What to do when your boyfriend hardly calls you

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It can be frustrating and confusing when your boyfriend hardly calls you, leaving you feeling neglected and unsure of where you stand in the relationship.

Sometimes you might think that the issue is out of your control — he doesn’t want to call you anymore, and that’s it.

This is something I thought about a while ago when my boyfriend stopped communicating with me and didn’t answer my calls. Luckily, I’ve realized there are multiple things you can do to address the issue and take care of your relationship.

So, if you’re in a situation where your boyfriend hardly calls you, let me provide 11 actionable steps you can take to improve communication and strengthen your connection with your boyfriend. 

1)  Explore new ways to communicate

Okay, your boyfriend hardly calls you. He has stopped answering your calls and texts. As a result, you sit frustrated, wait for him to call, and do nothing to contribute to the relationship. 

Don’t think you have any other option simply because you believe he should be the one trying to earn your attention and affection. 

Sounds familiar?

Well, believe it or not, a lot of people just give up when it comes to problems such as miscommunication or a lack of emotional intimacy in their relationships.

But what if you start reacting and just explore new ways of communicating with your boyfriend?

Just think about it.

It’s true that he hardly calls you but it doesn’t mean that there’s no other way left to communicate with him.

A simple yet effective way to do it is to send him inspirational quotes, poems, or pictures that describe your love and remind him of what you have together.

Or if this doesn’t sound like something you would do, you can just find some other means of communication other than phone calls.

One thing is for sure: the more creative you are, the better your goal is to attract his attention by making him feel special.

So, if phone calls aren’t working for you, try using other forms of communication like video calls, text messages, or even snail mail.

Make a move, even if it feels uncomfortable. Send a letter, a card, or write an email. Suggest that we meet at the park on Sunday and talk there.

And remember: you shouldn’t wait passively for him to come back to you; instead, try something different, and you’ll quickly notice positive changes.

2) Reflect on your thoughts and identify the reason

Let me take a wild guess.

You’re clinging to the fact that your boyfriend hardly calls you instead of thinking about particular reasons why something changed in your relationship.

Based on my knowledge of social psychology, it’s a common habit for couples to always look for problems in their relationship as opposed to looking for ways to solve them.

And it can be a very dangerous one, to say the least, as when you’re focused on finding negative aspects of your relationship, you won’t be able to see the good things.

So, why don’t you start from a positive perspective?

Instead of stressing over the fact that your boyfriend hardly calls you, why don’t you try to understand the reason behind it?

The thing is that self-reflection is an important strategy for making effective decisions when it comes to relationships. 

How can it help?

Well, reflecting on your thoughts and identifying the reason behind your boyfriend’s lack of communication can be helpful for a few reasons. 

  • It can help you better understand your own feelings and needs. 

It’s important to take the time to identify and understand your own emotions so you can communicate them effectively to your boyfriend.

  • It can help you better understand the situation and see things from his perspective. 

It’s possible that there may be external factors at play, such as a busy schedule or a different communication style, and understanding these factors can help you approach the issue with more empathy and understanding.

  • You will be able to come up with solutions and strategies to improve communication and strengthen your bond. 

By understanding the root cause of the issue, you can better tailor your approach and find ways to address the problem.

That’s why you should try reflecting on your thoughts. Just make sure to understand why he’s not eager to call you anymore, and that way, you’ll be able to come up with the right solution.

3)  Trigger his hero instinct

This step might sound a bit unusual and confusing to you. But I thought it would be best to share it with you since this is exactly what helped me regain control of my relationship.

And believe me, it worked better than anything else I tried. 

So, what is the hero instinct?

In order to help you understand this, you should also realize that the way men behave in relationships is significantly determined by their biology.

Something I’m referring to here is the concept called “hero instinct,” which is becoming more and more popular in modern psychology.

The concept of “hero instinct” is coined by the relationship expert James Bauer, who believes that this is something women should rely on while explaining the reasons behind their men’s undesirable behavior.

Let me explain how it works.

The “hero instinct” refers to a psychological concept that suggests that men have an innate desire to protect and provide for their loved ones and that this instinct can be triggered in various ways. 

While it’s important to remember that every individual is unique and has their own motivations and desires, it turns out that men have certain innate drivers that determine their behavior with women.

Triggering this innate instinct can lead to a powerful response as it gets the body’s automatic reactions turned on. 

In other words, when a woman triggers a man’s hero instinct, a man switches to “hero mode” and tries to make sure their woman is safe, and happy, and that she gets what she needs.

So, how can you trigger a man’s hero instinct?

You can do this by expressing your vulnerability and asking for help. Once he switches to hero mode, he will want to be there for you and do everything possible to make you happy.

The result?

They suddenly become more committed, love harder, and work harder in their relationship to make you happy.

But how is it possible to bring out the hero in your boyfriend when they hardly call you?

