18 alarming signs you’re not sexually attracted to your partner (and what to do about it)

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You know the phrase “you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”? 

Well, it turns out, that applies to relationships, too. Maybe you’ve found your prince or princess, but if you’re not sexually attracted to them, then your fairy-tale might already be over.

But what are the alarming signs you’re not sexually attracted to your partner and is there something you can do about it? 

Keep reading and you’ll find out! 

1) You are always dissatisfied with their appearance.

Let me ask you this: when you look at your partner, do you notice something that makes you think, “he/she is not my type”? 

In case you tend to focus on your partner’s flaws and you constantly complain about their appearance, it’s likely that you aren’t physically or sexually attracted to them.

For example, if you always point out things that you really don’t like about their hair, the way they dress, their body type, etc. this could mean that you’re either obsessed with perfection or simply not feeling any sexual attraction for them.

So, take a moment and try to remember two or more times when you really liked your partner’s appearance. 

You know what it means if you can’t remember any, right?

2) You feel nothing when they give you a French kiss.

French kisses are… well, you know! They give us tingling sensations that often make us think about doing much more than kissing.

So, if you don’t experience any arousing sensation, then it’s likely that you aren’t attracted to your partner, and your mind could be elsewhere when they kiss you. 

Question: Are you focused on something else when this person kisses you? Like the pile of laundry that needs to be done, or what video game you’re going to play tonight? 

If so, you probably aren’t feeling any attraction. Your mind shouldn’t wander in the presence of a hot body craving for you, especially not your partner’s.

3) Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article will explain the main signs you’re not sexually attracted to your partner, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like when sexual attraction goes missing in a relationship. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are. 

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was. 

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.

Click here to get started.

4) Their personality doesn’t turn you on.

Bad news: If your partner’s personality doesn’t turn you on, then your attraction to them is not going to magically start working overnight. 

In fact, being with a partner that you aren’t attracted to (sexually, physically, or emotionally) can be a recipe for disaster.

But, how can someone’s personality be a turn-on, you ask?

Well, every person is different, and what makes a turn-on for one person can be a turn-off for another.

Let me explain: 

Some people like romantic partners who are more independent and strong in their opinions; Others prefer partners who are more subdued and agreeable. 

And some like energy and enthusiasm, while others prefer calmness.

What do you like? 

Do you like the idea of being with someone who is passionate about all that they do, or do you prefer a laid-back partner who never gets too excited about anything?

It’s all about what turns you on.

5) You wish they were more like someone else.

 Another clear sign your mind is not in the right place is if you’re thinking about how much more attractive your ex was, or you’re thinking about the girl in the cubicle next to yours. 

In case you relate, then you might not be attracted to your partner.

When we have people who are a better match for us in mind, it’s not a sign of physical attraction. In fact, it’s often a sign that we aren’t satisfied with our current partner.

So have we got that straight?

Another sure way to tell that you’re not sexually attracted to your partner is if you constantly fantasize about being intimate with other people.

6) You’d rather not be touched by them.

Your partner’s touch feels uncomfortable to you?

Yeah, I thought so!

But, what’s wrong? It’s the way they touch you that you don’t like or the fact that they’re touching you is uncomfortable?

Unless you’ve suffered past traumas and don’t like to be touched by anyone, then you can disregard this sign. 

By contrast, the real reason behind not liking your partner’s touch, could in fact be that you’re not sexually attracted to them.

7) What would a gifted advisor say?

The signs in this article will give you an insight into whether or not you’re sexually attracted to your partner.

Even so, issues related to love and dating can be confusing at the best of times, especially as your situation is unique to you. 

So could getting some outside guidance help?

It’s fair to say there are plenty of frauds out there, who are just waiting to take advantage when we’re at our most vulnerable.

But after a really challenging breakup, I found that speaking to an advisor from Psychic Source was super helpful.

The advisor I spoke to was kind, understanding, and insightful.

My love reading gave me the guidance I was looking for (and needed) during a painful and confusing time.

Click here to get your own personalized love reading.

Not only can a gifted advisor tell you what to do in this situation, but they can reveal all your love possibilities. 

8) You can’t fantasize about them.

