Are you thinking about dating a married man? Or are you already in a relationship with a married man?
If so, you’re probably asking yourself why he’s so obsessed with you, after all, he has a wife.
So what’s the deal? Is he in love with you? Will he leave his wife for you?
In this article, we’re going to have a look at why he’s obsessed with you and why you need to tread carefully.
Let’s dive right in:
10 reasons a married man is obsessed with you and why you need to tread carefully.
Why is he obsessed with you?
Let’s start with why he’s so obsessed with you.
1) He’s physically attracted to you
Let’s face it, when it comes to men, what it generally all boils down to is sex.
If a married man is obsessed with you, the first conclusion you should jump to is that he thinks you’re sexy and he’s infatuated with you.
Sorry to be so blunt but chances are that he’s only interested in you sexually; he’s not looking for anything serious, after all, he’s got a wife.
2) You make him feel good about himself
Another reason a married man could be obsessed with you is that you make him feel good about himself.
The truth is that he may love his wife but she just doesn’t trigger his hero instinct like you do…
If you’re asking yourself, “His what?” I don’t blame you.
Ok, so the hero instinct is a term coined by relationship expert James Bauer to explain what really drives men in a relationship. You see, it’s all about a man’s fundamental biological drive to protect his woman and to be there for her.
This means that your guy is obsessed with you because you’ve woken up this primal instinct in him to be your hero; it means you make him feel needed, wanted, respected, and appreciated, something that his wife doesn’t seem to be doing.
If you want to learn more about this fascinating concept, watch this free video by James Bauer.
3) He feels like you “get him”
You laugh at his jokes.
Your favorite movie is The Godfather II and you love Led Zeppelin.
In other words, you just get him.
Talking to you is just so natural and easy; he feels like he can be himself around you.
And when he’s having a tough day at work, he knows he can talk to you about it and that you’ll always be on his side.
It’s possible that his wife doesn’t share his interests, doesn’t laugh at his jokes anymore, or just doesn’t have the time or patience to listen to him complain about his problems.
That’s why he finds you irresistible – you make him feel seen, heard, and understood.
4) He finds you more exciting than his wife
When he met his wife she was up for anything.
She’d go hitchhiking across the country, bungee jumping, and was even into having sex in public places… not anymore.
Now she’s a mother and she has responsibilities. She has a routine. She’s become – predictable.
You on the other hand are spontaneous and curious and way more exciting than his wife, which is why he’s so drawn to you.
5) He’s looking to escape from his daily life
He gets up, he gets dressed, he has breakfast, he goes to work, he comes home, he has dinner, he goes to sleep… Every day is the same.
It’s not like there’s anything wrong with having a routine, but he doesn’t feel like he has anything to look forward to… or, at least that’s how he felt until he met you.
You’re his escape from everyday life!
6) He wants to know what it’s like to be with someone else
Maybe he met his wife back in high school.
She was his first love, his first and only sexual partner. And now, after being together for 20 years, he can’t help but wonder what it’s like to be with someone else.
He loves his wife but he’s a man with needs and he’s starting to feel like maybe he’s missing out on something. That’s where you come in…
7) He loves the thrill of the chase
Or maybe he’s obsessed with you because he loves the thrill of the chase. Flirting with you and trying to win you over makes him feel a kind of excitement that he hasn’t felt in years.
You make him feel like a young man again. And the fact that he’s married and you’re the “forbidden fruit” makes it all the more thrilling.
8) He’s looking for validation
He wants to feel appreciated and respected.
He wants to know that his opinions matter and that his efforts and accomplishments are being recognized. In other words: he’s looking for validation.
Maybe he’s not getting any at home.
But he gets it from you. He feels like you’re the only one who truly appreciates him and all he does. This all goes back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels validated he’s more likely to become infatuated or obsessed with a woman.
9) He’s going through a mid-life crisis
We’ve all seen those films where the middle-aged guy buys a fancy new sports car and cheats on his wife with a beautiful young woman.
While often those films can be a little over the top and the guy is usually a caricature, there’s actually a shred of truth in there.
A mid-life crisis is a real thing. It often happens between the ages of 40-60. The man will start to realize that he’s mortal and will question his life choices. He’ll often end up making drastic changes like quitting his job or engaging in reckless behavior – like getting a mistress.
All in all, maybe he’s obsessed with you because you fit into his mid-life crisis somehow. Maybe he sees you as a way out.
10) He’s trying to recapture his youth
This point is linked to the one above. At some point, a guy may start to freak out about getting old; he’ll start to wonder if he’s living his best life and he’ll get nostalgic about his youth.
