Struggling to connect with your new girlfriend?
Does she seem too closed off?
Does it feel as if you’re unseen in the relationship?
Do you feel like some of your needs are unmet?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re probably dating someone who is not emotionally available.
But what is an emotionally unavailable woman?
In a nutshell, these ladies have difficulty understanding and expressing their feelings. You will find that emotionally unavailable women can be unpredictable and non-responsive to your emotional needs.
How do you know if a girl is emotionally unavailable?
Decoding women can be a battle on its own, but let’s help you out with these 8 signs you’re dating an emotionally unavailable woman:
1) She is clear as mud
Emotionally unavailable women are experts at sending mixed signals.
She can be super touchy-feely one minute. But don’t be surprised if she won’t let you hold her hand the next.
She can also be super moody.
Imagine a woman in her period – but all the time! That’s what dating an emotionally unavailable woman can look like. You must be ready for mood swings 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Their commitment to the relationship can be a hell of a lotta confusing (and scary), too!
Some days she makes you feel like she’s so into you. But watch out because she can get cold without warning and ghost you for a week or two before showing up again.
Let me tell you now, it’s nothing you did wrong.
It’s just that emotionally unavailable women are great at being inconsistent with their behavior and consistently vague with their affection.
2) She’s built an impenetrable fortress
As if being extremely vague isn’t bad enough, you will struggle with getting an emotionally unavailable girl to open up to you.
Even if she’s agreed to be in a relationship with you, an emotionally unavailable woman will not make it easy for you to jump over the walls she has built around her heart.
If she is not emotionally available, chances are you know very little about her.
For example, what’s the name of the town she grew up in? What was the name of her first pet? How many relationships has she had before you?
Again, it’s not you.
Most emotionally unavailable women don’t just build walls because they feel like it. Their reluctance to let anyone in can often be a result of trauma from their past.
They intentionally don’t open up so they can protect themselves.
They feel that the less you know about them, the less vulnerable they are.
And if they’re not vulnerable, no one can hurt them.
3) You haven’t met her friends…
If she’s not comfortable opening herself up to you, don’t count on meeting her inner circle as well.
Have you been together for a while, but you have no clue who any of her childhood friends are?
You may have met Jenny from the office, but have you had drinks with her college roomies? Have you been to any parties with her high school besties?
While it’s normal to not meet friends or family in the early stages of a relationship, it’s a major red flag if you’ve been seeing her for long and haven’t met any of the people close to her.
I hate to break it to you, but not meeting her tribe can mean she’s not ready to acknowledge your relationship.
It’s also a telltale sign that she’s not ready for you to be part of her life at an emotional, more profound level.
4) …and she’s not interested in meeting yours
You may have convinced yourself that you haven’t met her friends yet because they’re busy.
But don’t get your hopes up thinking she would want to meet your crew.
She will make every excuse to avoid meeting your friends, and you could find yourself constantly without your plus one at any of your friend’s parties.
I feel you; it sucks.
Especially when you’ve been talking about her non-stop to your friends, and they’re all dying to meet her. They might even question if she exists because you claim to have been with her for so long, yet they haven’t seen her.
Unfortunately, that’s just one of the pitfalls of dating an emotionally unavailable woman.
Don’t count on her creating a tight bond with any of your friends because, let’s face it, she doesn’t even want that deep of a connection with you.
5) She’s awful at communicating
An emotionally unavailable woman has a lot of trouble communicating.
For one, she is not good at expressing herself or her feelings. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to have her talk about it.
She’s also good at stonewalling or avoiding conversations.
You may find that she often pretends not to hear you. She also has a habit of interrupting you or turning her back away from you while you’re still talking.
And it doesn’t stop there.
She will also often delay giving you a clear answer or a definite decision when asked about something important. Say, for example, if you asked her when she’d be free to have dinner with your friends.
When you’re dating an emotionally unavailable woman, you will find she is not good with conversations, but she is great at declaring discussions over, even when it really isn’t.
6) She is the most defensive person you will ever meet
When she can’t end the conversation, she will default to defensive mode.
One of the ways to know if you’re dating someone emotionally unavailable is when they give you defensive reactions.
Here are a few examples:
- She will always make an excuse, and it will never be her fault: “It’s not my fault that the traffic was so bad I missed our dinner date.”
- She will boomerang the blame on you: “You’re too clingy, so I had to go away and give myself space.”
- She will make herself the victim: “Why do you always make me feel like I’m the bad guy?”
- She will be dismissive: “Stop overreacting. It’s not even a big deal.”
Emotionally unavailable women will never admit their part in a conflict because it’s the quickest way out and the best way for them to remain in their comfort zones.
7) She doesn’t make the effort
One of the easiest ways to tell if she is emotionally unavailable or uninterested is when she doesn’t put effort into the relationship.
If you’re initiating most conversations and planning the dates, you’re probably in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable woman.
Here are more examples to get you thinking:
- She won’t block off her calendar for regular date nights.
- She never messages you first.
- She will take forever to reply to your messages.
- She won’t remember details, like your favorite food, hometown, or best bud’s name.
- She forgets special dates, even your anniversary!
An emotionally unavailable person will not match your effort in the relationship, full stop.
8) She doesn’t meet you halfway
An emotionally unavailable woman doesn’t want to compromise.
She does this because she wants to be in control. She has to be the decision-maker in the relationship, and she always has to have the last word.
Although you’ve been planning all your date nights, you’ve probably made these around her preferences.
For example, you love watching movies but never have a movie date because she hates the cinemas. Or you’ve been a beach bum all your life, but you’ve never gone to the beach since dating her because she doesn’t like the feel of the sand.
A healthy dose of compromise is what keeps a relationship strong.
But if you’re the only one constantly giving way, that’s a sure sign that the woman you’re dating is emotionally unavailable.
Coping with an emotionally available partner
By now, you would have identified if you’re dating an emotionally unavailable woman or not.
And by this point, you probably have more questions than answers. In that case, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
Remember that not all relationships are the same and while emotional unavailability is a deal breaker for some, it may not be for others.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation.
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like can an emotionally unavailable woman change? Or can a relationship work with an emotionally unavailable woman?
The site’s popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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