So you just slept with a man for the first time. Or maybe you’ve slept with him a few times now, but you still don’t know him enough to really understand what’s going on in his head.
What is he thinking, while he’s naked beside you, panting and catching his breath?
What’s on his mind and what’s he not saying?
In this article, we discuss the 29 most common things a man might be thinking in that short period right after sex.
Here’s everything that could be running through his mind:
1) “I just got laid!”
It may seem immature, but one of the first things a guy will do after you sleep with them for the first time is a little whoop of self-congratulation.
The oxytocin and endorphins are popping off in his head, and he’s filled with a short burst of joy knowing he just made love to a beautiful and awesome woman, you.
Does that mean he thinks it’s all just a game? Not necessarily — it’s just his own little way of feeling great about the experience.
2) “Was it as good for her as it was for me?”
After that short burst of internal joy, he’ll then start asking himself — did she like it as much as I did?
And there might be different reasons why he would think this.
Some of those reasons could be:
– He’s a kind, caring, and empathetic guy, and he wants to know that he satisfied you fully
– He wants something more out of this relationship and he hopes that he imprinted a great memory on you
– He’s egoistic and narcissistic, and just wants to know that he’s good at having sex
Whatever the reason might be, this thought is especially common for guys who are less experienced in bed.
3) “I wonder if she came.”
The last thing a man can do in bed is fake it. The finale of a man’s love-making is always explosive and obvious, and it’s not really something that he can easily hide.
And considering he can only do it once before he needs a quick rest again, it’s much more of an event than a woman’s orgasm.
So a man will always wonder: did she really “go”, or was she just faking it?
This is related to the previous point but also more specific because a woman can definitely enjoy a session without having an orgasm.
4) “Is it time for me to go? Have I overstayed my welcome?”
If your guy is over at your place rather than you over at his, then one of the first things he’ll think once the initial emotional rush has passed is: “Now what? Should I leave? Does she want me to leave?”
No matter how confident he might be, if you two are a new thing, then he might not know if you actually want anything more than just sex.
He won’t want to assume that you actually want his presence or attention, and he might figure you only want him for what’s in his pants.
5) “Yep, I’m a hero!”
Men want to be heroes. Some want to be a hammer-wielding hero like Thor, while others simply want to be an everyday hero to a woman he cares about.
The hero instinct is a real concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
Simply put, men are driven to step up to the plate for the woman he cares about. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
Yes, nothing makes a man feel more heroic than satisfying a woman in bed.
While moaning in delight at his efforts may make him feel like one temporarily, there are other things you can do that can trigger his hero instinct on a permanent basis.
If you’re curious about what these are, watch this excellent free video.
You’ll learn the things you can say and texts you can send to make your man feel like an everyday hero.
The best part? Triggering his hero instinct will unleash his deepest levels of attraction towards you.
6) “Should I ask her to leave?”
If you’re over at his place, then this might be something he’ll ask himself.
Maybe he only wanted to have sex, and that’s fine (as long as he didn’t pretend it’d be anything more than that).
But he also doesn’t want to be rude or look like a jerk, so even if he wants to be by himself afterward, he won’t want to ask you to leave immediately.
If it seems like he’s inching towards that, then help him by making the decision yourself.
7) “I hope she’ll remember that.”
A guy always wants to be remembered.
He wants to know that his love-making was something you’ll still think about weeks or months from now because even the humblest man still has an ego he needs to feed.
So he’ll be hoping that he satisfied you enough that your moans, your pants, and your orgasms were real enough to keep him in your head for the foreseeable future.
8) “Is she really being honest with me?”
He might have actually asked you — “How was it? Did you enjoy it? Do you want more?”
Especially if he’s on the nicer side, he’ll want to make sure that you 100% enjoyed your sexual experience with him.
But no matter what you say in response, there will always be a lingering bit of doubt in his head.
He’ll wonder what you’re really thinking because he knows if he were in your shoes, he’d say whatever was necessary to make you happy.
He’ll be looking at your every micro-expression to try to squeeze out the truth.
9) “I hope she’s as clean as she says she is.”
A guy has to be practical, and in this day and age, being practical means worrying about STDs, both major and minor ones.
Whether or not he’s experienced with sleeping around, one thought that will be on his mind once the lust of an erection has passed is whether or not you’re as “clean” as you say you are.
The last thing he wants is to wake up one day next week with a rash, an itch, or even worse, a strange fluid coming out of his tool.
