The top 14 reasons why couples break up after 3 months

Most “serious” relationships don’t break down after 3 months of dating.

Not every factor immediately leads to a breakup but the combination of two or more problems practically guarantees a relationship failure.

If you’re at a point in your life where you want to be in a relationship for the long haul, but find yourself in a circle of short-term relationships that last only 3 months, you might want to read along.

Here, you’ll find the top 14 reasons why couples break up after 3 months and some advice on them.

1) You’re still getting over someone else

Breaking up can be a big blow to your confidence and it can be hard to move on when you feel bitter about it.

So what do you do?

You start dating the next person who shows the slightest bit of interest in you. You rebound. It becomes a race out of pride to show your ex that you’ve moved on faster.

Whether or not you bring up your ex, if you’re emotionally not ready, you’re letting this new person compete with your past relationship. That’s the problem right there.

All of a sudden, you need this new relationship to be better than the last.

There’s no hard and fast rule as to when you can start dating again after a breakup. In fact, some people have started rebound relationships and have lasted to this day. But if you’re in it for the wrong reasons, it might be selfish of you and unfair for the other person.

Want my advice?

Cliché as it may sound, focus on yourself.

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Give yourself some time to get over the last relationship. The last thing you need is breakup after breakup because you haven’t come to terms with whatever baggage you still have from your past relationships. 

Remember what you and your life were like before you started dating that person. You may need your core people as a support system, so surround yourself with people who lift you up.

2) Your ex is still getting over someone else

It’s a hard pill to swallow but you can’t nourish a relationship with someone who’s lugging around emotional baggage from an ex.

While being in a relationship with someone who’s on a rebound isn’t necessarily bad, expect to have conversations revolving around the ex and everything that went wrong in that relationship.

The little arguments, the flaws, and the trust issues — these can bring tension to your budding relationship and the spark will have subsided even before it lit up.

Let’s face it: listening to someone whining about — or rather pining over — an ex isn’t really enjoyable.

Want my advice?

There are two things you can do: move on or wait. 

You deserve to be with someone who respects you and who can genuinely grow with you.

If you feel this person is worth the effort and you choose to wait, you have to be prepared to count the whining days and be okay with it. You run the risk, though, of it being one-sided because you’ll depend on someone else’s timeline and not your own.

Otherwise, it’s best to cut ties. Believe that your worth has way more value than the other person is giving you. Who knows, walking away may even trigger them to come back.

3) You realize you can’t stand each other

Studies say that it takes at least 6 months to get to know a person.

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That seems to be a reasonable time, so why do couples break up after only half of that?

It’s because they don’t like what they begin to see.

Dating for the first 3 months is like going on a 3-month trial period with a new job. You go through an orientation, goal setting, and training. And when you don’t come close to the expectations, they let you go.

Three months may seem premature, but sometimes, the more you learn about someone, the less you become into them. The flaws suddenly come out, and you find yourself at a crossroads where you’ll have to decide if the person will be worth your time.

Want my advice?

Do some healthy picking

According to Aaron Ben-Zeev, Ph.D., you can use your gut as a guide in choosing someone to date.

Take your time, know your standards, and be flexible. Not everyone ticks off all the boxes of your ideal mate, but you sure can find someone who is kind, respectful, and who is genuinely interested in you.

4) You’ve become too clingy

Being clingy isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Some people appreciate it to a certain degree. It makes them feel needed and wanted. There are others, though, who can’t stand it

During the first few months of dating, you’re essentially in the getting-to-know-you phase.

And when you find yourself becoming too attached too fast, your efforts are focused on the other person with no breathing space left for yourself and the other people in your life.

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Do you excessively think about them all day and count the minutes until you can see them again?

Have you planned your entire schedule around this person?

How many text messages do you send every day and how many responses do you get?

When you’re not on the same page and expectations are different, your relationship’s likely to end sooner rather than later.

Want my advice?

There’s no shame in admitting to being too needy.

Talk it out and set some boundaries. Being honest about how you feel is better than bottling it up until you can’t anymore.

Being clingy can be endearing, but both of you need some independence apart from each other for the relationship to work. You just need to figure out what will work and what won’t.

5) You have commitment issues

Commitment is a huge deal for both men and women, and when you start to put labels on your relationship, sometimes, pressure starts kicking in. You, then, decide to call it quits after a couple of months and end up being tagged as an “insecure serial dater”.

Why is that?

There were studies pioneered by psychologists Cindy Hazen and Phil Shaver on adult attachment, which states that emotional needs and other attachment styles adopted early on in life remain intact even throughout adulthood. 

One reason why people don’t fully commit is because of the chronic fear of being rejected. They keep themselves guarded, even when they start to open up, because they think they won’t be accepted and won’t get the support they need from the person they’re dating. 

