There’s nothing worse than when a guy comes on strong and then pulls away.
It can be confusing and frustrating, especially when you don’t know why it’s happening.
In this blog post, we will explore 18 common reasons why guys come on strong and then pull away.
By understanding why this happens, you can work on avoiding these situations in the future.
18 common reasons why guys come on strong and then pull away
1) He’s scared of getting hurt again
Getting hurt in a previous relationship can make someone really cautious in future relationships.
If a guy comes on strong and then pulls away, it could be because he’s scared of getting hurt again.
That means he may not be ready for a new relationship, even if he really likes you.
Perhaps the idea of opening his heart again is just too scary for him because there’s a chance things won’t work out.
So if you find him behaving this way, be understanding and patient with him.
If he’s worth it, he’ll come around eventually.
2) He’s not ready for a serious relationship
Casually dating is fun and carefree. There’s less pressure than in a serious relationship,
so it can be a good way to ease into things.
However, some guys use this as an excuse to avoid getting too attached.
They may come on strong at first and then pull away because they’re not ready for anything serious.
This could be because they’re not over their ex, they’re not ready to settle down, or they just don’t want anything serious.
Truthfully, if you don’t mind dating casually, then this may not be a big deal to you.
But if you’re looking for something more serious, it’s important to know this about him from the beginning.
Otherwise, you may end up getting hurt when he eventually pulls away.
3) You’re sending signals that he’s unwanted
Men are born to love the chase. They love feeling needed and desired.
So when a guy comes on strong and then pulls away, it could be because he’s getting the sense that he’s unwanted.
Maybe you’re not being as responsive as you could be, or you’re not giving him enough attention.
The thing is, men are wired to protect and provide for their loved ones. This is what relationship expert James Bauer refers to as the hero instinct.
According to James, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, it can have a profound effect on his behavior in a relationship.
And when you tap into it, a man will do everything he can to make you feel safe and loved.
To learn more about how to trigger a man’s hero instinct, check out this excellent free video.
Here, you’ll learn the powerful secret that can help you turn any man into a devoted, loving partner, even by sending specific texts and phrases that you can use right away. Once you get a better understanding of this crucial concept, you get to unlock a man’s innermost desires.
You’ll make him feel like he needs nothing else but you.
4) He’s not sure if your compatibility’s worth the effort
It’s easy to get caught up in the romance of connecting with someone you care about.
We’re programmed that way.
But there’s a lot more to building a relationship than just attraction and following your heart.
If a guy isn’t sure if you’re worth the effort, then he’s not likely going to put in the work needed to make it happen.
That’s why he could come on strong at first and then pull away when he realizes it’s not as easy as he thought.
Understand that it’s not that he doesn’t like you. He may just need more time to figure out if the relationship’s worth pursuing.
5) Guys pull away because they’re not over their ex
A lot of men who go through breakups have a hard time getting over their exes.
So when they decide to start dating again, it’s only natural to compare their current relationship to their past one.
Now get this: even if he’s completely over his ex, he may still compare you to her.
Coming on strong and then pulling away may simply be his way of trying to figure out if you’re better than his ex.
Oftentimes, it has nothing to do with you at all.
It’s just a defense mechanism to draw some boundaries. This is to prevent any unnecessary pain for both parties involved.
6) Your interactions moved too fast and he got overwhelmed
Think of whirlwind romances and you’ll get the idea.
Some guys move too fast when they’re first getting to know someone. They may come on strong and then pull away because they’re overwhelmed by the intensity of their feelings.
You see, it can be scary for some guys to open up and let themselves get attached too quickly.
This is why they prefer to take things slowly at the beginning. They want to be sure that they can handle the level of intimacy before they get in too deep.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. Some guys are just naturally fast movers.
It’s important to pay attention to how he is in other aspects of his life. If he’s the type of guy who usually goes after what he wants without hesitating, then it’s likely that he just moves fast in relationships.
On the other hand, if he’s generally a laid-back guy, then he could get overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings for you.
In either case, it’s best to just take things slow and let him set the pace. This way, you can avoid getting hurt if things don’t work out.
7) You didn’t give a man enough space and he felt smothered
Picture this: you start dating a guy and things are going great.
You’re seeing each other a few times a week and you’re always texting or talking on the phone.
You might even be tempted to see each other every day.
But then suddenly, he starts pulling away. He’s not returning your calls as quickly and he’s making excuses to not see you.
In some cases, it could be that you didn’t give him enough space.
He might have felt smothered by your constant texts and calls.
Think about it: giving a guy some space to miss you can actually make him want you more.
It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true.
So if you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to back off a bit and give him the space he needs.
8) He’s testing the waters to see if you’re interested
One common tactic that men do is test the waters to see if you’re interested.
They’ll come on strong at first and then back off to see how you react.
