They say all it takes to get to a man’s heart is by winning over his stomach, but if it were that easy then every woman who wants a man would have the man of their dreams.
So what actually is the secret to winning over a man; not only getting his attention but making him fall in love and want to spend the rest of his life with you?
The secrets to a man’s heart aren’t as alien to women as you may think, but it does take a bit of trying to see it from their point of view.
Here are 16 important traits, qualities, and behaviors that a man needs in a relationship to truly fall deeply and madly in love:
Traits and Qualities
1) Candid Honesty
Good men look for partners who can be their equals in a relationship.
This means searching for prospective partners who are uncompromising and honest about themselves regarding what they’re looking for.
Men aren’t exactly the best at reading the small signs and the subtle hints.
If you’re looking for a guy who’s going to enjoy guessing your thoughts and being ten steps ahead of you, chances are you’re not going to find something long-term.
Men don’t want to deal with mind games and miscommunication; most guys prefer honest, straightforward communication from women who have thought about what they want and openly ask for what they want.
If he does something that makes you mad, tell him.
If he does something that makes you happy, be sure to let him know.
Guys are drawn towards women who are confident in their words.
The more you try to sugarcoat your feelings in hopes of appeasing him, the more alienated he’ll feel towards you.
If you want to make a guy want a relationship with you, be honest and express your feelings.
2) Confidence and Self-Respect
Men want to look at their partners and think “Wow, she’s amazing.”
But it’s difficult to do that if you’re not the most self-confident person in the room.
For most people, confidence is the most attractive quality there is, surpassing crucial variables to attraction such as humor and even physical attraction.
But there’s a fine line between being off-puttingly confident and being secure in your identity.
For a man, being with a confident partner means building a life with someone who has a strong sense of self and individualism.
You don’t have to brag about all the things you’re achieving; you’re letting results speak for itself.
Being confident also creates a strong foundation for long-term bonds: you’re not insecure about your position in the relationship and don’t need constant reassurance to feel loved and connected.
Ultimately, men value confidence and self-respect because they want partners they can lean on to from time to time.
As much as they want to feel like they can protect you, they also appreciate knowing you can stand on your own two feet, with or without them.
It’s a normal response to want to impress someone you’re interested in.
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But oftentimes we do so by blowing some things out of proportion.
In an attempt to relate to the other person, we might exaggerate our interest for certain things or even some skills in order to appear more desirable.
This might work for a quick fling but it certainly won’t make a man fall in love with you.
If you’re looking to build a long, honest connection with someone you have to be your true self.
Men want women who are unafraid to be who they are. This boils down to having a strong sense of self-worth and the understanding that you are a valuable person.
For men and women, authenticity is a deeply attractive trait because it shows vulnerability.
In a world that’s becoming increasingly more superficial, connecting with someone on a deeper level and getting to know them for who they really are is such a refreshing experience.
At the end of the day, men also want to fall in love and connect with someone.
4) Long-term Compatibility
The initial rush of physical and sexual compatibility can only go so far.
Men don’t always fall in love as easily or as deeply with people they meet, which may make it seem like they’re not really in it for something long-term.
While that is the case for most casual daters, a lot of men are looking to fall in love and settle down.
It just so happens that men sometimes need “more” out of their relationships to feel like they can grow out of their bachelor skins and become the family man they want to become.
Guys want to be around someone who they can be themselves with.
Having the same hobbies, enjoying the same activities, pursuing more or less the same goals, or just sharing core personal beliefs like being active and being adventurous is crucial in building a long-term bond.
Unlike women who tend to be more open and vulnerable about finding love, shedding those initial layers and being more intimate can be inherently difficult for men.
True emotional connection can’t precede compatibility.
Most guys need to see that you would be a great addition to his life and that you’re someone who can be his friend, lover, and equal.
Without that, he might find it difficult to date you beyond a casual context.
Openness doesn’t come easily to guys. Men are socialized into thinking they have to be the rock of the relationship.
Because of this, a lot of guys operate with the understanding that they have to be the main source of stability in a relationship.
Deep down, guys have a desire to lean on someone for support too. Even the strongest person needs a break from being strong.
He wants to know that he can turn to you for emotional support; someone he can reliably turn to when things go bad.
But trustworthiness goes beyond vulnerability.
