Break-ups are no joke — they can knock you for six, suck the happiness from your life and make you feel physical pain.
But whether you’ve just broken up, or it’s been a while, you may struggle to move on and get your ex out of your head (and heart).
Now, instead of wooing him to win him back, I’m going to share something much more powerful and effective:
Walk away to get him back.
The real beauty of this method is that, not only will it make your ex consider getting back together, but if it doesn’t work out, you’ll still feel a thousand times better than you do right now.
It’s a win-win situation, either way. But before we get into how it works, let’s make sure you want your ex back for the right reasons:
Do you truly want to get back with your ex?
Before we share some advice on getting back with your ex, you have to answer the question of whether you want to get back together with him and why.
Winning back your ex requires implementing a series of committed plans and strategies and only by having the right mindset can you get them back successfully.
But having the right mindset requires having your full heart and mind focused on the goal of earning back your ex’s trust and affection, so you have to ask yourself: why do you want to get back with your ex?
Here’s the hard truth that no one wants to hear:
It’s natural for you to want your ex back after a breakup, especially if the breakup wasn’t your decision.
The constant pain and frustration in your heart have nothing to do with true love or destiny, and all to do with basic human neural activity.
Here are the three most common reasons why you yearn for your ex after a break up:
1) You don’t like change
Your relationship is a huge part of your life, from your daily routines to your plans.
Losing your relationship forces you into a wild state of change — now you need to find something else to spend your time on and something (or someone) else to plan your future with.
You might be yearning for your ex not because you love them, but because you love the stability and assurance of having the same old thing every day.
2) You hate being alone
Humans are social creatures, and some of us take that socialness too far.
Even when being with a partner means forcing yourself into a relationship filled with stress and unhappiness, some of us prefer that over the silence of being by ourselves.
So, you might crave for your partner back simply due to the loneliness.
3) You genuinely miss your partner
Perhaps the only reason why you should truly consider getting your partner back — you genuinely miss them.
The end of your relationship might have resembled a storm, in which both you and your partner lost yourselves in the madness and the noise.
Now that the storm has ended, you see your ex once again with true clarity and you realize that they complete you.
Or at the very least, you realize that you miss having them around. And sometimes that’s all the reason you need.
But missing your partner isn’t proof enough that you should fight tooth and nail to win them back.
Here’s the reality:
We miss things all the time that are bad for us — when we go on diets, we miss fatty foods; when we try to stop smoking or drinking or any other vice, our brain misses those habits more than anything.
You have to realize that the brain is a very animal, organic machine. Your emotions aren’t always worthy of your trust, because there are times when your mind is simply compromised by recent events.
On the other hand:
Maybe you did break-up for a silly reason. Maybe you were great together and you know that there’s still a lot of love between you.
If you still love him, you’ll know deep down.
And if that’s the case, you need to check out the walk away to get him back tips below. Before we get into them though, let’s go over why this method works:
Does walking away to get him back work?
The truth is:
If your ex still has any feelings for you, then yes, it’ll work.
So why will it work?
Because once your ex realizes you’re about to move on with your life, potentially meet other people and one day forget about them, they’ll stop faffing around and do everything possible to get you back.
And men love to be challenged.
If things were becoming too routinary and boring in your relationship, now he’ll get to see a different side of you — the single side — and it’ll challenge him to get you back.
Especially if your ex sees that you’re wanted by others, which is one of the points we’ll cover below.
Here’s the thing:
Everyone is socially conditioned to be attracted to people that others want. By saying that you’re dating again, you’re pretty much saying to them that “it’s your loss!”
And they’ll feel an attraction for you again because of this “fear of loss”.
This is the most powerful tool to make him want to get back together, and in the end, you’ll benefit from it regardless of what happens with your ex.
So by now, you’re probably itching to know how to walk away to get him back, so let’s jump straight into it:
6 Ways to walk away to get him back
So now we know it works — but how can you put this method into effect?
Luckily, it isn’t as complicated or difficult as many people think, it only requires willpower and patience on your part. Let’s start with a few things you shouldn’t do before all the things you should:
1) Control your emotions and avoid instinctive mistakes
A breakup is a rollercoaster of emotions, particularly for the receiver of the breakup. The initiator has the advantage of planning and preparing for the breakup, while the receiver can be hit with it right out of the blue.
One minute they might be thinking they are in a wonderful relationship that might just be going through a rough patch, and the next minute they are processing the fact that their supposed soulmate no longer loves them.
And this rollercoaster can lead to several instinctive mistakes, born out of desperation and frustration, which will hinder your chances of walking away to get him back.
