15 subtle signs he wants to break up with you

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Are you starting to feel like your boyfriend is becoming a totally different person — one that you can’t seem to recognize anymore?

It may be difficult to admit this, but it may be a sign that a breakup is on its way. On our end, we can’t tell you for sure that this is the case. It would really depend on your personal circumstances in your relationship.

But if you want to have some insight into this, check out these 15 subtle signs he wants to break up with you.

1) He often jokes about breaking up

Is your guy always bringing up the possibility of you breaking up?

Even though he says this in a seemingly lighthearted way, it may mean something deeper for him. It’s not a surprise if he’s actually testing the waters to see how you would react.

If you get upset with him, he’ll know that you are still committed to the relationship. But if you don’t really take it seriously, he may think that you’re more open to the idea of you not ending up together.

If he keeps bringing this up as a joke, this may signal that he’s already been considering ending things for quite some time. Maybe he doesn’t want the breakup to be a total surprise so he’s trying to slowly get you used to the idea.

2) He’s the type to fall out of love easily

How do you know if someone is the type to fall out of love easily? You’ll usually spot these kinds of people in how quickly they become infatuated in the first place.

Look back at how you started your relationship. Within the first few days of you knowing each other, did he immediately fall head over heels for you? Did he want to move fast and start a relationship even if you didn’t know each other very well? Was he proclaiming his love very early on?

Falling in love easily isn’t necessarily a bad thing in itself. But again, do take note that a lot of people like this tend to fall out of love easily too.

If he was open about his past relationships, try to recall how each one of these ended. Was he the one to call it quits? If yes, what was his reason for this? Was it because he just got bored after a few years of them being together? That is certainly a sign that he might do the same thing with you.

But these commitment issues don’t just show up in relationships. Notice how he is with his passions and interests as well. Is he the type to keep changing career paths? Does he always want to start new hobbies but abandon them as soon as boredom hits?

These are clear signs that he’s always had a problem with commitment, and that he might eventually end your relationship too.

3) You always feel a bit of tension whenever you’re together

Do you always feel like there is something off with your relationship? This might be your intuition telling you that something is wrong with you two as a couple.

Generally, you may not feel as comfortable as before. Conversations may be forced and you can sense a different kind of tension that wasn’t there before.

But be sure to be extra discerning too when it comes to analyzing your relationship. Maybe he’s just having an off day or he’s just been dealing with a lot of personal problems. Don’t be quick to judge the situation.

You’ll know if your concerns are valid if the tension has been present for a long period of time consistently. That’s a huge sign that you two aren’t as compatible as you thought you were.

4) There is something off with how you two relate with your family and friends

Has he stopped talking with your circle of friends recently? Or are their interactions starting to be more awkward?

If he is thinking of breaking up with you soon, it would make sense that he would try to distance himself from your friends. In his head, he may think that there’s no point in trying to maintain a connection with them.

He may also be saving himself unnecessary heartache if he suspects that your friends are going to resent him after the breakup.

Do you also feel that he doesn’t want other people to know that you’re his girlfriend? Maybe he stopped posting about you on his social media accounts. When he meets new people, does he make it a point to introduce you as his girlfriend?

On the other hand, have you also noticed that his friends and family are distant towards you? Maybe he’s already informed them of his decision to end things with you soon. Or perhaps, he’s been confiding about how unhappy he is with the relationship.

Another sign is if other people have been flirting with you and your boyfriend even though they know you’re in a relationship. These people may have sensed your impending breakup and are just taking advantage of this.

5) He likes to be vague about your future together

When you were still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, maybe you would always talk about your future plans and how you would fit in each other’s timelines. Can you honestly say that this is still the case now?

Or is he now completely avoiding the topic? This is a telltale sign that he doesn’t want to let you know that you’re no longer a part of his future.

But maybe you still find him talking about the future, but he addresses it as if he’s only thinking of his own plans. When he discusses the direction he’s heading towards, does he take your opinion into consideration? Or is he making decisions all on his own?

Has he been mentioning more and more how he wants to live somewhere far from where you are? Did he recently change jobs or schools without giving you a second thought?

What’s even worse is if you’ve already agreed on a plan together, but he changes this without telling you.

