Men, by nature, are not showy with their feelings.
Unless you’re a mind reader, you won’t know what his thoughts or emotions are.
And even if the guy tells you he loves you, it’s a little hard to know for sure — especially if you’re dealing with a guy with a bad track record.
If you’re like many of the ladies (or gentlemen) who wonder if your guy really loves you, then you’ve come to the right page. You’re going to learn the 12 ways to test a guy and see if he really loves you.
12 ways to test a guy to know if he really loves you
1) Listen to his statements or compliments
Listening (and understanding) to what he says is one of the best ways to see if he really loves you.
For example, does he like talking about the two of you spending your lives together? If he can see being with you in the future, then you know that he’s head-over-heels in love with you.
Remember: not all guys will explicitly say that he wants to spend his life with you.
According to Dr. Audrey Nelson of Psychology Today, men feel challenged (if not handicapped) when it comes to vocally communicating feelings. However, some choice words or statements indicate that he’s in love (though he has a hard time actually saying it):
- He uses “us” or “we” instead of “I” or “you”
- He talks about your lives 1, 10, or 15 years in the future
- He wonders where to have your honeymoon
- He muses what your children might look like
- He’s talking about where you and he could spend your retirement
Apart from these obvious statements, his compliments may hint at his love for you.
Is it the usual “You look beautiful in your dress” or is it something more meaningful and insightful?
While most of your beau’s statements might be endearing, you need to mind the difference.
Him saying “I like your hairstyle” is good but hearing “You always make me happy” is better. Compliments on your personality often hint at him being in love with your entire deal.
As with most things, it’s all about quantity — not quality. Hearing one nice lovely statement is better than 10 shallow ones.
2) Track your conversations
A guy who’s not in it for the long haul is unwilling to share his deepest thoughts. If he keeps on talking about the simple, shallow things, then this is a possible red flag.
On the other hand, a guy who loves you will trust you with his life. As such, he won’t be afraid to tell you his sensitive secrets.
Another way to track your conversations is to see how he views your opinion.
Does he even ask for it? Or does he ignore every opinion you make? Unfortunately, the latter is a sign that he may not be that into you.
And should he ask for your opinion, does he even listen or follow it?
If he just shrugs it off or if he asks you just cause — then you should be wary.
A person who loves you will take your opinion in stride. Whether it’s a small thing (like what color of tie he should wear) or a big one (like buying a house in the suburbs), he wants you to be part of his decision-making process.
3) Observe how he says he loves you
Maybe your guy has already told you he loves you. And, according to an article, this usually occurs about 5 months after dating.
Obviously, this is a literal sign. But if you want to dig deeper, then you should observe how he says he loves you.
How does he express this statement? Is it a casual rush, pretty much like a reflex? Or does he take some time to hold your face, look into your eyes, and say I love you?
If it’s always the latter, then you’re very lucky cause it’s a sign that he loves you.
Another way to know is to mind the instances when he says it.
Doing so before bed is more of a routine. But if he likes saying it out of the blue (like when you’re painting your nails or something), then it’s another sure sign that he loves you.
Given the technology, you can also tell it with the frequency of which he says he loves you. Does he often call or text you whenever you’re not together — even if it’s only for a few hours because of work?
It may be tempting to over-text him when you’re unsure of his love for you, but that’s actually the exact opposite of what you should do.
According to relationship expert James Bauer, there’s actually just one key phrase you should text him. When you do, you’ll ignite something inside of him called his hero instinct.
You can learn more about it in this excellent free video.
This hero instinct concept has been developed by James Bauer after having coached thousands of women. He’s found that this hero instinct drive is stronger than his drive for food, even for sex.
The craziest part is that less than 1 in 10 men even know this about themselves, and only a handful of women in a thousand.
Here’s a really great free video that talks all about this concept, and how you can implement it in your relationship as early as tonight.
4) See how he reacts to your mistakes
Say you’ve committed a mistake like talking back to your mom over a small thing.
How he reacts to your errors is actually a good way to see how much he loves you.
If he doesn’t try to even point out your mistakes, then he probably has an “ideal” image of you in his head. This may mean that he likes some parts of you, but not your entire deal. He doesn’t want to destroy this image by saying a thing or two about what you did.
But if he’s quick to point out your mistakes (no matter how painful this might be), then this is a sign that he truly loves you. This means he accepts you fully — flaws and all.
Although this is the case, he wants you to be the best person you are — which is why he wants you to take a good hard look at your mistakes.
5) Watch how he listens to you
There’s an old saying that goes “Listening is an attitude of the heart”.
When it comes to relationships — as with many other things — this adage holds true. A person who loves you is more than willing to listen to your ramblings — even if he has heard it a hundred times.