Here are three of the worst mistakes you need to stop yourself from doing to avoid making things worse:
Incessantly contacting: You text and call several times a day, even after they’ve told you they want to break up. You think that being a presence in their life will make them fall in love with you again.
Begging and threatening: You plead and beg for them to take you back, and in some cases, you might even threaten to hurt or kill yourself if they don’t start loving you again. You want to win them back by making them feel guilty or sad for you.
Surrendering everything: From the bargaining stage, you agree with everything they say, because you will do whatever it takes to get the relationship back. The relationship becomes unbalanced and broken because you have surrendered your voice and your rights to your partner.
Winning back your ex is a marathon, not a sprint.
Attempting these quick tactics might get you some results in the short-term, but they do nothing to improve the state of your relationship and change the reasons that caused the breakup in the first place.
And, the points above are counterproductive and won’t help you when it comes to walking away to get him back.
2) Give them some space (but in a specific way)
The storm has passed, or at least, you’ve successfully found a way to keep it inside of you. You haven’t made any embarrassing and potentially disastrous mistakes that could cost you a second chance with your ex.
Now it’s time to give your ex some time and space. This means minimal communication with your ex, both online and offline. This is one of the most important stages of walking away to get him back.
There are three main reasons for doing this:
- You need to give your ex time to forget the negative parts of your relationship and to start missing you.
- You need to give yourself enough time to calm down and learn how to live again, potentially without your ex if things don’t work out
- Space apart will allow him to miss you, and for you to show him how you’re ready and willing to walk away and move on with your life
Giving your ex some space may seem counterintuitive but it’s an extremely effective method for getting back with them.
However, you have to do it in a very specific way.
One mistake people make is to simply cut off all communication without exception.
Although you need to give them time and space, cutting off all communication is a big mistake. Instead, you want to make it appear like you really and truly don’t want to talk to them right now.
The perfect way to do this is to send this “No Communication” text.
— “You’re right. We shouldn’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.” —
Just a word of warning that this text needs to be sent to your ex at the right time after the break up for it to be most effective.
However, the brilliant part of it is that you’re communicating with your ex that you don’t want to talk to them now. You’re essentially saying that you don’t need them to play a role in your life anymore.
Why is this so good?
Because you induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction for you all over again.
3) Turn yourself into a better person
There are reasons why the relationship ended.
No matter how many petty and stupid reasons there might be, there are always a few real, fundamental reasons why you and your partner couldn’t stand being together any longer.
Here are a few possible reasons why relationships end. It’s because one of both partners:
- Were emotionally distant
- Stopped investing effort into the relationship
- Stopped appreciating the little things
- Hurt the other, physically, emotionally, verbally, and/or mentally
- Stopped listening, responding, reacting
- Stopped caring and trying
- Broke their promises and let the other person down
No one knows what those reasons might be except you and your ex. In the weeks that you have away from your ex, you shouldn’t just be sitting on your hands watching the hours tick by until your ex rings the phone.
You should be looking at yourself. Sure, maybe you believe that your partner made more mistakes than you did. But that doesn’t absolve you of your faults.
The truth is:
Even if you ultimately decide you don’t want your ex back, you should still be working to be a better version of yourself — for your future personal happiness and the happiness of your next relationship.
And if it’s good news and you get him back?
You’ll be ready to start with a clean slate, having already worked through all your issues during your time apart.
So what type of issues might you have brought to the table during your relationship?
Lazy with personal hygiene?
Lazy or selfish in bed and romance?
Unmotivated with your progress?
Unable to communicate properly?
Unable to commit?
Unable to trust?
Unable to connect with other people in your life?
Have you stopped growing as a person? Did you regress or not achieve as much as you wanted in the time of your previous relationship? Have you adopted unhealthy habits and dropped the positive sides of your personality and behavior?
Be truthful and be honest. Think about all these things and work on how you can improve yourself as a person.
4) Start seeing other people
Now, here is where you start to put your plan of action into motion:
Get out there and start mingling.
Even if you don’t feel like it and all your heart craves is your ex back, this is a pivotal step in walking away to get him back.
Because the moment he realizes you’re seeing someone else or even that you’re open to the idea of it, if he has feelings for you he won’t be able to resist feeling jealous.
And jealousy is a great tool to use to your advantage.
Now, I’m not saying you need to go out, date the first random guy you meet, and send icky selfies of you together to your ex — that wouldn’t be a good idea. Instead, let him know in subtle ways.
When you do get on the dating scene, you might “check-in” to the restaurant with your date on social media, knowing full well that if your ex doesn’t see it, one of his friends surely will and they’ll pass on the message.
If you want to try something a little fun, then send this text to your ex. It’s called the “Jealousy text”.