Here’s another sign that he doesn’t see a future with you: if you’ve been together for a long time and he still hasn’t introduced you to his close friends and family.

If you can relate to these, it’s perfectly understandable that you don’t feel secure about the relationship.

6) He’s been changing up his appearance

Maybe he doesn’t put much thought into his appearance anymore. Although this can be caused by many other factors, it can also be a sign that he doesn’t care if he’s attractive to you. And that may mean that he’s ready to call it quits soon.

Or maybe it’s the opposite for him and he’s become overly concerned about his appearance. Is he excessively exercising so he can look more physically attractive? Do you find him posting more shirtless pictures on Instagram?

Of course, it’s good to want to look better. But it may be a red flag if he suddenly becomes extremely concerned about what he looks like. It’s sad, but this may be because he’s trying to impress a new girl that he likes.

7) He’s being extra sneaky around you

If you feel that your partner is always hiding something from you, it may be a sign that your relationship is starting to deteriorate.

Do you feel it in your gut that he’s exhibiting very suspicious behavior? Even though you may not know what he’s hiding, maybe it’s about time that you listen to your intuition.

For instance, has he become very secretive when it comes to his gadgets? Obviously, our phones, laptops, and tablets have become so indispensable for many of us. With that said, his behavior regarding these things can be very telling of what he thinks about your relationship.

It may be suspicious if he’s always quick to hide his phone or any other gadget when you’re around. Has he recently changed all of his passcodes and now he doesn’t want to share them with you?

Do you find that he constantly lies to you about things that, in his words, are “no big deal”?

Maybe these are just little white lies so he doesn’t feel the need to be completely truthful with you. Did he lie about his Saturday night plans? Or did he give you the wrong location for the party he just went to?

These may seem trivial to some, but it’s never okay if your guy has built up the habit of covering up the truth for his convenience. What’s stopping him from lying about bigger things?

Another sign is if he can’t seem to look you in the eye even if you’re talking to him. This may signal that he is guilty of doing something wrong. Or maybe he’s really about to break up with you soon so he feels bad about it.

8) He keeps communication to a minimum

Do you always find him on his phone when you’re together? In a social setting, is he always talking to someone else or in another room? Is he constantly rushing to leave when you’re hanging out?

We hate to say it but he might be deliberately doing these things so that he can avoid talking to you. 

You can also see this in his body language. Maybe he barely looks at you or he always has his body turned away from you.

Is it so much harder to start a conversation with him? And if he does communicate with you, is it always in very short messages?

If he always prefers texting rather than having video calls, he may be too lazy to make an effort to talk to you. It’s also not encouraging if he always acknowledges your messages with a simple “k.”.

9) He isn’t as open about himself as before

Because communication is becoming less frequent, you may feel that you have no idea what’s going on in his life.

Are you the last person to know about major life events and decisions he’s having? Basically, he doesn’t update you as much as he did before. Maybe the only way you hear news about his life is by stalking him on social media or talking to your mutual friends.

One more sign is if he’s not being vulnerable with you anymore. Does it feel like he always has his walls up? You may notice that he doesn’t share anything remotely personal or emotional from his end. He may have stopped confiding in you entirely.

In all of these, you feel like your best friend has been replaced by a total stranger.

10) He’s starting to prioritize other relationships more

It’s normal that he will spend time with his own friends and family. But if you’re always noticing that you are constantly his last priority over everyone else, it may be because you’re not important to him anymore.

In addition to no. 8 and no. 9 on this list, does he confide more in other people way more than he does with you?

Do you often feel left out because he’s having more inside jokes and experiences with other people? Does it feel like his friends now know him better than you?

Instead of coming to you when you have relationship problems, do you hear rumors that he may be negatively talking about you with other people? If this is true, it means that he doesn’t respect you enough to face you when you have difficulties in your relationship.

You may also want to watch out for extremely close female companions. Here are 20 signs your boyfriend is attracted to your friend.

11) He isn’t as sweet and romantic anymore

Let’s look at the 5 different love languages to give you further context.

The first one is words of affirmation. Was he the type to shower you with compliments in the past but now it’s difficult to even get him to talk to you? Maybe he stopped calling you by the special romantic nickname he came up with before. If you have to beg for him to do this, he probably has already lost interest in the relationship.