But it’s not a question he can ask more than once without risking raising your ire, so it’s a chance he simply has to take.
10) “I really need a drink.”
Not every thought is about his emotions or excitement or disappointment or anything else. Sometimes that first post-coital thought is going to be as simple as, “I really need a drink.”
Particularly if you and your man just had a rough or explosive session, to the point that you might feel some sweat on his body.
So if he’s over at your place, help your man out and find him something to drink so he can think about the more important things.
11) “Do I smell? Maybe I should shower.”
A clean man is always concerned about his hygiene when he’s around a woman he’s attracted to.
And any experienced and self-aware man should know just how much he can smell when he’s started to sweat, which is why the last thing he wants to do is cuddle with a girl he’s trying to win over while he’s smelling like a giant armpit.
So if he rushes to the shower right away, don’t take it personally. It’s not about you; he’s just trying to be as hygienic and fresh as possible.
12) “I can’t believe she’s not in a relationship.”
You just blew his mind with an amazing session in bed, and now he’s stealing glances at you — or full-on staring at your naked body — and he can’t help but think, “How the hell is this girl not already taken?”
Take it as a compliment. It means he wants to keep you and not let any other guy touch you for the rest of your life.
It’s up to you to decide if you share his vision of a monogamous life with him, but great job: you’ve already won him over.
13) “How did this actually happen?”
If you met your guy at a bar or a club and you were both drunk (or at least buzzed), then the first moment of sober clarity usually comes right after the relief of an orgasm.
With you and him both getting back your breaths, lying in bed together, this is usually the moment when he’ll start asking himself, “How in the world did this actually happen?”
If you think he looks like he’s thinking of something complex in his mind, then he might be retracing the night and trying to put the pieces together.
14) “What do I do now?”
Sometimes, he has no idea what he wants from a woman, and the only time he actually asks himself that question is right when he’s finished making love to her.
The immature and childish “chase” preoccupies him the entire time while he pursues you, and when that finally comes to an end, he has no idea now what he wants.
- Do I want a relationship?
- Do I just want a casual thing?
- Do I even want to do this again?
- Was this all a mistake?
15) “Can I go again? Would she want that?”
If he’s still “feeling it”, then he’ll definitely be testing whether he can go another round or not.
He might need a bit of a break, but when he’s ready to go again he’ll be hoping you’re ready as well.
He won’t exactly want to force it, because he won’t want to come off pushy, so any indication that you’re not feeling it will turn him off immediately.
If you say you’re tired or sleepy, he’ll kill that thought completely and try to think about something else.
16) “I can’t believe how amazing she looks.”
If he’s staring at you and can’t take his eyes off you, there’s only one thing on his mind: he cannot get over just how beautiful you look.
He’s comparing you to celebrities he’s seen in movies and shows, and thinking how you might even look better than them.
He’s ecstatic about the idea of holding onto you and making something real with you, because he loves that he’s with someone as gorgeous as you are.
And he’ll be replaying the memories in his head, of you and him in the various positions together, and all of this combined will make his heart rush faster than the sex itself.
17) “Should I let the guys know?”
Not every guy has a group of friends with whom they share every part of their intimate or sexual life with, but there are many who do.
And for guys who have that core group of guy friends, they’ll be wondering afterward: “Should I tell the guys about this?”
Usually the answer would be yes, especially if he never really intends to develop anything serious with you.
He’ll show them your picture and talk about how he took this hottie home.
But if he wants something more with you, he’ll be more careful about this, because the last thing he wants is possibly upsetting you in the future when his guy friends tell you about what he said.
18) “Does she want to go eat?”
In the same way a guy would want something nice and cold to drink afterwards, he’ll also be starving.
Sex takes a lot out of you, especially when you’re in the driver’s seat. So he’ll be wondering if you’re feeling the need to eat as much as he is.
If he wants to be secretive about it, he might try to wander off to the fridge and find anything to munch on.
If he’s more of a gentleman, he’ll ask if you’re up for a meal and, if you are, order something up for the both of you.
And it’s definitely not going to be something healthy: pizza is the likeliest option, filling in his sudden need for calories ASAP.
19) “When should I call her again?”
As the woman, it’s obvious what you might be thinking: “Yes, call me back as soon as you want!”
But as a guy who’s trying to play it cool, smooth, and suave, the last thing he wants is to look like a lovestruck teenager.
