When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, it means these 16 things

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Ever wondered why your man doesn’t want to sleep with you?

Well, it will be good to know that men can be a mystery, and sometimes they don’t make it easy to understand them.

You can spend hours in bed asking yourself why he doesn’t want to sleep with you, wonder what he’s thinking or if you did something wrong.

Well, this article is for all those sleepless nights!

Here are 16 reasons why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, and what you can do about them: 

1) You’re not his type

Although it may seem inappropriate or shallow to admit, physical attraction is a powerful thing when it comes to sex and dating.

Why is it that people are more likely to be attracted and respond positively to those who they find physically attractive?

It’s all about impressions.

A first impression can have a huge effect on how people see and interact with you. Once the impression is formed, it can be difficult to shake them from their minds.

But that’s not all.

Ever hear of the old saying, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder?” It means that what defines what is attractive varies from one person to the next.

And according to a study, men are primarily concerned with a potential partner’s physical appearance. Women, on the other hand, care about both the attractiveness of their dates and their social standing.

In other words, if a man thinks you’re not physically attractive, it doesn’t matter how charming or intelligent you are. He most likely won’t be interested in sleeping with you.

What you can do

Move on. Don’t force yourself to the person who isn’t even slightly interested in you.

If a man isn’t physically attracted to you, it doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. It just means he has other preferences and your interests don’t match up.

Remember, everyone has their own individual preferences when it comes to what they find attractive.

Not all men will be physically attracted to you, but know that, in time, there will be others who will.

2) He thinks it’s too soon to sleep with you

We all have our own schedules and our own pace for things to happen.

And if a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, he may be the kind of guy who doesn’t feel in any rush to jump straight into bed.

He’d rather take his time, let things progress slowly, and allow that moment to come rather than put pressure on the relationship.

If your guy is a guy who wants intimacy, then sleeping together might be off his radar until you’ve had a chance to get more serious about each other.

Think of it this way: dating is a bit like test driving a car.

You’ve set your eyes on the model you want, but you want to make sure that this is the car that suits your needs and will be worth the investment.

What you can do

If a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he thinks it’s too soon, you have to respect his decision.

Pressuring him won’t help at all.

Talk to him about where he stands. Be transparent and ask him if he wants to sleep with you but is afraid of feeling like it’s leading somewhere too quickly.

You can also assure him that you don’t want to rush things either.

If this guy is well worth the wait, be honest and let him know that you’ll be glad to sleep with him when it feels right.

Allow your relationship to naturally progress.

Don’t worry – it’ll happen when both of you are ready.

3) He’s not sure if he wants to sleep with you

Some guys think it’s too soon to sleep with you, and some guys just aren’t sure if they want to. 

A guy may be hesitant because he sees you as a friend and not just some girl to hook up with. He might also want to take things slow especially if it’s his first time sleeping with someone new.

What could be good to note is that, sometimes, guys understand the power that sex can have on a relationship, and they may not be sure if they’re ready to take things to the next level.

What you can do

Do you want to sleep with the guy?

If you do, you must be wondering how can let him know that you’re interested in sleeping with him without coming right out and saying it.

Flirting is an art form that can be perfected through trial and error because it requires a delicate balance of subtlety and sensuality.

You can send direct signals by flirting through text messaging.

The great thing about this form of communication is how direct it allows you to be without being too forward. Even when you’re just casually trying something out to see what kind of responses he’ll send.

You can be bold and suggestive with your words to flirt over text messages, but make sure that you don’t come off as too forward. Be playful yet cautious, so there’ll be something to look forward to next time around.

If you’re also unsure if you want to sleep with the guy, give yourself more time to think it over. Not that you won’t date him.

You just want to make sure that you free yourself of any pressure before deciding whether or not to sleep together to avoid any regrets.

4) He has sex drive anxiety

Anxiety can take many forms and affect people differently.

Believe it or not, it can kill the mood, even in the bedroom.

So when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he’s afraid that his sex drive will affect his ability to perform well in bed, understand that this fear might not go away for him anytime soon.

To be honest, a guy who really likes you wants to make you happy in bed. He wants your approval and he doesn’t want it to seem like he’s failing at anything.

It’s important to remember that men undergo the pressures of being able to please their partners. They want you to see them as your hero in bed and they will do anything for this, even if it means putting a little more effort into things.

