20 ways to save your relationship when your boyfriend stops making an effort

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It’s hard to stay positive when your significant other doesn’t seem to care.

You go from dating someone who is always doing their best for you, to a partner who doesn’t seem committed at all.

But there are ways you can save your relationship when your partner stops making an effort.

Read on for some tips:

1) Talk to him about it

First things first – you need to talk to your boyfriend about what’s going on.

Tell him that you’ve noticed that he stopped making an effort. Ask him why he isn’t as involved as he was before.

The thing is, it’s possible that he’s not intentionally trying to upset you and make you feel neglected. Maybe something is going on at work or another area in his life that’s making him act that way.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and a problem arises, it’s important to be able to talk to them about it.

It will give him something to think about and he may realize that he needs to make a change.

2) Try to understand him

It can be tempting to get upset when your boyfriend fails to make you happy.

But try to remember that your boyfriend may be under a lot of pressure at the moment and can’t always focus on the relationship.

Think about your own life:

When you were going through some difficulties yourself, it was hard to focus on other areas of your life because you were preoccupied with sorting things out.

This means that your relationship may have had to take a step back while you dealt with your problems. Well, the same could be the case with your boyfriend.

The bottom line is that it’s possible your boyfriend isn’t neglecting you on purpose; he’s likely just not capable of giving you his undivided attention because he’s so preoccupied by other things.

3) Bring out his inner hero

 Sometimes a guy will stop making an effort because he doesn’t feel needed.

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.

Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.

And it’s something most women have never even heard of.

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.

Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.

So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?

The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.

So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) Use skilled communication

If you’re having a fight or disagreement with your boyfriend, don’t yell at him.

Here’s why: Yelling can be hurtful and it may make him want to avoid talking with you further.

Instead, try using skilled communication techniques.

This means that instead of yelling, you talk to him in a calm voice and word your message in a way that he can understand without getting defensive or angry.

You have a better chance of getting through to him if you approach the conversation in this way.

5) Speak from your heart

If you’re not feeling as positive about your relationship as you normally do, try to speak from your heart. Try to express what you are feeling.

As we’ve already seen, the reality is that he may not have realized the impact his behavior has on you.

Don’t focus on his failure to change – focus on how it makes you feel instead and let him know how unhappy this is making you.

In my experience, he’ll appreciate your honesty and will hopefully consider this when things are resolved.

6) Take full responsibility if you’re at fault

Of course, you can’t control the actions of your boyfriend. But if you’re at fault for his lack of effort, you need to take full responsibility for your actions.

What does this mean?

Maybe he isn’t making an effort because he feels like you’re needy or suffocating him.

If that’s the case, you need to make a change and start letting him have his space.

Or maybe you betrayed him with another man and now he doesn’t see the point of going on.

You need to assure him that you never meant to hurt him, that it meant nothing to you and that it will never ever happen again.

He needs to know that you accept responsibility for your actions and that you’ll do anything to make it up to him.

7) Make an effort for him

It’s very easy to start thinking that if your relationship is in trouble, there’s nothing you can do because it’s all down to your boyfriend.

But you need to remember that some relationships can’t work unless both people make a real effort for the sake of the partnership.

If you want to save the relationship, you can’t simply sit back and wait for him to come around.

Think about your boyfriend: When he’s dealing with some problems at work, it can be hard for him to always focus on you and make you happy.

Maybe he’s feeling down or depressed and isn’t in the mood to do anything.

He may be dealing with a lot of emotional issues in his life at the moment so it can be hard for him to find time to focus on you.

All in all, it takes two people to make a relationship work.

You can’t just sit back and expect your significant other to get everything right, you need to make an effort for both of you.

8) Speak to a relationship coach

I know exactly what you’re going through with your boyfriend because last year my relationship was seemingly reaching a dead end too.

I’m talking do-not-resuscitate. Over and out.

I was ready to walk away, but before I did that I took a step I’d never taken before. I reached out to a professional relationship coach.

I had low expectations, but even my highest hopes were exceeded. The coach I spoke to at Relationship Hero quickly broke down the walls I’d built up in my relationship and helped me understand why my boyfriend had stopped making an effort.

This coach was tough but fair and genuinely helpful.

My coach took apart every single lie I was telling myself and helped me understand how to truly resolve the issues I was having with my partner.

My relationship isn’t perfect now, but it’s so much better than what it was. Most importantly, I’m hugely optimistic about the future again.