One example of this is when a guy texts you all the time and then suddenly stops.
He’s gauging your reaction to see if you’ll chase after him or if you’ll move on.
In some cases, he might even do this to see if you’re the type of girl who’s needy or if you’re independent.
If you feel that a guy is testing you in this way, the best thing to do is to just play it cool.
Be nonchalant about his sudden change in behavior and don’t give him the attention he’s looking for.
At the same time, be more understanding. He may have his reasons for testing you and it’s important to give him the benefit of the doubt.
9) A guy develops anxiety from the pressure from you to commit
Relationships are built on trust. And when that trust is eroded, it can falter.
Men who come on strong and then pull away could be caused by the pressure from you to commit.
He might feel that he’s not ready for a relationship or that he doesn’t want to be tied down.
However, if you know how to trigger his hero instinct, he’ll naturally want to pursue you more and make things official.
As I mentioned, this concept from James Bauer could change the way you think about dating and relationships.
It’s an evolutionary urge that’s hardwired into his DNA.
One way to trigger this is by having an open and honest conversation with him about your intentions.
This way, you can clear up any miscommunications and set the expectations for the relationship.
And with some texts and phrases from James’ guide, you can easily get him to see you as his one and only.
10) A man realizes he has a fear of commitment
When a man realizes he has a fear of commitment, it can be a shock to him.
He might not even be aware of it until he starts getting close to you.
This fear can manifest itself in many ways, such as coming on strong and then pulling away.
It can also manifest itself as a fear of getting hurt or a fear of being rejected.
In some cases, this fear can be overcome with time and patience. But in other cases, it might be best to just walk away.
If you find yourself in a situation where a guy is afraid of commitment, it’s important to discuss it.
Talk about what you’re looking for in the relationship and see if he’s on the same page.
That way, you don’t waste each other’s time.
11) Since he’s not used to showing emotions, his behavior comes on strong
Some men are too preoccupied with the idea of being macho and strong.
They’re not used to showing their emotions, so when they do, it comes on strong.
It could be that they’re afraid of being seen as weak.
Or it could be that they don’t know how to express their emotions in a healthy way.
In either case, it’s important to talk about your feelings.
Let him know that it’s okay to show his emotions and that you’re there for him.
Alternatively, you can try to get him to open up by doing something that he enjoys.
This way, both of you can bond over a shared experience and he might feel more comfortable expressing himself.
12) He doesn’t have a needy attachment to it because it’s part of his style
A man who comes on strong then suddenly pulls away might not have a needy attachment to the relationship.
In other words, he might be doing it because it’s part of his dating style.
Some men are just naturally more inclined to take things slow.
To clarify, it’s not he’s playing you or trying to string you along.
It’s just that he’s not as emotionally invested in the relationship as you are.
So, why does he do it?
Well, to put it plain and simple: it’s simply his style.
It’s not a question of why. It’s just the way he is.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
You can either accept it or move on to someone who is more emotionally available.
13) Men pulling away from someone means they’re not that into you
Let’s face it: a lot of guys are just looking to have fun and are not ready to settle down.
This can be confusing for you because you might think he’s into you.
But the truth is, if a man can’t see himself with you in the future, he’ll start to pull away.
For some guys, they’ll do it slowly. For others, they’ll do it all at once.
It might hurt to hear this, but it’s a reality you have to face.
The sooner you accept it, the better.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that all men are like this.
But if you’re constantly finding yourself in situations where a guy comes on strong and then disappears, it might be time to re-evaluate your dating strategy.
You deserve someone who is fully committed to you and is ready to give you the relationship you want.
14) He’s clinging on to his freedom and independence being single
Even when men are attracted to you, they may come on strong and then pull away.
That’s because some men value their freedom and independence more than anything else.
When there’s a new relationship, it can be stifling for a lot of them.
Being single gives them a sense of control and power. And they’re not ready to give that up just yet.
Perhaps they might enjoy the time they spend with you but also yearns for times when they could do what they want when they want.
If this is the case for you, you’ll need to have a talk with him about it.
See where he stands and what he wants.
From there, you can decide if it’s something you’re willing to work with.
Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak.
15) He has trust issues and is afraid to let himself get too close to you
Having trust issues could be another reason why a guy comes on strong and then pulls away.
Just think about it: trust is the foundation of any relationship.
And a man who has trust issues will often withdraw from people, especially if they feel like they’re getting too close.
If you think this might be the case, you’ll need to take things slow. Try not to push him too hard and give him the space he needs.
At the same time, be understanding and patient.
Eventually, he might let his guard down and allow himself to get close to you.
But what if you could further understand what’s been holding him back?
This free Love and Intimacy video by the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê can give you insights into why he’s been withdrawing.