The last thing a guy wants to happen is you judging him because he can’t please you.

What you can do

Guys are sensitive creatures and want to be your hero in bed.

They don’t like the pressure of not being able to please you, so try to divert his attention by boosting his confidence.

One way you can do this is by telling him what you love about him.

Feeling confident in how sexy and attractive they are will help this guy get past his anxiety so that he can start pursuing a sexual connection without fear of the consequences.

You can also return the favor by finding out what he likes and making sure you won’t disappoint him.

Another way is to try calming exercises that can encourage him to relax and help get rid of his anxiety. You want to make him feel that there is no pressure to please, but just to connect and express your feelings through the act of making love.

Remember – some men need a little encouragement to turn him on again.

5) He wants more than sex with you

While some men see the act of sex as purely something physical, others see it as an expression of their deep care and love. That’s why people get very specific in talking about sex in regards to their intention.

Some call it “hooking up”. It’s a more casual way of looking at it.

Hookups are for the most sexually adventurous, but they can also be ideal for those who want to explore without emotional commitment or fear of rejection.  Others view the act of sex through rose-colored glasses and call it “making love.”

It gives couples a chance to form a deeper connection because feelings are involved. They invest their heart and soul into making that experience something very special for both parties involved.

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he wants more than sex, that could be good for you. That means his feelings for you are much deeper than just wanting sex alone.

That means he values you as a person and loves feeling connected to you in that way, too.

What can you do

If a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he wants “more”, you could think about what that means to you.

Think about how you feel right now and the possibility of having something deeper than what you have now.

Do you want the guy to be emotionally invested in you? Do you feel the same way? Are you into a relationship for the same reasons?

If so, make it be known. Be honest about how you feel and be clear about your intentions.

If you don’t feel the same way, be honest about the same. You don’t want to lead him on or make him feel like the relationship is going somewhere.

6) He’s not in the mood

There’s this common misconception that all men are sex-crazed. That ladies are somehow the gatekeepers of sex and males only need the green light and they are good to go.

Well, that could be farther from the truth.

Men have their off days, too. Some days they just want to cuddle and chat, while other times the thought of sex is all that’s on their minds.

Men have a physical need for sex like women, but it’s not always as often or easy to get them into that mood.

So if your guy is telling you he doesn’t want to sleep with you, it might not be because he’s not attracted to you. It could just mean that he simply isn’t in the mood for sex.

What can you do

Don’t take it personally if a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he’s not in the mood.

Sometimes he’s not feeling sexual because his head isn’t really in the game, and there’s no deeper meaning than that. So if you push him too much then there are more than just bad feelings at stake–he could be turned off of you entirely.

Consider talking to him to understand why he’s not in the mood. Ask questions that’ll help clarify what’s going on.

If you want to make it a little more fun, you might want to try and see how you can turn him on.

A little flirting could go a long way. Who knows, maybe he just needs a little more time to get into that mood.

7) He’s not a very sexual person

There are several reasons why a guy can be less interested in sex.


Some guys are just not that interested in sex because they are asexual. Allow me to elaborate.

When a guy is asexual, he doesn’t experience sexual attraction. That means he doesn’t find someone sexually appealing.

Being asexual means he will only think about the sexual act when necessary, such as conceiving children or making their partner happy.

It’s good to note that this doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them. It’s not a genetic disease that was passed down, nor is it an illness that developed from a certain lifestyle

If a guy is an asexual person, he might not experience sexual attraction, but he could still be romantically attracted to other people.

He has a history of trauma

Another reason why a guy isn’t a very sexual person is that he’s gone through some trauma in the past.

The trauma could be anything from a bad breakup or an uncomfortable experience that stops someone from wanting to have sex again.

Either way, when he was still experiencing these negative emotions, his sex drive would go down as well.

He’s old-fashioned

One more reason why a guy isn’t a sexual person is that he was raised with a stricter set of morals.

Some cultures and religions and believe that sex is only for people who are married. It’s neither wrong nor right, but these are belief systems that are enough to make a guy not want to experience sex right now.

What you can do

In all honesty, if a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he’s not a sexual person, it can be a tough thing to deal with.

But communication has always been a key component to any successful relationship. So keep the lines open.