For this first love language, the biggest sign that he is ready to give up is if he doesn’t regularly tell you that he loves you anymore.

The second one is quality time. Does he make it a habit to block out his calendar when it comes to dates, surprises, and major celebrations?

The third love language is receiving gifts. Does he still make an effort to give you thoughtful birthday and Christmas gifts?

Another love language is acts of service. If he’s thinking of ending things with you, he may not be as helpful as before when you share your problems with him.

Lastly, physical touch is also very important in a relationship. Has he become less physically affectionate with you?

These are all crucial signs that your relationship is not a priority to him anymore.

12) He’s not really interested in your life

In the same way that he’s not open about his life, he may also not be very concerned about you anymore.

Is he asking for fewer updates about what you’re up to? When you share your work struggles, does it seem like he couldn’t care less about it?

You may also find that he doesn’t remember important dates and events that you specifically told him in advance.

When these things happen, it’s common to feel very lonely in your relationship. It’s as if he has already broken up with you in his mind.

13) He’s always doing his own separate thing

This may not be a glaring red flag for a lot of relationships because it’s definitely a good idea that you are both invested in your own interests and passions. But if you find that this distance is way too much and way too often, he may be wanting to break up with you.

Maybe you find out about events after they’ve already happened. This may mean that he intentionally doesn’t want to invite you to these events anymore and that he’d rather just go alone or with someone else.

You may also find it very difficult to convince him to spend time with you. It may seem like he always has a million other things on his priority list.

And when he does give you a little bit of his time, your relationship feels like something he has to do, and not something he wants to do.

14) You have more bad days than good ones

When a relationship is about to end, most people find that there are more bad memories than good ones.

Do a lot of your everyday interactions lead to fights or conflict? Notice if even the littlest of things trigger him. This may make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells because he might start another fight.

He also may be less willing to compromise or to be understanding. If you find that he’s always thinking about himself rather than the good of the relationship, he might have already fallen out of love with you.

Is he always bringing up past hurts in your relationship? Even if you’ve already seemingly resolved it at the time, it may be because he still really hasn’t forgiven you in his heart. This resentment and bitterness may be one of the main reasons why he’s becoming more distant.

Has he also been more critical of every little thing that you do? Maybe the little quirks or idiosyncrasies that he used to adore have now become features that he can’t stand.

These are all signs that he thinks that there is something wrong in the relationship and so he feels the need to lash out at you.

15) He doesn’t put in the effort to resolve conflicts

And when he does pick a fight with you, you may observe that he doesn’t try to help solve the issue at all. It’s a sad truth to accept but he may be like this because he thinks that there is no relationship to save anymore.

Does he avoid confrontation? When you have a relationship problem that needs urgent reconciliation, does he seemingly let things go without a second thought? This is a sign that he doesn’t value your relationship anymore.

Does he let arguments last for long periods of time without making an effort to talk to you? This can be very upsetting for you and the fact that he doesn’t want to fix the relationship speaks volumes about his lack of concern over your feelings.

Perhaps he also makes excuses for his wrong behavior instead of acknowledging them and apologizing. This is a surefire way to worsen the situation. His lack of willingness to grow as a person is very apparent, and it is surely affecting your relationship negatively.

Now is the time to ask yourself this important question: if you weren’t putting any effort into the relationship, do you think it would still survive?

Do you feel like you’re the only one carrying the weight of your relationship? Are you the only one working towards fixing your problems? If you said that you want to break up right now, does it seem that he would readily agree?

Be completely honest when you ask yourself these questions. This is very crucial in making sure that you can take the right steps as you address these relationship problems.

Effort is everything

In all of these, the bottom line is that he’s not willing to exert any effort in your relationship.

It’s important to compare how he was in the past. Did he love doing sweet things for you but now it’s impossible for him to fit you in his schedule? If you see these clear changes, it may mean that he doesn’t value you in the same way anymore.

So if you’ve established that this is the case, the next step is to discuss this with him. If he is constantly avoiding you, find a way and make it clear to him that you need to have this talk.

Going through these relationship problems is very challenging, so you’d want to have a few close friends that could help you. They know your personal circumstances so they can give you more insight into how you can approach this situation in the best way possible.

Whatever the outcome is, trust that everything happens for a reason. What is meant for you will always find its way to you.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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