Long-distance relationships are hard enough as they are – but things get really heart-wrenching when your boyfriend ignores you for some reason.
I speak from experience when I say there are little things more excruciating than having the person you love the most ignore your texts and calls, while you are physically too far away to reach out to them any other way.
However – I went through this hardship to offer you some advice – and while it might be a really difficult time for you at the moment, there are things you can do right now to make it all better!
Are you curious? Then keep reading and remember – you are not alone, even if you feel a bit hopeless right now!
1) Is there a reason he is ignoring you?
Okay, the first question you need to ask yourself before you do anything is whether there is a reason why your boyfriend is ignoring you.
Is something going wrong? Has he got too much on his mind? Or maybe he is getting tired of the relationship and this might be his way of breaking up with you?
Of course, this heavily depends on whether he has been ignoring you for a couple of hours or for a few days!
Sometimes, even though your boyfriend usually texts back quickly, he might just need some time because work or personal problems are getting in the way.
If there is no apparent reason for his sudden ghosting, don’t worry too much.
He most probably has a lot on his plate and will get back to you as soon as possible.
Now: if there was a fight that caused him to ignore you, things get a bit trickier.
First off, don’t panic.
Sometimes, guys just need a few hours, or a day or two to think things through and then get back to you.
I know from experience that this can feel terrible, especially when you want to make up and save the relationship, but right now there is not too much else you can do.
If you know the reason he is ignoring you, it’s already a good thing – at least you have some sense of why this is happening and what you can do about it!
But either way, whether you know his reasons or not – you shouldn’t push him too much, which brings me to my next point:
2) Don’t push him, give him some space
Trust me – I know that all you want to do right now is spam-call him until he picks up and you can resolve your issues – but believe it or not – that’s the last thing you want to be doing right now.
You see, there is a reason he is not getting back to you right now.
Whether it has anything to do with your relationship or his professional/personal life is overwhelming him right now – he simply can’t get back to you right now.
When you think about it, the worst thing you could be doing right now is to pressure him into getting back to you.
Imagine it this way: he is pushed over the edge right now, something has overwhelmed him so much that he just wants some time to get his thoughts in order.
Now: what do you think will be more helpful – you giving him some space to figure out his thoughts and then get back to you, or you sending him a thousand texts and overwhelming him even more?
You guessed it – you should give him some space.
You see, if you want the best chances at saving your relationship or being a supportive girlfriend, give him some time and let him reach out when he is ready!
But let’s be real – there’s a good chance you still want to reach out to him just so he knows you are thinking about him, right?
After some time has passed, you can absolutely send one more follow-up text, but the way you send it is crucial:
3) Don’t be passive-aggressive – be sweet
I know – right now you are probably feeling pretty pissed and hurt and are in a really bad mood.
You might even feel like you want to punch him in the face for being such an inconsiderate jerk.
But don’t give into that salty and hurt version of yourself.
Instead, try to stay calm and sweet as possible when texting him again.
Don’t nitpick – don’t get into an argument with him about his behavior, it will just make things worse, and he will be more upset about you than before.
Instead, send him a sweet text that will remind him that you are thinking about him and that you aren’t mad.
Think about it this way: when your boyfriend checks his phone and sees your text, do you want him to roll his eyes, get into a bad mood, or feel like you are mad at him?
Or do you want him to read your text, smile, and think: “Aww, I miss my baby, too…”
I’m guessing it’s the latter, right?
That’s why you really shouldn’t be passive-aggressive and send something like “Wow, guess you’ve got better things to do right now”
Instead, write something along the lines of: “Hey there, I miss you a lot, I hope your day is going well.”
(Feel free to personalize this depending on the situation you’re in)
Now: does that mean you have to just accept the fact that he is ignoring you?
No way! That’s what I’m talking about in my next point:
4) Set your own boundaries
Sure, at first you might want to give your boyfriend some space to figure out his thoughts, but you don’t have to do that forever.
While he has a right to his own space from time to time, there are limits and you are not wrong to need a certain level of communication from him, too!
So, you can set yourself a boundary, like “if he hasn’t texted me back the day after tomorrow, I’m calling him”
You can also voice these boundaries with him.
Of course, this is easier while you are still talking, but you can even send him a text where you say something like:
“Hey baby, I understand you need some time to think right now, and I respect that, but how about we try to talk things out one evening this week?”
If you are lucky, he will reply and settle on a day to talk, which will make this whole “ignoring thing” a lot easier to deal with.
The thing is, it’s okay to take some time for yourself to think, but in a healthy relationship, you should communicate with your partner at least when you will be open to talk again.
If something like this happens a lot, you might need to think about setting stronger boundaries or even ending things, because long-term, this is not a healthy way to deal with problems.
Speaking of boundaries and taking care of yourself:
5) Take good care of yourself
While your boyfriend is ignoring you, it’s crucial that you take care of yourself.
You see, if you continue to stay upset and stressed about this, there’s a high chance that you will either overreact or feel terrible, when you could use this time for good!
Move your body, eat healthy food, meet up with friends, and do things you enjoy doing.
Not only will this make you feel better about yourself, but it will also help to distract you from the thoughts of your boyfriend.
A little distraction can go a long way in situations like this.
Avoid sulking in your bed for hours or days on end waiting for the phone to ring – that will not only make you feel terrible, but it will also make you react a lot more desperate when your boyfriend does reach out.
It’s important to remember that he is not everything that makes your life worth living!
In order to get to this conclusion, you need to build a good relationship with yourself.
You see, it’s pretty funny – I never thought it would be a thing, but your relationship with yourself truly sets the tone for all other relationships in your life!
I learned this from a free masterclass from the shaman Rudà Iandê.