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Another reason is the fear of being taken advantage of.

They’re the emotionally unavailable ones because they’re also afraid of losing their own identity. As a result, they form in their minds a script to avert commitment and they know how and when their relationships will end.

Ultimately, these are defense mechanisms that develop from issues that go way back from their childhood.

Want my advice?

If you seem to resonate with any of these attachment issues, don’t worry. You’re not alone. 

Understand that people generally want what you want — love and companionship. By making a conscious choice to see and accept your commitment issues, you’re halfway to becoming more secure.

Allow your partner to play a supportive role in working through your issues. You might be surprised how much trust can be built if you just open up.

Take things one day at a time, keep it real, and enjoy the journey.

6) There’s no time

The first few months of a relationship are critical in determining whether or not it can go the distance.

More often than not, life gets in the way. This happens to plenty of couples where both are attempting to focus their energy on their careers, passions, and getting ahead in life.

That’s the thing: the only way for you to nourish any relationship is to spend time together.

No matter what the reason, if you feel like not enough time is made for you, expect your new relationship to burn out after a short time.

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Want my advice?

Life can’t be all work and no play. If you’re really interested in getting to know someone on a romantic level, make time for it.

You can establish a schedule to meet up without sacrificing the fun of spontaneity.

When you can’t be physically together, be creative! 

Find alternatives to communicate while you’re apart. Connect through social media, video calls, and text messaging

Sometimes, it isn’t about the activities that you do, but more about being connected to help nourish your relationship.

7) You don’t fulfill each others’ needs

Dating someone new is always exciting. You spend time and have fun, and eventually get to know each other, including their own needs.

Men want to be appreciated and loved, just like women. But what sets them apart is what relationship coach, James Bauer, calls the hero instinct.

In his book, His Secret Obsession, Mr. Bauer talks about how man is naturally a problem solver. He is about being able to protect and provide.

Women want friendship, intimacy, and romance. As emotional beings, they want to feel special.

When these needs aren’t met by your partner, even during the first few months of the relationship, you’ll most likely break things off and get them from someone else.

Want my advice?

QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac sign. Check it out here.

There is a psychology to understanding the needs of both men and women, so you’ll need to read up a bit on this.

Aside from James Bauer’s His Secret Obsession, you can check out Amy North’s The Devotion System and Michael Fiore’s Make Him Worship You.

Going through these books, you’ll find that one thing is for sure — men and women want the same things: love, respect, appreciation, friendship, safety, and intimacy. They might just be in a different order.

8) You’re not being your true self

You have your natural personality. And when you start dating someone, it’s normal to be on your best behavior.

But sometimes, that leads to pretending to be someone you’re not.

When you find yourself acting differently against what comes naturally to you, you create this internal tension that can cause stress not only to yourself but also to your relationship. Even if you want to gain approval and affection, it’s usually unsustainable. 

And if the person you’re dating doesn’t want you to behave the way you naturally do, most likely your relationship won’t see the light of day.

Want my advice?

Be yourself. Plain and simple.

It’s good to be on your best behavior sometimes but choose to be authentic and honest, and look for the same in other people. You’re flawed and imperfect, and that’s okay!

Pretending to be someone else will get you nowhere near a great relationship.

You want to be with a person who makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. It will only bring you and your partner closer if you take the good with the bad.

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9) There is no respect

Respect is the foundation of any relationship, regardless of what stage you’re at.

When you’re in a new relationship, it usually takes a couple of weeks to get your bearings. If your partner genuinely cares about you, there is more involvement in your life.

They acknowledge your boundaries, consider your feelings and opinions, and listen to what you have to say.

It’s very easy to get turned off by someone who doesn’t respect you that way. If it persists, you’ll eventually call it quits.

Want my advice?

Everybody deserves respect, and awareness is the first step to having better relationships.

If there are things about you and your behavior that cause this disrespect, do some reflection and talk it out with the other person. 

If it’s not about you, speak up. Don’t sacrifice your worth for someone who doesn’t respect you. It’s just not worth it.

To gain respect, you must give it.

10) You only want sex

Sexual energy is important in a romantic relationship. It’s one of the things that motivates you during the first few months of dating. You’ll be all over each other, wishing to be physically close as much as possible.

However, sex in a relationship can only take you so far. It dwindles and your mind and body will eventually long for something more.

If you start a relationship with no reason other than sex, without any consideration of compatibility or even a friendship, chances are your relationship will take a nosedive.

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Want my advice?

Ask yourself if you’re genuinely interested in this person. Do you have undeniable chemistry? Do you connect through conversations? Does this person stimulate you intellectually?

If you answer yes to all these questions, you’re on the right track. If the jury’s still out and you’re unsure, that’s okay, too.

Go on a coffee date and get to know the person.

