lifestyle, will still be able to achieve solid erections.
A lot comes down to personal fitness, work-life balance, and lifestyle habits and this applies to men of all ages.
13) Some boners last even after orgasm
And just like the stubborn boner that won’t disappear in public, there are also certain boners that linger even after sex.
This might lead you to think that he hasn’t orgasmed properly, but in reality, it’s just because he’s still turned on.
Guys (and girls) go through what’s called a “refractory period” after sex, where the body doesn’t want any more intercourse (it essentially needs a break).
But how long this lasts depends on each person, and a guy with an extremely high sex drive might get a boner straight away after orgasming.
14) Some boners are easily lost
But on the other hand – there’s always the boner that got away.
It can happen to even the healthiest of guys, and common causes are:
- A lack of arousal
- Drinking too much alcohol
- Being stressed
- Using recreational drugs
And a lot of guys feel pressure or anxiety about their sexual performance, especially if they’re with a new partner or they feel that they’re under-performing.
15) External factors can affect a boner
And sometimes, just the atmosphere can affect a boner, for example, the type of place the guy is in.
If he feels comfortable, let’s say it’s super cozy and comfortable and he feels relaxed, he’ll get a boner much easier than if he’s somewhere where he’s not feeling the vibe.
16) Certain types of pants can make a boner look worse
Much to our pleasure (or displeasure, depending on who it is), some guys may go about their daily life wearing pants that show off their boner rather than conceal it.
Most often, they don’t realize that their sweatpants are clinging to their penis and now everyone in the shopping mall can see that he’s turned on.
One way guys can combat this is to wear boxer briefs – they hold everything in and make it easier to hide a random boner that pops up during the day.
17) The weather can affect boners
When a guy is cold, he experiences a “winter penis”.
In cold temperatures, the penis tends to shrink and stay as close to the body as possible.
But on the plus side, there’s always the “summer penis” to look forward to – hot temperatures contribute to larger, harder erections (coincidently around the same time as bikini season).
18) Some guys can experience up to 5 boners when they’re asleep
According to the statistics, it’s believed that each of these orgasms can last from 25-35 minutes…but there’s not a lot of medical research behind this.
Even if a guy isn’t having a sexual dream or touching himself, it’s believed that the relaxed state he’s in can cause more blood to rush to his penis, thus causing an erection.
19) A penis can break – especially when erect
Although it doesn’t happen often, an erect penis can become fractured during sexual intercourse, especially if it bends quite drastically.
But as there are no bones in the penis, it happens when the blood vessels themselves have burst and this can cause incredibly painful swelling.
20) Erections start young
Now here’s an uncommon boner fact – even newly born infants and infants in the womb can experience an erection, and as much as it might shock parents, it’s simply the body doing what it needs to do.
This is an obvious highlight of how an erection is simply another natural body function, one that isn’t necessarily always tied to a sexual motive.
21) There are 3 different types of boners
Many people aren’t aware that boners come in three different forms; psychogenic, nocturnal, and reflexogenic erections.
Psychogenic – this is when a guy has arousing or lustful thoughts – he’s mentally stimulated and turned on.
Nocturnal – these erections usually happen first thing in the morning or during the night, and the guy has no control (and when he’s asleep, no awareness) that it’s happening.
Reflexogenic – this happens when the penis directly comes into contact with something that stimulates it, like being touched or pressed against.
22) Different types of arousal can affect the size of a boner
And just as there are different types of boners, research has shown that how a man is turned on sexually could impact how much of an erection he has.
Researchers believe that some men’s erections are larger when they receive external stimulation, for example, oral sex, as opposed to when they masturbate alone.
23) Condoms can ruin a boner
Condoms are a great way to protect against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
And they also do the all-important job of being a contraceptive against falling pregnant by accident.
But the downside of putting a condom on is that some men lose the sensation in their penis, and it might take longer for them to become erect again.
24) An erect penis can point in any direction
Boners can cause the penis to enlarge in different directions, even though we usually associate them as pointing upwards.
For some men, their penis might put upwards when erect, whilst others point forward or downwards, and this comes down to each individual (there’s no “right direction”).
25) Stress and lack of sleep can affect boners
If a guy isn’t getting enough sleep or he’s extremely stressed in life, this can significantly impact the quality of his erections.
And when it comes to stress, it’s anxiety that stops the brain from sending signals down to the penis, which can cause temporary erectile dysfunction.
It’s not a problem if it happens very occasionally, but if it’s a common occurrence it points to needing treatment or a lifestyle/psychological check over for causes.
26) There’s a semi-boner
And finally, we’ve come to the semi-boner.
This is when a man’s penis isn’t completely erect, but it’s stiff enough to not be called flaccid…think of it as being in no-man’s-land.
When this happens, it could be that he’s turned on but distracted and having a tough time becoming fully hard, or after an orgasm when he goes into the refractory period of calming down.
So there we have it – everything you need to know about boners, and the all-important reasons why guys like to press them against us.
You might not always appreciate having a boner pressed against you, but the easiest way to resolve this is by communicating your feelings – and if you don’t mind it, rock on and have fun.
And as we’ve learned – for good or bad – men aren’t always in control of their erections.
So a little understanding will go a long way if your man ever unexpectedly has a boner at an awkward or embarrassing time – it can certainly pop up anywhere unannounced.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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