Is he cheating? 25 no bullsh*t signs your man is cheating on you

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They say love doesn’t exist anymore, but that can’t be true, right?

At least, you hoped the love you found with your partner would finally be “the real thing”, and you could start thinking about growing old with him and building a life with him.

But lately things have changed; he’s started acting differently, and you can’t help but feel that he might no longer be as faithful as he once was.

So how can you be sure whether he’s still yours or starting to slip away?

In this article we discuss 25 signs that your partner might be cheating:

In How He Behaves Towards You…

1) He Buys You Tons of Gifts

Ever heard of a “guilt gift”? If your man is sleeping around behind your back but he still loves you, then he might end up trying to make up for it in the form of gifts.

So think about any of the nice things he’s given you over the last few weeks or months.

Were they unexpected? Were they out of character? Or were they just too much?

Vacations, jewelry, anything else — he wants to make you happy because he’s sorry about betraying you, but he also loves the thrill of his secret affair.

2) He’s Moody and Irrational

Every relationship has little spats here and there, but does it feel like, lately, your man is picking stupid fights with you more and more often?

His emotions seem to fluctuate wildly and uncontrollably; one minute he’s happy and fun, the next minute he’s disagreeable and pissed off.


Cheating is emotionally exhausting, and one minute he might be remembering that he loves you, and the next minute he just wishes he could be out of your life.

3) He Criticizes You In Ways He Wouldn’t Before

You suddenly know everything your partner dislikes about you.

The lines he would never dream about crossing in the past are now familiar territory to him, and he lashes out almost to hurt you these days, criticizing you in ways that are way, way overboard.

He’s become explosive, reactionary, and sadly, mean.

It’s almost like a part of his heart wants the relationship to end, and that may exactly be the case — he wants you to be the one to break up with him, just to save him the trouble of deciding between you and his new girl.

4) The Little Things Aren’t “Cute” To Him Anymore

Remember all the little quirks that he used to love about you?

Maybe you whistle without thinking about it, or maybe you leave the sink dirty, or maybe you like wearing different colored socks.

Whatever your quirks might be, they’re part of the reason he fell in love with you.

But all of that changed. He can’t stand your “little things” anymore. He thinks they’re annoying, stupid, and unnecessary.

The things about you that make you unique are nuisances in his mind, and it’s almost like he can’t wait to get away from you.

Falling out of love with you and falling for someone else has taken off his rose-tinted glasses for you, and now he sees your quirks in a new light.

5) He Feels Guilty Whenever You Treat Him Out

You love your guy, so of course you want to make him happy.

Especially during this period of uncertainty, with potential signs of cheating happening all around you; the last thing you want to do is just sit around and wait for him to completely fall out of love.

You might be tempted to do something nice for him — make him a great dinner, buy him a new gift, or just show your love for him in some way.

But the way he reacts?

Instead of feeling loved and happy, he might show signs of guilt, saying things like, “You didn’t have to do this”, or, “This is too much”, or even, “I wish you didn’t do this.”

The sad truth is his conscience can’t stand your kindness while he’s being unfaithful behind your back.

6) He Always Wants To Know Your Schedule

It might seem like the opposite of a disinterested, cheating boyfriend. He always asks about what you might be doing today, what your exact hours will be.

He’ll frame it under just wanting to know everything about you because he cares about you, and while that may be true, it can start to become weird when he wants to know exact specifics too often.

So why might he be doing this?

It’s possible he’s trying to schedule his affair around you.

Your man is smart and methodical, and instead of leaving it up to chance, he wants to feel safe while he’s with his new girl instead of worrying about you walking in at the wrong moment.

7) He Accuses YOU of Cheating

It almost seems unbelievable, but during fights he might bring out the card that you might be cheating on him.

He talks about your “signs” — maybe a long lunch date you had with a friend, or the time you had to spend the night away from home visiting your family, or maybe that you’re less affectionate.

No matter how much of a reach his reason for suspecting your infidelity may be, he’ll make the most of it.

This is known as projecting — he honestly wants to convince himself that you might be cheating on him so that he feels less guilty about his own cheating.

8) Changes in intimacy

A change in your sex life might be a major sign of cheating. Although it is particularly hard to spot because it can manifest in different ways.

Your partner might be cheating if you’re having less or more sex than normal.

According to clinical sexologist Robert Weiss:

“Both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up.

But look out: Weiss says that even a more “spiced up” sex life could be a sign of cheating, saying:

“Yet another possible sign is that your partner is introducing new techniques and activities into your sex life. As much as you might enjoy that, it’s possible that they are learning new tricks outside of your relationship. “

Either way, sex is an emotional act between lovers. You’ll notice that something is wrong if you feel strangely “disconnected” with your partner.

9) His phone behavior changes

One tell-tale sign of cheating is a difference in phone behavior.

Do you notice your partner constantly texting someone on their phone? Do they take calls and get out of the room? Are they always hiding their phone screens from you and never leave their phones around?

Clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior says that’s not the behavior of someone who doesn’t have anything to hide.

