If you’ve been asking: “how to ignore my boyfriend and make him miss me,” I would like to invite you to ask yourself a different question.
Ask yourself what would strengthen your bond with your boyfriend.
The next step is that you may start to Google how to ignore my boyfriend and make him miss me, hoping for tips and tricks.
Instead, I’m going to give you something much better.
The advice here is drawn from my own experiences and relationship experts who know what actually works.
How to ignore my boyfriend and make him miss me is a bad strategy
First I want to warn you not to bother with this strategy of giving your boyfriend the cold shoulder and hoping it spikes his interest and attraction.
It might work once or twice, sure.
But in the end, it will backfire badly.
Trust me – it’s happened to me personally and many of my friends who’ve tried it.
If he is in love, he may even feel frustrated and sad and end up giving up on you.
Then the result will be exactly the opposite of what you expect and the opposite of what you want!
Here’s the truth:
It’s true men like to feel that they have achieved something difficult or “impossible.”
Men like to be the protector, the conqueror and the hero.
But this is not a game where you need to make him run after you, and you don’t need to run after him either.
Instead of looking for a way to make him miss you or spark his interest, you need to take a completely different approach.
Trying to make him like you more by withdrawing affection or trying a “strategy” almost always backfires.
The real solution is to truly understand how men think and feel, and this is what I’m going to reveal now.
It can get a little dark and dusty in here between the old beer cans and scattered remotes, but I promise there’s a heart of gold buried underneath.
The truth about men’s competitive drive
It’s no secret that men are competitive and that many of them manifest this uncontrollable desire — almost a need — to impress those around them, especially women they find attractive.
If you try to “win” his attention or interest in any way it won’t work.
His male instincts will rebel and pull away in most cases — especially if he feels he’s being played with or manipulated in any way.
The man really feels it’s his job to “prove” himself to you on a deep level. If you try to flip the script he may initially chase you but he’ll soon retract in confusion and disinterest, dismayed by being stripped of his role.
As psychological researcher Dr. Stephen Garcia explains:
“Women prefer smaller competitions to larger ones. Kathrin Hanek and her collaborators explained this effect in terms of the gender norms of women and men. Generally speaking, women tend to have gender norms that value communal relations to a greater extent than do men.”
It is essential that you understand this to avoid falling into one of the great pitfalls that keeps men away: trying to impress them by angling for their attention in sometimes manipulative ways.
Men like to compete for you, but they do not like when you compete for them too hard: it’s a turn-off!
If you start trying to impress him — especially when you show yourself in a way that’s not how you really are or portray yourself with a detached “too cool for school” vibe — a smart and high-quality man will sense that something’s not right and head for the hills.
Games might work with certain guys for a short time but they won’t lead to a real and long relationship. Games can be fun, but after all, that’s all they’re for — for fun!
The list below contains 19 ways to create a stronger bond and make your boyfriend want you more without playing games or asking yourself “how to ignore my boyfriend and make him miss me.”
Here we go.
1) It takes two to tango
Starting and maintaining a solid relationship is an ongoing choice that takes two people.
It’s possible that one will take the dive first or show stronger interest, but in the end, it’s only to happen if both of you want it to some degree.
For this reason, you need to be honest with yourself:
Are you trying to make this man believe in a version of you that is not real?
If so then it’s time to step back and reassess.
If you’re centering your life and decisions around him and maintaining or increasing his love then you’re trying too hard.
You don’t need to “make him” miss you, but you can naturally let him realize how much he values your company by doing your own thing sometimes and letting him have his own time as well.
2) The genuine article
Men fall in love with a woman who demands and deserves their respect, but also one who is genuine on a fundamental level.
The best way to “impress” a man is to be the best version of yourself in your life regardless of his interest or not.
Really listen to what he says, be your caring and attractive self.
Don’t text and take calls all the time around him, it’s really not attractive (it sucks when guys do it, too!)
Be attentive and show him affection.
But don’t overdo it.
If he loves you he will show it and you will not have to coax it out of him or ghost him for a few days until he suddenly wonders where the hell you are and misses you.
Don’t ignore him, and don’t smother him. The answer — like with many things — is with a happy medium.
3) Don’t be needy
Neediness is like salt in coffee: nobody likes it. Or if someone does they’re likely part of a very, very small club.
Men like women who are open to them but not needy for their affection or interest.
They want a natural challenge, which means a woman who knows her own worth and lives up to it in how she behaves.
Among other things this means:
You welcome time with him but you don’t crave it.
You value his opinion and affection but your self-esteem is hinged on it.
Clinical psychologist and radio host Sherrie Campbell gives us very good advice:
“Men are attracted to what they cannot control or predict. They obsess over women who flirt, give them attention and then don’t feel the need to talk the next day. Neediness and desperation are perhaps the biggest attraction killers for a man. One thing to keep in mind is men fall in love in your absence while you fall in love in their presence.