Fantasizing about our partners is a common thing to do. We often think of an erotic experience that has already happened or about something that we’d like to do with them.

Simply put, there’s a mix between creativity and sexual desire that makes us have naughty thoughts about and with our partners.

That being said, if you don’t experience these types of thoughts, the harsh truth could be that you’re not sexually attracted to them.

9) You can’t have an orgasm when you’re doing it.

Getting off might not be everyone’s ultimate purpose when it comes to sex. 

However, if you find yourself in a tricky situation with your partner, it could be because you’re in fact not sexually attracted to them.

Being intimate is a complex experience and it’s not all about experiencing a climax. However, you should ask yourself whether you enjoy the whole process or not. 

The inability to have an orgasm with your partner can be caused by numerous different factors other than your sexual attraction to them. 

Even so, it can be hard to establish if your lack of sexual attraction for them is creating a blockage when it comes to your sexual satisfaction.

10) You never initiate sex.

Similar to the sign above, this one can also help you find out whether you’re sexually attracted to your partner. 

How? I encourage you to take a look back at your previous relationships and determine if you ever initiated sex or not. 

This point is really important because it can help you see if you are the one with the problem, or if you’re simply not into your partner physically.

In case you used to initiate sex a lot with your past partners, the simple yet painful conclusion is that you’re not sexually attracted to your current partner.

11) Foreplay and postlude and not in your vocabulary.

The reality is that not many couples engage in both foreplay and postlude activities and not many enjoy both. However, it’s common for most to choose one of them.

Which one do you prefer? Your answer is important in this process because it can shed light on your issue. 

This is the part where you might realize that you might not be sexually attracted to them. Depending on both your needs, this aspect could turn out to be both good and bad. 

12) You don’t like the way they smell.

One’s smell plays an important role in the process of attraction. 

Have you ever heard of pheromones?

Basically, in humans, pheromones are chemical substances that we release. They are important in social bonding and can impact a person’s overall sense of attraction.

Pheromones can be emitted to attract the opposite sex or they can be used to reinforce social bonds. This is why some men and some women have a natural scent that attracts others.

So, you might notice a certain scent from your partner and not find it attractive. The scent you’re picking up could be from their pheromones, which indicate if there is physical compatibility between the two of you or not. 

13) You never seem to be in the mood.

To make sure that you don’t confuse your lack of sexual interest with your lack of sexual attraction, you should ask yourself whether you’re ever in the mood to have sex.

This simple answer should be enough for you to draw a conclusion. Odds are that if you’re generally disinterested when it comes to sex, your partner is not to blame. 

The fact that you don’t feel attracted to them is caused by other reasons than their physical appearance and sex appeal. 

14) Seeing your partner naked does nothing to you.

Okay, so maybe your partner doesn’t know how to dress properly and highlight their best features. However, what if they are naked?

What goes through your mind and body when you see them naked? Do you experience any kind of physical sensations

Try to find an honest answer to all these questions. They might point in the direction of the problem.

15) Something about them grosses you out.

To really get to the bottom of this situation, think about whether your partner does something that grosses you out.

For instance, your partner is too messy and his or her hair is always unbrushed. Or, there’s something about the way they eat that you simply can’t stand.

These are all things that might gross you out. And, at the same time, these factors could stop you from feeling any sexual attraction towards your partner.

16) Your friends don’t think your partner is hot either. 

While this point may seem a bit childish, you can always check in with your friends and ask for their opinion. I’m not saying to rate your partner’s physical attractiveness in a superficial way. 

What I’m suggesting is to make sure that there’s nothing wrong with the way you see this person. 

By doing so, you could discover the real reason you might not be sexually attracted to your partner.

17) You were never sexually attracted to them.

For some people, sexual attraction doesn’t occur from the beginning of a relationship. 

What I mean is that you might not have felt any kind of physical attraction to this person when you met them, but you thought and maybe hoped that it would occur over time.

In case this has not happened yet, there is still hope! The trick is to have a heart-to-heart with yourself and determine what to do next.

18) Your partner isn’t crazy about getting intimate.

Lastly, your lack of sexual attraction to your partner could be caused by them. 

Why is this so?