Instead of the usual nods of agreement, a guy who loves you will try to understand (even remember) everything you had to say. “Oh yeah, you told me about your co-worker Tina a few weeks ago…”
6) See how he supports you
Love is all about letting each other grow. And if he’s really in love with you, then he should support your dreams and pursuits — even if it means spending lesser time with him.
“Mutual support is essential in a relationship.”
A guy who loves you will acknowledge your aspirations. He understands that you’re doing the best. He’s with you 100% — even if it might mean parting with you for a few months.
You know your guy loves you if he’s willing to support you through thick and thin. He’s always there for you when the going gets tough and the tough gets going.
Does your guy stick by your side, no matter what the case may be?
If you’re mad and he’s mad on your behalf, then it shows that he really cares about you. A guy who truly loves you will mirror your emotions because he wants to empathize with you.
In case everything is going swimmingly right now, it wouldn’t hurt to look back on the past challenges you have experienced with him.
Was he there 100% or did he vanish and just reappear when everything’s bright and sunny again?
Answering this question is one of the ways to see if he loves you or not.
7) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article will shed light on the main ways to test a guy to see if he really loves you, I’d recommend speaking to a certified relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like testing a guy’s love. Their popularity is a testament to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, I recently experienced a tough patch in my own relationship, and I reached out to a coach for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate the issues you’re facing, such as doubting a guy’s love for you.
8) See if he remembers significant occasions and events
As mentioned, a guy who loves you will remember most of the things you say.
Expectedly so, he’s keen on remembering the key moments in your shared life. No matter how busy he might be, a guy who loves you will make a mental note of these important events.
When it comes to remembering your birthday or anniversary, it doesn’t necessarily have to come with a big presentation. As always, it’s the little thought that counts.
Sure, he may have a nice gift for you — but it’s still good even if he doesn’t. Sometimes, a simple gesture such as cooking dinner (bonus points if he executes this well) means that he loves and cherishes you.
9) Observe his efforts
There’s an old saying that goes that actions speak louder than words.
So apart from listening to everything he says, you also need to pay careful attention to how he acts. It’s all about the effort, after all!
- Effort #1: A guy who loves you will do nice things for you, no matter how small.
Gestures, no matter how little, count.
It’s as simple as nursing you to health after a bad case of flu (maybe even getting it himself along the way).
Heck, he might even try to cook your favorite soup, even though he knows he probably can’t do it as well as you. A guy who loves you will try to make you happy whenever he can.
- Effort #2: A guy who loves you will also do anything to make your life easier.
If he takes it upon himself to warm up your car in the winter before you go to work, then you’ve got a keeper in your hands.
A guy who loves you is somebody willing to do part of the work. From cooking food or washing the dishes before you get home from the office — these little gestures demonstrate his affection for you.
- Effort #3: A guy who loves you is willing to compromise.
He may not want to watch the girly movie you like but he’ll weather this 90-minute cheesiness because he wants you to be happy. This is called compromise. This, however, shouldn’t be one-sided.
If he weathered watching a sappy movie with you, then it wouldn’t hurt to watch football with him even if you don’t understand what’s going on.
- Effort #4: A guy who loves you will try to be there for you any way he can.
He’ll want to be with you whenever he can, and this might mean driving 2 hours to see you for 1.
Although he can’t be there for you 24/7 (remember, he has a lot of things to do too), he will try his best to be there for you whenever possible.
Note: While it’s good to spend time with each other all the time, the fact of the matter is this is not always possible.
He needs to work, visit his family, spend time with friends, among many other things. And you do too. Needless to say, a guy who loves you can manage to spend a few days without you.
If he can’t— meaning he’s being clingy and all — then it’s a sign that he might be immature, insecure, and not really in love.
Remember, love is all about being with each other while maintaining some space and individuality.
10) Mind his presence
Presence is important — whether you’re in an LDR or not.
Is he there whenever you need him even if it’s not a very convenient time? A guy who loves you will do everything he can to be there for you.
“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.”
It may be a little thing for you, him driving you to the airport at 4 am. But the effort behind this — waking up early despite coming home late at night — is more than reassuring.
And for LDR lovers, it might mean chatting with you at 2 am in his time zone just to ask how your work interview went.
If he’s only there when it’s good but disappears when everything else hits the fan then it may mean that he doesn’t really love you.
This is something I learned from relationship guru Carlos Cavallo in this great free video.
It may seem like at times, all that matters in the relationship is how it makes him feel. That’s because guys commit in illogical ways.
If they’re going to feel safe in a relationship, they have to feel like they can commit. Understanding your man is a big key in that, and in this great free video, Carlos explains it all.
Further, he dives into several really effective ways to make your man crazy about you. With some simple techniques, you can take his devotion and love to a new level.
11) Notice how he acts
Apart from paying attention to how your guy talks, you’ll know if he loves you simply by observing the way he acts with you.
- A guy who loves you acts naturally whenever he’s around you.