There’s nothing wrong with being asexual if this is the case for your guy; you can still talk to him about what kind of sexual relationship life you want together so that both of you are on the same page

Even if he’s old-fashioned and traditional, you can still encourage him to open up on the kind of relationship you want sexually so you know where both of you stand going forward.

Trauma, however, can be a little tricky. And conversations about it may not be enough.

Encourage the guy to explore professional avenues for healing and peace. Perhaps this will even serve him well in the future.

8) He doesn’t know you want to have sex

Some men are dense and can’t pick up on signs and cues that indicate interest in becoming intimate.

So if a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, it could mean that he doesn’t know you want to.

Let me explain.

For a man, sexual desires and intimate encounters can often be purely physical.

This lack of emotional intimacy combined with the need to be seen as “masculine” or “competitive” may lead many men to overlook how women flirt in their interactions with them.

So, not only are you confused but also discouraged when a guy doesn’t pick up on signals and cues that indicate interest in becoming intimate.

What you can do

Be more vocal about your desire to sleep with him. Make your intentions known.

If a guy can’t read between the lines and has no clue what’s going on even if you’re being flirty, find a way to be more direct.

Send him text messages to show him you want to take your relationship to the next level. If you’re up for it, take the initiative.

Direct communication means that there is less chance of misunderstanding. And you save yourself from the unnecessary guessing game of whether or not he wants to sleep with you.

9) He has other health issues

Sensitive and awkward as it may seem, another reason why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you is because of his health. And there are several issues that may cause this.

Sexually transmitted disease

Here’s the thing: sexually transmitted diseases travel faster than most people know it.

And if a guy has it, and doesn’t want to sleep with you, consider yourself lucky that they respect you that way.

Some guys won’t care as long as they get what they want, and those aren’t people you should go out with.

Low testosterone levels

Low testosterone levels are another cause for a guy’s lack of interest in sleeping with women at all times. It will affect their energy level and their sex drive.

While this may be addressed by taking oral supplements, testosterone levels naturally decrease as men get older.

Weight issues

If a guy has extra weight – or doesn’t weigh enough – his hormones could be out of balance. This can affect a guy’s energy levels once things get heated up.

Aside from hypertension and diabetes, being underweight or overweight can make men have issues in getting aroused and “getting it up.”

He’s depressed

Depression may not be a common health issue related to physical intimacy, but it is a mental health issue that affects everyday life, including sex.

People who suffer from chronic depression may experience reduced desire, orgasm more slowly, and find sex less enjoyable.

What you can do

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because of health issues, don’t take offense.

It definitely isn’t you.

Health issues are often a touchy subject, and he could feel like it may be better to keep these things to himself. But it shouldn’t stop you from initiating some support.

Find out what exactly could help.

You could start by beginning the conversation. If he needs some company to get professional help, that could be something you can do, too.

However, if he isn’t ready to open up about his health issues, respect him and give him the space he needs. He will appreciate you for it.

10) Your relationship has become platonic

You’ve seen it in the movies.

A boy and girl meet. They fall passionately in love. After years of trying to make things work, the couple finds themselves in a situation where they only have friendly feelings for each other.

The real and honest truth is that people change. Sometimes, you fall hard into being passionately in love then later you lose that sparkle.

If a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he’s lost that deeper kind of love, then you can find yourselves at a crossroads.

What you can do

Before anything else, you could think about how you really feel.

It may be heartbreaking for you if you’re still in love with the guy and he’s not. Sadly, this is something out of your control.

However, if you feel the same way and agree that that passionate love has long been gone and what’s left is friendship, then give that friendship a try.

You never know, you might even come out of the relationship and be the best of friends.

11) He’s frustrated about something in your relationship

Men can also be sensitive sometimes.

So when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, it could be because of something in your relationship that’s been bothering and frustrating him for a long time.

This could be anything from the way you talk to him, the sex life you have (or haven’t had) together, or even an argument you had last week that he hasn’t forgotten.

It might not seem serious enough at first glance. But sometimes the little stuff can pile up over time until there isn’t anything left.

The next thing you know, he wants space from you.

What you can do

If you are aware of any lingering issues in your relationship, it’s always good to talk about them.

It might not be an easy conversation to have, and it’s entirely possible he’ll still want space from you.

