You know your relationship is toxic when you’re constantly on edge, afraid of saying the wrong thing or bringing up a sensitive topic. You know it’s really bad if the fear of speaking your mind keeps you from speaking at all.
These toxic girlfriends will say certain things that make you feel like second-best.
Read on to see if any of these statements sound like something your girlfriend might say.
1) “Don’t be jealous, it’s annoying…”
Jealousy is a normal part of human nature. The feeling is rooted in our evolutionary history, and it’s responsible for keeping us alive.
Being jealous means that you care about someone enough to want them to be exclusive with you.
A healthy amount of jealousy is absolutely necessary for a strong, long-term relationship. But if your girlfriend minimizes or ignores your feelings of jealousy, she’s sending you the message that she doesn’t care about your feelings.
2) “I know you’re upset but it’s not that big of a deal.”
Another thing that toxic girlfriends always say is that they know you’re upset, but they downplay your feelings or tell you that it’s not a big deal.
Part of being supportive is letting your partner know that you have their back. When a girlfriend repeatedly tells her partner to “calm down”, or “it’s not that big a deal,” it shows that she doesn’t really care about enriching the quality of their relationship.
She shouldn’t tell you to calm down because strangers giving her attention doesn’t have anything to do with your relationship.
3) “You’re so selfish, I do everything for you”
Have you ever had a girlfriend try to guilt you into doing things that didn’t seem like they were your sole responsibility?
It’s called “gaslighting”, and it’s a form of emotional abuse. It happens when your girlfriend accuses you of being overly selfish and uses subtle tricks to trick you into thinking that it’s your fault for not caring about her.
But the truth is that she needs to be judged for being so irresponsible with her relationship.
So here’s the deal:
If she really takes the time to help you with something, be a good sport and offer to do something nice in return.
But if she’s always asking you to do things that are her responsibility, then it’s a sign that she has issues with being together in a committed relationship.
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5) “That’s such a stupid opinion/ idea, who cares what you think?”
Of course, toxic girlfriends always say this.
You should know that it’s not your role to agree or disagree with what she says.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should respect each other’s opinions and values. But in a toxic relationship, she belittles your views by telling you you’re wrong or that you’re crazy.
A healthy relationship will give both partners equal weight in the decision-making process. Toxic relationships, on the other hand, are about giving her a say in everything.
Ultimately, this can damage a relationship because not everybody sees things the same way.
6) “You’re not good enough”
Here’s the truth:
Your girlfriend might not realize that she’s projecting her own insecurities onto you. She might think she’s just telling you how it is when the truth is that she’s putting you down.
This will make her feel more powerful and in control. The more insecure she feels, the more likely she is to try to control you.
7) “You’re overreacting, this is so ridiculous”
Another variation of this is when your girlfriend immediately tries to put a positive spin on the issue.
Even if she doesn’t really agree with you, she doesn’t want to admit that the other person might have been wrong or too aggressive.
So instead of saying “I understand your feelings and I hear you,” she tells you what a “wuss” or “drama queen” you are.
It gets worse if you’re trying to bring up a minor problem. In that case, she will tell you to stop worrying about such a small issue.
8) “You need to change”
If this sounds a bit extreme, then it’s because your toxic girlfriend might be trying to get you to fit into her mold of what she thinks you should be.
She might treat you in a way that you believe that if you were stronger, more confident, or more competent that this relationship would be better. But being dependent on her is not healthy and actually makes you less likely to succeed.
So how to handle this?
It’s really scary when your girlfriend is constantly telling you to start working on yourself.
Try not to take it personally, because this is actually a possessive and controlling thing for her to do. She’s probably so insecure about her own relationship issues that she feels threatened by any signs of confidence in you.
What you need to do is keep your distance from her and focus on accepting yourself for who you are now.
9) “You’re too sensitive.”
Trust me, you’re not.
She might say this whenever she feels that her actions were unreasonable or you’re disappointed with her.
The truth is that you’re not overreacting. You’re simply frustrated because it seems like she can never get things right.
It’s okay to feel that way and disagree with her, but do try to be a bit more tactful about it. She might just have low self-esteem and bad communication skills, but she doesn’t need to know that.
10) “Don’t ever talk about that again! It makes me feel sick just thinking about it.”
Toxic girlfriends make their partners feel like they can’t even discuss something that happened.
They make you squirm when you try to bring up the issues from the past.
Even if it’s true, it can really hurt your feelings because this is an outward sign of how insecure she feels about her relationship and about you.
You’ll also probably feel guilty for bringing it up every time because she doesn’t want to hear about her mistakes. I know how it feels because I’ve experienced this before.
What to do?
You should try to focus on accepting her as she is and not fight about the past or bring up past issues, no matter how painful you feel about them. In the long run, this will make future issues easier for her to resolve.
On the other hand, if she’s never willing to talk about an issue, then maybe it might be time for you to leave.
11) “You don’t make enough money”
A toxic girlfriend will often try to control your career or finances. They might tell you she’s unhappy with what you earn and that you need to work harder in order to make more money.
This is because she wants you to feel insecure and work harder to please her.
When you feel bad about yourself or your situation, it only makes you less likely to find a solution that works for both of you. You’ll end up resenting her for making you feel like this.
In the end, don’t let her take away your choice to be financially independent.
12) “Don’t ruin this for me. You should be happy for me.”
