If a relationship with a former lover has ended and they stopped responding to your texts, emails, and calls, it can be hard to know how long they will continue to do so.
You may also be concerned that they’re not thinking of you at all anymore—or worse still, never want to hear from you again.
So let me provide you with 10 key tips for when your ex contacts you again.
1) Don’t be too keen on asking them to give you attention
The last thing you want to do is to come off desperate and more importantly, don’t ask for a second chance immediately.
Don’t be too keen on asking them to give you a second chance as it could put them off and they may think that you’re not over them.
If they want to give you another shot, of course, they should be willing to discuss about it. Wait until they initiate contact after the breakup before asking them if there’s any way you can work it out and give your relationship another shot.
And rather, try to keep your emotions in check – remember that it’s only natural to be eager and hopeful for a second chance. You might still have feelings for them since you are still hoping for them to contact you back.
But you have to let time do its work and don’t overwhelm them with too much eagerness, or you might be driving them away.
Be patient, wait for them to initiate contact, and don’t push them to the edge. Asking again will ruin your chances of getting a second chance if they actually decide on giving you.
2) Don’t have expectations that they will contact you
After a breakup, it’s natural to hope that they’ll contact you again. You might be looking forward to hearing from them, hoping they’ll miss you after ending things.
There’s a temptation to expect that they’ll contact you again – so you’re pretty much just looking for a sign that they want to get back together with you.
Keeping on checking your inbox, phone and social media feeds for an update from them can be nerve-wracking.
You might start to wonder if they are missing you, what they’re doing, and how things are going for them.
But do you really want to end up in this situation?
Besides, you can’t sit and wait for them to give you a call if it’s going to keep your hopes up. Your hopes might be crushed in the end.
You have to accept the fact that the relationship ended, so keep your hopes low in case the expected call or text doesn’t come through. Maybe you have to look at their lack of communication as a hint that it’s time to move on.
Be prepared for the worst, and be prepared not to contact them again if it’s the case. Don’t expect that they’ll contact you – have neutral expectations.
3) Post something that will bring back memories
It might be difficult to forget how great things were between you and your ex. Even if it didn’t end on a happy note, you had some good times together.
Social media is a great way to get (and send) a message to your ex.
It’s not just about posting pictures of yourself and your friends having fun, but also using tools such as Instagram stories to post a video of you doing something that will bring back memories.
While you’re at it, in a subtle way, post something that is related to your relationship with your ex, it may be:
- a food you both liked a lot
- a movie you’ve watched together
- an event or a holiday you two shared together.
Anything that brings back memories of your relationship with them.
This is a good way to spark their interest, show them what they’re missing, and remind them of the good times that you’ve had. It could be just the reminder they need to want to get back with you again.
4) Send him a text that he won’t be able to resist
The idea here is to make them remember why they liked and probably still like, you in the first place. If it’s still possible, try to get in touch with them by sending them a text that they won’t be able to say no to.
I know this sounds like a cliché and it’s been used by many people, but if they haven’t contacted you yet and you want them to, sending them a text is a way to go.
If you do this right, there is a chance that they’ll respond positively to your text. But if you’re not sure how to do this, dating and relationship coach Clayton Max has a free video here.
I’m confident to mention him since he once helped me before – to tell you briefly, I was dating this guy for about two months, I thought things were great between us but his feelings for me weren’t as strong as they were for me.
As I was about to send him a text saying where we could meet for a possible breakup talk, a close friend of mine recommended Clayton’s video – he specifically instructed me what are the right things to say to a man to make him infatuated with you.
I followed his instructions, I sent him the text, and guess what? My phone rang.
After that conversation, things turned out a lot better than before and we were stronger than ever.
You can definitely turn things around between you and your ex, like what I did. And to do this, watch Clayton’s excellent video now.
5) Promote yourself, post on social media and be active
If you’re not getting a call or text from them after several weeks of absence, you may have to promote yourself, post on social media, and be active – this is something many people do when they’re not getting calls from their ex.
According to a research conducted by J. Robert Cialdini:
“Once a relationship has ended (or it appears to have ended), people often act as if their relationships have never existed. They speak of their former partners as though they were strangers, and they give their ex-partners fewer gifts, call them less frequently, and send them fewer e-mails than they did before the relationship terminated.”