So he’ll be wondering about the best opportunity to call you again to maximize the way he “looks” to you.
Should it be the next day? A week after? Or should you schedule something now before you leave?
Ease his mind, if you’re feeling it; help him figure out what the best answer here would be.
20) “She wasn’t as good as…”
Ouch. While it might not be great, some guys do immediately compare you to a certain standard they have in their head.
But keep in mind — a lot of what a guy feels during sex is related to his emotional connection with the person.
If he’s comparing you to the “one who got away” ex on his first night with you, then that’s his problem.
Recommended reading: How to tell if a guy is a player: 26 no bullsh*t signs!
21) “I hope I didn’t look terrible during sex.”
It may seem silly, but for men who don’t have the best body or self-confidence, the thought of whether they look good naked or not is definitely a top concern.
He’ll be hoping that he didn’t gross you out over the simple act of being on top of you, being around you, and any eye contact you make with the parts of his body he feels most self-conscious about will only spur these thoughts onward.
22) “Is my snoring going to bother her?”
This is actually a two-part question: first he’ll wonder if you now want to spend the night and wake up with him bright and early, and then he’ll wonder if his snoring is going to bother you.
For some men, snoring is a huge issue.
Partners who might not be used to it can find their nights ruined by the excess volume of their snoring.
And of course, there’s nothing un-sexier than an unconscious guy keeping you up with his nose.
23) “Would she mind if I turned on the TV?”
It’s not that he thinks you’re boring, or that he doesn’t know what to say, or that he wants to tune you out.
It’s just that after a few hours (or minutes) of sex, not every guy is in the mood to cuddle and chat and giggle together in bed.
Sometimes they just want to sit back, turn on the TV, and space out for a while as they catch their breath.
So if your guy starts reaching for the remote a few minutes after, don’t take it personally.
But if he ignores you the rest of the night, then it’s time to start asking questions.
24) “I hope she doesn’t think this is a big deal.”
As simple as the physical act of sex can be, the reality of it can be extremely complicated.
You never want to be on a different page of wavelength from the person you’re doing it with, because then you just end up with pain and confusion.
So if your guy is just in it for a quick one night stand or casual situation, then he might be worrying about what you think this situation actually is.
He might worry that you actually want a relationship when all he wants is some fun every now and then.
Even if you’ve reassured him that you feel the same way he does, he’ll still think about it until you’ve been together a few times.
Recommended reading: How to know if a guy likes you after a one-night stand?
25) “I hope ____ never finds out.”
If you didn’t do your homework on the guy, then who’s to say that he isn’t already in a relationship?
He might have someone dinging him on the phone in his pocket, asking him where he is and what he’s up to, sending him goodnights and hearts.
It’s definitely not something you want to obsess over, but there’s always a possibility of it happening, especially if it’s a quick one-night stand or if you just met him.
26) “What’s she going to tell her friends about this?”
He knows. As much as he’s probably wondering whether he’ll tell his friends or not, he also knows that you’re just as likely to tell your friends.
He’s heard it from his own girl friends, and from a plethora of media: how girls love talking about their guys, their hook-ups, and all the juicy details.
So he’ll be thinking about what single part of him — his personality or his body — you’re going to discuss with your closest girlfriends.
And will those discussions be good, bad, or somewhere in between?
27) “Do I actually want to do this again?”
As great as a night of love-making can be, there are also some considerations both partners have to make about whether they actually want to do this again.
And it’s usually not a personal issue — sometimes two people can click perfectly, but one person simply isn’t ready to jump into something serious and long-term.
So if your guy is a loose cannon who likes to date around, he might seriously be asking himself if he can see himself sleeping with you next week and the week after that and the week after that.
You might have blown his mind, but is he done playing the field?
28) “I hope we didn’t do that too soon.”
There’s so much danger these days of dooming a relationship before it even begins.
In this age of online dating apps where your next option is literally just a swipe away, those who are looking to develop something “real” can find it difficult, especially if they can’t really convince their potential partner that they’re in it for the long haul.
So he might definitely be wondering (or worrying) about whether or not you two “did the deed” way too soon in your pre-relationship. Is this going to stop things from turning into something real?
29) “She’s amazing.”
Nothing more, nothing less. He doesn’t know if he’s in love but he does know one thing for sure: this moment is amazing, this night is amazing, and this woman is amazing.
The real reason why men pull away
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