If he’s true to you, then he’ll act genuine. He won’t put up a façade just to put his best foot forward because he knows that you’ll accept him no matter what. A guy who loves you will not be afraid to show his real self – flaws and all.
- He’s very proud of being your partner.
He loves loving you — so he makes it a point to always profess his love for you. He often holds your hand or hugs you in public. He’s not afraid to show his affection because why not?
A guy who loves you will not bat an eyelash when it comes to introducing you to his loved ones.
If you have been seriously dating for more than 6 months — which Psychology Today says is the time for people to truly know each other — and have not seen his friends or family yet, then this is a potential dealbreaker.
- A guy who’s head over heels for you will immediately brighten up once he sees you.
It doesn’t matter if he had a particularly bad day at work, the thought of you is sure to put a smile on his face. As this happens more often than not, this is one of the easiest ways to “test” his love for you.
According to Harvard experts, love comes with a rush of a feel-good hormone called Dopamine. It’s something that makes people feel euphoric and giddy whenever they spend time with their loved ones.
So even if your guy feels down, seeing you should make him smile and feel genuinely happy.
- A guy who loves you can’t stand to be away from you.
Say you accompanied him to his family reunion. While he’s more than happy to see his gramps, nan, and cousin Alfie, a guy who loves you can’t stand being away with you — even if it’s just a few minutes.
When you love a person, you always want to be with him/her. He doesn’t always have to be next to you but he has to be near you whenever possible.
- He can‘t take his eyes off of you.
There’s a song that goes “You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you…”
If he’s the living embodiment of this sappy music, then it means that he passed your love test.
A guy who loves you will find it hard to take his eyes away from you. Even if you’ve been together for a long time or even if there are supermodels a few steps away from you, he’ll gaze at you and you only.
- He makes it a point to constantly surprise you.
It’s important to keep the fire burning.
While it’s easy to slip into indifference after a few years of being together, a guy who loves you will keep you on your toes. It could be a black-tie dinner just cause or a spontaneous hiking trip to a national park.
If he’s always up to things that surprise you and make you happy, then you know that your guy loves you a lot.
- A guy who loves you will protect you.
In his interview with Cosmopolitan magazine, relationship therapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith explained that for certain men:
“The idea of putting themselves between a bullet and someone they love isn’t something they even think about.”
In the same interview, author Dr. David Wexler goes on to explain that this instinct may have been a result of evolution. He explained that ever since the cavemen times, men have been ingrained the instinct to protect their loved ones.
Both of them also emphasize that this may have also stemmed from the pressures of society — where men are thought of as strong figures who take care of their loved ones.
Whether it’s due to instinct or societal expectations, a guy who loves you will not think twice about protecting you from harm.
This doesn’t necessarily have to be taking a bullet for you, as it’s as simple as being on the oncoming side of traffic whenever you both take the crosswalk.
- He doesn’t give up.
It’s easy to give up when the tough gets going. So if he’s still there even after all the hurdles you have been through, then it’s a sign that he’s a keeper.
A guy who loves you can’t bear the thought of breaking up with you. He won’t give up even if you drive him away. He’s invested in you, and hopefully, you’ll do the same and not give up on him as well.
12) Observe how he fights with you
Arguing is part of any other relationship. According to the Daily Mail, a healthy couple can bicker 3-4 times a day (though some couples can go as far as 7 fights a day).
Whether you’re fighting about the most common reasons such as not listening, overspending, laziness (or him snoring), the way he does so is indicative of how much he loves you.
Shrugging off arguments is not necessarily a good thing. It’s about picking the right battles. Remember, he doesn’t need to drag the fight out if all he needs to do is take out the trash.
More importantly, you know he loves you if he puts enough effort to make amends. While both of you need to express your thoughts and opinions, you should always kiss and make up at the end of the day.
If you’re still not sure if your guy loves you, know that you can test him by the way he speaks and acts. It’s all about observing how says “I love you”, listening to his statements, and interpreting your conversations.
You’ll also see how much he loves you by seeing how he listens and supports you — and how much he remembers important occasions.
By way of actions, you’ll know a guy loves you through his presence and efforts. The way he acts — even the way he fights — are telling signs too.
There’s something else you can do to not only test out his love for you but to make him fall for you even harder.
I’ve mentioned it already but it’s causing a big stir in the relationship community these days. Even so, less than one woman in a thousand has actually heard of it. And the ones who do, don’t want to share it.
It’s something called the hero instinct. James Bauer, having coached thousands of women, has discovered the secret psychology behind what it is that drives men.
And it’s this hero instinct.
If you can tap into this hero instinct, you’ll unlock an unstoppable drive in your man to provide for you, love you, express his devotion, and be forever loyal to you alone. He dives deep into this concept, as well as how you can do it, in his book, “His Secret Obsession”.
The free video talks about these concepts in great detail, though, and you’ll walk away after with some things you can try on your man as early as tonight.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.