Well, something that helped me gain useful insights about this process was watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer

If you’re also ready to make your man feel like a hero and take advantage of their defensive biological nature, maybe you should also explore insights about the hero instinct from this relationship expert.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) Ask him why he stopped calling you

Now let’s switch to a much simpler thing you can do when your boyfriend stops calling you.

I’ll be honest with you and say that this step can be crazy for many of you to follow if you’re dependent on him to call, but I’ll explain the things I’ve learned from my mistakes, so it can help.

The thing is that something that can immediately fix the issue and help you understand your boyfriend better is to ask him why he stopped calling you.

It’s a simple, but effective trick that will not only help you find out the reason behind it but also make you feel happier and more confident. 

Wondering how this worked for me?

Well, I simply couldn’t handle cutting off communication with my boyfriend when he hardly called me, so I decided to stop waiting, take constructive steps, and ask him why he stopped calling me.

At first, he wasn’t that happy to talk about this issue. However, he was more surprised than I imagined. So, once I opened up and used simple language to ask him why he stopped calling me, it worked like a charm. 

The thing is that when you communicate the fact that it bothers you and let your significant other know that their lack of communication is making your happiness worse.

The result?

It gives them an opening to talk about their behavior and apologize if they misbehaved.

So, if your boyfriend hardly calls you and it’s causing you stress or insecurity, it’s important to communicate your needs and concerns with him

I know it’s hard, though. That’s why I want you to focus on the following things before you decide to take a step back and determine what’s wrong with your relationship:

  • Choose the proper time: It’s important to have this conversation when you’re both calm and able to talk openly and honestly.
  • Be direct: Let your boyfriend know how you feel and what you need from the relationship. Be clear and direct, but try to avoid being accusatory or confrontational.
  • Listen to his perspective: Try to understand his point of view. He may have his own reasons for not calling as often, and it’s important to listen to what he has to say.
  • Be open to compromise: It’s possible that you may have different communication styles or needs. Be open to finding solutions that work for both of you, and be willing to compromise to find a balance that works for both of you.

I’m sure that if you follow these steps, you’ll be able to recover the lost trust in your relationship. 

5) Communicate your needs

Want to know what’s the most important thing you should do when your boyfriend hardly calls you?

Communicate your needs.

Yes, perhaps unsurprisingly, communicating your needs is an important aspect of any healthy relationship. 


Because otherwise , you’ll never know if your boyfriend is doing his best or if he is intentionally hurting you.

Unfortunately, modern relationships are not that simple. Even though communication is the key element to make any relationship workable and happy, there’s a chance that you might not have the best communication when it comes to your relationship.

What do I mean?

I guess that many of you will be familiar with situations when you’re upset about something but keep it for yourself. 

Well, this can lead to misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions about what’s happening in their relationship. 

And you know what?

Chances are that the fact that he hardly calls you is another misunderstanding.

What’s problematic, though, is that if you don’t take constructive actions, it might continue over a longer period of time, damaging the intimacy level between you and your significant other.

So, at some point, communicate with your partner and let him know that he has disappointed you or hurt your feelings.

Mitigating the possible sense of rejection, you can try to communicate to him that you miss him and care about his time when he’s not with you. 

You can do that in many ways.

For example, you can send him a text and let him know how much it means to you to see messages on your phone from someone who cares about your relationship.

Or maybe, instead of texting him all the time, try sending him a love letter through a different messenger system like Snapchat or Instagram, because this way he’ll still be able to see them when he gets home.

In either case, let your boyfriend know how you feel and what you need from the relationship. If you need more communication or regular check-ins, let him know in a non-accusatory way.

6) Assess if you’re expecting too much from your boyfriend

Okay, it’s true that your boyfriend hardly calls you, and it makes you feel insecure or unsure about what’s going on between you and him.

However, it’s also true that there are lots of possible things that might trigger his behavior.

What if your expectations are too high? Or what if you’re expecting him to change?

Just think about it.

Maybe he feels overwhelmed by your expectations and tries to give himself some time to cope with this situation. Or maybe there’s something else that you expect him to change and he simply can’t. 

Even though this wasn’t the reason why my boyfriend stopped calling me, when I reflected on my expectations, I was afraid that this might be why he suddenly stopped calling me.

That’s why I decided to let go of my expectations and assess things from his perspective.

And you know what?

I realized how stressed out I would feel if he had such high expectations for me as well.

If you haven’t thought about this before, it’s time to do so! Why? 

Because many of us don’t think about these things until we have problems in our relationships.

So, I think that it might be a good idea to sit down and talk about his expectations or any disagreeable behaviors you have towards him. You might find that you’re both frustrated by the same thing. 

Nevertheless, when you realize that your expectations might be too high, don’t panic and try to find a resolution that would make both of you happy.

7) Define your relationship expectations clearly

Still, you should know that letting go of all of your expectations isn’t the best possible solution.


Because whether we like it or not, we all expect certain things in our relationships, and it would be wrong if we just didn’t acknowledge that.

So, what do you think is the best feasible solution?

