10 warning signs your relationship isn’t as healthy as you think

Relationships are complex and take work to maintain.

Sometimes you believe your relationship is healthy, but there may be warning signs you’re overlooking.

Recognizing these signs is important so you can address them immediately and improve your relationship.

We’ve compiled a list of 10 warning signs your relationship isn’t as healthy as you think.

Let’s dive in!

1) You apologize a lot—but they never seem to

If you’re constantly apologizing, it’s a sign that something is off balance.

You’re likely walking on eggshells, trying to appease your partner or avoiding conflict.

It also suggests your partner doesn’t take accountability, which can lead to pent-up anger and resentment on your part.

In a healthy relationship, you both say sorry for your actions and resolve conflicts together without placing all the blame on your partner.

If your relationship lacks this quality, it needs some emotional maturity and work.

2) You give in to things you don’t necessarily agree with

Now, it’s normal for couples to disagree on some things—from what to have for dinner to which city to move to when it comes to raising a family.

But if you frequently give in to things you don’t agree with, it’s a telltale sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Are you suppressing your own needs to keep the peace?

Do you feel like you’re going against your values and beliefs?

Are you willing to compromise, but your partner must always have their way?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate the dynamics of your relationship.

3) They put you down, sometimes disguised as teasing

“It was only a joke.”

Subtle jabs may seem harmless at first, but they chip away at your confidence and self-esteem.

If your partner constantly makes sarcastic and derogatory comments toward you, even in a playful way, beware! 

That to me is a screaming red flag that your relationship isn’t healthy as you think.

As Shahida Arabi explains in PsychCentral,

“Authentic dating partners should be laughing with you, not making you the butt of every joke. Toxic partners feel the only way to build attraction is by undermining your sense of self.”

Remember, in a healthy relationship, you treat each other with respect and kindness and never use humor to hurt the other person’s feelings.

4) You don’t miss them when you’re apart

Having some time apart in a relationship is always a good thing.

You get to reconnect with yourself, go after your goals, and nurture your other relationships. 

But if you spend plenty of time away from your significant other and realize you don’t miss them, assess whether this is the right relationship for you.

I personally enjoy quality alone time, but I also feel my partner’s absence and desire to be together after some time apart.

After all, what’s the point of being in a relationship when you don’t crave their presence?

5) They’re not the first person you go to with good (or bad) news

Your relationships with your family and friends are equally important.

It’s natural to want to share the news of a promotion or details of a rough day with them.

But if you’re more comfortable sharing news with others instead of your partner, it’s a warning sign that your relationship has underlying issues.

Are you afraid they won’t be supportive, understanding, or too busy to listen?

If these thoughts are swirling in your head, that doesn’t spell a healthy relationship.

6) You’re hesitant to introduce them to your loved ones

Introducing your partner to the people who matter to you is a significant milestone in any relationship.

It means you see a future with them and want to include them in your life.

If you’re feeling the opposite and avoiding introducing them, that might be a “pink flag,” which is not as severe as a red flag but indicates a problem in the relationship.

It could mean you have doubts about your partner or you’re not fully invested in the relationship.

However, note that there could be valid reasons for hiding relationships.

Some have complex relationships with their families and prefer to keep relationships separate. Perhaps you’re one of them.

Whatever it may be, it’s important to dive deeper into the root cause of your hesitation and address it accordingly.

7) You hide things from them, even if it’s just small things

If you’ve seen the movie “Crazy Rich Asians,” you would know the scene where Astrid hides her designer jewelry and handbags from her husband, Michael, knowing her family’s wealth is a touchy subject for him.

While you may not have the same luxurious items as Astrid, if you’ve been keeping secrets from your significant other—no matter how small—that’s a sign your relationship isn’t healthy as you think.

Whether it’s about your purchases, plans, or whereabouts, hiding things suggests a lack of trust in your relationship.

So what should you do?

According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, you should start with self-reflection. 

She explains in Psychology Today, 

“Start by being honest with yourself about the secrets you’re keeping: What is it you’re trying to hide, and why? If letting the secret out would harm your partner or relationship, you may have to live with it. However, the chances are that you’re not the only one in your relationship who’s got a secret or two (or more).”

True enough, you’d be surprised at how common secrets are in any relationship. 

It’s up to you to examine what they mean for you and your partner.

8) Your relationship is plastered all over social media

While posting about your relationship on social media is perfectly okay, oversharing may reveal deeper insecurities.

A 2019 study found that people who give away too much online tend to have lower satisfaction in their relationships. Being too public can even lead to negative consequences.

This makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you’re in a happy and healthy relationship, you don’t need to prove it to others or advertise it to the world.

But if you’re feeling insecure, you might seek validation elsewhere other than your own relationship.

You might be overcompensating and trying to reframe your relationship to look a lot happier than it really is.

Definitely something to think about… 

9) They expect you to read their mind

Another warning sign that your relationship isn’t as healthy as you think is if your partner assumes you know exactly what they think or feel.

You can’t. You have to use words to communicate what each other needs.

If your partner pressures you to “guess” what they want or makes you feel bad for “not knowing right away,” they’re placing unrealistic expectations on you.

We’re all guilty of this at one point in many of our relationships.

Before I learned to communicate my needs and wants, I used to expect my partners to be mind readers, building up anger and resentment before realizing the damage it was causing my relationship. 

As one Quora poster puts it,

“In each and every form of social human interaction, communication is the key to maintaining both healthy and balanced interaction. And communication requires both people to openly voice their wants and/or needs (& to be given the opportunity to speak up).”

10) You do everything together

While spending quality time with your partner is important, doing everything together can make you lose your individuality.

If you don’t have your own passions, interests, and social life outside your relationship, you become codependent and develop an unhealthy reliance on your partner for emotional and mental support.

If you ask me, I love my independence. I enjoy traveling solo or with friends, taking myself out on dates, and simply enjoying my own company.

I find that having some time and space for myself makes me feel fulfilled and gives me a chance to bring new experiences and perspectives back into my relationship.

If you and your partner are around each other every second, it might be time to make some changes.

Final thoughts

If you’ve been reading this article, I assume you want to know whether your relationship is healthy.

If you notice any of these warning signs in your relationship, take time to honestly assess the situation and work with your partner to address the issue.

A relationship is a continuous work in progress, and by being aware and staying proactive, you can ensure that your relationship remains healthy and thriving.

And if you find that ending your relationship is the right thing to do, I hope you’re strong enough to do what’s best for you.

Remember that your mental and emotional well-being always comes first.

Being mentally and emotionally healthy makes you a more empathetic and supportive partner, giving you the tools to nurture a balanced and fulfilling relationship.