Men are structure-driven individuals — they want to know that they can trust you to be honest with them and stay true to your feelings about the relationship.
Fostering your trust means listening to his feelings openly, without having to feel like he’s walking on eggshells.
Men appreciate women who are emotionally stable and can settle differences without resorting to personal attacks or jumping into conclusions.
He wants to know he’s safe in your arms just as you are in his.
6) Loyalty and Commitment
A lot of modern “gurus” tout men as disloyal and commitment-averse beings when this simply isn’t the case.
A lot of guys are hardwired to avoid emotional confrontation and intimacy, which a lot of people mistake for wanting to play the field.
As true as it is that there are guys who just want a quick score, there are also men looking to settle down and build a life with someone.
As such, loyalty and commitment are two important things they look for.
He needs to know that he can trust you and your role in the relationship — whether it’s confronting him instead of bad-mouthing him to your friends or siding with him in a family argument.
Make him feel that you stand by him no matter what.
Forget the damsel in distress myth; men don’t want a needy woman who is constantly needing reassurance.
Guys look for inner strength in their power; the kind of strength that makes them feel like they can let go of the wheel once in a while.
7) Sexual Chemistry
There’s no point in denying that sexual chemistry is key to any successful relationship.
Perhaps with men, this is a more pressing concern because intimacy and closeness is often preceded by good sex, whereas women tend to be keener about spending quality time and getting to know each other.
Ultimately, sexual chemistry ensures that the relationship can flourish beyond what it currently is.
Having foundational friendship is crucial in any relationship, but without sexual chemistry and physical attraction, it’s difficult to cultivate romantic love in that kind of environment.
You don’t have to be crazy in bed to make a man fall in love with you (although we’re sure that would certainly help).
Sexual chemistry means being compatible with what he likes in bed or complementing what he’s good at and comfortable with.
Different couples have different sexual dynamics. Hitting that nail on the head is just another way to make him fall to his knees, deeply in love with you.
There are few things sexier than independence, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman.
When we look for a partner, we’re looking for someone who will add value to our lives, not suck value away from us.
We want someone who inspires us, who has the kind of Hollywood life story that only the best writers could write.
A partner destined to see and do it all, with nothing but their own two hands and unmatched willpower.
And while unconditional love does entail supporting your partner when they’re lowest, it’s not always the most attractive prospect.
Because someone who needs you just to get on their own feet is nowhere near as magnetic as someone who can conquer the world all on their own.
Then there’s the fact that a man would prefer a woman who already has their own firmly established personality: their own hobbies, goals, dreams; because these things prove that you’re interesting, fun, and full of life.
9) No Drama or Conflicts
Nobody wants to deal with the headache of someone who personifies a daytime soap opera, and while that may sound like an exaggeration, there are plenty of people who can’t live without stirring the pot every chance they get.
A man (and anyone, really) wants an easy, simple life, away from the artificial strings and expectations of other people.
And a woman who offers him the kindness, happiness, and love of a relationship without any of the drama that tends to come with it is a woman who can win over any man.
So avoid unnecessary drama, the artificial conflicts. B
ut that’s not to say that women instigate the issues; men are just as likely to create unnecessary tension as women are.
But if you can find a man who is mature enough to avoid all that, then you should show him that you’re capable of being just as chill as he is.
10) Healthy Relationship Standards
As we said above, a relationship needs to add value to your life.
A healthy and emotionally balanced individual wants companionship and love, but not at the expense of losing positive parts of their life.
Sharing your life with another person should never feel like a burden, and if you ever make your man feel like his life might be better without you, then you’ve already begun to lose him.
So this means setting and maintaining healthy standards in your relationship. Avoid all the things that make toxic partners toxic, such as:
- Questioning everything your man does
- Creating fights out of nothing
- Making him feel bad about certain hobbies
- Forcing him to cut ties with his friends or family
- Discouraging him from trying new things
Instead, your presence needs to make his life bigger, happier, and fuller. Inspire him to:
- Achieve more with his life
- Work on his mind, soul, and body
- Try new things, push for greater goals
- Let go of his inherent negative traits, replacing them with positive ones
- Reconnect with his friends and family
Interactions and Specific Actions
11) Feeling Like He Can Make You Happy
No matter how modern or progressive your man may be, he’ll always have a few traits and qualities that are inherent in almost all men, simply because of the way men are made.
