There’s a special kind of bond that makes the word “soulmate” pale in comparison.
It’s called a twin flame relationship. And it’s something so palpable and unique, that only a few of us will be lucky enough to experience it in.
It’s one thing to be instantly attracted to someone you have insane chemistry with. But to feel a deep, immediate connection that simply defies logic? To feel as if your life will change (in a great way) from the moment you’ve laid eyes on this person? To experience intense symptoms before you’re about to unite?
That’s something special.
In this article, we’ll talk about the twin flame relationship, what it is, and how you can tell if you’re in one.
What is a “Twin Flame Relationship?”
A Twin Flame, Twin Soul, or Mirror Soul relationship involves having an intense, immediate bond with someone not just physically and emotionally, but in an existential, soul-shattering way, too.
This is what separates a true twin flame relationship from a false one.
What makes it unique is the level of intensity it creates in an almost instantaneous way. The moment you meet your twin flame, you feel an undeniable pull towards them, as if you’re finally coming “home.”
People who’ve experienced it even claim that they feel as if they’ve known their twin flame their whole loves upon meeting them.
It’s common to confuse a twin flame to a soulmate. Both are very deep and genuine connections. But a twin flame relationship is on another level entirely.
We believe that a soulmate is someone who complements us in every way—a kindred spirit, someone with the same energy as us— but a twin flame is an exact opposite.
Although they make you feel like you’ve come home, a twin flame doesn’t necessarily complement you. In fact, they have a different kind of energy entirely, only that their energy mirrors yours, creating a more profound sense of being whole.
They’re not cut out of the same cloth, but they a twin flame is someone who balances you out in ways no one could.
This means that a twin flame relationship won’t always be smooth sailing. Your relationship will challenge you and shatter your ideals, and that won’t come without a price. In the end, however, you’ll come out as a completely different person than before.
Check out the first two minutes of the video below where Ideapod founder Justin Brown brilliantly explains exactly what a twin flame relationship is.
Shattering the misconceptions of twin flame relationships
So far, it sounds clear-cut. A twin flame is considered the deepest and rarest connection two people can share.
However, there’s a lot of misconceptions going around as to what a twin flame relationship really is.
The biggest misconception is that it’s all about romance. It’s true, most twin flame relationships manifest romantically. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be. It can be entirely platonic, too.
According to psychospiritual mentor and love coach Lisa Vallejos:
“This kind of high-level soul-based connection isn’t about romance; it’s about spiritual growth. You meet them and your life just completely changes. You start seeing the world differently. It pushes you to want to engage with the divine, shift consciousness, and become a better, soulful, being in this experience.”
A twin flame could also be someone who simply teaches you something life-changing about yourself. They could serve as your friend, mentor, or protector at a time you need them the most.
Another misconception is that twin flame relationships last a lifetime.
Although that’s the ideal, twin flame relationships don’t always last forever. Some conflict could exist, especially at the beginning, as two very distinct souls crash strongly against each other. Twin flames even ignore each other sometimes.
Unfortunately, not many couples are strong enough to go past these first few stages of hardships.
As author and astrologer Kelley Rosano puts it, “Often twin flames don’t have enough self-mastery to maintain a healthy relationship.”
But for those who are not afraid to look at a challenge head-on, a twin flame relationship can give you a lifetime of fulfillment and happiness.
An important reminder…
Before we continue, I think it’s important to remind you that a twin flame relationship is very different from a co-dependent and toxic relationship.
There’s a huge difference between a respectful and trusting relationship with someone who wants nothing but the best for you and a toxic relationship that knows no boundaries for your personal growth.
According to Lachlan Brown of Hack Spirit:
“Twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships are very different – twin flame relationships are defined by respect, equality, kindness and healthy boundaries.
“On the other hand, unhealthy and toxic relationships are defined by obsessiveness, unequalness, unhealthy attachments, feeling trapped, and reliant on your partner for self-worth.”
So before you consider your relationship as a once-in-a-lifetime magical kind, look at the way you and your partner interact with each other. Do you have a healthy relationship based on love and respect? Or are you too reliant and enmeshed with them?
4 elements of a twin flame relationship
Before we discuss the tell-tale signs of a twin flame relationship, let’s discuss the four major elements that make it what it is:
1. Intense emotional bond
Many people believe that the bond between mother and child is the most intense out there. But perhaps, a twin flame relationship could come close.
