Are you feeling down in the dumps because you’re 40 and still haven’t found the one?
Is it bothering you to a point where it’s literally making you feel depressed?
Not all of us have our shit together by the age of 40 and being single isn’t the worst thing that can happen to us.
So, if you’re feeling like throwing in the towel, don’t. Here’s what you can do!
1) Focus on things instead of people
When we’re lonely, we tend to get caught up in focusing on the fact that we don’t have anyone. But you can’t expect someone to make you happy if you’re not even happy with yourself!
Instead of thinking about who you wish was with you, think about all the things that are awesome about your life. Are you surrounded by amazing people?
Are you finally loving the things you used to love when you were younger?
Are there things that YOU love to do that are new and exciting?
So, focus on all of these things instead.
Don’t let anyone steal your happiness because this is something that only you know about yourself. No one else can make you feel better about yourself unless you do it for yourself.
2) Laugh a lot
It sounds so simple but it is so easy to forget to laugh.
Take a minute and just watch a funny movie or show, or something that makes you smile.
Life is really short and with so much going on in the world today, humor is a great way to cope.
So, if you’re feeling down, make a concerted effort to have a good laugh. It will definitely make you feel better.
3) Reevaluate your relationship with yourself
Think about how you treat yourself — especially on bad days. Do you tell yourself that you’re a loser, or that it’s all your fault? Do you punish yourself for failure?
If the answer is yes, stop doing that! It does more harm than good. Instead, try treating yourself kindly and remind yourself that things will get better. Why not try a bit of self-improvement!
Who wouldn’t want to improve themselves?
I know I do.
The problem is that there are far too many fake gurus out there ready to sell you on unrealistic and ineffective solutions for improving your life by becoming a “better version” of yourself.
They want you to meditate, radiate “positive vibrations” and visualize the life of your dreams. They say this will make it come true.
Here’s the crazy thing:
Visualization and positive vibes won’t bring you closer to your dreams, and they can actually drag you backwards into time-wasting, idle fantasy, and frustration.
But it’s hard to feel good about being single at 40 when you’re being hit with so many Instagram influencers telling you how a special kind of yoga, diet or incense will transform your life.
You can end up trying so hard and not finding the answers you need that your life and dreams begin to feel hopeless.
You want solutions, but all you’re being told is to create a perfect utopia inside your own mind. It doesn’t work.
I want you to turn off all the noise for a second and get back to absolute basics.
What are you here for?
Before you can experience a real change, you need to really know your purpose.
I learned about the power of purpose from watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
Justin used to be addicted to the self-help industry and New Age gurus, who sold him on visualization and positive thinking. It left him lost and confused.
That’s why he traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, who taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your life and everything around you.
After watching the video, I discovered my purpose in life and it completely busted through the issues I was having with loneliness and feeling useless. This new way of finding success by finding your purpose actually helped me to transform my life for the better.
4) Don’t be afraid to be your own person
Even if that means not dating anyone. If you’re single and lonely, then it most definitely means that you have something to offer the world.
You shouldn’t give up on yourself because of a bad relationship; that’s crazy talk! And it’s definitely not a good way to find someone special.
Part of being happy is loving yourself and finding who you are today instead of what you were when you were younger.
You haven’t peaked yet my dear. Some of us only peak in our 50’s, 60’s, and even seventies. Age is nothing but a number!
5) Take care of your body
You need to take care of your body because that’s your only building block.
You want to be healthy and happy; it’s a no-brainer! There are so many things that you can do for yourself without needing to get a new partner. Work out, eat well, go to the gym, and flirt with yourself in the shower.
Yes, you read that right. Practice self care and self love like never before. It’s a surefire way to make you feel better!
6) Take time for yourself
If you’re feeling lonely, it’s okay to take time for yourself and do things on your own.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to forget about those things that used to make you happy because you have someone else to do them with.
But don’t ever lose yourself by getting so caught up in trying to figure out why the other person isn’t doing what they should be. You need to do everything that makes YOU happy!
7) Stop comparing yourself to other women
This is something that I’ve been guilty of myself — and I know that it’s something that a lot of us women have done in the past. It’s easy to see the person in front of you and be jealous because their life is different than your own or they’re so much better looking than you.