But if there is something that can be improved in your relationship together, then at least you’ve opened up the opportunity to work through your issues together.

12) He’s a virgin

It may be hard to believe that there are still men who haven’t gone all the way, but it’s true.

It could be because he hasn’t found someone he’s attracted to enough to sleep with. 

It could be that he’s keen on having sex after marriage.

It could simply be by choice.

What you can do

Being a virgin is rare nowadays, and to be honest, finding one you’re interested in can be special.

Guys who are virgins can be just as sweet and passionate in bed once they decide to go all the way. So if he doesn’t want to sleep with you because he’s a virgin, don’t take it personally. 

If you feel like this guy could eventually become someone special to you in the long run, then take your time and enjoy the company until he’s ready to give you his v-card.

And if you’re really lucky, this guy won’t want anyone else because you’ll be special to him.

13) He’s not turned on by you anymore

The honeymoon stage is widely known to be the best part of a relationship because of the excitement and novelty of a new partner.

It’s easy to feel young and invincible when you’re in love with someone who feels the same way about you.

As time goes on, people usually find themselves changing in many ways. Even if the love is still there, this makes it difficult for a partner to stay sexually attracted to you as they no longer see you the same way.

Although that can leave you feeling annoyed or wondering whether he’s still attracted to you, it is completely normal for a sex life to drop off after a while.

What you can do

When things get too routine in the bedroom, it can be hard to maintain that excitement! Try mixing things up and try something new.

Foreplay is always a great way to get yourself in the mood. Why not start by playing a sexy game like truth or dare? Give yourselves plenty of time to get turned on and excited before getting down to it.

Another way to re-think the usual routine with something different for your guy is by adding some new toys or lingerie into your repertoire.

There are plenty of options out there. What’s important is to find something that’s right up both yours and your guy’s alley so you can enjoy yourselves.

14) There is someone else

Another reason why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you is that he’s in love with someone else.

It’s often tempting to give in and have a fling when you know the guy is attracted to you. But if he decides not to, it means that there must be something more important for him than just one night with someone new.

What you can do

In cases like this, the only thing you can do is accept things as they are. It may not be the right time, or it may not be the right person.

What you can take away from this is that there are still men who respect relationships and the boundaries that are defined within and around them.

15) He’s still getting over someone

Heartbreak isn’t just a girl thing. Guys have feelings, too.

A breakup can also be devastating for a guy who’s found himself in love with another person. Moments like this are naturally accompanied by an intense period of grieving where emotions are running high.

Feelings like anger, sadness, and hopelessness may surface abruptly without warning.

If you know that he’s been through something like this in the past few months or so, it can be difficult for him to give himself fully to you when his heart is still hurting from the past.

What you can do

If the guy has already told you about his heartbreak, it’s best to give him space and not push to sleep together right away.

Give him time to heal before getting involved. This will avoid any confusion or resentment if things don’t work out between you two down the road.

16) He’s gay

The guy might be gay but isn’t ready to come out yet

If a guy is gay, he definitely won’t want to sleep with you.

There may be signs to see if a guy is gay, but if he isn’t aware of his sexual orientation, it can be hard to tell.

If he’s gay, then that guy probably isn’t attracted to you and doesn’t want anything more than a friendship with you. You might not be his type or there may just not be any romantic chemistry between the two of you for him to consider dating in the first place.

What you can do

If a guy’s gay and not attracted to girls at all, then it doesn’t matter how good of a person you are or even how much time passes by. They will never want to date someone like you, more so sleep with.

Try to build a stronger friendship. You can’t do anything if he’s gay, but there’s no reason for him not to have fun with you.

You could always have a blast talking about the guys you are interested in together.

It’s not the end

When a guy isn’t interested in sleeping with you, it might be for one of the reasons listed above.

Here’s the thing: whether or not the reason concerns you, it’s not fun to be rejected by someone you like. But sometimes, what you need is a little perspective.

Just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you in the beginning, that doesn’t mean they won’t ever be willing to later on.

But, if things don’t work out, then you weren’t meant to be in the first place.

What matters is this: you’re living your life and having fun until the right guy comes along who’d be willing to take a chance on exploring being intimate with you.

And if things work out, then maybe, later on, you can build a great relationship together.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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