Research conducted by the Institute of Heartmath explains that when mother and child are close to each other, the mother’s brainwaves synchronize to that of her child’s heartbeat, which explains why mothers are so intuitively attuned to their child’s every need.
A twin flame relationship has some similarities, in terms of energy. Although looking from different sides of the mirror, both can reflect their innermost emotions to each other, without having the need for words.
If you’ve met your twin flame, you might get the impression that you’ve never loved someone as deeply and as intensely as before. The emotional bond you share with each other is so intense, that it takes a lot to break it.
In fact, twin flames often report having twin flame dreams, which are deep and intense dreams about each other.
2. Automatic mental connection
Have you ever met someone you can have entire conversations with without having to say a thing?
This is what experts call “intellectual intimacy.” According to psychotherapist Jennifer Kogan, it’s includes “exchanging ideas and thoughts about things you think and care about.”
A twin flame connection can experience an intense and automatic mental bond that is unparalleled than any other relationship you’ve had before.
It’s like, you can’t and won’t ever get enough of this person’s brain. You are genuinely into the way they think. And you want to uncover every corner of their mysterious mind.
Twin flame connections can be incredibly mentally fulfilling. There is no end for deep, existential and intelligent conversations when you’re with your twin flame.
3. Physical attraction
You’ve never really experienced true physical connection until you’ve been in the same room as your twin flame.
It goes beyond just the chemicals in your body. It involves the very energy that runs through you. It’s as if your body is reacting magnetically to them when they are near you.
According to life coach and bestselling author Christy Whitman:
“A twin flame connection can occur as inexplicable, positive pull that you feel toward someone. This attraction could take the form of instant sexual chemistry or a strange sense of familiarity.”
Sometimes, however, this physical bond can come with discomfort, even revulsion. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. A twin flame exists to push you to your limits.
“Hate is not the opposite of love, and revulsion is not the opposite of attraction. Both are magnetic forces that act upon us in powerful and often unconscious ways. But one thing you’ll never feel with a twin flame is indifference. Whether you are magnetized to them by how much you love them or hate them, they get your attention.
4. Spiritual awakening
I think this element of twin flame relationships is what truly makes it unique to any other form of connection.
When you share a bond with your twin flame, it goes beyond just physical and emotional. You feel it in your very consciousness.
This is why it feels so inexplicable. And oftentimes very painful.
A twin flame is someone who will continually challenge you. They will force you to open your worst demons, to expose your biggest wounds, and to uncover your deepest shame.
But with all of this, they will help you to achieve a higher consciousness you’ve never felt before. It’s as if they were put on this earth for the sole purpose of elevating your existence.
Previously I talked about the pain and conflict that comes with a twin flame relationship. That’s because they will force you to go on a spiritual journey, and the road to higher consciousness will always be painful and uncomfortable.
And perhaps, this might be the reason so few people have twin flame relationships. Only the bravest will willingly go through this painful journey with someone.
8 genuine signs of a twin flame relationship
Here are some genuine signs that prove you’re really in a twin flame relationship:
1. It’s built around life partnership
The most beautiful thing about a twin flame relationship is that it doesn’t revolve on romantic love, although it is certainly a big part.
But twin flame relationships are centered on two people who are willing to grow and evolve together.
You know you’ve met your twin flame when you’ve found a life partner, someone who wants to build with you, even if it means starting from scratch.
According to psychologist Dr. Lisa Vallejos:
The real purpose of Twin Flame is not about great sex, emotional highs and an epic love story — it’s to wake you up, shake you up and call you higher. It is a gift presented by the Divine — one you can only grasp fully when you’ve released all the smaller things you’ve been clinging to for so long that no longer serve you.
2. It pushes you towards self-discovery
There are some loves we experience that comfort us and heal us. But then there are loves that rip us apart so that it can put our pieces together.
A twin flame relationship will help you discover parts of yourself that were perhaps just waiting for the right opportunity to be known.
Dr. Vallejos adds:
The real purpose of the Twin Flame connection is to unearth all the shit that you’ve carried, consciously and unconsciously that has kept you from becoming who you are meant to be.
