We love each other but can’t be together: What you need to know

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Love is the most beautiful thing to behold as it’s the only thing that’s close to perfection.

It can bring the most blissful experience for some – and the most unpleasant one for others. And this very emotion holds the power to destroy our hearts, at any given time.

There’s this excruciating pain of loving someone intensely, yet knowing that you won’t have the chance to enjoy that love together.

You experience that bittersweet and painful side of love – and it hurts more than it should be. 

When two people can’t be together, it can mean the end of what could have been a beautiful story. This love will never thrive – or maybe it will remain alive in your hearts unfulfilled and die eventually. 

The worst part is, living your life knowing that the possibility of being together is lost. 

And you start to wonder if it’s best to find a way to stay together or part ways? 

Let’s find out.

Why love isn’t enough to make it work?

You’ve taken a shot at love. You’ve opened your heart and shared a part of your soul and yourself. You’re certain that this person is your soulmate and you’re the same at heart. 

But even if love matters a lot – and we thought loving is enough, it’s not the only thing. 

In reality, we don’t simply live on this emotion alone. 

Life is filled with too many circumstances, some of which are beyond our control.

Despite being each other’s half – and knowing that what you’re sharing is real love, there’s this huge thing that’s stopping you from being together.

It’s a heart-wrenching truth – and it does exist.

I know how heartbreaking it can be when you’re in love with each other but know that you can never be together forever.

I understand how this hurts like hell and it surrounds you with a roller coaster of emotions. It fills you with doubt and you start to question everything else.

You overwhelm your mind and seek answers to “Why isn’t the love we have enough?” “Is there something I did wrong,” “Why can’t we be together?” and a lot more. 

It can break your heart in many ways. Maybe it’s because you initially see each other as best friends and partners. You have dreams and plans to get married, start a family, and grow old together.

But it’s just that sometimes, love – no matter how pure and real – isn’t always enough. 

Why does this happen?

10 things to know when you love each other but can’t be together

The thing is, love works. 

But despite the infinity that love beholds, being together doesn’t always exist.

This will make more sense when you understand the reasons why you can’t be together and when you figure out what to do. 

In most instances, some possible reasons and obstacles stop two people who love each other from being together.

1) Either you live far away or your partner is relocating

Long-distance relationships can be tough and you don’t think that it will work.

While the thought of being too far from each other is difficult, this kind of relationship is possible. 

Maybe your partner will move to a different state or country to pursue their dreams. 

It takes a lot of effort to keep such love in a long-distance relationship alive, but you can make it work if you’re both willing. 

You can’t ask your partner to stay with you or make a choice between you and their dreams. 

What to do: 

Plan for the times ahead.  In today’s world, the Internet is full of tools to help you stay connected. 

  • Make use of communication and messaging tools to connect with your partner
  • Find ways on how you can both make the distance between you less disturbing
  • Save on plane tickets so you can spend time together

And should you both decide to move along with your partner soon, then work on it.

But, if you’ve talked about ending the relationship so you can both move on with life, then understand that sometimes, it’s how things should be.  

2) You have different points of view

It’s completely fine to have different opinions. 

Just because you have different thoughts, ideas, interests, or whatsoever means that you should leave each other. 

And it doesn’t mean that you always need to agree or be on the same page all the time. 

Sometimes, having different points of view can even enhance a relationship when you see it positively. 

What to do: 

Find a workaround.

Even if you don’t agree on some things, respect and understand each other’s beliefs and opinions – unless they are ethically and outright wrong.

Try to compromise to find out what will work best for you. Be open-minded and see things from your partner’s perspective too.

If you can enjoy your differences and similarities, you’ll be able to build a strong and healthy relationship.

But if it’s a stage when it’s impossible to find a solution to your differences, then it’s best to let go.

3) You have different life goals 

Having different goals in life sounds pretty confusing at this point. 

Most people in a relationship face this problem. And it’s because we don’t always like the same things in life.

For instance, you want to get married already but your partner wants more time. Or perhaps, you want to live in the city, while he prefers to settle down somewhere else.

But this isn’t something over which one needs to leave and let go of the love they have

What to do: 

Communicate and compromise. Know your priorities in life and even if you have different goals, you can continue to live the way you want

When you love each other, you can compromise at one point or another for the relationship to work.

The key here is to see that you have a shared future together. If you can’t, better let each other go.

4) You have different faiths

Some couples with different faiths can make their relationship work, but some can’t be together because of respect for their religions.

It could also get difficult when they don’t share beliefs with each other’s family members.

But this depends on how much your faith affects your decision in choosing a life partner, your core values, your lifestyle, etc.

What to do:

You can love someone no matter what their faith or beliefs are. 

Every relationship faces problems and difficulties irrespective of religion. 

It’s best to discuss with your partner how your religious differences will affect your future together. 

Consciously decide with your partner if you can stay despite it, or move on because of it.