11) ‘Tis the season

Most countries have 4 seasons in a year, which last about 3 months.

If you think about it, the beginning of a season is the passage of time. Just like a short-lived relationship, it simply had run its course. 

A new couple, for example, may be doing great throughout summer, but when school or work conditions change, priorities shift as well. One day, you’ll receive a phone call, asking to talk, only to find out that it’s over.

Want my advice?

Make the first few dates about really getting to know the other person. You don’t want to be caught off guard when the person you’re dating suddenly drops a bomb and tells you about a 6-month project across the country.

Once you find out about plans like these, and you still want to keep on dating, it’s best to keep things casual. You don’t need to burn bridges just because the relationship has to end.

Who knows? The universe might conspire and you’ll find yourself reconnecting with that person for the long term in the future.

12) You don’t know what you want

Some people go through a phase of not knowing the kind of person they want to date or what they want to get out of a romantic relationship. So they’d accommodate just about anyone and go with the flow to see where things would go.

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If you don’t have an idea of at least your “non-negotiables” in a partner and a relationship, you end up making poor dating choices and getting into relationships that were doomed from the start.

You abruptly end things very early on because you’ve already realized that it wasn’t for you, and there was no point in staying.

Want my advice?

Take a break from the dating scene and think about your “non-negotiables” in a partner and a relationship. Make a list of your deal-breakers.

Does your partner need to have the same hobbies as you? Are you okay with long-distance relationships? Will you ever consider having a non-exclusive relationship?

Providing yourself clarity around these can save you (and other people) time, effort, and heartbreak.

13) You feel you don’t deserve love

Did you ever experience shying away from people who express their admiration for you? Or saying things like, “Me? Why would he be interested in me?” or “I don’t think I’m attractive at all.”

When you have a poor sense of self-value, your confidence levels are low. So when someone makes an effort to get to know you in the romantic sense, it would seem unbelievable for you because you’d think no one will ever like you that way.

When you have self-esteem issues, you second-guess and doubt the intentions of people who are attracted to you. You feel you don’t deserve the attention because there are others who you think are far better than you.

When this happens, you don’t allow yourself to explore the possibility of having a “real” relationship. It can get exhausting for the other person to always justify the reasons for pursuing you. The next thing you know, they’ve moved on.

Want my advice?

Spend some time to work on yourself.

QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac sign. Check it out here.

According to Mel Robbins, author of The Five-Second Rule, confidence is a skill.

There are several affirmation activities you can do. One of them is to look in the mirror every morning and repeat affirmation statements such as, “I deserve to be happy,” “I will let go of negativity about myself,” and “I accept that I’m not perfect and I dare to change what I can.”

Sound silly? You’ll be surprised how it can change your perception of yourself if you do it for at least a month. Just take things one day at a time.

14) You’re afraid of love

Have you been burned too much for too long that you’ve turned your back on love? Perhaps you had a traumatic heartbreak that left a hole in your heart?

It can be tiresome to be in the dating scene with that kind of baggage.

Maybe you actively reject any opportunity to be in a relationship for longer than a few months because you’ve lost the ability to trust anyone.

You struggle to carry your heart on your sleeve and end up with little success in finding a good match for yourself.

When you form this fear of love, every time people try to romantically get close to you, your brain somehow resorts to sabotaging the relationships any chance you get.

Want my advice?

Being afraid of love is normal for a lot of people who’ve been hurt. Your trust was betrayed and you were left broken. You’re afraid that all your future relationships will leave you broken over and over again.

Remember — your past isn’t your future.

Somewhere out there, there will be people who will pursue you and prove you wrong. But before that, you need to work through your issues first.

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Talking is always good. It’s like a purging process to get all the negativity out of your system. Chat with your best friend about your heartbreak. Cry, if you must. As long as you let it all out.

When you feel you’re ready to date again, try getting some dating advice.

There are many dating articles you can read online. You want to prepare yourself when a man sends out signals of interest.

Keep in mind that not everyone is the same. Just enjoy the company and maintain an open mind. The next you know, you’ll start to open your heart again.

Conclusion

Breakups can be painful and no one can dictate how you feel.

Despite it being just as long as a season, people have different reasons for getting into relationships, and different ones for getting out of them. Sometimes, it’s you; other times, it’s not.

It’s something you learn to live with, as opposed to learning to forget. It’s a loss of opportunity, but not of hope. 

Ultimately, it all boils down to one important question: Is this person worth it?

Mark Twain said that “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths.”

Time is the most expensive currency nowadays, and if you find yourself having second thoughts about your new relationship, walking away, sometimes, is the answer.

That’s life. Time will heal all things, but it’s the hope that drives the heart.

When the time is right, with the right mindset and the right person, there’s a higher chance of building a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship.

QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac sign. Check it out here.

The real reason why men pull away

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