We always learn new things about ourselves in every relationship. But the depth of self-discovery that happens in a twin flame relationship is truly magical.
3. You choose to be with them.
or you don’t…
Twin flames can oftentimes be difficult to be with. Since the energy is always active, there’s very little time to just be. It’s like life, everything is always flowing, growing, and changing.
And a lot of times, this can be exhausting.
Which is why when you are in a twin flame relationship, it’s an active choice. You’re with them because you can’t imagine life without them. You’re with them because you want to be.
4. A sense of familiarity.
One obvious sign of a twin flame relationship is an immediate sense that you’ve known this person, even though you haven’t met them before.
This can manifest as a feeling of deja vu. You feel familiar and at home with them instantly.
Unlike other relationships when you need a period of “getting-to-know” each other, a twin flame is someone you feel immediately ready to let in.
5. You’re your “real” self when you’re with them.
You don’t feel the need to pretend to be someone better, or someone you’re not. When you’re with your mirror soul, you feel as if you can be your authentic self.
You feel enough to just be you. That doesn’t mean you become stagnant. On the contrary, you always learn and grow. But with them, you feel like no matter where you are in life, you will always be good enough by just simply being you.
6. You challenge each other in every way.
A lot of us believe that conflict and arguments are a sign that our relationships are crumbling.
But that’s not true.
When you’re in a twin, it’s a sign of strength.
You know that you’re both intelligent and aware of the things around you. You have your own ideals, values, and opinions. So naturally, you will always question each other.
But you understand that this only allows you to grow together. Your perspectives allow you to see the world with bigger eyes.
7. It can be destructive.
Yes, there are many beautiful aspects that come with a twin flame relationship.
But there’s one thing that makes people shy away from it.
In this case, Rosano compares a twin flame to a soulmate, saying. “Soulmates make us feel happier, stronger and richer.”
While twin flame relationships can oftentimes be destructive.
I don’t mean that your twin flame will intentionally hurt you. It’s not sadistic. It’s just that twin flame relationships require a lot of re-opening your wounds and facing the things about yourself you’re often afraid to look at.
8. You have achieved a certain level of consciousness before you met them.
Have you ever felt that everything you’ve ever experienced in life — every pain, lesson, every mistake—led you to meet this one person?
Call it serendipity or whatever, but you feel as though you needed to go through hell before you can meet them. Suddenly, it all makes sense and you feel as if you’ve been preparing yourself for this relationship.
Life redefinionist strategist Christopher Jones clarifies:
It’s not that a Twin Flame relationship isn’t available to you before you’ve done sufficient work within yourself.
I t’s that without having done the work and having prepared yourself to stand in that space, you either won’t recognize that you are in a Twin Flame relationship at all, or you will recognize it and will run from it very quickly. It’s not that a Twin Flame relationship isn’t available to you before you’ve done sufficient work within yourself.
Only people who have achieved a higher sense of consciousness can attract their twin flames. Because if you don’t know your true self in a deeply conscious level, or at least in a heightened way, it can be difficult for you to recognize your mirror soul when you’ve crossed paths.
How to make a twin flame relationship last
It can be difficult to stay in twin flame relationships, especially because it’s a “mirror” relationship. Meaning, it forces you to look at yourself—the good, bad, and the ugly.
But it is not impossible.
There’s one key thing to making a twin flame relationship work:
You need to balance your sense of self, to that of your partners. because you mirror each other’s souls, and energy, it can be extremely easy to lose yourself in one another.
So how do you find balance?
According to spiritual coach Alex Myles:
“To find balance, it is essential to know where unresolved issues and unhealed wounds are hiding. “
And this can only be achieved by extreme awareness of both your wounds and deep-seated issues.
A twin flame relationship can only work if you are both willing to accept yourself and your partner.
“It is essential that they unearth the traits and tendencies that make them feel ashamed and to learn to accept themselves and work on ways to avoid reacting negatively whenever they feel uncomfortable, provoked or triggered.”
So before you consider entering a twin flame relationship, you must first determine whether or not you have the willingness and capacity to go on a deep spiritual journey.
If you are, you will be rewarded with a meaningful relationship that has two things:
- a relationship that is completely free of emotional baggage, and
- a strong and perpetual sense of intimacy with your other half
The question is, are you willing to go through all that, to achieve it?
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.