If you’re determined to make your relationship work, find out how you can both compromise. 

Relationship advice expert April Masini shares that faith doesn’t need to be a relationship pitfall and has this to say:

“The most important asset in an interfaith relationship is respect. Acknowledge your religious differences and have open conversations [about them] throughout your relationship, but always respect each others’ religions.” 

5) Your partner is violent and abusive

True love is never disrespectful. It’s free from hurtful feelings, gaslighting, or intimidation. 

When you love someone, you won’t get stuck in a cycle of emotional or physical abuse. 

Recognize that violence comes in different forms – physical, verbal, social, mental, and emotional.

When you believe everything that your partner says or accepts whatever your partner does, you’re blinded and being manipulated. 

While there are times where you feel loved, it doesn’t change the fact that your partner’s violence and abusive nature is a threat to your life.

What to do: 

Move out from this unhealthy relationship. You’re better off without him.  

Help yourself by leaving. 

You don’t have to fool yourself into thinking that this is how love is supposed to be – for it isn’t.

If your partner asks for another chance, promising that he’ll change or make things work, don’t consider it anymore. 

You’re not safe being in this situation – and you need to get out of this abusive relationship. Know that abuse is a basis for legal action.

What you need right now is to surround yourself with your loved ones and reconnect with yourself.

Give yourself the love that you deserve to have. 

6) You can’t be together because he’s married

It’s not your fault to love him. Maybe you didn’t even know that he’s already married.

When you know that he has a wife and children at home means that you should step away.

You didn’t intentionally fall in love with this married man. 

Having a relationship with a committed person will always be a disaster.

Why? Because this man is cheating and lying to you and his family. And if he can do that to his wife and children, be careful that he can do the same to you.

Psychology Today shares that infidelity happens even in a happy, loving relationship.

Even if this man hid his marriage as he fears losing you – and you’ve fallen for him, do what’s morally right.

What to do: 

It’s best to walk away from this affair. 

He probably sees you as a lover and not as a partner or girlfriend

Loving a married person who cheated isn’t worth the inevitable heartbreak that will follow.

You don’t want to be the reason behind causing someone to get hurt or ruin a marriage. 

Let go and move on with your life. You deserve someone better. 

7) You have a significant age gap

While there are couples who can prove that large age gaps don’t matter, it’s still being frowned upon by society. 

A study found that couples with more than ten years of age gap experience disapproval

When you have a relationship with a much older or younger person, you’ll get those sneering looks and comments from people. 

In some instances, your family and friends might not support you too.

Maybe it’s because of the evident differences when it comes to opinions, future health issues, maturity, and goals in life.

What to do: 

You know that both you and your partner have a glaring age difference. Yet, you continue to open your heart.

Truth is, there’s nothing wrong with loving someone older or younger than you are. 

After all, love isn’t bounded – as it knows no age.

Age differences may bring challenges to your relationship, but you can have a happy and satisfying one with this person. 

That is, as long as you have trust, respect, commitment, and support from each other – your age won’t be a barrier to love.

But if ever one of you decides to leave the other as having this huge age gap will complicate matters, you have allowed the opinions of others around you to rule over you.

8) You can’t be together because of family conflicts

We all love our families – and it’s best if they get along with our partners.

But it can be tough if your parents or other family members don’t approve of your partner or your relationship. You’ll feel torn and it makes you feel terrible.

This happens when your family thinks that your partner isn’t the one best suited for you. Maybe they dislike your partner’s looks, race, lifestyle, or personality. Or maybe it’s because they can sense your partner’s two-faced nature.

Whatever it is, avoid reacting defensively or angrily towards them. 

Maybe they just want the best for you or they need more time to get to know your partner.

What to do:

Handle this situation calmly and patiently. 

And there are tips to deal with when your family doesn’t approve of this relationship.

It’s best to talk to your family to know what they don’t like about your partner.  Hopefully, it’s just little misunderstandings that could be resolved in time.

Make them see the good sides of your partner and this is the relationship that makes you happy.  

If you need to take a step back to resolve issues with your family, do it. 

But if they continue to disagree and are pressuring you to leave the person you love – then, that’s the time to decide what’s best for you.

No matter what you choose, you don’t have to feel guilty for breaking the other’s heart. 

What’s important is to do what makes you and your heart happy.

9) Your partner isn’t supportive

When you feel down and the world seems to be against you, having a partner who loves you can lift your spirit and cheer you up. 

Having your partner’s support especially during tough times gives you the hope you need to fight whatever it is that comes your way.

And this is one of the best things about being in a relationship. You know what someone cares for you, understands, and loves you.

But what if you don’t feel this towards your partner? What if the person you think you can count on is the one against you?

You’re left wondering why he stops you from doing what you want and doesn’t see things from your point of view.

It could feel that something is missing when you don’t have your partner’s back.

As licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D. shares: 

“Without the emotional support and encouragement, [that missing piece will] seem even larger in times of stress and conflict.”

What to do: 

Communicate with your partner. Honestly let him know what you feel.

See things objectively and rationally.

Maybe he doesn’t want the idea of you doing something that could harm you. 

But if your partner isn’t supportive of your interests and keeps stopping you from achieving your dreams, it’s time to think about where this relationship is taking you.

It’s best to be in a relationship with a person who values you – and where you can grow and fly high. 

Having a supportive partner is having someone to love you unconditionally. You know that someone sees you with all your beauty and strength, as well as your darkness and faults.

10) You can’t be together because your partner cheated

Cheating says a lot about a person and being cheated on is the most devastating feeling in the world.

Knowing that you’re loving your partner, but he’s having an affair with someone else is heart-crushing. 

No matter what the circumstances and reasons are, cheating isn’t justifiable. 

This can turn your life upside down – that you start to question yourself or what you’ve done or failed to do.

But then, you never have to blame yourself. Remember, it is your partner who is the “cheater.”

While you’re giving yourself, your time and effort for the relationship, your partner still chooses to satisfy his selfish desires.

What to do: 

While it’s hard to accept what happened, the only thing left to do is to leave this relationship and move on.

Your partner may apologize and give you many reasons why he cheated. He might try to win your heart back and ask for another chance.

If you happen to take him back, be careful so as not to break your heart again. There could be a possibility that he’ll cheat on you once again.

Ask yourself:

  • Can I trust my partner again?
  • Is this relationship worth fixing?
  • Can your partner still commit to the relationship?

And it takes a lot of work, effort, and healing to repair the damage done to your relationship.

Should you choose to end this relationship, use this time to take care of yourself. 

When being together won’t work 

Truth is, even when love knows no reasons, there are many reasons why people who love each other can’t be together. 

And that’s when you’ll realize that the magic in every romantic movie you’ve watched, love stories you’ve read, and love songs you’ve heard don’t happen to us in a blink of an eye.

While there are reasons which you can accept, some will always be there to haunt you.  

And no matter what those reasons are, it will still cut your heart so deep. 

When your hopes for the future are shattered into pieces, all that you will have left are scars. And the only thing you can do is let it heal and live with it.

Ways to deal with loving someone you can’t be with

When you truly love someone deeply, you never want to leave the person – that’s understandable.

Most of us stay, not because we love the way they are or what we feel when we’re with them. It’s because we know that true love is something magical.

But even if you truly love the person and you both love each other, there are instances when you have to leave. 

Here’s what you can consider.

1) Make it work or walk away

Ask yourself if you want this person back into your life. 

If this person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, take an extra effort to make the relationship work. 

If not, save yourself from being hurt even more.

2) Acknowledge your feelings

Give your feelings space in your heart. 

It’s okay to feel all those emotions you have right now for you can’t avoid the painful reality of this situation when you bury what you feel.

But never hold on to that. Never let your overwhelming emotions get in the way of making wrong decisions.

What you can do is to allow those feelings to help you work through the loss and move on. 

3) See the situation for what it is

Look at the whole picture and clear your mind so you can see things.

There are some situations where you can work your relationships out, but other situations might mean it’s over.

4) Don’t be hard on yourself

Never feel frustrated with yourself for loving the person and your relationship. 

Accept that it wasn’t meant to be – and don’t worry because it can take time for you to heal.

5) Focus on yourself

Not being with the other person hurts most of the time, we focus on what we’ve lost. 

Even if everything in your life – and your memories, are filled with this person’s thoughts, you can create new ones.

It’s time that you make yourself a priority. Do things that you enjoy and give yourself the love you deserve to have.

It is by doing this that you can deal with this unrequited love. Unrequited love is the feeling of loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

6) Remember the good and bad

If it’s an unhealthy relationship, you might think it’s easier to focus on the bad. But it isn’t the easiest way to get the closure you need. 

When you hate the person, you’re putting a negative association to love and relationships. 

Best to remember the heavenly and bad things – and everything in between. See the good memories and learn from the bad things you went through.

Also, consider the signs to know if your partner is truly sorry for hurting you

It’s by being thankful for this experience that you’ll learn to love yourself even more. 

Love remains, no matter what

No matter how painful it is, accepting that you can’t be with each other will make your heart and soul burn non-stop.

Still, some people continue to love each other – even when they’re apart. 

So even if you can’t be together, know that love continues to live within. 

True love thrives despite not being with each other. And nothing in this Universe can make this love leave. 

Love will always be a beautiful thing.

For you know that you will never lose the love that you have for “the one that got away.” And maybe, you will be with the one you meant to be with at the right time. 

And you continue to love them from your heart.

The love that you both have will probably end way before it grows – and will never be returned or get connected.

Or maybe it will – but not in this lifetime. 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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