Give him the space to miss you and then make the time you have together positive and high quality.”
4) Don’t be a yes-woman
You shouldn’t agree with everything he says just to be kind or make him feel like you are a perfect match.
Remember that if you get a man to fall in love with a version of you that isn’t really you, it won’t be worth it anyway since it’s not really you.
Furthermore, eventually, he’s going to realize what you actually believe and want and be disappointed and turned off if you’ve been faking things for his benefit.
Some people confuse authenticity with a certain harshness when speaking and expressing their opinions.
But the truth is you can completely disagree on something and still express your opinion in a gentle way.
Conduct conversations in a way that is interesting and beneficial to you! For example, if he touches on a topic that you are not interested in, establish a relationship with something that is of interest to you.
For example, if he is talking about sports and you have no interest in the outcome of the Champions League final of 2021, ask if he has played any other sports personally.
If you’re interested in him, the topic that didn’t interest you becomes the perfect opportunity to get him to talk about you and find out more about him (just don’t let him burn out all his calories talking and save some for the good stuff, if you know what I mean).
5) Live your life intensely in the here and now
I’ll be the first to tell you that long-term planning and vision are important.
But think about it:
No woman is really attracted to a man by discovering how dependent he is on someone else for success and happiness.
And the same thing goes for a man’s attraction to a woman.
You should not expect him to be interested in a woman who is not able to live without needing someone to validate and guide her.
The more interests you have, the more interesting you become.
You cannot condition your life on an event and say “If I have a relationship, I will be happy.”
He needs to know that you are already happy and that the relationship will be a bonus for your already fulfilling life.
After all, nobody wants to be fully responsible for someone else’s happiness.
This is one of the many valuable lessons that helped me a lot from the shaman Rudá Iandê’s free masterclass on finding true love and intimacy. I highly recommend checking it out!
6) Give him space — in moderation
If you are living your own life and pursuing your interests then you need to keep in mind that he is also living his life.
And that is how it should be: each individual must have their own space to create a healthy relationship.
If you start to keep in touch constantly without being able to spend time alone, he won’t miss you!
If you are with him all the time (even when he would like to be alone), it won’t last long.
Either you will get tired and start to feel dependent or he will need space and be unsure how to ask for it without seeming like he’s not into you.
And even if you have a solid relationship, don’t be confined by social norms or feel pressure to move in together quickly. As Simon Duncan explains, social behavior is changing and what matters is to be happy:
“For many couples, moving in together signifies a big step in the relationship. Traditionally, this meant marriage, although nowadays most cohabit before getting married, or splitting up. But there is a third choice: living apart together.”
When you are both looking after your own lives, you can see if you really enjoy being together and what makes you want to be together for the long run.
You will be able to see what really attracts you to him, in the same way, he will miss you and think about the good things about having you around.
7) Don’t put the cart before the horse
In some cultures, there’s a saying: “Don’t put the cart before the horse that’s pulling it.”
This is especially important to avoid with your man!
If you have not yet formalized the status of your relationship or decided on commitment then don’t act like you have.
Think of the cart as your relationship and the horse as the actions and decisions that move the relationship forward.
Remember that the horse pulls the cart. Trying to rush things is not going to get you anywhere but stuck in a rut or thrown out of the wagon completely.
If you start to behave as if you were his wife or girlfriend without you actually having a relationship then you will have given him what he wants without any effort on his part.
When a man finds a woman really interesting and ultra-attractive is when he knows he can lose her if he doesn’t try hard enough to win her over.
So, what you need to do, is to let him have time and space to develop and perceive feelings for you.
From there, he will act according to his feelings. This will lead to the moment when he potentially commits himself.
Don’t go all in with a guy until he goes all in with you. Simple.
8) Actions speak louder than words
In my experience, it’s true that men tend to be more direct communicators than women.
But that doesn’t mean you should base your responses just on his words.
If you want something serious with a guy then watch his actions.
If he walks away from you then let him go and wait until a high-quality man who wants commitment comes into view.
Follow these tips I’m giving you and he will fall completely in love with you, unless he is emotionally unavailable or not attracted in the first place.
9) Take care of yourself
A big part of finding happiness without depending on relationships is taking care of yourself.
This means taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health.
A man does not want to support you emotionally all the time: he wants to be happy and have another woman who’s happy and dependable as well.
Being a pleasant, fun companion that promotes good things in his life and yours will pay dividends all around.
A big part of taking care of yourself in addition to good nutrition, meditation, and processing unresolved trauma is being honest with yourself no matter what the cost.
