What to do when he’s just not that into you

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One of the most stressful things about dating is the uncertainty it brings. 

You might like a guy so much that you’re ready to pursue a long-term relationship with him. 

Unfortunately, when you want something so badly, you can fool yourself into thinking he feels the same way. 

But what if he doesn’t? What if something feels off about the way he treats you? 

Well then, it’s time to wake up to reality, no matter how painful it may seem. Rejection is never easy. If the guy you’re dating is just not that into you, it can be utterly disappointing.  

In this article, I’ll show you what you can do in this situation. 

Let’s get started.

1) Watch out for the signs of a one-sided relationship

In relationships, it’s important to remember that actions speak louder than words. 

He might be whispering sweet nothings in your ear while you’re together, but are his actions consistent with his words? 

Here are the red flags that should make you stop and think:  

  • He ignores or responds inconsistently to your messages.
  • He doesn’t seem interested to know more about you.
  • He doesn’t make time for you.
  • You’re always the one making plans.
  • He doesn’t acknowledge your relationship on social media
  • He hasn’t introduced you to his friends and family
  • He can’t commit to the relationship

2) Stop making excuses for his behavior

If you spot any of those red flags, it’s time to accept the truth—he’s just not that into you. 

When a guy really likes you, you’ll definitely know it deep inside. Sure, he might be unavailable sometimes, but his reasons will be valid. You won’t be left hanging with many questions swirling in your head. 

Stop making excuses for his behavior and think about this instead: Don’t you deserve a guy who likes you as much as you like him? 

3) Don’t take it personally

When someone rejects or ignores you, it’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole of wondering what you did or what it is about you that turned him off. 

Don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s about you. People can’t help whom they fall in love with, so it’s essential not to take it personally. 

On the bright side, there’s someone out there who won’t be able to help falling in love with you

4) Realize that you can’t change him

“If he could only see how much I love him, we would be so happy together.”

“Maybe if I cook him dinner every night, he’ll see how lucky he is with me.”

These are just some of the lines you’ll hear from women who think they can change their men. 

Unfortunately, liking someone is a personal feeling that cannot be controlled or manipulated. 

No matter what you do and how much time and energy you invest in him, it won’t change the fact that he’s just not that into you. 

Here’s the smart thing to do—when he shows you exactly who he is, believe him. 

After all, you can’t control how other people feel about you; you can only control how you interact with them. 

5) Don’t try to be someone you’re not

Should you be more outgoing? Dress sexy all the time? Be more affectionate? 

I was one of those who tried to change themselves for the sake of keeping someone interested.  

I’d been dating a guy for several months, but I couldn’t get him to commit to an exclusive relationship.

I tried so many ways to make him fall in love with me. 

Even though my go-to style is a plain shirt and comfy jeans, I dressed sexier and wore makeup so he would find me more attractive. 

I learned how to cook, and I bought him nice gifts every so often.  

I changed many things about myself, but here’s the bad news—it didn’t work. 

More importantly, I sacrificed my own happiness. 

The main lesson I learned from the whole experience was this—the only way to live a happy life is to be yourself. 

People who live authentic lives are happier and have higher self-esteem. They also have better relationships with others and more personal growth. 

Pretending to be someone you’re not is a huge strain on your emotional and mental resources. 

It’s not a sustainable way to live, and you don’t want to be with someone who likes you only when you behave or dress a certain way. 

6) Respect his decision 

It is important to respect someone’s feelings, desires, and decisions, even if it is not what you hoped for. 

Think about how you wouldn’t want to be forced into liking someone. He feels the same way. 

It might be tempting to call him names, but labeling someone just because he doesn’t reciprocate your level of affection isn’t productive. 

What matters right now is thinking about what attracted you to him initially. It’s crucial to analyze yourself so you can figure out if there are any self-destructive patterns you need to break. 

7) Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to grieve

Many women sometimes engage in magical thinking, trying to find meaning and purpose in a relationship that’s going nowhere or might not even exist. 

When you think you’ve met “the one,” you can’t help but see him through rose-colored glasses.

So, when you finally open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, you’re bound to feel devastated. 

You might want to stay in bed, listen to sad love songs, or even cry in the shower. Go ahead—give yourself the space and time to grieve. 

Grief is not a one-dimensional thing. You might feel all sorts of negative emotions, from sadness, fear, and regret to anger and guilt. 

However, it’s also a natural part of healing. The more you attempt to suppress it, the longer it will take you to heal. 

So, it’s wise to acknowledge how you feel and let yourself feel the pain, trusting that you’ll get to the other side. 

