12 things it might mean when a guy doesn’t pay on the first date

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Did you just have a date with a guy that didn’t pay?

Are you now questioning whether you should see him again? 

It’s an unusual situation to deal with, but before you decide never to see this guy again, it’s important to understand why he didn’t pay for the first date. 

After all:

Even though it doesn’t make the best impression, it doesn’t automatically mean he is a bad guy. 

Sometimes, there are legitimate reasons why a guy doesn’t pay on a first date. 

In this article, we’ll go through 12 things it might mean when a guy doesn’t pay on the first date. Read them and decide for yourself whether to give this guy another chance. 

1. If you asked him out, he might have expected you to pay

This could be the reason this guy didn’t pay on your date. If you asked this guy out, then he may have assumed that it was your duty to pay.

Does that make it right? Probably not.

But he may have assumed that because you decide to take him out to this place, then the bill is on you.

If you want to see if this was his assumption, then wait until he asks you out for another date. 

If he pays for everything on this date, that is a good sign, and you can look more fondly upon this guy.

From here on, he obviously expects the spending to be 50/50, which is fine in the age of equality. 

2. He’s on a tight budget

Well, this one is fairly obvious, isn’t it? If he didn’t pay, he might be on a tight budget.

If he isn’t making much money, or if he has a lot of other expenses in his life, he may have been hoping that you would pay.

The sad scenario here is that he has agreed to go on a date with you knowing he might struggle to pay.

Perhaps he was looking for a free meal and drink?

He obviously wasn’t too concerned about making a good impression on you.

On the other hand, perhaps he accepted the date because he likes you so much that he didn’t want to turn down a night out with you even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to pay.

The question you have to ask yourself now is:

Do you want to date a guy that will spend very little on you, even though he likes you a lot?

If he has ambition and you believe his finances might change in the future, then you can probably give it a shot. 

But if he has no prospects at all, and you feel like he will never get his sh*t together, then you might want to give it a miss. 

3. He wasn’t interested in you

Perhaps he didn’t care about making a good impression. He might have already decided that you’re not for him, so he didn’t want to waste money on the date. 

The fact of the matter is this:

A guy that genuinely likes you will probably pay, or at least split it 50/50, so if this guy didn’t pay on your date (or even offer), then maybe he just wasn’t interested in you.

It sucks, but the truth is this:

Most guys pay on the first date, so unless there is a good reason, it typically isn’t a good sign when they don’t even offer to pay. 

4. You were mean to him

If you weren’t very nice to him on the date, and you made fun of him, then he may not have felt obligated to pay.

Maybe you made him feel bad about himself, and he didn’t want to spend money on someone that doesn’t seem to like him.

Think about what you said to this guy and if you were mean. If you were, you might have given him the impression that he’s not good enough for you.

If that’s the case, then why would he pay?

5. He’s a cheapskate (it happens)

He may be a genuine cheapskate. He may just not want to spend money on you at all.

If this is the case, then it’s probably a warning sign that it won’t be very fun dating this guy.

But on the other hand, cheap skates are usually the ones who end up saving money and becoming rich!

It’s up to you. If he offered to pay, but then you offered, and he took you up on it, then perhaps he is the kind of guy that takes a free buck whenever he sees an opportunity. 

That’s not always a bad thing, but if he continually does this, then it’s probably a red flag. 

Even if he is a cheapskate, the spending in the relationship should at least be 50/50. 

6. He’s not very confident

Perhaps he just didn’t have the confidence to take the initiative and pay for the date.

If you directly told him that you would pay for this date, then maybe this guy is very agreeable and he didn’t want to rock the boat.

Sometimes, guys who lack confidence can be very good guys, they just need a little push in the right direction. Once they get involved in some social situations with you, and see that he can handle it, he may feel more confident next time and I’m sure he will pay. 

7. He was nervous

Maybe he was nervous about the date, and he just forgot to pay.

When a guy gets nervous, he’ll often be clumsy and forget things.

If this seems to be the case with your guy, then you might want to give him a break. The more he goes on a date with you, the less nervous he will be each time.

And I’m sure once he realizes he didn’t pay, he will send you a message explaining that he will pay next time!

8. He was just lazy

It’s pretty simple really. If he didn’t pay, perhaps it’s because he couldn’t be bothered.

And that’s the truth.

Maybe your guy didn’t want to pay because he’s lazy or because he’s just living from one payday to the next, and he doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on something that will probably end in drama anyway.

9. If he wanted to split the bill, then he might be all about gender equality

If he wanted to split the bill, but you insisted that you’d pay, he might let you do it because he respects women so much.

He wants women to be equal, so when you offered, he saw it as a sign of respect for your independence and manly strength.

This is a good sign that this guy respects women and values when you a woman has her own independence. 

10. He didn’t want to seem overly controlling

If you offered to pay, perhaps he didn’t want to seem like a guy that controls everything by stopping you from paying.

He doesn’t want to seem like he’s a control freak and thought he might look cooler if he let you pay.

After all, many guys want to give off the appearance of being cool and laidback, even if they aren’t. 

This might have been what this guy was going for. 

But make sure that he pays next time, because if he doesn’t, then it is becoming a giant red flag. 

11. He doesn’t intend to see you again

If he knew that he didn’t want to see you again, then perhaps he thought, “What is the point in paying for this date?”

He didn’t want to waste money on a girl that he knew in his heart of hearts he would not see again.

Ask yourself this:

Did you have a rapport with this guy? Was there a deep connection?

If there wasn’t, then perhaps this guy concluded that this relationship is going nowhere.

12. He thought that you weren’t interested in him

If you didn’t act too interested in him, then perhaps he thought you didn’t like him.

Therefore, he knew that there was no future in this relationship, so there was nothing to be gained by paying for the date.

Think about how you acted with him, and try to remember if you acted like you were really interested in him.

If you’re the kind of girl that can come off as cold and icy, then he have concluded that you just weren’t into him. 

If this is the case, text him and tell him that you had a great time and try to organize another date. 

Once he knows you like him, he will surely take the initiative and pay for the date. 

In Conclusion

Even though being male or female doesn’t really have much to do with who pays for a date these days, most men will still try to pay for the date. 

So if this guy didn’t, it’s obviously not a very good sign. 

But as we mentioned above, there are sometimes legitimate reasons why he didn’t offer to pay. Maybe he didn’t because he genuinely forgot, or maybe it’s a cultural thing.

The two questions you need to ask is:

Did you offer to pay? If so, then maybe he just thought you wanted to pay, and he didn’t want to step on your feet. Give this guy a chance for the second date and see what happens.

Or did he just expect you to pay without you even offering? Then that’s a bad sign. Either this guy doesn’t like you, or he is a total cheapskate. Either way you might be better off not going on a second date.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

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