Click here to check out Relationship Hero and see if they can help you too.

9) Give him some space

It can be tempting to want to be with your boyfriend 24 hours a day but it’s important that you give him some space once in a while.

If he has been neglecting the relationship, maybe it’s because he feels suffocated and you’re always around to ask him to do things for you.

You need to give him some time on his own so that he can sort out his thoughts and get into a better mood.

Give him space so that he can come back to you with a clear mind and approach your relationship without feeling as though he’s being criticised for every little thing he does.

And here’s another thing:

Space away from you will give him a chance to miss you and feel the need to be with you again.

He’ll start seeing the relationship from your perspective and this will help him to realize that he needs to make an effort.

He’ll understand that he’s been neglecting you and because he loves you, he’ll want to put more of an effort into being with you instead of just letting things slide.

10) Reassure him of your love and support

This is key – if you want to save your relationship, you need to reassure him that it’s important to you.

If you’re constantly going on about how he needs to make an effort, he’ll start feeling that there’s no point in doing it because he doesn’t have your support.

You need him to know that you love him and will always be there for him.

11) Make some changes

Maybe there’s something that you need to work on too.

I mean, if you expect your boyfriend to make some changes, then you have to be ready to change too.

It’s easier than you think.

For example, if you usually get upset easily and are quick to judge, then maybe you need to work on your communication skills.

This is important because he needs to know that he can talk to you if there are any problems without getting scared that you’ll tell him off without hearing him out.

The bottom line is that if you want him to make an effort, you need to make one too.

12) Try not to be controlling

It’s common for people in committed relationships to become a little controlling because they want things done a certain way.

But this can often be counter-productive because it makes your partner feel trapped and as a result, they’ll stop making an effort.

If your boyfriend has a certain way of doing things, you need to let him do things his way from time to time.

If his way of cleaning the house or doing the dishes is different from yours, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Think about it: At least he was making an effort.

If you were too controlling and critical, it’s no wonder that he has stopped making an effort.

13) Get a life of your own

It’s important not to put all your eggs in one basket.

What do I mean?

I mean that you shouldn’t rely on your boyfriend to make you happy.

I know it’s hard when you’re in love but if he doesn’t make you happy all the time, you need to find other ways to feel good about yourself.

This means spending more time with your friends and family. It means going out more often so that you can get a little bit of perspective.

What you need is to interact with others, meet new people, and experience new things.  It’s also a good idea to find some new hobbies.

The point is to be happy and have a rich and fulfilling life outside your relationship – don’t let your world revolve around your partner

14) Focus on what he does right

Here’s the thing:  If you’re always focusing on what he is doing wrong, there won’t be much room left for talking about things he does right.

So remember to also focus on his good points. Be sure to let him know that you appreciate the things he does for you.

15) Schedule fun activities to do together

If your boyfriend isn’t making an effort, you’ve likely drifted apart.

One of the best ways to get close again is by scheduling fun activities together that you both enjoy.

If you’re both big football fans, maybe you can arrange to go with him to watch a match.

Or maybe you would enjoy going to the cinema more often.

The key is to schedule some fun activities and make it clear how much you miss spending time together.

It shows that you really care about each other and makes it easier for your boyfriend to get in the mood for intimacy too.

It can be easy to feel neglected when your boyfriend isn’t interested in spending time with you anymore.

But if you want to save the relationship, schedule fun activities to do together and make sure that he’s aware of them in advance.

Don’t just expect him to be available at your beckoning call because that’s not fair on him!

16) Show him that you need him

If you want to save your relationship, show your boyfriend that you need him in your life.

I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to make an effort.

Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours.

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

17) Maintain intimacy and communication

Don’t allow the relationship to drift apart by neglecting your needs.

Be sure to express your love and make the effort to maintain an intimate connection with him.

Some couples are too scared to express how they really feel because they think that doing so would put them in a difficult position, but it’s exactly what you need to do if you want things to get better!

If you’re always afraid of making your desires clear or being rejected if you try, then it’s going to be difficult for him too.

Be honest and make sure that you both know exactly how things are going.

18) Engage in affectionate physical contact

Physical affection is important when you’re in a relationship, but it’s most important during times when you feel neglected.

If your boyfriend isn’t showing you affection or isn’t interested in being close to you, try to engage him in a physical expression of love.

Hold his hand when you go for a walk, give him a hug when he comes home from work… These are small gestures that will help to remind him how much he means to you.