Defining your relationship expectations clearly! 

If you’ve never discussed what you both want in the relationship, then it might be a good idea to talk about it. 

Maybe he feels trapped by his commitment or thinks that he won’t be able to meet your expectations because of work or other obligations. 

Or maybe he just isn’t ready for a long-term relationship but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Anyway, it’s hard to have a strong relationship if you can’t establish what you want from him or if your partner doesn’t know how to help meet those needs. 

That’s why it is important to define your relationship expectations clearly since it will make both of you happy and lead to a healthy long-term relationship. 

For example, I would never expect my boyfriend to be with me all of the time because I understand that he has his own life that doesn’t include me only.

However, I do expect him to share his daily routine with me and to have time when we can talk to each other. 

You see, having clear expectations makes me feel much more secure and happy in my relationship.

8) Set healthy boundaries

One more constructive step to handle the fact that your boyfriend hardly calls you is to set healthy relationship boundaries.

I’m sure that you’ve heard from relationship experts or coaches that it’s important to “create healthy boundaries” in your relationships. 

And you know what?

Even if you’re skeptical, these boundaries are effective!

According to Lisa Bobby, a psychologist at Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver, Colorado, the right way to set boundaries in your relationship is to set limits for yourself instead of the other person.

For this, you need to take care of yourself emotionally while giving the other person space to be the way he or she wants.

By making this distinction, it’s easier for both people in the relationship to respect each other’s boundaries. 

In essence, this will help you find the balance between freedom and commitment when you’re both together. 

So, try to set clear boundaries and establish what areas you can and cannot approach with him. Give him the guidelines and clearly defined duties in order to make the relationship workable.

9) Talk to your boyfriend in person

After discussing all of the things you can do when your boyfriend hardly calls you, let’s focus on the strongest step to handle the situation.

You’re looking for solutions to make your boyfriend keep calling you, but have you already tried to talk to him in person?

The simple truth is that phone calls, texts, or emails can’t really solve everything.

But guess what?

If you want to handle the communication problem in the relationship, you should start by initiating a real conversation during your next date. 

Most of the time, when you’re feeling neglected, it means that there’s something wrong in the way you communicate with your partner or even in the way he communicates with you.

That’s why I’m sure that it’s a good idea to talk to him in person, especially when you’re experiencing problems in your relationship but still want to connect with him, 

By doing so, you won’t only be able to understand him better but also show that you care about what happens between the two of you. 

And in my opinion, that’s the best thing you can do for yourself because it will help your boyfriend feel more secure and open up about his feelings.

10) Respect his personality and give him the space he needs

If you tried to explore the reason why your boyfriend hardly calls you and determined that it’s because of your expectations and unreasonable demands, then give him the space to be free and be himself.

Just like in any other area of life, we are all different and have different preferences and personalities that can trigger specific actions or behaviors.

What if your boyfriend hardly calls because he isn’t the kind of guy who loves phone calls?

Maybe he’s just shy and needs his space?

Or maybe he feels uncomfortable in the relationship and isn’t sure if you really love him as much as he loves you.

But whatever it is, you should always respect his personality and give him the space to be himself, even if that means that he rarely calls or texts. 

The thing is that sometimes we don’t realize how much a simple text or call can mean for our significant other. Especially if they lack communication in their relationship

But you don’t have to be involved in everything that he does because that would make him feel trapped in the relationship.

Instead, you need to respect his personality and individuality if you want him to do the same. 

Because if you’re always telling him what he should do or not, he will feel even more trapped than he already does.

This way, you’ll make your boyfriend feel that you don’t trust him or don’t believe in his ability to deal with his problems on his own.

11) Move on or break up

And what if you’ve thought over the things I’ve mentioned above and you still manage to come to the conclusion that your relationships are really doomed? 

I mean, what’s next?  

Obviously, the breakup! 

However, you must be certain that you and your boyfriend are no longer able to communicate effectively and that you have both lost interest in relationships.

Because if you decide to break up just because your boyfriend isn’t giving you enough time or attention, then it’s the wrong way to end your relationship.

Emotional satisfaction and happiness are really important when it comes to relationships, and you should try your best to keep these elements in your relationships as long as you want them. 

Therefore, I’m sure that every couple should give their best effort to maintain a healthy love life.

So, if you’ve decided to move on, you need to know that it isn’t as hard as it seems. Just tell him that you need some time apart because your relationship can’t last any longer. 

However, I want you to think it through. Maybe he’s just afraid or feels stuck in another situation, so don’t make any rushed decisions.

Final thoughts

Hopefully these tips about the way you should react whenever your boyfriend hardly calls you will help you make constructive steps towards resolving your issues more quickly and easily.

Remember, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and concerns. 

If you’re feeling neglected or unsure of where you stand in the relationship, it’s okay to express these feelings to your boyfriend. 

With open and honest communication and a willingness to work on the relationship, you can improve your connection and strengthen your bond.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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