In case your partner isn’t into hot stuff, maybe they didn’t give you the chance to see if you are sexually attracted to them or not. 

Their lack of interest in getting intimate with you doesn’t have to be a sign they’re not sexually attracted to you.

Even so, there’s definitely something going on with them, so maybe it’s time to have an honest conversation with them about your sex life.

Is it normal to not feel sexually attracted to your partner?

The factors that contribute to physical intimacy between a couple are numerous, but the main feeling is attraction, which stems from both interpersonal and physical aspects. 

Physical attraction is a natural response that is influenced by environmental factors and our biological makeup.

In other words, the way you perceive and interpret your partner’s physical characteristics, attitude and behavior play an important part in the feelings of attraction that you have for them.

So, to answer your question, generally speaking, it’s not normal not to feel physically and sexually attracted to your partner, especially if this only happens with them and you feel sexually attracted to other people.

Can a relationship work if you are not sexually attracted?

The answer to this question depends on you and your partner. It depends on how much you value and need intimacy in your life. 

Having a sexual attraction to your partner is important, but it’s not everything that makes a relationship work. 

Your partner’s physical characteristics and your attraction to them are only one aspect of your relationship

You also need to be able to connect with your partner on an emotional level, share many interests, communicate well with each other, and find that the whole “package” makes you happy.

So, for the most part, a relationship could work if you and your partner are not sexually attracted to each other.

What to do if you are not sexually attracted to your partner?

As soon as you realize that you’re not sexually attracted to your partner, there are things you could do to figure out what comes next.

1) Accept the fact that you’re not attracted to them and don’t want intimacy.

This may be the hardest thing to do. It could be very difficult for you to fully accept the way you feel and the fact that you’re not attracted to your partner (anymore).

But, if you really want this relationship to work, then accept it and try your hardest to make it work. This makes sense, right?

Regardless of how unusual you think this situation is, rest assured you’re not the only one who is experiencing this, and there is hope!

2) Seek proof of a deeper emotional connection between you two.

You can make things work out between you and your partner one way or the other. But, if you’re not motivated enough, you could seek more signs.

For example, in case there is a deep emotional connection between you two, maybe you should explore it further.

Why? You may be experiencing a physical blockage because you are experiencing another type of connection, like that between soulmates.

3) Think about how important the physical part of a relationship is to you.

Not everyone is sexually active. Not everyone feels the need to get physical often or at all. So, to figure out what to do next, ask yourself how important the sex part of a relationship really is to you.

Doing this is important because if you don’t feel like sleeping with your partner, but you feel like sleeping with someone else, then maybe it’s just an incompatibility between the two of you and you’ll know what to do. 

4) Communicate with your partner about this issue.

Your relationship is not only dependent on you and the way you feel. It’s also dependent on your partner. So your honesty about the way you feel is important to them as much as it is to you. 

To do so, try to communicate with them in a way that’s right for you. 

For example, maybe you’re better at talking to your partner when you’re somewhere else than home, or maybe it’s easier to talk on the phone. 

The main idea here is to find the best way that works for both of you and then just try it.

To do this, stay confident and give your partner a chance to react. 

5) Engage in erotic conversations to see if you click.

Sexual attraction may decrease because there’s no communication. 

To put it simply, maybe you don’t find your partner attractive because you never discussed your turn-ons and they don’t know how to express themselves freely either.

So, one way to see if you can click would be to engage in erotic conversations and talk about what you like and dislike. You could also talk about general fantasies.

Next, you could try to put all these into practice and see how it goes.

Who knows, perhaps all you need is for them to be less sloppy or more determined. You never know until you try!

I’m not sexually attracted to my partner. Now what?

By now you should have a good idea of whether you’re sexually attracted to your partner or not and the things you could do about this situation. But if you’re still unsure, I recommend getting in touch with a trustworthy advisor. 

I mentioned Psychic Source earlier. Based on my own personal experience with them, I know they’re legit, kind, and helpful.

So instead of leaving things up to chance, take control of this situation and clarify what’s in store for your future.

Speaking to one of their experienced advisors was a turning point for me, and I think it could be for you too. Especially if you want to find out what to do next.

Click here to get your own love reading

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.