19) If he doesn’t change, ask yourself what you want

If he’s not making an effort in your relationship and if after you’ve confronted him about it he doesn’t change, it’s time to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care and is unable to make you happy.

Or would you prefer to be with someone who cares enough to put in the effort?

20) Never settle

Finally, my advice is never to settle for any old relationship.

You should be with someone who loves you and cares about you. Someone who understands that relationships take work and who is willing to put in the effort for you.

You deserve to be happy, so never settle for less.

Signs of a struggling relationship

Whether he’s stopped making an effort or there’s something else going on, your relationship could be in trouble.

Let’s look at the signs:

You stop communicating

Here’s the thing:

Good communication is key to any successful relationship.

Without communication, you can’t let each other know when there’s a problem (unless you can read minds). You can’t express your thoughts, desires, or your personal views.

When you don’t communicate with your boyfriend, he’s not aware of what you’re thinking and feeling. And when there’s a problem, he can’t help you solve it if he doesn’t know it exists.

Good communication is all about hearing each other out without being quick to judge or get angry.

It’s about hearing each other out and being respectful of each other’s feelings. It’s about being honest and communicating what’s on your mind without having to say everything first.

You’d rather do anything else but spend time together

When your relationship is in a rut, the last thing you want to do is spend time together.

Maybe you have nothing to say to each other or you’re scared that you’ll get into another fight over nothing significant.

And like I mentioned before, if you’re not communicating, you’re in trouble.

So, if you or your boyfriend keep avoiding each other by working in the evenings or on weekends, going out with your friends, or hiding out at the gym, something is wrong.

You’re no longer intimate

Once, intimacy was a key part of your relationship. You had amazing sex — it was good, passionate, and wild.

But now, you barely touch each other. It’s like you’re buddies instead of lovers.

You feel disconnected, even if you’re in the same room. You don’t talk about being intimate, and it feels awkward to try to initiate anything.

When you don’t have sex, it makes you feel like something is missing from your relationship.

This is because sexual intimacy is one of the ways that people who love each other show their affection for each other. It’s an expression of love, care, and lust.

You don’t make each other feel good

When you first got together, you were always making each other feel good because you were so happy to be together.

But now, that’s all changed.

You’re no longer going out of your way to make each other feel good. You don’t go the extra mile to make each other smile. And you don’t seem to be putting in the work you once did.

If being with your boyfriend just doesn’t feel good, your relationship is in trouble.

You don’t do fun stuff together anymore

Once, you and your boyfriend would spend hours together doing fun activities like going to the movies, roller skating, taking trips together, or just hanging out.

You were inseparable.

But now you spend more time apart than you do together.

If it’s not your work, it’s his work that keeps you from spending time together. If it’s not work, then it’s family or friends that “need you right now”.

The most fun you have is quietly watching TV together before bed. You’re starting to feel like you’re roommates more than anything else.

You don’t like who you are with your partner

It feels like you’re being forced to be someone you’re not.

You used to feel good about yourself because you were with your partner all the time. You loved who you were when you were around him — he made you feel so good.

But now, that has all changed. It’s as if your partner is always putting you down, criticizing the things that make you who you are, or making fun of the things that are important to you.

You used to be your own person, but now you’re just a reflection of him.

You make excuses

Do you always find yourself making excuses for why things are not going well or for your partner’s behavoir?

You might try to explain away how your partner acts by making excuses for him.

You might try to explain why the two of you are spending less time together by saying things like “we’re so busy” or “we need space.”

But I have news for you – if you keep making excuses, you’re just avoiding facing the truth: that your relationship is in a rut.

How can you know that it’s time to throw in the towel?

Sometimes you can fix a relationship, and sometimes you can’t.

It’s always worth trying to save a relationship that used to be good – it all depends on whether the two of you are willing to be honest with each other, learn how to communicate better, and how committed you both are to making it work.

But even if you want to make it work, you may not be feeling any attraction or passion for each other anymore, or maybe one of you has fallen in love with someone else, then it may be time to end things.

If you’ve both given it your best shot and still can’t improve the situation, then maybe it’s time to go your separate ways.

The bottom line is that if you’re no longer in love and you no longer enjoy each other’s company, it’s time to consider ending your relationship.


If your relationship is in a rut and your boyfriend has stopped making an effort, there’s only one foolproof solution.

I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing.


Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll do his best to make the relationship work. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.

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