9 confusing signs you’re not in love, but you don’t want to lose him either

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Being in a relationship is one of the greatest things in life. We feel supported every step of the way and feel lucky to be with someone we can potentially build a life with!

Still, we may sometimes feel like there’s a problem.

I hear you. That must be why you’ve stumbled upon this article – to find out what to do next!

Maybe your man seems great on paper, and you can’t put your finger on what’s missing in your relationship…

Here are 9 confusing signs you’re not in love, but want to stay for other (not-so-obvious) reasons.

Let’s get started!

1) You don’t mind if he doesn’t call or text you

A sign that you’re not actually in love with your man is you don’t expect him to call or text you!

I mean, let’s be honest. 

Who doesn’t want to hear from their partner about how their day was, or to plan the next date? Women love it when their man takes time out of his day to update them on what he had going on. 

But if that turns you off right now…I’ve got some bad news! Maybe your stomach turns when you see his name pop up on your screen.

So let me ask you: why are you staying in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you excited to see them?

Maybe you’re not so sure either…so let’s explore this situation further!

2) You look forward to spending time alone

Say you don’t look forward to seeing your man and dislike checking your phone to see that he’s reached out.

First of all, yikes! 

Second of all, you’ll find that you’re coming up with more excuses to tell him you don’t want to hang out.

And that’s because you’d rather stay in and do the things you once enjoyed doing together…alone.

When you find that you enjoy being alone more than with your man, that’s a sign you aren’t in love with him. This might feel familiar to you right now! 

However, you may also feel bad about having these feelings.

What do I mean?

If you know that this guy loves you and you’re having doubts about the relationship, you’re sure to feel guilty.

And that’s why you’re choosing to avoid him rather than talk things out!

3) You start fights with him easily

Communication is an important part of a relationship, and you’ve got to tell yourself your partner is worth it to do it well.

Have you been committed to talking things out these days?

Perhaps not…if you’re reading this article!

Let’s say you do enjoy spending time together, but there are other aspects of the relationship that are making you question if you love this guy!

Here’s an example: you start fights easily and for seemingly no reason at all.

Now why is that?

Well, maybe you’re just more irritable lately! Or have you fallen out of love with him?

It can be hard to tell. People in relationships sometimes start fights because they’re looking for attention (the good kind, of course).

They do it because they want their partner to fight for them, to feel like they’re worth it!

But this could also be a sign that you’re not finding things to love about your partner anymore…

4) You’re always complaining about him

Maybe the sight of your guy in his PJs makes you annoyed, or the sound of him whipping up a meal in the kitchen pisses you off!

That sounds awful, I’ll admit…

In addition, maybe you’re complaining about him a lot more. It doesn’t matter who it is; if they’re willing to listen, you’ll give them a rundown of everything your partner did that day that made you mad!

People in relationships do vent sometimes, though. And that’s because they want an outlet to talk about their problems! 

Most of the time, they’re not looking to break up. Talking it out helps them get rid of the bad feelings before they can return to their partner in a better mood!

But here’s the thing.

A healthy relationship entails being frank about any problems you’re facing so you both can work it out together. 

Not in isolation.

Those in relationships who complain about their partner a lot may not just be going through a rough patch. They may also be ignoring some red flags…

5) You don’t enjoy being intimate

Speaking of red flags brings me to my next point…

Is sex with your man starting to feel repetitive, like a chore?

If you’re not in love with this guy, you’re not going to enjoy getting intimate…and this is especially so in long-term relationships.

After all, you could just hook up with someone else to get the job done, crudely speaking!

If you’ve found yourself in this situation, you may have tried to blame it on external factors. For example, you’ve gotten busier at work and think it may be the reason you’re not in the mood.

But that’s unlikely!

Maybe you’re just not in love with him. And even though you may say “I care deeply for this guy!”, it doesn’t translate to passion at all…

6) You’re always second-guessing yourself

If you’re not in love with your man but don’t want to lose him – for whatever reason – you may find that you’re always second-guessing yourself.

Whenever you have doubts about the relationship, you tell yourself it’s because you’re ungrateful. 

That you don’t know how much of a good thing you have.

But that’s not the way to go. You need to get in touch with what you really want in a relationship!

Once the initial stages of a relationship have passed, you can’t pretend to still have feelings when you don’t. 

And that’s the harsh truth.

Maybe that’s what you’ve been struggling with: you don’t want to come to terms with the fact that the spark’s gone!

7) You wish you could change who he is

This is another sign that you’re most likely not in love with your man…you wish you could change who he is!

So what or who are you in love with? Well, you’re in love with the idea of a relationship!

Let me explain.

Perhaps you met this guy out of the blue and he ticks all your boxes, but only on the outside. He’s tall, dark, and handsome, but you don’t share any common interests that would bring you closer.

You therefore spend a good amount of time wondering what it would be like if he did! You think about how much more you would love him if he had just a few more qualities…

If that’s the case, it’s time to admit to yourself that you aren’t in love with this guy who’s right in front of you!

8) You can see yourself with other people

Here’s a good sign you’re not in love with your man: you’re constantly fantasizing about being with other people!

Maybe you’ve thought about hooking up with your new coworker, or even your neighbour. And you’re worried about having had these thoughts!

It’s not just about the excitement, though: you’re seriously picturing a life with another man in the future, one who meets all of your needs…

I know, I know.

You may be thinking: isn’t it normal to have a look around, especially if it’s out of boredom?

Well, for you, it’s much more than that.

You’ll find you’re paying more attention to these men outside of their physical qualities, like how they hold the door open for someone or park their car.

And even though you may feel sorry for the guy you’re in a relationship with, it doesn’t stop you from doing this. 

Maybe you’ll wish he’d break up with you first…that’s how you know it might be time to reevaluate your relationship!

9) You have had thoughts about breaking up

Ladies, this is a big one. 

If you suspect you’re not in love with your man, you must have had thoughts about breaking up! And you’ve had them on more than one occasion.

During stressful times in a relationship, we may consider an exit plan if we’re seriously riled up. 

But in your case, it’s an ongoing pattern that makes you wonder if it’s an indicator of what you really want to do!

If you think your partner has been treating you well, though, thinking about breaking up can make you feel guilty. 

I mentioned this earlier.

Either way, your gut never lies! And you should probably listen to it closely to decide what you need to do next…


So, we’ve explored some signs that show you’re not in love with the guy you’re in a relationship with!

We’ve also covered how it can be confusing to experience these feelings, especially if you care about them.

But always remember: it’s never worth hanging onto a relationship for old times’ sake! 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

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In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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