— “I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!” —
This seemingly innocent text tells your ex you back in the dating game, which will trigger a sense of jealousy.
This is a good thing.
5) Keep yourself busy
Another powerful technique that you can use when you walk away to get him back is to simply live your best life.
There’s no catch, no games or manipulation, just you having a great time and living every day to the maximum.
Once your ex sees you happy, productive, and generally living a fulfilling life, they’ll start to miss what they once had. They’ll realize that you’re moving on and that you’re a strong, resilient person who hasn’t let the break-up ruin her life.
All of this is extremely attractive, and it’ll make him want you more than ever. So how can you genuinely start living your best life?
- Spend quality time with family and friends
- Throw yourself into a new project at work – aim high and stay focussed
- Pick up a new hobby or skill (or revive an old passion)
- Take yourself on holiday. There’s nothing like traveling to soothe a broken heart
- Get involved with your local community. Not only will you make new friends, but you’ll also help on meaningful projects which will lift your spirits and give you a sense of purpose.
Ultimately, you should do this for yourself more than for your ex.
Don’t fake your way through it, instead see it as a valuable experience in bettering your life, whether he comes back into it or not.
If he does, great, but if not, you’ll get over it much quicker by living a full life rather than wallowing at home listening to sad songs on repeat.
6) Stop stalking his social media
I know this is easier said than done but going through his social media won’t help you walk away — in fact, accidentally liking his picture (or a random girl’s picture on his profile) won’t do much for your image of “moving on”.
Don’t spend your life scrolling through social media either.
As part of walking away to get him back, you’re going to start living that great life for real. So it’s counterproductive to want him to see you out there having a great time if every evening you’re sat on Facebook sharing cat videos.
You’ll also want to limit communication with him via social media.
As we’ve already covered, you don’t want to talk to him too much and since we’re inundated with technology making it easy to initiate conversation, it’s best to avoid using social media to communicate with him.
Walking away to get him back worked — what next?
After giving the tips above a go (remember, they’ll take time and this won’t bring your ex back overnight), you might wake up one morning and find a text from him asking to meet up to “talk”.
We all know what that means!
And if it’s the good news you’re hoping for, you’ve now got the task of rebuilding your relationship from scratch. This might seem overwhelming, but many couples have had periods of separation before coming back together much stronger than before.
So, here are a few tips for making sure your relationship works out this time around:
1) Re-establishing contact and building a new relationship
Time has passed and you have improved as a person. You no longer feel the hurt and frustration from the last time you saw your ex when the breakup was fresh and raw.
Now is the time to put the past behind you and focus on all the great things you’ve achieved personally and what that can bring to your second attempt at the relationship.
Don’t brag, but don’t hold back on letting him know all the changes and improvements you’ve made — and don’t shy away from asking him how he’s used the separation in terms of progress.
2) Hold the confidence inside of yourself
You are building something new, meaning you shouldn’t have the same insecurities and pains that you had when your last relationship ended.
Your ex should see that you have become a bigger person, not someone who has been wallowing in misery this whole time.
Stay confident, stay secure, and your ex will feel and appreciate that with every word you say.
3) Be kind to yourself and your ex
It can be so tempting to stray the conversation back to old, bitter arguments. But remember: this is a new relationship.
Cut the baggage. Accept that it happened and move on. Let your ex see that you are willing to start a new chapter with them, not keep re-reading the same old angry page.
Be a better version of the person you were when you first met, not a better version of the person they left behind.
4) Don’t rush — think of this as Square 1
The first date with your ex shouldn’t be treated as your hundredth date with them. It should be treated just as you would treat any first date.
Don’t expect to rush them into bed and talk about moving in again; you wouldn’t do that with a new person, would you?
Give them space and time to learn to love you again organically. Let them breathe you in, piece by piece.
5) Be exciting again
Your old relationship is a thing of the past. You are courting someone new for the first time; it just so happens to be your ex.
So pull out your A-game — be exciting, be fun, be young and passionate and interesting. Be your ideal self, not the self they broke up with.
You don’t want to be that person ever again, not for you or your ex.
And if it doesn’t work?
As I mentioned, when you walk away to get him back, of course, there’s the possibility he’s completely moved on, doesn’t love you anymore, and won’t even take notice.
If that’s the case?
No worries! You’ve spent all this time improving yourself, creating a great life post-breakup and you will have had time to clear your mind and heal your broken heart.
And now you know never to make the mistakes again that caused you to lose your partner the first time. So even if you don’t get a second chance, then learn from your mistakes not with your ex again, but with whomever, you find next.
This time, make it last.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.