Be honest with yourself about your feelings:
Do you really feel something for him, are you just wanting attention or are you playing around with him a bit for fun and not really into something serious?
If you take care of yourself so that you are happy and also authentic, he will create a real connection with you and he will want to commit. Don’t waste time trying to ignore him so that he misses you.
When he is really in love, he will not want to lose you and will seriously commit to you.
10) Don’t create a ‘savior’
“Many of us get stuck in codependent cycles where we care for a “victim” or become one ourselves and seek a “savior.””
This supposed savior will fix our lives and will be who we always needed. He or she will be that one missing piece that makes everything fit together.
But the truth is that if you can’t be happy alone, you will not be happy with him.
Educator and relationship expert Jacqueline T. Hill makes this clear:
“Putting the responsibility of your happiness on someone other than yourself is both selfish and a tad disturbing.”
When we put our happiness in someone else’s hands two big things happen:
We lose power.
And we lose control.
Neither of those is a recipe for success in a relationship and they will set you up to crash and burn in ways that are truly awful.
11) He’ll come after you if he wants to
Men like to fight for women who don’t try to make them run after them. Any tips or tricks to get him to miss you are just that: tricks.
And the person they’ll ultimately trick is you.
Because the truth is that trying to get him to chase you will cause the opposite reaction in most cases.
There’s only one real exception and that’s when you are feeling very insecure or emotionally involved and vulnerable with him and highly unsure how to act.
In this case, you shouldn’t ignore him, but you should ignore or forget about the situation for a while.
Go camping, go for a girl’s night out or work on a project or career goal.
Don’t chase after him or seek his attention. Focus on other things and let the situation dissolve or come together naturally.
12) Stay calm
Especially these days in the wild circus of social media and texting, it can be easy to panic about dating.
What if he doesn’t text for the whole day?
What if you don’t put enough pressure on him and he ghosts you?
What if you love the time you spend with him and you just want to know right away if he feels the same and stops wasting your time and emotional energy?
Trust me, I get it.
But even if you put pressure on him in an easygoing way or react a bit impulsively, it could easily push him away.
This is especially true if he’s not sure how he feels about you.
He’s going to get the message that it’s make-or-break right now and chances are he’ll bolt for the exit.
I ruined a relationship because the moment I felt insecure, I tried to get his attention and gauge his interest when I really should have just stayed calm and focused on something else for a little bit.
13) Give him the benefit of the doubt
Give him the benefit of the doubt unless there’s a real reason not to do so.
The first key here is to not jump to conclusions.
If he has not yet responded to your last message, he may be stuck in traffic or had an extra task at work.
Don’t bombard him with messages demanding responses.
It’s the same with jealousy:
Don’t accuse him of some big crime because he said hello to a lady at the restaurant or laughed at a text he got.
Don’t use your time to thoroughly check everything he does, you don’t want him to feel like he’s the target of a stalker or someone who thinks he’s a low-down cheater and bad person.
Grumpiness and jealousy have killed many relationships before they could even start!
Constant complaints about any little thing make anyone tired.
Keep calm and when there is a real problem, use your energy to solve it and try your best not to complain.
Remember: it is actions and not complaints that will solve things.
14) Be honest about what’s bothering you
If in any way he hurts you, be frank and talk about it without exaggeration.
Tell him what attitude hurt you and why.
The key here is that you should make it about you, not about what he did wrong.
Tell him how you’re feeling and why without making him the villain of the story.
He needs to know how to respect you but he must also feel comfortable at your side.
He will not be able to be with you if he feels like he’s walking on a tightrope, without having the security to be himself.
15) Stick to your schedule
If you don’t put yourself first, he won’t either.
Have your routine and don’t give up your life to be at his disposal!
At the same time, situations will arise where he comes first or needs you and it’s perfectly OK to be there for him — in fact, I advise it.
But what I’m talking about here are things like dates and last-minute cancellations or rescheduling.
Stick to your schedule, don’t move it around on a dime for him.
Of course, you want to see him, but don’t ditch your routine and your needs in order to get time with him.
Dr. Tracy Thomas, in her article “5 Reasons Putting Yourself First Is The Opposite Of Selfish” tells us that:
“Part of the cultural problem is that most people, perhaps unconsciously, associate the idea of loving others with forgetting about ourselves. Because of this dynamic, we often build up resentments and frustrations that go undiscussed (and can actually end up hurting the people around us without even realizing It).”
He needs to know that you’re not always going to be there to take his calls or go out for dinner when he wants to at the last moment. You have your own life and are not always available.
Make it clear that he’s becoming a part of your life too and that you’re not able to just move everything around for him.
Be accommodating in crisis situations or now and then, absolutely, but don’t turn on a dime to satisfy his every whim. His attraction will fade out fast.