Maybe you’re facing a tough situation at work, and she asks you to come out with her on the weekend. Then when you say no, she gets really upset and starts telling you how selfish or mean you’re being.
This is a classic case of a toxic girlfriend trying to make herself feel better by making you feel worse.
Many times, toxic people will act as if they have suffered and are sacrificing their own needs to make you feel guilty or bad. They do this because they want you to feel bad so that you’ll care more about them.
13) “I have the most important job in this house, how dare you talk to me like that?”
I bet you thought this relationship would be different.
Sometimes toxic people will take up the most important role in the relationship, like being a parent or being the main breadwinner.
It’s really surprising to see how people can get so caught up in their own importance that they’ll put their partner down at every turn and blame them for not doing the same.
This is especially bad because you usually want your partner to feel good and happy, not guilty and helpless.
14) “You’re not as important as my exes”
Sounds crazy, right?
Much like how the toxic boyfriend will tell you that other girls are hotter and more capable than you, your girlfriend will also do this.
It’s likely that she’ll do this when you feel that something is going on. If she’s sending a message to her ex or acting overly familiar with another person, then she’ll start talking down on you to make herself feel better.
It’s really important to try to learn as much as you can about her past relationships because there might be a lot of old feelings that are floating around and making her act this way.
If she’s acting really possessive, it might be because she’s afraid that you’ll leave her as all of the other people did.
15) “I’ve sacrificed so much for you, it’s about time you start doing what I say”
Toxic girlfriends can be really sensitive and insecure.
They often feel like they’ve given their all to a relationship and you haven’t. This is why they’ll make you feel guilty for not doing things as soon as she wants or acting in the way that she thinks you should.
They can sometimes become controlling and manipulative because of this, so it’s important that you try to understand her fears and explain why her fears are irrational.
It’s hard to do this because it might mean taking a step away from the relationship and trying to build up some trust and confidence. You might be able to do this by talking about your own fears, which is harder but more effective in the long run.
If you’re not willing to do that, then maybe it’s time for you to end things with her.
16) “You’re so mean to me all the time, why are you doing this?”
It hurts a lot to be told that you’re hurtful or mean by someone who supposedly loves you.
It’s not unexpected. In fact, this is a really common tactic from toxic people to make themselves feel better at the expense of your feelings.
They want you to feel bad about them and this will eventually stop you from feeling anger or resentment toward them.
But here’s the kicker:
If you’re willing to understand that this is all an act and they’re insecure, then you’ll be able to stand up to them and have an honest discussion about why they are acting the way they are.
This might be hard because when people get caught up in their own importance, it gets really hard for them to see reality clearly.
But if you’re open-minded and honest, you can learn a lot from toxic people because individual honesty can make a big difference in the long run.
17) “Everyone has been talking about you behind your back”
You might think that you’re the only one in the world for her.
But this isn’t true.
You might have some jealous friends and family talking about you behind your back, but she knows that this is happening.
So what does she do? She talks about it to you!
Toxic people are always obsessed with how they’re perceived and they’ll try to make any situation like a public scene by bringing other people into the picture.
They’ll use gossip or rumors to play you off each other; they might even make you fight with each other.
Never give in to this type of manipulation because it will only hurt you in the end.
18) “If you love me, you’ll listen to me and do what I ask without question”
Toxic people think that love is about controlling someone.
If you love someone, then you try to understand them and make them happy. If a toxic person thinks that you’re not doing this, then they’ll question your love for them.
This can make the relationship very tense and confusing because they’ll always be questioning how much you love them or how committed you are to make their life better.
19) “You’re so annoying, why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Your girlfriend is at a party with all of her friends and you finally get a chance to talk to her.
You want to make plans for the weekend and she gets really upset with you.
She starts making fun of you in front of everyone and telling you that she hates how clingy you are.
This might be shocking, but if it happens, don’t be surprised. Toxic people can get very nervous when they’re put on the spot or oblivious to what’s going around them.
They might not even know that they’re doing this to you.
20) “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life”
As we’ve discussed, toxic people are full of themselves and only think about their own needs.
So it’s not surprising that they’ll always want you to do things for them and never think about whether or not someone else has it worse (even if they see it).
Because of this, they’ll start judging you for the decisions that you make, especially when your decisions affect them.
While this is annoying, don’t worry too much about it.
They’re just trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you’ll become more and more dependent on them. You need to realize that they are the problem, not yourself.
21) “I just don’t know why I’m still with you”
Toxic people are ultimately insecure.
When they look at you, they don’t see a person; they just see a reflection of themselves. Every flaw that they see in you is actually them projecting their own issues onto you.
They need to manipulate and control you because if you leave her, it will raise questions about their own self-worth and judgment.
So when they say stuff like this, they really mean that they’re not sure why they are still with you.
They might even think that you don’t love them anymore and that you’re going to leave them.
In fact, this could be true in some cases. If you’re getting tired of putting up with their behavior and are starting to lose respect for her, then it might be time for your relationship to end.
We’ve covered 21 things toxic girlfriends always say and I hope this has helped you gain a better understanding of what is going on in the relationship.
I’d like to stress that these are real issues and, if you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s important to talk with someone about how these problems are making you feel.
And remember, ultimately, it’s not your problem. No person is perfect and people have to learn how to be mature and deal with their problems in a healthy manner.
So if you’re feeling like you’re trapped in a relationship where the toxic person is making you feel insecure and uncomfortable, then know that you can get out of that situation if you want to.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.