In this free masterclass, Rudà explains how we often sabotage our relationships because we lack a good foundation in the relationship with ourselves.
Does that sound familiar?
Trust me, after watching this free masterclass, I suddenly understood exactly what I needed to do in that moment to become a better version of myself and attract my boyfriend again!
So, if you are struggling, this free masterclass surely won’t hurt!
Now, if you feel tempted to reach out to him, do so in a controlled manner:
6) When you reach out to him, don’t bombard him with texts
When you do decide to reach out to him, you might feel tempted to send him a paragraph or 10 texts just to make sure he knows you are thinking about him.
After all, you want to let him know how much you love him, right?
What I’ve learned from experience is that it’s better to send fewer texts – especially when your boyfriend has ignored you for a long time.
Only send a relatively short text and leave the ball in his court.
If he wants to talk, he will reply and reach out to you!
This will require a lot of self-discipline, but try to resist the urge to bombard him with texts.
The more you text, the more he will think of you as needy and overwhelming.
Try to stay calm and not look desperate.
“Hey babe! This week has felt really long without you! Can we talk soon? I love you!” is a good example of a text that will probably work quite well.
Now: what can you do why you wait?
7) Work on your side of relationship issues
The best use of your time while your boyfriend is ignoring you is to work on your stuff to make sure that you won’t find yourself in a situation like this again!
If you are in a relationship, this is the perfect time for you to work on your issues.
If the reason he is ignoring you is an argument, use this time to try and see things from his perspective and think of a way to find a compromise that works for both of you.
If you’re not in an argument, then use this time to think about your needs and how to make sure you are getting the most out of the relationship.
See, when your boyfriend is ignoring you, it’s pretty clear that something is wrong and that the two of you need to talk things through.
But this problem exists because there are issues in your relationship: bad habits, unspoken expectations, too much time spent apart…
Now: I don’t know you or your relationship, but a lot of the time problems like these boil down to attachment issues and wounds.
You see, your boyfriend might have an avoidant attachment style, meaning that when he feels triggered, he likes to withdraw and avoid contact.
If you are in a good relationship, he might be afraid to feel more connected to you, to get hurt again.
On the other side of an avoidant partner is often an anxiously attached one.
That was me in my relationship in the past.
Anxious attachment means that when you feel triggered, you search even more contact and reassurance.
This is the type of person that will keep trying to reach out over and over again, even when their partner is upset with them.
Of course, this situation will be incredibly triggering for you if you have an anxious attachment style, but it is a great opportunity for you to challenge your thoughts and realize that no matter if your boyfriend contacts you or not – you are safe and okay.
Working on these issues will lead to you being less needy, which can improve your whole relationship!
However, it’s a two-way street – it’s not just your fault that your boyfriend is ignoring you and you need to know that.
This brings me to my next point:
8) When you talk again, communicate your needs clearly
You see, a healthy couple will not ignore each other or have these dynamics of chasing and avoiding.
Instead, they will communicate clearly.
As I mentioned earlier, it’s totally normal to need some space to think from time to time, but a healthy couple will do so within certain understandings – like “We’ll talk about this on Friday” or “I’ll call you later, I need to think now”
No matter what your boyfriend says, it’s not unreasonable for you to want a certain degree of reassurement in situations like these, and so when you talk again, it’s important to bring this up and discuss it for next time he feels triggered and like he needs space.
You see, when you don’t say anything, neither of you gets a chance to grow.
He needs to understand that while he is entitled to some space – if he wants to be in a committed relationship, he also has to take your needs into consideration.
To navigate these talks successfully, it can help seeing things from your partner’s perspective.
Have you ever thought about your partners individual wounds and triggers?
I think that if you can learn to accept the fact that your boyfriend is not perfect and he does have triggers – you’ll start finding yourself feeling less insecure around him.
When I realized that, while I loved more contact and showing my love that way – my boyfriend was simply different and his coping mechanisms didn’t mean he loved me any less.
Understanding this while still standing firm in your needs is the key to navigating a situation like this in the future.
Now: the next point I will talk about is for when you are talking again, to make your long-distance relationship work a bit better:
9) Figure out ways to talk that both of you will like
When you are talking again, it’s important to figure out ways for you both to enjoy the long-distance relationship.
You see, it’s not enough to only look forward to the times you get to physically see each other – you need to make everyday life together enjoyable, too.
In order to optimize your relationship – even through the distance – you need to figure out ways to talk that you both will enjoy.
You see, maybe your boyfriend feels distant from you.
Obviously, physical distance can do that. However, there are countless ways you can create intimacy, closeness, and fun – even if you are far apart!
Here are a few ideas that definitely brought my long-distance relationship to a whole new level:
- have little date nights where you get dressed up for your call
- order the same type of food and have it together
- watch movies or a show together
- start playing video games online
- read to each other through Skype
- Hang out while doing separate things (working, reading, cooking, studying, etc.)
These little things will do wonders to make you feel more connected again.
And of course, the most important part of all:
10) Plan to meet up soon
Long distance relationships are a bridge from now to the time you can finally live together.
This is why it’s super important to know when you can see each other again.
You see, having a date in mind when you know that you will see each other again will help you both get through the difficulties of long distance.
This might also give your boyfriend the needed motivation to hold on and fight for your relationship instead of letting it all go.
Trust me, this will help a lot!
I know, being ignored in a long-distance relationship is one of the worst feelings you can experience.
However, if you follow the tips in this article and stay calm, I’m sure that you can resolve your issues sooner rather than later!
Of course, it would help to figure out better ways to handle these kinds of situations in the future, but for now, try to take care of yourself and you will soon get over this hurdle.
Most importantly, remember that you can rely on yourself, no matter what happens.
If your boyfriend truly doesn’t value you, then it’s okay to move on.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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