But, you know what? Life is different for everyone and we all end up on this earth for different reasons. Don’t worry about trying to compete with another woman and just be the best that you can be, no matter what the quality of their life is.
8) Read about happiness so you know how to find it
I’m not saying that you need to become the next Dalai Lama but there are some books out there that can help you with this process of finding happiness and love. You don’t want to give up on love but you need to know where to find it!
There are plenty of books that talk about being happy and there are even more that talk about how to find love.
A good book and a glass of wine is a great way to shed that feeling of loneliness.
9) Surround yourself with great friends
Even if you are single, it’s still important to have friends because they can help to lift your spirits up and get you from the negative thoughts that make you feel down. When we’re around others, we don’t tend to feel as lonesome.
10) Bonus: Find out what your soulmate looks like
If you’re single, it’s okay! It doesn’t mean that you’re missing out on the one or that there’s something wrong with you.
But how can you know for sure you’ve met your soulmate??
The truth is:
We can waste a lot of time and emotions with people who ultimately we’re not compatible with. Finding your soulmate is no easy task.
But what if there was a way to get absolute confirmation?
I’ve just stumbled upon a way to do this… a professional psychic artist who can draw a sketch of what your soulmate looks like.
Even though I wasn’t convinced at first, my friend convinced me to try it out a few weeks ago.
Now I know exactly what my soulmate looks like. The crazy thing is that I recognized them straight away.
If you’re ready to find out what your soulmate looks like, get your own sketch drawn here.
11) Don’t be scared to date someone that’s not your type
If you’re feeling totally insecure and want to avoid dating anyone, then that’s okay. But remember that it’s going to always be scary and hard to meet people. That’s just how it goes.
You may not ever find the “right” one for you but you can still enjoy your time on the other side of the dating spectrum!
12) Be yourself but be secure in who you are today
If you’re feeling lonely because you’re not confident in your true self, then that’s okay! But I believe that being yourself is more important than trying to be someone else.
If you’re going through this alone, then it’s okay — but if you have a friend or two to help lift you up, that’s even better. Don’t be ashamed and don’t be afraid to ask for help!
13) Try different dating apps!
It’s great to try different dating apps and meet new people!
Plus, if you’re feeling lonely and like there’s no one out there for you, it’s easier to just interact with people online because you can’t see them.
Dating apps are a great way to meet people who share the same interests as you.
It can take a lot of courage to go out there and meet someone in person, but the internet makes it so easy to talk to new people!
14) Join activities that you like — and don’t be shy to make new friends while you’re at it
Even if you are single, now is the time for you to do things that make you happy.
Join clubs, go to church, sign up for a sports team — there are so many different activities that you can do alone.
Or, if you don’t want to be alone while doing them, then make some friends!
15) Be grateful
That seems like a weird way to describe this but it’s a huge part of being happy right now.
If you’re going through something difficult and feel like no one else is going through the same thing as you, then take a step back and see what is around you.
Be thankful that you get up in the morning and get to see the sunrise.
Be grateful that your kids are healthy, even if they’re not your kids! You need to be grateful for what you have and never forget to celebrate all of the little things in life.
16) Don’t let your emotions control you
This is something I struggle with constantly — and it’s also something that I’ve seen a lot of other women do as well.
I know that you’re lonely and want to talk to someone but it’s important not to let your emotions control you.
If you’re feeling like strangling someone, that’s okay — just don’t go through with it!
You can’t control another person and if you let yourself run away with your emotions, then it’s going to be much worse.
17) Figure out what you want in a relationship and know what you’re willing to give up
You’re a strong independent woman.
You’ve got your own life and the world is your oyster right now. Even though it might get you down at times.
Are you really willing to give that up for a mediocre relationship?
Just for the sake of saying that you have someone?
Rather the devil you know than the one you don’t so think carefully before getting involved.
I have definitely had my ups and downs in my year of being single — but I know that it’s important to be strong and carry on.
So if you’ve been feeling lonely, then don’t lose hope! You’re going to find love one day. And, in the event that you don’t, it’s really not the end of the world!
Make yourself a priority and don’t ever forget to be thankful for what you have! If you’re not being thankful, then what is the point of being alive?
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.