She explains:

“People who are behaving inappropriately and trying to hide it often have a heightened vigilance against getting caught, and you can see this in their automatic physical behavior. If he seems to be almost compulsive in protecting his phone, closing browser windows, or shielding you from even glimpsing any of his communication, chances are high that he’s desperate to keep you from seeing it—probably for a reason.”

In How He Behaves On His Own…

10) He Has a Sudden Love of New Music You’ve Never Heard

Unless your man is a known music geek who loves surfing the web for new music, then he might be like the rest of us: he has a set stable of artists and songs or albums that he likes, and he’ll occasionally add a new artist to the mix every few months.

But something strange happened recently — you keep finding your man listening to new artists and songs that either you’ve never heard of, or you had no idea he knew about them.

So where did these songs come from, and how did they enter his awareness?

Could it be that there’s someone new in his life sharing music with him?

Sharing music is a slightly intimate act — it’s something we do when we’re not thinking about life or time, and we want to bare our soul to another person.

11) He Guards His Phone or Computer Whenever You’re Around

While it’s normal for people to be protective around their gadgets — even when it comes to romantic partners — you just can’t help but feel like your man has become extra protective lately.

His aversion to the “invasion of privacy” has leveled up, and he guards his phone or computer screen with his life.

He even goes out of his way to make sure you don’t have access to his phone, even if it would be so much simpler to just show you what’s on his screen.

And if he does show you his screen, he always needs to “check” something first before he does it.

12) He Doesn’t Talk About the Future Anymore

When was the last time you and your man daydreamed about the future together?

It’s something all couples do — you talk about kids, places you could live together, things you could do in future vacations.

Even if we don’t have immediate plans to do any of these things, these kinds of talks are nice to have because it shows that both partners aren’t thinking about any end to the relationship.

But your partner doesn’t do that with you anymore.

When you try, he doesn’t have the same giddy interest he once had.

He lets you lead the conversation, and at most he’ll give you passive agreement. Where’s the passion, the enthusiasm?

Is it possible that he doesn’t think about a future with you anymore, so he knows these conversations are meaningless?

13) You Come Home and Everything Is Clean

If your man has always been a clean-freak, then this point won’t apply to you.

But if you’ve known your man to always have a tendency to leave a mess, then this might be the most telling sign.

When you leave the home for long periods of time — maybe the whole day, or maybe for a few days — and you come back to see that your usually-messy man has cleaned up much more than you’ve ever seen him do.

Everything’s been wiped down, all the hairs have been vacuumed or swept up, and the laundry and bed sheets are all clean.

He’ll say: “Oh I did this because I was bored” or “I wanted you to come home to a clean home and be happy”, and while those are totally legit and great reasons, it could also be possible that he wanted to make sure any signs of another woman were completely cleaned up.

14) He’s Suddenly Become Fashion-Conscious

When was the last time your man went clothes shopping for fun? Now compare that to how fashion-conscious he might be these days.

Could it be that his personality has suddenly changed, or that he now has someone new in his life he’s trying to impress?

He might even have the audacity to ask you if his outfit looks nice; if these pants go well with this shirt. And the truth? He does look good, so you’ll be wanting to drown him in compliments.

15) He Takes Care Of Himself In Ways He Stopped Doing

If you and your man have been together for years, then you’ve probably noticed a slow and gradual decline in how much he seems to take care of himself.

He doesn’t go to the gym as much as he once did, he uses deodorant less often, and he doesn’t care as much about his hair or general appearance.

But now it feels like a switch was flipped inside him, and he’s back to acting like the much younger man you first met.

He works out, watches what he eats, and gets regular hair cuts — but he’s not spending any extra time on you. So who exactly is he trying to look good for?

16) You Often See Him Smiling at His Phone

There are tons of reasons for us to smile at our phones these days — countless memes, funny videos, tweets and more literally pollute the internet these days.

And whenever you ask your guy about it, that’s exactly what he says.

But you just have a gut feeling — he checks his phone too often, smiles at it too often, and seems to type something back in reply to someone, only to put it back right away and repeat again in a few minutes.

In How His Life Seems To Have Changed…

17) His Work Hours Have Changed

Remember the days when your man would consistently leave the house at 7 and get back home half an hour before 6 in the evening?

His schedule was on the dot every single day, because you knew he was always in a hurry to come home and spend time with you, play with the dog, watch his favorite show, play his favorite game, or anything else.

But these days, his work seems to be more hectic than ever.

Despite no promotion or change in role, he now seems to be leaving the house earlier or arriving back much later. And when you ask him about it, he can’t really give you details — because he’s too tired, or so he says.

18) He Has a New Outdoor Hobby Out of Nowhere

For all the women who fell in love with indoor men who would rather spend the day on the couch than ever do anything outdoorsy, this might be for you.

Out of the blue, your man picked up a hobby that might be against his entire personality, and this is a hobby that unfortunately doesn’t include you, and keeps him out of the house all day.

So has your man suddenly started fishing? Hunting? Hiking? And whatever this activity is, he might be doing it with “the guys” instead of asking you out to do it with him.