Chances are he’ll become infatuated with a beautiful young lady like yourself because she makes him forget his own mortality.
He’s obsessed with your youth because “it’s contagious” – he thinks it will make him younger.
Why you should tread carefully
Whether you’re dating a married man or are only thinking about it, there are some things you should be aware of.
1) Dating a married man makes life complicated
You need to be careful about what you’re getting yourself into. Dating a married man isn’t like dating a single guy.
You can’t just go out whenever you want, wherever you want.
- You need to wait for him to find an excuse to get away from his wife.
- When you do go out, it has to be somewhere on the other side of town where you don’t risk running into someone you know.
- You can’t talk to your friends about it without being judged.
- You’re lonely most of the time.
- You feel guilty for being “the other woman”
- And at the same time, you want him to leave his wife for you.
All the sneaking around, the hiding, the anxiety, the wondering, “Does he even love me?” – it’s complicated.
2) He’s using you
It’s quite possible that this man is only using you.
- He’s having a fight with his wife: He’s using you to get back at her. They’re having a fight, he doesn’t feel like she respects him and his opinions.
He could also be using you to feel better about himself – instead of having to deal with his wife and their marital problems, he runs away and comes to you because you’re different. You understand him.
- His needs aren’t being met by his wife: Whether they be sexual, emotional, or intellectual, his needs just aren’t being met by his wife. That’s why he wants to be with you – because he thinks you’ll give him something that she can’t. But the problem is, this all just temporary.
- He doesn’t feel appreciated by his wife: Men can act like big babies sometimes. If she isn’t feeding his ego, he’ll find someone who appreciates him and makes him feel like he’s special. You’re basically a feel-good pill.
3) He’ll never leave her for you
Look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad but the truth is that 9 out of 10 times, a married man is going to stay with his wife.
Married men aren’t looking for a serious relationship, they already have that with their wives. The reason they have mistresses is that they’re bored or feel neglected by their wives.
The bottom line is that you should be careful not to get hurt because it’s very rare for a married man to fall in love and leave his wife for another woman.
4) You may not be the only one
You know what they say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
If this guy is cheating on his wife with you, how do you know you’re the only one? Maybe he’s a player and has several women.
Tread carefully: Maybe he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
5) You could break up a family
If you’re going out with a married man or thinking about it, you need to be aware of the fact that your actions could end up causing pain to his wife and children if they were to find out.
What’s more, you could be the reason that a family breaks up (and that doesn’t mean he’ll end up marrying you).
Do you want to be that kind of person, do you want that on your conscience?
6) He could be lying to you about his marriage
Another reason that you need to tread carefully with a married man who is obsessed with you is that he could be lying about his marriage.
Let me explain:
He could be telling you how horrible his wife is, how unhappy he is, and how he plans on getting a divorce, but in truth, he loves his wife and his marriage and is only looking for a little side action.
All in all, some men will say anything to get into your pants.
7) He wants to make his wife jealous
Has it ever occurred to you that he’s only pursuing you to make his wife jealous?
Maybe she’s been taking him for granted, or who knows, maybe she cheated on him and he wants revenge.
Whatever the case, it’s possible that he’s using you to make her jealous.
8) You’ll be labeled “the other woman” or “homewrecker”
Have you ever considered all the implications of dating a married man?
- What will your friends think?
- What will your parents say?
The thing is that when you go out with a married man you’ll be labeled, “the other woman” or even worse yet, “homewrecker”. That kind of label can stick with you and jeopardize your future relationships.
Can you live with that?
9) Dating a married man can be isolating
You don’t have a date for Christmas. You don’t have a date for New Year’s.
You can’t introduce him to your parents or your friends because they may not understand or approve of your choice to date a married man.
And of course, you don’t get to meet any of his friends or family.
It’s difficult to maintain a sense of connection with the outside world because you have to keep your relationship secret.
Dating a married man can be extremely isolating and lonely.
10) Don’t fall in love
My final piece of advice is not to become too emotionally invested, don’t fall in love with a married man.
Because of all the baggage that comes with dating a married man, and because of the extremely low chance of it working out, I think you need to tread carefully with your feelings.
In fact, I don’t think you should get involved with this man. As flattering as his obsession and pursuit may be, you deserve more than to be with someone else’s man. And if you’re already seeing him, you should end things before they go too far.
Once you do that, you can use your skills to trigger a man’s hero instinct to get any (single) guy to fall in love with you. Do that and you’ll get your happily ever after.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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