16) What does he really want?
At the same time as you both need to stick to your friends, interests and own goals, you should come up with shared activities and interests you both enjoy.
Find out what he really enjoys. What does he really want?
Plan good times according to what you both like and invite him to join in.
He will realize that you are able to have fun without him — but that you like being with him as well — and have paid attention to what he likes and that will spur his inner attraction and admiration for you.
In addition, it will be very clear that if he doesn’t want to accompany you in some situations, you have your own friends and you can have fun without him, too.
When he realizes that you are paying attention to his wishes, he will want to win your attention as well and will do the same for you.
17) Women use WORD, men use EXCEL
If WORD is for texts, EXCEL is for numbers.
What I mean is that men experience emotions differently from women.
It is important that you know this and do not expose all your emotions and vulnerabilities too soon.
If he is still unsure about his feelings, he may feel threatened and think that you are insecure or that you will suffocate him.
Wait for him to be ready to let your deeper feelings show.
Writer Sam Dekin talks about men’s feelings, and helps us to understand:
“Just because men are told to hide their emotions, doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Research shows that men experience emotions at the same level that women do. But because it’s not socially acceptable for a man to cry when he’s sad, it can make it seem like men don’t experience sadness at all.”
When he feels safe to show his emotions, he will.
If you show yours too early or make him feel pressured, he may run.
18) Learn how to striptease
Now I’m not saying to get a stripper pole and actually striptease for him — although that may be your cup of tea.
What I’m saying is to keep him waiting a little bit to find out more about you.
Be a little bit of a mystery and let it unfold.
This may spike a small bit of anxiety and increased interest in him but it will ultimately make him yours in a really intense way.
I’m not saying to play games, I’m just saying to be seductive. Being seductive is all about “stripteasing” your man physically and emotionally with words, looks, and touches.
It’s about remaining slightly hidden instead of just offering him the “full you” right away.
You don’t need to tell him everything you’re thinking or feeling, nor do you have to ignore him completely (which is immature and backfires, as I’ve said).
Carlos Cavallo is an expert at how men fall in love. As he puts it in his words:
“One of the most important ways you make him curious about you is to never give him too much information about you. Again, a big mistake I see both men and women make in dating is that they tend to tell too much about themselves.”
Your man must imagine (and be sure) that under this mystery of yours, there is a lot of intensity and a real fire of passion that can be his if he deserves it.
So you show a little at the beginning, and slowly remove the layers of secrecy until he can see your deepest emotions and true self.
It is this striptease of interest — which you do by showing your inner self little by little — that will win him over and make him crave to see and know you more.
Remember that you must do this gradually.
19) Reciprocation leads to elation
One rule of thumb with a man — even your boyfriend — is to mirror his behavior.
If you were in touch a lot by text or calls and now he’s stopped responding then reciprocate!
Check if he’s OK of course, and let him know you’re here for him.
But don’t chase him!
You’re not ignoring him to make him miss you. You’re ignoring him because he’s ignoring you. It’s different.
You respect yourself and don’t want to play games with him.
If you start chasing him, he’ll want to run away even more. But if you set your standards and stick to them, he’ll know that he can’t just treat you as an afterthought who he talks to now and then.
If he is really interested, he will look for you and when he does, let him wait a little longer — after all, you don’t want him to think you were just waiting for him to contact you!
If he’s treating you like this on an ongoing basis then you need to reassess whether it’s worth staying in this relationship.
Don’t settle for crumbs, you’re not an ant!
As lifestyle writer Lea Rose Emery says:
“It’s crucial that both of you pitch in. In intimate relationships where you affect each other so deeply, you both need to be contributing and receiving the same amount of energy and support. One-sided relationships aren’t healthy. So here’s how you can create balance in the relationship, because it takes a lot of honesty.”
Concluding thoughts on sparking his interest and building a stronger relationship
You need to understand that men like to feel in charge and “win” your heart.
They want to pursue and conquer, but they don’t want to feel like you are inviting them to do it or making it too easy for them.
It won’t work.
If you take care of yourself and make it clear to him that you respect yourself and your time, his attraction will grow.
There are times that you will be more focused on other goals and priorities than him — especially if he’s behaving in a dismissive or uncaring way.
But you never do it in order to try to get his attention or to provoke a response.
Be true to yourself and don’t open up to or “give yourself” to him too easily.
If he isn’t giving you enough attention, show him that you don’t need his attention and that he won’t get your attention that way, either.
Take care of yourself and keep your agenda and mind busy.
Wait for him to realize that you are not an island and that he is not the sea waiting to lap up along your shores.
You will not be waiting for him to come whenever he wants without caring about your situation.
Don’t ignore him to get a reaction: give him the attention he deserves, and make him earn your heart to get more.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.