19) He Has Multiple Social Media Accounts Now

Sure, you can always come up with some kind of reason to have multiple Facebooks or Twitters or Instagrams.

Some possible reasons he might give you include:

  • He wants to have a dump account to post random pics
  • He wants an account that isn’t tied to his name, so that it won’t interfere with his professional life
  • He wants to keep his “main account” for certain things, and a side account for less important things

Whatever the reason might be, it’s still always strange when he has a new account.

How do you know he isn’t using that account to flirt with a new woman, hiding you from her life while hiding her from you?

And perhaps the only reason he’s telling you is that he knows it’d be too suspicious if you found out about the account on your own, so he’s explaining it before it causes a situation.

20) His Friends Have Become Less “Close” With You

When you first became “a thing” with your man, you loved the new social network that came along with it.

His friends treated you like one of their own, and you didn’t just gain a partner — you also gained a ton of new guy friends.

But these days they rarely ever act like you even exist.

You can’t remember the last time you saw or heard from them, or if you recently did, they didn’t really go out of their way to talk or interact with you.

So what’s going on?

Remember: his friends are his closest confidantes.

If he’s doing something (or someone) behind your back, they might already know about it, so they’re distancing themselves from you because of the inevitable fallout.

It’s a small thing, but this change in behavior is one of the subtlest ways you can tell that something is up.

No matter how busy life can get, one thing that a loyal and happy couple will always do together is going to bed at the same time, because that’s when the day is “officially” done and you can finally have your all-important “us” time.

But these days he always seems to go to bed slightly later than you.

Ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes — there’s always a reason for him to hang behind while you head off to the bedroom.

Why? He might want one last quick conversation with his new side boo before he calls it a night.

21) Their family/friends act fishy towards you

Your partner’s friends may know something you don’t. If they’re awkward or acting suddenly cold with you, it might be because they’re trying to hide something. The next time you’re with your partner and their friends try to gauge the mood. It can be a very telling sign something is amiss.

You might also be thinking of asking one of them if your partner is cheating. Personally, I don’t think it’s fair to put someone in such an awkward position. But if you have a good relationship with a common friend, you could ask them. Even if they don’t give a definitive answer, you’ll probably know by how they react to your question.

22) He Has More Reasons To Spend the Night Elsewhere

We’ve already talked about the new hectic hours at work.

But what else has changed in his life that not only keeps him away longer hours, but keeps him away overnight (and sometimes, even, several nights in a row)?

Has your man recently:

  • Been invited to work conferences in another city or country?
  • Had to travel back home for a family or friend event or emergency without you?
  • Picked up a new hobby or interest that takes him away from the house overnight?

While it might mean nothing, it could also mean everything.

One way you can test this: try insisting yourself upon his trip. See how much he pushes back against you before he inevitably agrees. Was there too much resistance?

23) His Libido Has Changed Significantly, Either for Better or for Worse

Cheating can be incredibly emotionally draining, no matter how “cool” or “suave” your partner may be.

But it’s also a way for a man to release his pent-up urges of sleeping with another woman, which can have both positive and negative effects on the way he treats you in bed.

Maybe your man has become more affectionate and raunchy in the bedroom, making love to you with a passion you haven’t felt in a long time.

This could be because he’s remembered what it’s like to sleep with another woman, and it’s reignited his sexual thirst for you.

But it’s also possible that your man barely wants anything to do with you in bed, and this is because his lust is being satiated by another woman.

Whatever it is, one thing’s for sure: your man’s libido has changed almost overnight, and his reasons for it sound made up.

24) They Have More Going On, But Less To Talk About

One surefire way to tell that your man is cheating: if their life has become exponentially busier with longer work hours or more hobbies or greater responsibilities keeping them out of the house, but their topics of conversation have dwindled.

You ask and you ask and you ask, but you don’t get the same enthusiastic responses that he once loved giving you.

He always has the same excuses: he’s too tired or drained, or he doesn’t want to talk about work at home, or he wants to know more about you (making you talk about yourself to fill in the gaps).

He’s not interested in you anymore, and all he can think about is getting back to talking (and more) with his new girl.

25) They’re suddenly reluctant to jump on any major life decision

You’ve previously talked about moving in together, but suddenly they changed their mind. They’re expressing doubt in making any major life decisions with you, especially since it’s something you’ve agreed on before.

It might just be a sign of relationship doubts or financial issues. Ask your partner why they suddenly changed their mind. If it’s not any of the two, it might be because they’re looking at greener pastures.

Clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula tells Oprah Magazine:

“A major commitment makes it more difficult to pull out of a relationship quickly.”

Putting the Pieces Together

It’s important to remember: on their own, none of these signs means that your man is cheating on you.

If he’s doing one or two of these signs, then he might just be changing as a person, and maybe instead of growing paranoid over his faithfulness, it’s time for you to focus on reconnecting with him.

Only if these signs come together one after another should you start to worry that there might be something else going on. So keep your eyes open and see things for how they are — and if he is cheating on you, figure out exactly what you want to do about it.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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