It’s definitely better than stalking him or texting him over and over for answers. 

8) Take care of yourself

Along with grieving comes the need to be kind to yourself. 

After a loss or a huge disappointment, it’s natural to feel hurt and upset. 

You’ll want to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. A therapist may also be helpful if you need additional support to cope with your feelings. 

Most of all, practice self-compassion. Think about what you’d say to a friend who had her heart broken—you need those encouraging words yourself. 

Here are some other ways you can show yourself some love and compassion: 

  • Go for a daily walk, preferably in nature. 
  • Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal.
  • Engage in art therapy—paint or draw to express yourself.
  • Play your favorite sport or engage in your favorite hobbies.
  • Keep a balanced diet and get regular exercise.

9) Reflect on the situation

As you nurse your broken heart, devote some time to quiet reflection. 

Think about what happened and consider what you can learn from it. Release your regrets and focus on the things you can change moving forward. 

Even if it wasn’t a successful relationship, it could still be an opportunity to help you Identify what qualities or values are most important to you in a relationship.

Reflecting on a situation can help you gain new insights and understanding, and it can also help you identify areas for personal growth and development. 

10) Make a decision to move on 

I understand that wallowing in pain and sadness can feel so good. But you can get stuck in a cycle of self-pity in the long run. It won’t help you get better. 

You can only move on once you make a firm decision to do so. 

Moving on means letting go of your hope that he’ll come around and finally commit to you. It means saying goodbye to your vision of a future with him.  

You don’t have to forget it happened; you shouldn’t. 

In fact, consider the experience a valuable addition to your life’s lessons, a mere stepping stone on your road to personal growth. 

But to move forward, you have to take concrete steps like deleting his number from your phone, so you won’t feel tempted to text or call him when you’re feeling weak. 

Here are a few other steps you can take to keep yourself busy and move on:

  • Fill up your social calendar—meet up with friends or find new activities and ways to enjoy yourself. 
  • Volunteer or get involved in your community.
  • Clean and declutter your home or tackle other tasks on your to-do lists.
  • Learn a new skill through classes, courses, or tutorials.

Staying busy keeps feelings of loneliness and boredom at bay. Before you know it, enough time has passed, and the man who broke your heart has become a distant memory.   

11) Keep an open mind

Let’s be honest—relationships are hard to navigate. 

The cycle of hope and disappointment can be so frustrating. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and live life on your own. 

I almost quit looking for love myself. After so many failed relationships, I was ready to face life alone. 

But I found the courage to love again, thanks to this free Love and Intimacy masterclass by world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. 

As he explains in this transformational free video, we can find love as long as we stay open to it. 

More importantly, he showed me how learning to love myself enables me to give and receive love in a healthy manner. 

If you’re ready to take that journey yourself, click here to watch the incredible free video.

12) Date other people

As the saying goes, there are other fish in the sea!

However, don’t be pressured to jump back into the dating scene right away. 

Only you can determine if you are ready to start dating again. You may want to consider a few things as you make this decision.

Are you emotionally ready? It’s important to be emotionally stable and able to navigate the ups and downs of a relationship before you start dating again.

Do you have the time and energy for a relationship? Dating takes time and effort, and it’s vital to ensure you have enough of both to devote to a relationship.

Are you over your past relationship? It’s important to be fully ready to move on from your past relationships before you start dating again.

Do you know what you want in a relationship? It can be helpful to have a clear idea of what you’re looking for in a partner and a relationship before you start dating again.

Ultimately, the decision to start dating again is a personal one and depends on your individual circumstances and feelings. 

13) Remember that the right person for you is out there 

It is important to remember that not every interaction or relationship will work out. 

And that’s okay. 

Because every relationship you go through prepares you for the right one. 

Every heartbreak makes you stronger and teaches you lessons, not just about finding love but also about growing as a person. 

The important thing is to never settle for a halfhearted person. Know that you deserve more, a partner who will love every bit of you, warts and all. 

He’ll love you just as much as you love him, maybe even more! 

But you’ll never meet your soulmate if you keep getting stuck in relationships with the wrong people. 

Final thoughts

It can be difficult and disappointing if someone is not interested in pursuing a romantic or emotional relationship with you. 

However, it is important to remember that everyone has the right to make decisions about their relationships and communicate their boundaries and needs.

If he’s not that into you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a bad person. He may be the right person, just not for you. 

Focus on healing your heart and finding healthy ways to cope with your emotions. Once you’re grounded and centered, you can be open again to everything life has to offer you. 

And who knows, it might be a man who leaves no room for doubt that he’s in love with you.  

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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