And one of those qualities is the man’s desire to make his partner happy.
When a man is starting to fall in love with his partner, one of the most important things to him (whether he acknowledges it or not) is his ability to make them happy.
A man wants to know that he can make you laugh, that he can brighten up your day, and that he can provide and be “the man of the house” when necessary.
And these can manifest in even the smallest ways, which is why we have the infamous dad jokes.
So even if he’s not the funniest guy in the room, throw him a bone from time to time and show him love just by appreciating his attempt at humor.
12) Feeling Purpose and Passion
Falling in love isn’t something you just decide to do.
It’s a feeling that has to happen organically; it can’t be forced through rationale. And that organic feeling comes from the heart — you never know when it’s going to happen, and you never know exactly what makes it happen.
But one thing that can help with that feeling is getting him to feel purpose and passion for his partner.
You need to make him feel that part of his “ikigai” — his reason for being — comes explicitly by having you by his side.
He needs to truly envision a future with you, something he wants to build and create block-by-block.
And he needs to wake up with the happiness already in his heart, knowing that he can spend another day with you.
So how do you make this happen? Remember: one of the greatest reasons for living is having something to do.
Give him something to do in the context of your relationship together. Set a goal together based on a shared interest, and work with him to reach that goal.
13) Feeling Appreciated
One major difference between men and women that women might not realize is that men rarely ever compliment each other.
And because of this, you’ll find countless adult men who haven’t received a true compliment in ages.
Whereas girl best friends are always quick to tell each other whenever they look hot or amazing, guy best friends tend to avoid saying anything about each other, ever.
That’s not because men are naturally more distant, but because it just isn’t very common in male relationships to talk about anything other than whatever they might be doing.
And over time, men tend to forget that they can even receive compliments, and just go on about their lives without ever getting one.
So there are few better ways to trigger his affection for you than by praising him whenever you get the chance.
If he made an effort to dress up or look nice, point it out and tell him you love it; if he helped you with something, show him how much you appreciate him for it.
This also works with the two previous points: showing him that he has purpose with you in his life, and proving to him that he makes you happy.
14) Become His Muse
As important as it is to make a man feel like he adds value to your life by making you happy and fulfilling your needs, it might be even more crucial to become the man’s inspiration.
Inspire him, push him on. Become the reason why he wants to be a better person and a better man.
Empower him with your own perseverance and your own strength, the way you accomplish your goals and overcome obstacles, and he’ll be yours in no time.
He’ll want to emulate you and reach your level, and he’ll start to feel that he needs you by his side if he wants to become the best version of himself he can be.
Drive him forward, and he’ll love every minute you two spend together.
There’s nothing more attractive than a power couple with the ability to conquer the world as a team.
15) Having The Same Love Language
You may have heard of the idea of “love languages”, but what do love languages actually mean?
Simply put, love languages are the different ways we show affection, and we all have one primary love language. The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
When you and your man have the same love language, it’ll be easier than ever for him to fall in love with you.
Partners with matching love languages can communicate on levels that other couples could only dream of.
You both make each other happy with the same actions, and inherently have a deeply personal understanding of each other’s needs, or what you require from a relationship to feel fulfilled in it.
And if you don’t have the same love language as the man of your dreams, that isn’t a problem.
But make sure to figure out what his love language is, and do your best to understand the implications and ramifications of that love language — what he may need from love that you don’t necessarily understand.
16) Being An Effective Communicator
Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship.
The better you and your partner can communicate with each other, the better you can express your thoughts and ideas, connect with each other, and avoid situations that might lead to arguments and fights.
At the end of the day, two people who like each other don’t want to fight with each other, and any fight might simply be a byproduct of the inability to truly get on the same page.
So learn how to communicate effectively and accurately with a man, and he’ll see immediately that you’re not going to be a source of headaches and frustration.
One mistake plenty of people make is failing to listen to their partner, simply because they already assume they know what he might say or do.
And when you make your man feel that you already understand him (when you clearly don’t), he’ll start to feel like you and this relationship are a lost cause.
Hear him out, listen to him, and understand why you two aren’t on the same page. Match his wavelength and he’ll be yours in no time.
The real reason why men pull away
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