He’ll talk about how trust begins with your inner relationship. Once you discover his teachings, it might help the man in your life to trust you more, too.
To watch the incredible free video, click here.
16) He’s afraid of his own feelings of desire, lust, and passion
Many men feel a certain level of fear when they’re in new or uncharted territory with a woman.
It might be hard for you to understand why he’s pulling away when he’s the one who came on strong in the first place.
But for a lot of men, it has to do with feeling out of control.
When they start to experience strong feelings of desire, lust or passion, it can be scary for them.
It’s like they’re on a roller coaster and they’re not sure if they want to get off or not.
This is why a lot of men will come on strong at first and then start to pull away.
They need time to process their feelings and figure out what they want.
So, if you’re patient, why not give him the space he needs?
Chances are, he’ll come back to you when he’s ready
17) A guy pulling away feels he doesn’t deserve love and happiness
One of the biggest fears that people have is not being worthy of love.
It’s something that a lot of us struggle with.
And it can be especially hard for men who have a painful history with relationships in general.
They might carry emotional scars or baggage that they can’t see past in terms of the relationship and future together.
When a guy starts to get close to you and then pulls away, it might be because he’s conditioned himself to believe that he doesn’t deserve love and happiness.
This is why it’s important to be understanding and patient with him.
He needs to know that you’re not going anywhere and that you’re there for him no matter what.
Only then will he start to open up and let you in.
18) He’s worried about change and losing his identity
Relationships can be scary for a lot of people because they think they’re going to lose their sense of self.
They worry that they won’t be able to do the things they love. Moreover, they think that they’ll have to change who they are in order to make the relationship work.
For a lot of men, this is a big reason why they come on strong and then pull away.
They’re afraid of losing their identity and they need time to figure out how they can still be themselves within the relationship.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to give him some space.
Encourage him to do the things he loves and make it clear that you’re not trying to change who he is.
This way, he’ll be more likely to open up to you.
And later on, your relationship may have a better chance of lasting.
Can you do anything when a guy does this?
There are a few things you can do when a guy comes on strong and then pull away.
Don’t take it too personally – it’s not your fault
Although some men do this on purpose because some women behave in certain ways that don’t appeal to them, it’s not always the case.
More often than not, men pull away because they’re afraid of their own feelings or they need time to figure things out.
So, don’t take it too personally when it happens.
Distance is healthy, so give him space
If you think the guy needs some time to figure things out, why not give him the space he needs?
It’s not always easy, but it’s important to remember that distance is healthy in a relationship.
It gives you both time to miss each other and appreciate each other more.
Communication is key, so set expectations well
If you want things to work out, communication is key. Talk it out and set expectations early on.
You see, when men pull away, it’s often because they’re afraid of something. It might be hard for them to express what they’re feeling.
But if you can talk openly and honestly, it’ll help him feel more comfortable around you.
This way, there won’t be any misunderstandings later down the road.
Keep the connection with affection
When a guy comes on strong and then pulls away, it might be easy to think that he doesn’t care about you anymore.
But that’s not always the case.
Men often need some time to process their feelings before they can express them.
So, even if he’s pulling away, try to keep the connection strong with affection and intimacy.
This allows him to know that you still care about him, even if he’s going through a confusing time.
Don’t make excuses for him
It’s easy to rationalize a man’s behavior when he comes on strong and then pulls away.
But making excuses for him is only going to make things worse in the long run.
It’ll give him the impression that you’re okay with his behavior, even if you’re not.
And it might stop him from taking responsibility for his own actions.
So, don’t make excuses for him.
Call him out on his behavior and let him know that it’s not acceptable.
This way, he’ll be more likely to change his ways.
Be more understanding of his experience and perspective
It’s easy to get caught up in our own emotions and perspective when a guy comes on strong and then pulls away.
But it’s important to try to be more understanding of his experience and perspective.
After all, we don’t know what he’s going through or why he’s behaving the way he is.
So, try to be more understanding and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Give him time, but don’t wait forever
Let’s be realistic here. You can’t wait around forever for a guy to come back.
If he’s pulled away and you’ve given him some space, it’s important to give him a timeline.
Tell him that you need some clarity within a certain period of time.
This way, he knows that you’re not just waiting around for him and that you have your own life to live.
This list of 18 reasons why guys come on strong and then pull away should give you some insight into the male mind.
It’s not always easy to understand why they do the things they do.
But hopefully, this list has helped shed some light on the situation.
It’s true, every guy is different, especially with adult relationships.
But keep in mind that all of them possess the hero instinct.
And if you can tap into that, you’ll be able to keep him coming back for more.
If you’re ready to reach new heights in your relationship, check out expert relationship advice from James Bauer.
His work has helped countless women find happiness with the right man.
And it can do the same for you.
You might just find that his tips are exactly what you need to get your man to commit.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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