This is why people use social media to post on the internet that they’re fine without the other person – to show them what they’re missing.
If you and your ex are still seeing each other’s lives through your social media, you should update your life from time to time.
The point here is to show that you’re living a good life without him or her, that the breakup wasn’t a big deal for you, and that you’re doing fine without them.
This could make them think twice about what they did and want to be a part of your life again. They might also start to miss you and want to reach out to you after seeing how much fun things are going for you online.
Live a happy life on social media and post pictures that can keep the faith alive for you again with your ex.
6) Write a letter and send it to them
If you’re not getting a call or text from your ex, writing to them might be the next step. If you have time and are ready for this, write a letter expressing your feelings and thoughts about what happened between you.
If you have to, use the ‘Dear John’ format. This is when you write in the form of a letter, but address it to your ex. Not only will this make your ex think about you, but also it can remind them of the good times you had.
The advantages of writing a letter are that you can tell them how you feel and why they are special to you, maybe even propose a possible opportunity to meet up with them.
This is also a good way to tell them if you still care about them and want to rekindle your relationship.
Try it and see what happens. If they don’t text you, they might at least read your message and think about calling or texting you again.
7) Become someone irresistible
This is an oldie but goodie.
After a breakup, people have different ways of coping up – some turn to alcohol, some become depressed, and some try to be a better person.
It may sound superficial, but becoming irresistible can definitely help you turn things around with your ex.
You might even pursue things that were always on your mind before the breakup – hobbies, travel plans, making friends, or new adventures. The only thing to keep in mind is that you still have to pursue things that you want to do and not just change things because of your ex.
Whatever you choose to do, start doing it now.
The point here is that when they see how happy you are without them and how much better you are as a person, they’ll probably be impressed and want to start communicating with you again.
8) Go out and date
If you’ve exhausted every other option, you might be left with only one last thing to try – going out and dating. Don’t get me wrong – if you don’t want to go out and date, that’s okay.
But if you do want to try it, make sure that you pick someone else – someone who doesn’t remind you of your ex.
If you are comfortable with the idea, try going out on a first date with a new person.
If your ex sees that you’re starting to try things out with someone else – maybe heard it from your mutual friend, it might urge them to grab their phone to shoot you a message.
When your ex contacts you again, and you’re leaning more towards your ex, make sure to build boundaries with the person you were seeing over a few dates now.
9) Go for a walk and talk yourself out of it
If your ex hasn’t contacted you after a few weeks, you may have to face some very difficult truths – this is something that could be extremely painful, but it has to happen at some point.
Ask yourself if you really want to hear from them after they have been so silent in your life. Before anything else, take a good look at yourself, your feelings and thoughts.
Are you okay with how things are now? You may be ready to move on because if you can’t hear from the person who means a lot to you, that is something that’s hard for you to accept.
But finding out if this is true or not can help you move on in life. Also, think about how you would feel if your ex contacted you – would you be excited or anxious?
Truth is, nothing is certain in life. I’m just giving you the perspective of what could happen.
But it’s very important to know that there is no such thing as a 100% chance of your ex contacting you again – not even if they still care about you.
Now if you’re really certain that you really want to hear from them again, here goes my last point.
10) Don’t wait, call them instead
If you want to hear from them, there’s only one way – do the contact instead. Now some people may say that calling someone a few days after the breakup is too soon.
But what’s a few days in the matter of love? If you really want to hear from them and tell them how much you still care, pick up your phone instead of leaving things up to chance.
I know that this isn’t for everyone, but it’s one way to show them how much you really want to hear from them.
Remember, you don’t need to be all consumed with your pride just because your ex hasn’t contacted you. You can always call them and tell them how much you miss them.
On the other hand, I know this is hard when you left things with a breakup, but think about it – if they don’t contact you in the first few days or weeks after the breakup, there probably wasn’t much left for them anyway.
We all have to admit, that after a breakup, not all feelings are gone. Some of us are still hoping to hear from our exes once again.
These tips can definitely help you while waiting or in the case that you haven’t heard from your ex.
Waiting might feel like it’s killing you, but ask yourself if they really meant that much to you, or if it was just the way you think about them.
The important thing to remember is that relationships always move on – whether you want to or not, both of you will be living separate lives.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.